Author Topic: The Jukebox from Hell (Read 64660 times)

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #300 on:** March 06, 2015, 09:22:03 pm »

I don't know how I got this far without even touching anything from Insane Clown Posse. When recently going over the Wikipedia entry “List of music considered the worst” I stumbled upon a recently added entry: ICP's “Miracles.” Actually, I found that one quite listenable.

This one, not quite so much. With a standard warning:NSFW warning for pervasive language, I present ICP's “Rainbows and Stuff.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFiKl3cT2n0

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #301 on:** March 18, 2015, 02:34:47 am »

There is one good part of this piece: the chorus, which is actually another song: “Love Sensation” by Loleatta Holloway.

The rest: well, the worst of 1980s white-boy rap. Here is future actor “Marky Mark” Wahlberg, with his Funky Bunch (I cannot make this up), with a song totally unrelated to the Beach Boys tune of the same name: “Good Vibrations.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoCl_RszIoA

Note: this is a remixed version because apparently someone doesn't want the original version on Youtube.

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #302 on:** March 25, 2015, 02:00:42 am »

Back to the more obscure records. This one came up on a quick Youtube search I was doing to, um, “impress” a girl.

This outfit is called The Planets (more on them here, which also has the B-side), and the song's called “Could You Would You.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2ML-5wA-js

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #303 on:** March 29, 2015, 09:46:48 pm »

Here's Chevy Chase with “Never Gonna Sing for You.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDHuJJJ0buM

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #304 on:** March 30, 2015, 10:47:15 pm »

Another one that people will probably think is either brilliant or nuts: Jewish surf music. This group's called Meshugga Beach Party, and they record mostly Jewish themed tunes, in Jewish garb, in the style of Dick Dale and the Del-Tones. (Take a listen to their recording of “Hava Nagila,” which sounds suspiciously like Dale's “Misirlou.”)

Anyway, this piece is from Fiddler on the Roof: “If I Were a Rich Man.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyQVEPYlK1s

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #305 on:** April 06, 2015, 01:46:21 am »

April Winchell notes about this next piece: “Thank God Kurt’s dead because this would have killed him.”

Here is an unknown artist, in what Winchell describes as a “polka version” of Nirvana's “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”

http://www.aprilwinchell.com/h/mp3/smellsliketeenspiritpolka.mp3

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #306 on:** April 17, 2015, 03:36:42 pm »

Another inexplicable top 40 hit from the 1970s. Apparently this is an inside joke for those in the music industry. For the rest of us, it goes here. Ladies and gentlemen, here is Pete Wingfield with “Eighteen with a Bullet.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x35B0XCofeU

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #307 on:** April 20, 2015, 12:55:27 am »

Leona Anderson was a silent film star. Key word: silent. She could not sing, and in 1957, her attempt at a comeback was billed as “Music to Suffer By.” It was so bad that it earned her a semi-regular position on The Steve Allen Show, who saw her as camp, but a genuinely funny and entertaining woman.

But again, she cannot sing. Here is Anderson with “Rats in My Room.”

http://youtube.com/watch?v=beQc-WDMno

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #308 on:** April 20, 2015, 10:57:33 am »

A review I found this morning of this band sums things up well:

“Normally when I do music reviews I am graced with respectable and serious music quality. Even if it’s not good, it’s at least done by artists who give a [care]. However, when one is given an album that’s cover consists of three men in monkey suits playing guitar and drums along with a barely readable band name—seriously, I [messed] up twice trying to find this band on the internet cause I thought their name was Del Mur and then Pel Mur— it’s hard to take it seriously.” —Josh Svetz, WSBU-FM

Here is The One and Only PPL MVR with “People Mover.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJzLKQzFFvQ

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #309 on:** April 27, 2015, 09:23:14 pm »

Included mainly for the cover artwork (the artist's head coming out from between a woman's legs): here's Pooh-Man with an unusually clean rant against censorship: “Funky as I Wanna Be.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNUUwcjWAxs

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #310 on:** May 06, 2015, 08:46:10 pm »

“Marijuana: the devil's flower.”

Here's Mr. Sunshine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFcUto0xje0

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #311 on:** June 03, 2015, 02:08:00 am »

From an infamous commercial for Enzyte, a "male enhancement" supplement, here is "Smilin' Bob's Theme." (I apologize in advance for getting this tune stuck in your head.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyXMO0uBHjM

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #312 on:** June 28, 2015, 09:57:18 pm »

From the Oingo Boingo film Forbidden Zone, here is a warning: NSFW version of the Three Stooges classic "Swinging the Alphabet."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5OoEm2PG9U

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #313 on:** July 06, 2015, 09:41:02 pm »

From the infamous flop Ishtar, here are Rogers & Clarke—that is, Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty—with "Portable Picnic," a piece written by Paul Williams.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCnQTqJ_9nY

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #314 on:** July 29, 2015, 01:11:40 am »

A depressing load of bollocks from the UK. Here is Orville the Duck, a ventriloquist dummy created by the recently deceased Keith Harris. It reached the top 5 of the UK charts in early 1983. Ladies and gentlemen, here is "Orville's Song (I Wish I Could Fly)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGnuMxFnc1k

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #315 on:** August 01, 2015, 12:11:41 am »

Warning: NSFW

The video starts with a burning cross, and only goes downhill from there.

