Author Topic: Today's Toons 8/22/11  (Read 5891 times)

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Offline pookie18

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Today's Toons 8/22/11
« on: August 22, 2011, 08:37:33 am »

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

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This Thread Approved By The Number 0:
 

 
 

In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

In a town hall meeting in Iowa, President Obama said the recession had been reversed, but "over the last six months we've had a run of bad luck." Yep, natural forces have conspired against us - the law of gravity, sun setting in the west, can't spend our way to prosperity - who would've thought?  
 
 
 
The mother of a 13-year-old British rioter said she blamed "the government". Why? Is that her son's name?  
 
 
 
President Obama warned the auto industry to make more fuel-efficient cars, saying "you can’t just make money on SUVs" Wonder which part upsets him more - that they're making SUVs or that they're making money?  
 
 
 
A New Jersey judge felt it necessary to specifically order striking Verizon workers not to throw feces. I had no idea 2-year-olds were union-eligible.  
 
 
 
ABC's George Stephanopoulos described Rick Perry as "a carbon copy of George W. Bush." If it'll bring back 5% unemployment, we'll settle for a sketch on the back of a napkin.  
 
 
 
During a stop in Iowa, President Obama said, "I make no apologies for being reasonable." Then I think I can honestly say he's done nothing to apologize for.  
 
 
 
During a stop in Illinois, President Obama blamed the use of the internet for high unemployment. Well, whoever's behind www.whitehouse.gov definitely had something to do with it.  
 
 
 
During an interview on CBS, President Obama said, "I don’t think we’re in danger of another recession." Guess he's satisfied just keeping the old one.  
 
 
 
Everyone's celebrating today. Me, because it's my birthday. Everyone else, because Obama's done pestering us with empty speeches.  
 

A 700-pound Arizona woman is deliberately gaining weight and says her goal is to be the first person to weigh a ton. No problem. Just have Obama write you a weight-loss plan.  
 
 
 
IBM unveiled a new computer chip whose operation mimics that of the human brain, as it's capable of learning through experience. Any chance we could get those implanted in a few heads in DC?  
 
 
 
Chinese and American basketball players started an on-court brawl during a trip that was supposed to promote "goodwill" while Joe Biden was visiting the country. No need to elaborate, is there?  
 
 
 
During a stop at Wyffels Hybrids Inc. seed company, President Obama mistakenly referred to his host as "waffles". Good thing he didn't visit a Fuddruckers.  
 
 
 
  -- Fred Thompson
 

President Obama took his campaign volunteers out to lunch in Chicago Tuesday. He loves getting out. He left the waitress a thirty-five percent tip, fifteen percent for the table service and twenty percent not to tell Michelle about the double order of onion rings.  
 

The U.S. Court of Appeals in Atlanta ruled that Congress exceeded its authority by requiring Americans to buy health insurance in the ObamaCare law. The president's signature legislative achievement may be totally wiped off the books. It's his only hope for reelection.  
 
 
 
Mexico's government reported Tuesday the number of people leaving Mexico for the U.S. is down to practically zero. There are no jobs for them. President Obama will go down in history as the man who solved the illegal immigration problem without building a fence.  
 

President Obama met the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers at the White House Friday. Some NFL team may very well select Obama in the next draft. Any guy who can crash the stock market every time he growls is certainly worth a look at middle linebacker.  
 

France received monetary backing Monday, sparking a worldwide stock market rally. They'll always draw tourists. The Louvre displays more bare breasts than any other museum in the world with the possible exception of the Clinton Presidential Library.  
 
 
 
President Obama flew to Minnesota Monday where he began a three-day bus tour of the heartland on two new buses. The Secret Service received special training for the Midwestern bus tour. They have to learn how to change a tire now that we've lost our AAA.  
 
 
 
GOP candidate Rick Perry ripped the administration in a speech to Iowa's Lincoln Day Dinner Monday. Just a year ago he talked about Texas seceding from the union and here he is at a dinner honoring Abe Lincoln. Mitt Romney said it's the biggest flip-flop he's ever seen.  
 
 
 
The New York Times reported Monday the White House was considering creating a cabinet-level Department of Jobs. We know how this ends. In six months you won't be able to get into a job interview without a naked full-body scan and taking your laptop out of the case.   
 
 
 
President Obama said Tuesday he reversed the recession until a rash of bad luck hit him. He cited as bad luck the Arab Spring, the Japanese tsunami and the Greek debt crisis. He's the first president to begin his reelection campaign by asking the casino for more credit.  
 

President Obama was confronted at an Iowa town hall Tuesday by an angry voter who wasn't invited to the event. The president was furious at the security breach. The metal detector at the door is supposed to be sensitive enough to pick up the staple in the tea bag.  
 
