Author Topic: Today's Toons 9/5/11  (Read 2021 times)

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Online pookie18

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Today's Toons 9/5/11
« on: September 05, 2011, 06:27:03 AM »








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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Ahead of Hurricane Irene, MSNBC invited former New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin on to give preparedness tips. Kinda like going to Tim Geithner for tax advice.  
Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley credited a speech by President Obama for encouraging residents to evacuate. Must've ended his speech with "and now a word from Vice President Biden."  
California is now considering a ban on styrofoam food containers. So... the only cheap thing that works well that this state doesn't want to ban is illegal immigrants?  
In Minnesota, 2 little girls were caught by police after stealing a goat from a petting zoo. Well, at least it wasn't a serious crime, like selling lemonade.  
Copper thieves in Florida have left a 33-mile stretch of I-95 in the dark. Probably just needed a longer extension cord for their Chevy Volt.  
In Seattle, a "green jobs" program cost $20 million but only created 14 positions. Good deal. Usually those jobs cost $2 million each.  
The head of the ATF quit over the Fast and Furious gun-running scandal, but is still going to have job on the Justice Department payroll. So... is he going to run alcohol or tobacco to Mexico next?  

In Illinois, police arrested a warehouse worker for stealing thousands of dollars worth of toilet paper from his employer. Well, I guess it DOES hold its value better than the dollar these days.  
President Obama grudgingly rescheduled an address to a joint session of Congress after Speaker Boehner told him Wednesday won't work. I've got a feeling we'll be saying the same thing about Obama's jobs plan.  
At the Venice Film Festival, actor George Clooney said that President Obama "is smarter than almost anyone you know". I understand that the Festival was at an elementary school this year.  
Democrat Congresswoman Maxine Waters said that if banks don't refinance more mortgages, "we're gonna tax them out of business." Makes sense. Why treat banks any different from other businesses?  
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said that this time Obama's jobs program will "cause an increase to job creation." Right. I'd be more likely to believe "the check is in the mail", except the Post Office is going bankrupt, too.  

  -- Fred Thompson

President Obama spent last week playing golf and bicycling on Martha's Vineyard on his vacation. It's a down time for government. The president was away on vacation for ten days, allowing Joe Biden to walk around the White House naked while he house sits.  

Hurricane Irene approached North Carolina Thursday carrying one-hundred-twenty mile an hour winds. Already it's a partisan issue. Republicans called it a chance for the fittest to survive, and Al Gore called for new regulations on industry to combat global blowing.  
Rodney King was charged in Los Angeles with driving drunk and under the influence of marijuana on the freeway Thursday. The courts will throw it out as usual. According to California state law, as long as Rodney isn't texting while driving, it isn't worth the riot.  

President Obama announced he's going to give a major speech next month to divulge his plan to produce jobs. He does this four times a year. Obama is like the bridegroom who spends all night sitting on the edge of the bed telling the bride how good it's going to be.  
DePauw was listed as one of one hundred U.S. colleges in which freshmen orientation includes a trip through the Tunnel of Oppression, which requires kids to view a program illustrating white oppression and the rape culture. It's open indoctrination. The NCAA just banned the Democratic Party from bowl games for two years for recruiting violations.   
President Obama's uncle Omar Obama was arrested for DUI near Boston Friday. He's been detained as an illegal alien from Kenya, just like the president's aunt. Every time President Obama gets his golf clubs out of the trunk of his limo he finds more two relatives.  
President Obama sank to his lowest job approval rating in Monday's poll. His habit is to blame Bush. He took charge of the hurricane response from North Carolina to Maine Sunday and issued an order authorizing millions of dollars in federal relief to New Orleans.  
Al Gore said Sunday that anyone who doubts global warming is a racist. This is a new low. Last year Tipper Gore left him over those dim yellow lights around the house after she stubbed her toe on the furniture for the fiftieth time and ran over one of the grandkids.  
Dominique Strauss-Kahn said goodbye to his New York staffers in his old IMF offices Tuesday. He hopes to get back to Paris in time for the start of France's hunting season next week. Hotel maids are given about two minutes to hide while the men count to a hundred.  

