Author Topic: Today's Toons 8/29/11  (Read 4232 times)

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Offline pookie18

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Today's Toons 8/29/11
« on: August 29, 2011, 09:53:14 am »



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In Case You Missed It Dept.:


Democrat Congresswoman Maxine Waters fired up the Democrat faithful by saying "the Tea Party can go straight to hell." That was really uncalled for. DC's actually a nice little town.  



Volkswagen is getting set to unveil a new single-seat electric car. I don't think I want to drive a car that can't survive getting T-boned by a Chihuahua.  



Libya's new constitution cites sharia as the "principal source of legislation." Great. Same trouble, just without all the funny outfits.  



In Burbank, California, a 59-year-old man was arrested for feeding pigeons. He probably thought he'd be ok, since he wasn's a little kid selling them lemonade.  


New York's Mayor Bloomberg now wants to have red light cameras on every street corner. Great idea. Now he'll finally have a front row seat to watch all the businesses leaving town.  



NBC's Savannah Guthrie said that President Obama should "go for broke" with a new stimulus. Absolutely. After the deficits from the last stimulus, "broke" would be an improvement.  



There are some reports that the Washington Monument is now tilting. Not sure if that's from the earthquake or if it's just slumping over in despair.  



In Tennessee, two men broke into a funeral home and were discovered in the morning sleeping in caskets. Maybe they were just looking to get in early before the market starts booming from Obamacare.  



Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim has increased his stake in the New York Times, buying 553,000 more shares of stock. Guess he's trying to become a Mexican millionaire.  



A new study shows that 80% of DC lawmakers have no educational background in economics. Ok, here's everything you need in one lesson: if you ain't got it, don't spend it.  


A new report shows that 49% of all babies born get federally funded food supplements. And 100% of all babies born will get $46,000 of federal debt to pay off.  



Google says it will pay $500 million to settle government charges that it showed illegal ads. They could probably get it back in exchange for promising to keep Obama from being the #1 search result for "failed presidency."  



  -- Fred Thompson


China hosted a basketball game between the Georgetown Hoyas and a Chinese team Friday. It ended in an embarrassing on-court brawl between the teams. The U.S. players were way behind on their car loans and the Chinese players were demanding their money.  


President Obama dictated a new immigration policy Friday allowing illegal aliens to stay in the U.S. if they don't have criminal records. He can't send back them down there. Mexico's economy is rebounding and putting people together with jobs is against U.S. policy.  



Michelle Obama took a separate jet to Martha's Vineyard Thursday a few hours before the president took Air Force One there. It cost the taxpayers a bundle. Add her name to the list of people who are working to make sure President Obama doesn't get re-elected.  


Wall Street trading was reported Friday to be keeping New York restaurants jumping during the normally slow August. However, SEC employees are said to be put out by the unexpected workload. The best way to cut government spending is to walk into every government office late on Tuesday afternoon, wish them a good weekend and then change all the locks.  



The White House announced a relaxed immigration policy Friday which allows illegal aliens to remain in the U.S. without being deported. An administration spokesman said you can't just move twelve million people to another country. That's not true, Mexico did it.   



President Obama bought two fiction books in a Martha's Vineyard bookstore Sunday centered on politics in Louisiana and Chicago. That's shrewd. A politician with Obama's poll numbers can never learn enough about how to carry the dead vote in the next election.   



Tripoli residents saw thick black smoke billowing out of Moammar Kadaffi's compound Tuesday as rebels approached. It happened so fast. The rebels declared victory before President Obama could blame the thick black smoke on British Petroleum or Exxon Mobil.  



New York dropped rape charges against French former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn Tuesday because his accuser was not a credible witness. His wife stood by him throughout the entire humiliating ordeal. Now he has to find a way to get her a U.S. Senate seat.  


President Obama interrupted his golf match Tuesday to get on the phone with FEMA for an earthquake damage assessment. Afterwards he spoke to reporters. He expressed total confidence that he could get in another eighteen holes before Hurricane Irene arrives.  



The White House vowed Wednesday to end oil company tax write-offs for the cost of exploring for new oil. It's no surprise. The modern Democratic Party has two articles of faith, that everyone should make the same amount of money and that the oil will find itself.  



Washington D.C. residents were reeling Friday after being hit by an earthquake and a hurricane in the same week. The streets were chaotic. The Washington Monument had to be closed after the earthquake when former Mayor Marion Barry heard it had crack in it.  


-- Argus Hamilton


There’s a fatwa on me. They say the guy that issued it is an Internet jihadist. Who says Obama isn’t creating jobs?  



They felt the earthquake at Martha’s Vineyard. It was so bad, President Obama nearly missed a putt.  



President Obama is enjoying the fun and sun in Martha’s Vineyard. It’s really sad when your SPF factor is higher than your approval rating.  


President Obama’s popularity is slipping while he’s on vacation. When he went for a walk on the beach, the tide went out. 



-- Letterman


Apparently there’s a crack in the Washington Monument. Calm down, Marion Barry, I said “a crack.”  


-- Craig Ferguson


--------------------------------------------


Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and Obama asks him his name.  


"Walter," responds the little boy.    


"And what is your question, Walter?"   


"I have 4 questions:    


First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress? Second, why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually worse? Third, why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preachings and beliefs? Fourth, why are we so worried about Brazil drilling for oil, but we aren't allowed to?"  


Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.   When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right: question time. Who has a question?"  


Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name.  


"Steve," he responds.  


"And what is your question, Steve?"  


Actually, I have 6 questions.   


