Author Topic: Today's Toons 9/19/11  (Read 3792 times)

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Offline pookie18

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Today's Toons 9/19/11
« on: September 19, 2011, 08:18:56 am »

 

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter "W":
 

 
 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

During his 30-minute speech last week, President Obama told Congress to "pass this jobs bill" 14 times. If that's what he wants, maybe he should've written a bill instead of a speech.  
 
 
 
MSNBC's Chris Matthews said that Social Security "is a Ponzi scheme." That's ridiculous. Ponzi schemes are optional.  
 
 
 
The Obama campaign is launching a new website to address "smears" directed against the White House. Guess they didn't have a big enough server to handle the ones coming OUT of the White House.  
 

A group of Columbia University students are "really enthusiastic" about attending a dinner with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Not as enthusiastic as all the Iranians who get to have dinner without him.  
 
 
 
Political analyst David Gergen said that a huge number of Americans were "horrified by what they heard" at the Republican debate. Come on. Blitzer wasn't THAT bad.  
 

A team at Stanford University developed a computer to detect if a person is in pain based on just their brain scan. This is actually their second one. The first one exploded during a Joe Biden speech.  
 
 
 
A new poll shows that 74% think that Americans are overregulated. The other 26% were too busy filling out government paperwork to answer the question.  
 
 
 
In Michigan, a bank was robbed by a man wearing an Obama mask. Must've been quite a shock. They probably thought he was there to give them a bailout.  
 
 
 
After pressure from Michelle Obama, Olive Garden is no longer serving fries with its kids' meals. I just wanted to thank the First Lady for creating a whole new generation of young Republican voters.  
 

A Nobel-laureate physicist resigned from a presitigious physics group because of their global-warming advocacy. In global warming circles, that's actually just considered further evidence of his continued membership.  


  -- Fred Thompson
 

Southern California had a power outage Thursday, knocking out electricity from San Diego to Orange County. People couldn't watch President Obama's speech. They had to improvise by standing up in the living room and denouncing each other as obstructionists.  
 

President Obama spoke to Congress Thursday and demanded they pass his jobs bill, which would build public projects by raising taxes on the wealthy. It didn't get very good reviews. After the speech he was flagged fifteen yards for interference with an NFL opener.  
 
 
 
The Washington Post slammed GOP senators for laughing during President Obama's jobs speech to Congress Thursday. The senators weren't insulting him at all. It's a tribute to Barack Obama's comedy timing that they're still laughing at jokes they've heard so often.  
 

GOP candidate Bob Turner led by six points for the New York congressional seat vacated by Democrat Anthony Weiner. It was a safe seat until he posted naked pictures of himself on Twitter. Democrats would've had this seat in their hip pocket but they couldn't keep their pants on.  
 
 
 
President Obama proposed a four hundred and fifty billion dollar jobs bill Thursday, which would be financed by higher taxes. He vowed more speeches on it. The president got up and showered and shaved this morning because later in the day he's going to address a joint session of Congress to announce that he got up, showered and shaved this morning.  
 
 
 
The New York Times op-ed page hailed Sarah Palin for her speech in which she attacked the ruling elites in Washington who practice crony capitalism and disconnect everyday Americans from their government. No one can believe Sarah Palin got a rave in the New York Times. Pilots watching out for terrorists on 9/11 were shocked to look out the window and see pigs flying.  
 
 
 
The Dallas Cowboys and New York Jets Sunday drew NBC's highest Sunday ratings in history. People want to enjoy football while they can. The president's new jobs bill may tax teams that score over two touchdowns per half to help make the game more equal.  
 
 
 
Jackie Kennedy's tapes reveal JFK tried to calm her about Martin Luther King's hotel room orgies. He told her sex parties were no big deal. If Bill Clinton had known JFK said this he would have used it instead of the Ask Not quotation over the entrance to his library.  
 
 
 
President Obama visited a New York soup kitchen on the anniversary of the World Trade Center attack Sunday. He didn't want people to think he was just mourning bond traders. He was also there to pick up fundraising tips from the panhandlers in the soup kitchen line.  
 

President Obama appeared in the Rose Garden with police, firefighters, teachers and nurses. He urged Congress to pass his jobs bill. Last Thursday he gave an impassioned speech proposing a jobs bill and afterwards everybody agreed it was a great football game.  
 
 
 
Wall Street fell three percent after President Obama's Thursday speech and fell two hundred points after Monday's speech. This is a problem. Fox News could be charged with insider trading just for revealing the time and date of President Obama's next speech.  
 
 
 
Libyans couldn't find Moammar Kadaffi Monday a month after they overthrew him. He's seventy, he's had Botox injections and he dyed his hair to look younger. His goal is to look good enough to get a show on the Oprah Winfrey Network where no one will ever find him.  
 
 
 
California lawmakers sent a bill to the governor's desk on Tuesday which would give college aid to illegal aliens. It helps immigrant families to move up. Thanks to this bill, today's fully-employed farmworker can become tomorrow's unemployed college graduate.  
 