 
 
President Obama arrived in Iowa in a brand-new massive armored presidential bus he rode around in Iowa Tuesday. It's a political tactic. He's so determined to make the Republicans spend more money on infrastructure he is weakening the bridges personally.  
 
 
 
President Obama gave a speech in Iowa Tuesday where he said economic progress is being hampered by partisan warfare in Congress. He blamed the lack of progress on Republican rigidity. It's lasted more than four hours and it's time to seek medical attention.  
 
 
 
The Gallup Poll out Thursday showed an all-time low of eleven percent of Americans are satisfied with the way things are going in America. The poll was a real eye-opener. Everybody's shocked to realize that eleven percent of Americans are members of al-Qaeda.  
 
 
 
Wall Street jitters returned Thursday as the market fell on bad news on new housing starts. The administration isn't providing good optics. Nothing inspires confidence in the economy like the sight of the President of the United States taking the bus to Sioux City.  
 
 
 
President Obama drew fire from all sides for going on vacation to Martha's Vineyard while the economy is in a tailspin. He plans to spend ten days playing golf and riding his bike. It's part of his campaign to blame everything on George W. Bush including his hobbies.  
 
 
 
The Justice Department was reportedly investigating Standard and Poor's Friday ten days after the credit rating agency downgraded the U.S credit rating. It's no surprise. For a long time the people who are forced to go to AA resent the people who forced them there.  
 
 
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 

A new survey revealed that being an IT guy is the most hated job in the country. Or as President Obama put it, “Wanna bet?”   
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 

Only 39 percent of Americans approve of the job President Obama is doing. Ratings are at an all-time low, but ratings for “Jersey Shore” are at an all-time high.   
 
 
 
If I were president, I would just pass a law against opinion polls. Hit them at the source.   
 
 
 
President Obama is touring the country in a bus, because nothing inspires hope in the economy like the president riding in a bus.   
 
 
 
Perry is an attractive candidate for many conservatives, because he wants smaller government, to cut national spending, and he knows how to fire a grenade launcher. He’s like the Sarah Palin of politics.   
 

-- Jimmy Kimmel
 

President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are confusion, delusion, and desperation.  
 

It’s the 76th anniversary of social security. I mention it because there’s no guarantee that there will be a 77th..  
 

-- Leno
 

The White House sent Vice President Joe Biden to China today. So now we owe them a trillion dollars and an apology. 
 

Obama said the housing market may not pick up again for another year or longer. On the bright side, President Obama now has nine people interested in his house.  
 
 
 
-- Conan
 

--------------------------------------------
 

Barack Obama was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo. Suddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Obama says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check, you were driving.' The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.   
 

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Obama. Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.   
 

'My god, what happened to you?' asks Obama. The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best
bottle of whiskey, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me.' 
 
 

'What on earth did you say to them?' asks Obama. 'I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them, 'I'm
Barack Obama's chauffeur and I've just killed the jackass. 
 
 

--------------------------------------------
 
 
 

 

This old tool has been reintroduced in Washington D.C. by the Obama Administration. It will be part of the New Health Care Program.  
 

Are you starting to feel it yet? 
 

--------------------------------------------
 

Obama was leaving the country club golf course when he was accosted by an armed robber who demanded, "Give me all of your money!" Barack haughtily replied, "Do you know who I am? I'm the President of the United States!" The robber snarled back, "Then give me all MY money."  
 

--------------------------------------------
 

A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.  The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.
 

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine.
 

"Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the Presidentof the United States?"  "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."
 

"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.
 

"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
 

"He kept a-saying he wasn't... But you know how bad that sumbitch lies..."
 
 

Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2011, 10:43:08 am »
Thank you Pookie, Have a great week
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Online massadvj

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2011, 01:15:14 pm »
Thanks, Pookie.  I won't need one of those smoke enemas.  OpapaDoc's been blowing smoke up my ass for 3 years.

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2011, 02:22:18 pm »
Thank you Pookie, Have a great week

You're welcome & the same to you, David!

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2011, 02:23:15 pm »
Thanks, Pookie.  I won't need one of those smoke enemas.  OpapaDoc's been blowing smoke up my ass for 3 years.

My pleasure, massadvj! :-)

Offline niobe527

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2011, 04:02:00 pm »
good morning pookie

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2011, 04:21:22 pm »

Offline ricebug

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2011, 09:56:43 pm »
G'day, Pookie!!

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2011, 10:01:44 pm »

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2011, 12:23:52 am »
yeah pookie!



Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2011, 01:02:36 am »

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 8/22/11
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2011, 01:24:04 am »
Evenin', Oceander!


Evenin'

Got stuck out of town w/o my 'puter today.