First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress? Second, why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually worse? Third, why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preachings and beliefs? Fourth, why are we so worried about Brazil drilling for oil, but we aren't allowed to? Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?  And sixth, what happened to Walter?" 


--------------------------------------------


President Obama has confirmed that the DC earthquake occurred on a rare and obscure fault-line known as "Bush's Fault". He also announced that the Secret Service will investigate the quake's suspicious ties to the Tea Party. However, Conservatives are convinced that the quake was caused by our founding fathers rolling over in their graves.  


--------------------------------------------


A guy went to the Post Office to apply for a job.   


The interviewer asked him, "Are you allergic to anything?" 


He replied, "Yes, caffeine.  I can't drink coffee."   


"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"   


"Yes," he said, "I was in Iraq for one tour."   


The interviewer said, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."  


Then he asked, "Are you disabled in any way?"  


The guy said, "Yes, a bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."   


The interviewer grimaced and then said, "Okay.  You've got enough points for me to hire you right now.  Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm.  You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."   


The guy is puzzled and asked, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"   


"This is a government job", the interviewer said.  "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our nuts.  No point in you coming in for that."  


--------------------------------------------


Once upon a time, a Sultan was blessed with the birth of a son after years of hoping. The boy immediately became the apple of his father's eye. 


Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan said to him, "Son, I love you very much. Your birthday is coming soon. What would you like?" His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane." His father bought him American Airlines. 


Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you are my pride and joy. Ask what you want for your birthday. Whatever it is, it's yours." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat." His father bought him the Princess Cruise Line. 


Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons." His father bought him Disney Studios.  


Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you are my life. Your birthday is coming soon. Ask what you wish. I will get it for you." His son, who had grown to love Disney, replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit and a Goofy outfit" His father bought him the Democratic Party and CBS news. 



--------------------------------------------


The epicenter of the East coast earth quake Is a graveyard close to Washington D.C. where many of our founding fathers and also many patriots and U. S heros are buried.  The cause was determined to be that each one had turned over in their graves all at the same time. 


--------------------------------------------


Cryptograms


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QC NSD IDQIJD LJJ QC NSD NURD LGW


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2. KLL LZKPB, WLRMKMUO OPPTO


KL IPOUGMHP KEP DHMRMKF KL


ZMBI D NLGGMOLTP KGLCHRP DGPD,


TMOIMDABLOP MK, KEPB NMRRZCRRF


TMODWWRF KEP NGLBA GPTPIF!




Offline illeagle

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2011, 10:18:24 am »
A great Monday morning in Ohio! Thanks Pookie! :patriot:
“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
Edmund Burke

 “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2011, 10:27:15 am »
Thank you Pookie, have a great week
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2011, 10:31:13 am »
A great Monday morning in Ohio! Thanks Pookie! :patriot:

You're welcome, Illeagle! A better day today than yesterday in NJ...

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2011, 10:31:49 am »
Thank you Pookie, have a great week

My pleasure & the same to you, David!

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #5 on: August 29, 2011, 11:36:02 am »
yeah pookie!

Quote
Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim has increased his stake in the New York Times, buying 553,000 more shares of stock. Guess he's trying to become a Mexican millionaire.

Considering what happened to the last US company Carlos Slim made a big investment in - CompUSA - this is actually good news.

It's also interesting because of the public protestations by both NYTCo. and Slim that Slim is merely an "investor" and has no plans or interest in getting involved in the company's operations.

That is very out of character for Mr. Slim, whose normal MO is to buy an ailing company when its stock price is down and then take over operations to turn it around.

I'm thinking that Mr. Slim has been a bit jealous of Rupert Murdoch and would like to see if he, Slim, can go head to head with Murdoch in the newspaper/information business.

Who knows, perhaps after 2012 we might wake up one morning and see the paper "Tiempo de Nueva York" on the stands.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2011, 11:39:47 am by Oceander »

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2011, 11:57:09 am »
yeah pookie!

Considering what happened to the last US company Carlos Slim made a big investment in - CompUSA - this is actually good news.

It's also interesting because of the public protestations by both NYTCo. and Slim that Slim is merely an "investor" and has no plans or interest in getting involved in the company's operations.

That is very out of character for Mr. Slim, whose normal MO is to buy an ailing company when its stock price is down and then take over operations to turn it around.

I'm thinking that Mr. Slim has been a bit jealous of Rupert Murdoch and would like to see if he, Slim, can go head to head with Murdoch in the newspaper/information business.

Who knows, perhaps after 2012 we might wake up one morning and see the paper "Tiempo de Nueva York" on the stands.

Mornin', Oceander!

Offline massadvj

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2011, 12:04:41 pm »
Good morning, Pookie.  This one made me laugh:



Thanks for picking up my video and linking it.

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2011, 12:06:59 pm »
Good morning, Pookie.  This one made me laugh:



Thanks for picking up my video and linking it.

Mornin', massadvj! After I finish linking it, will post it on its own...

Offline massadvj

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #9 on: August 29, 2011, 12:09:07 pm »
Mornin', massadvj! After I finish linking it, will post it on its own...


OK.  I expect we'll have a few more days of Maxine Waters devil material.   :smokin:

Offline ricebug

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2011, 08:58:23 pm »
G'day, Pookie!!!

Hope the wekend wasn't to bad for you and yours.


Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/29/11
« Reply #11 on: August 29, 2011, 11:28:55 pm »
G'day, Pookie!!!

Hope the weekend wasn't to bad for you and yours.



Evenin', Ricebug! Well, it's over...