 
 
The White House set up an Internet site called Attack Watch asking people to report all criticisms of President Obama. They want to know every nasty remark. The next day the servers crashed from all the traffic, and that was just from the Democrats in New York.  
 

Democrats lost Anthony Weiner's vacated U.S. Congress seat in Brooklyn Tuesday in a heavily Democratic district. They brought in Bill Clinton to do robocalls but it didn't help. It just reminded voters that Anthony Weiner had exposed himself to women he'd just met.  
 
 
 
Bill Clinton will be honored at a Hollywood Bowl concert in October that will feature Bono and Lady Gaga. The show will salute the president for his charity work. He fed the comedians so well that we have enough body fat reserved to survive the Obama years.  
 
 
 
President Obama's presidential re-election campaign sent out an e-mail Wednesday in the teeth of his low approval numbers. It asks supporters to donate five dollars to enter a raffle that offers dinner with him as first prize. Second prize is dinner and a speech.  
 
 
 
President Obama's job stimulus bill was jettisoned by House Democrats Wednesday because it taxes charitable donations. Everybody can read the tea leaves. Caroline Kennedy just released a recording of her mother saying Barack Obama can't be re-elected.  
 

The White House announced Friday that President Obama will make an official state trip to Australia in November. He would like to re-establish strong ties to the traditional American ally. Obama greatly angered Australians on the first day of his presidency when he had Crocodile Dundee's bust removed from the Oval Office along with Winston Churchill's.  
 

Republican Bob Turner stunned Democrats Tuesday by winning Anthony Weiner's vacated Congress seat in Brooklyn, and a Republican candidate also won a seat in Nevada in a blowout. Two new GOP lawmakers will be taking their seats in Congress today. President Obama has created two jobs and for the first time he deserves all the credit for it.  
 

-- Argus Hamilton
 

President Obama introduced his $447 billion jobs plan. A lot of economists say it could work — if we had $447 billion.  
 

The Democrats lost a seat they’ve held in New York since the 1920s. The White House said, “At least President Obama created one new job.”  
 

Dick Cheney was grilled by the women of “The View.” So apparently he’s willing to undergo torture himself to prove a point.  
 

After saying the jobs bill is paid for, President Obama now says that it will be paid for by raising taxes over 10 years. I can’t figure out if he’s the kind of guy who makes infomercials, or the kind of guy who falls for infomercials.  
 
 
 
President Obama is more popular overseas than here. Then again, he’s created more jobs over there than here.  
 

Congress is investigating why the Obama administration invested over $500 million in a solar panel company called Solyndra, which filed for bankruptcy. Only the White House could pick a solar panel company that goes broke in California in the summer.  
 

-- Leno
 

In his speech, President Obama introduced a $400 billion plan called the “American Jobs Act.” They would have had a more creative name, but the guy that comes up with names got laid off six months ago.  
 
 
 
House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama’s jobs plan merits consideration. Then he was like, “In fact, I’ll do it right now. OK, I hate it.”  
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 

President Obama described himself as an eternal optimist. He then explained that he’s the kind of person that sees the country as “half employed.”   
 

A man wearing an Obama mask robbed a bank. Either that or Obama has an exciting new plan to reduce the deficit.  
 

-- Conan
 

Taco Bell is product testing a new taco with a shell made of a giant Dorito. Michelle Obama spent the morning watering the White House garden with her tears.  
 
 
 
President Obama is determined to help the unemployed because it’s looking increasingly likely that in a year, he’ll be one of them.  
 

-- Jimmy Kimmel
 

In the first 10 minutes of the movie “Contagion,” Gwyneth Paltrow dies. But I think that’s just a way to get people to see it.  
 

-- Craig Ferguson
 

--------------------------------------------
 

During his vacation at Martha's Vineyard - President Obama had been slicing off the tee on every hole.  
 

He asks his Scottish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies:  
 

"Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver." 
 

The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says: "No, the other end." 
 
 
 

Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 9/19/11
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2011, 10:43:42 am »
Thank you Pookie. Have a great week
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 9/19/11
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2011, 11:26:10 am »
yeah pookie!

Online massadvj

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Re: Today's Toons 9/19/11
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2011, 12:00:54 pm »
Thanks Pookie!

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 9/19/11
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2011, 04:41:15 pm »
Thank you Pookie. Have a great week

You're welcome & the same to you, David!

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 9/19/11
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2011, 04:42:15 pm »

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 9/19/11
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2011, 04:43:09 pm »

Offline JON

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Re: Today's Toons 9/19/11
« Reply #7 on: September 19, 2011, 04:48:53 pm »
I love pookies toons,  ya make my mornings brighter JON

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 9/19/11
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2011, 05:03:17 pm »
I love pookies toons,  ya make my mornings brighter JON

Thanks, JON! Glad you like 'em!

Offline ricebug

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Re: Today's Toons 9/19/11
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2011, 06:55:23 pm »
G'day, Pookie!!

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 9/19/11
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2011, 06:58:54 pm »