Author Topic: Jokes- and maybe a good tagline or two!  (Read 1101 times)

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Offline Ford289HiPo

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Jokes- and maybe a good tagline or two!
« on: November 13, 2012, 11:16:23 AM »
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week, and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
(NOW IS THAT GREAT, OR WHAT?)

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good), a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


« Last Edit: November 13, 2012, 10:08:15 PM by Ford289HiPo »
I wonder when the lies will stop and truth begin, even as grim as the truth may be. And then I remember that for 70 years, the reign of terror in Russia called itself "the people's government." We have so far to fall, yet we are falling fast and Hell yawns to receive us.

Online jmyrlefuller

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Re: Jokes- and maybe a good tagline or two!
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2012, 08:23:05 PM »
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny.

Offline niobe527

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Re: Jokes- and maybe a good tagline or two!
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2012, 04:19:08 AM »
arrgh

Offline mountaineer

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Re: Jokes- and maybe a good tagline or two!
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2012, 09:05:52 AM »
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time," so I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.          ~ Stephen Wright
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Offline ladybug

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Re: Jokes- and maybe a good tagline or two!
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2012, 06:00:17 PM »
Man asks a woman what month does a pregrant woman begin to show.
Woman says March.

Offline ladybug

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Re: Jokes- and maybe a good tagline or two!
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2012, 06:17:25 PM »
75 year old man marries 35 year old woman.
They decide to sleep in seperate rooms the first night lest the excitement kill him.
They go to bed,
Soon he is in her room and bed. They make long passionate love. He leaves.
Soon he is back in her room and bed. They make hot sweaty love. He leaves.
Soon he is back in her room and bed. They mak'e sweet tender love. He gets up to leave.
She says, You are amazing. Men half your age could not make love three times in one night.'
He says, 'I WAS HERE BEFORE?!'

Offline Ford289HiPo

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Re: Jokes- and maybe a good tagline or two!
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2012, 08:19:31 PM »
75 year old man marries 35 year old woman.
They decide to sleep in seperate rooms the first night lest the excitement kill him.
They go to bed,
Soon he is in her room and bed. They make long passionate love. He leaves.
Soon he is back in her room and bed. They make hot sweaty love. He leaves.
Soon he is back in her room and bed. They mak'e sweet tender love. He gets up to leave.
She says, You are amazing. Men half your age could not make love three times in one night.'
He says, 'I WAS HERE BEFORE?!'


LOL! :silly: :silly: :silly:
I wonder when the lies will stop and truth begin, even as grim as the truth may be. And then I remember that for 70 years, the reign of terror in Russia called itself "the people's government." We have so far to fall, yet we are falling fast and Hell yawns to receive us.


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