Here's Samwell with "What What (in the…)" I'll let you complete the rhyme.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #316 on:** August 13, 2015, 10:45:57 pm »

Burt Reynolds sings! (Drunken country songs, to boot.)

Here's a piece from the Smokey and the Bandit II soundtrack, "Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial." It was a minor hit on the Billboard charts and, according to a line in the movie, was available free at K-Mart with any purchase over 30-something cents.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNKwX8DpDiw

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #317 on:** August 26, 2015, 01:44:37 am »

Disclaimer: I love Conway Twitty as a musician. He's without a doubt one of the greatest country singers ever. But this piece…well… here's a disclaimer:

This piece was a project of the U.S. government as a measure of "goodwill" to the Soviet Union, commissioned in 1975 to mark the end of the Space Race between the two countries. They commissioned Twitty and a professor at the University of Oklahoma to create this piece.

The end result? Twitty's signature song, "Hello Darlin'," translated into the international language of love (/sarc): Russian. While the 1975 mission was an overall success, apparently the Soviets were so offended by the piece that they refused to cooperate with NASA on any other missions for the rest of the country's existence, and it would not be until 1995, two decades after this, that the U.S. and Russia would collaborate on another space mission.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present for your consideration into the Jukebox from Hell Conway Twitty with "Privet Radost."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ez76iMlM9PA

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #318 on:** August 31, 2015, 01:48:01 am »

This next piece is one of two compositions based upon a survey.

In 1996, artists Vitaly Komar and Alexander Melamid commissioned a survey from the Dia Foundation, asking people what particular traits they liked in songs, and which ones they did not. From each list, the duo composed a song: the good stuff became "The Most Wanted Song," and the bad stuff became this: really more of a suite than an individual song, but it includes operatic soprano Dina Emerson singing lyrics about kitties, German philosophers, and rap... along with my personal favorite part of the piece: a children's carol singing absurd an absurd tune about holidays, punctuating every verse with "Do all your shopping—at Walmart!"

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Dave Soldier's 22-minute composition, "The Most Unwanted Song."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2i_XUg8_vA

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #319 on:** September 21, 2015, 01:23:54 pm »

When I first saw this, I didn't know who did this song. I didn't know the song's name. All I knew is that it belongs here.

Apparently the piece is called "Go Bananas." It is posted on Youtube as "Dr. Jean's Banana Dance."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFmr_TZLpS0

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #320 on:** September 22, 2015, 08:51:58 pm »

Another very annoying, and pointless, piece from the early days of the Internet. This might make you dumber just by watching it, fair warning.

Here is Group X with "Schfifty Five."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XccUMOQ978

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #321 on:** September 24, 2015, 01:17:35 am »

This is another one that gets batted about on "worst album cover" lists. Her name's Joyce Drake, and she's excited about the Gospel. And her audience is excited about making crude jokes, so please pardon the (deliberate) crude transcription.

Here is "I Get All Excited."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-B-dvIlNN8

Sanguine · « **Reply #322 on:** September 24, 2015, 01:49:23 am »

What an amazing collection!

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #323 on:** September 28, 2015, 01:55:14 pm »

Here are Mr. Miller and the Blue Notes (according to Wikipedia, supposedly a knockoff of the then-contemporary "Mrs. Miller" previously featured on the Jukebox from Hell), with a cover of the Herman's Hermits hits "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Daughter."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0wRrB5bNeQ

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #324 on:** September 29, 2015, 04:34:15 am »

Before Kim Kardashian (and no, I don't have any recordings of her so don't ask) there were quite a few others who were "famous for being famous."

Case in point, today's entry, Tryphosa Bates. Armed with nothing but an unusual first name, a large inheritance and a notorious ability to climb the social ladder, Bates married industrialist Francis Batcheller and set out to become a famous singer. The problem was, despite access to some of the world's best music teachers, Tryphosa could not sing. Yet her friends and family never let her on to this fact. Despite her shortcomings, she earned a great deal of celebrity, even appearing on the cover Musical Courier magazine twice.

While most of her career predated widespread recording, she did record a couple of tracks. Here is one of them. Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present for your consideration into the Jukebox from Hell, Tryphosa Bates-Batcheller.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BefZDJLTi24