The Pentagon confirmed last week it killed al-Qaeda's new leader in a drone missile attack in western Pakistan. In the last three years, three leaders and their replacement leaders have been killed by the U.S. military. Who says President Obama isn't creating jobs?  
Hurricane Irene left parts of New England in need of evacuation Tuesday due to all the flooding from the torrential rainfall after the hurricane arrived. Technically it was a tropical storm by then. The hurricane was downgraded due to all the money it owes China.  
The Gallup Poll released Monday showed that the oil industry has a higher approval rating than the federal government in Washington. It's obvious why. The oil companies clean up their messes while the government just rolls theirs over into a new series of bonds.  
President Obama agreed to see the Congressional Black Caucus Wednesday. They've said he's ignoring their concerns to woo white voters. It would help if he stopped handing his empty cocktail glasses to black congressman who come up to him to say hello at parties.  

President Obama demanded a joint session of Congress sit through his jobs proposal speech in the House Chamber on Thursday. Attendance may be sparse. Under Article One of the U.S. Constitution, the power to watch the NFL season opener belongs to Congress.  
President Obama's uncle Omar vowed to call the White House after he was arrested for drunken driving last Sunday near Boston. You have to feel for the poor guy. He's sitting in jail and the only guy he can call for bail money is fourteen trillion dollars in debt.  
The White House had to negotiate with NBC over how to schedule President Obama's speech around the NFL opener. They won't pre-empt the game for him. So far NBC will only agree that if he will wear a leather jumpsuit and play a guitar he can speak at halftime.  

John Boehner denied President Obama's request to address Congress Wednesday but allowed him to address them on Thursday. It was catty. Last year Obama slapped a ten percent surtax on tanning salons and Boehner's been biding his time for the chance to strike back.  
New York's Play Land Amusement Park ejected fifteen Muslim women Tuesday. They refused to take off their head scarves for the rollercoaster ride. If a woman's scarf gets caught on the tunnel entrance she could get decapitated without even committing adultery.  

-- Argus Hamilton

President Obama’s uncle was arrested for a DUI. His alcohol level was actually higher than Obama’s approval rating.  
-- Letterman

Hurricane Irene wasn’t that bad. In fact, it was downgraded to a tropical storm. Even our hurricanes are getting downgraded.  

Maybe Irene owed money to China too.  
The earthquake last week caused cracks in the Washington Monument. Experts say it’s the biggest crack problem in D.C. since Marion Barry.  
President Obama’s uncle has been arrested on suspicion of drunk driving. Remember when the most embarrassing person in the president’s life was Joe Biden?  

How sad is it for the uncle? He got thrown in jail and the only relative he could call for bail money is $14 trillion in debt.  
The White House agreed to move President Obama’s speech from Wednesday to Thursday because the Republicans have a debate scheduled for Wednesday. So the debate that no one is going to watch holds more weight than the speech no one is going to believe.  

Obama caved again when “Real Housewives of New Jersey” called and said, “Our show is on at that time.”  
-- Leno

Apparently there’s a crack in the Washington Monument. Calm down, Marion Barry, I said “a crack.”  
After pressure from Republicans, President Obama moved his big jobs speech from Wednesday to Thursday night. Obama gave in when he realized something important: He could just TiVo “Jersey Shore.”  
-- Jimmy Fallon


A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.  

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.   

"Hi there little girl, I'm President Obama. What do you have in the basket?" he asked.  

"Kittens," little Suzy said.    

"How old are they?" asked Obama.   

Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."  

"And what kind of kittens are they?"  

"Democrats," answered Suzy with a smile.  

Obama was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.  

Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that the president should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.  

So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.  

Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Obama got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy. 

"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away." 

"Yes sir," Suzy said "They're Republicans." 

Taken by surprise, the president stammered, "But... but... yesterday, you told me they were DEMOCRATS." 

Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open." 

Online Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 9/5/11
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2011, 08:40:16 AM »
yeah pookie!
I won't vote for Clinton, but I cannot vote for Trump.  How could I explain to my daughter why I supported a man who sees her as nothing more than a piece of meat, a piece of a$$ for him to grope for his own private pleasure.

"Trump supporter" - the very definition of an SFI

Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 9/5/11
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2011, 08:43:05 AM »
Thank you pookie, have a great labor day
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 9/5/11
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2011, 08:52:27 AM »
Thank you pookie, have a great labor day

You're welcome, David!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 9/5/11
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2011, 08:53:09 AM »

Offline illeagle

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Re: Today's Toons 9/5/11
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2011, 01:36:19 PM »
Thank you Pookie! :patriot:
“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
Edmund Burke

 “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 9/5/11
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2011, 01:42:41 PM »
Thank you Pookie! :patriot:

My pleasure, Illeagle!

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