Today's Toons 8/15/11

[pookie18]

 



 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter "W":
 

 
 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

Minnesota Department of Natural Resources officials have been unable to identify a recently-discovered mystery roadkill carcass. Maybe it's Obama's economic plan.  
 
 
 
China says the US debt downgrade "sounds an alarm bell". Actually it sounds a whole bunch of 'em. And it sounds like they're playing the Greek national anthem.  
 
 
 
The S & P downgrades our debt, and now Obama's out golfing again. That's our president - always working on getting lower scores.  
 
 
 
MSNBC's Chris Matthews said that "we learn from history" that "government creates jobs." Yes, and we also learn that those kind of governments eventually run out of money and collapse.  
 
 
 
As Obama was giving his speech to reassure America after the debt downgrade, the stock market plummeted. Who says people are tuning out Obama's speeches?  
 
 
 
Education Secretary Arne Duncan says he will offer more federal school testing requirement waivers because not enough kids are passing the tests. Yeah, because when my car won't start, the first thing I do is remove the battery.  
 
 
 
Pollster Pat Caddell described America's mood as "a sea of anger" that's "pre-revolutionary". Guess it doesn't help with Michelle out there saying "don't let them eat cake."  
 
 
 
During his speech on the debt downgrade, President Obama said the US has "always been, and always will be a AAA country." It'd be better if it were more like AA and admitted it had a problem.  
 
 
 
CNN's Carol Costello asked, "does America need a liberal Tea Party?" Why? Is America running short on oxymorons?  
 
 
 
A Florida stripper and her brothers are still on the run after robbing banks in several states. In case you were wondering what Bernie Sanders was doing on his August break.  
 

One looter in London described his actions as "redistributing the wealth". No, no, no... you're supposed to "spread the wealth around". Young people today just don't listen.  
 
 
 
During a speech to donors, President Obama said he "inherited" the country's economic problems. Mr. President, if you "inherit" something, that means you're now the rightful owner.  
 
 
 
The US military is test-launching a new aircraft so fast it can go from London to Sydney in an hour. Of course, the way those riots are spreading, it may not be fast enough.  
 
 
 
The Obama administration may turn thousands of government-owned foreclosures into rental properties. This makes me miss the days when Presidents would only rent out the Lincoln bedroom.  
 
 
 
A bat got loose on a Delta airlines flight, terrifying the passengers and causing the plane to turn around. Ok, maybe it IS worth it to not have Nancy Pelosi fly commercial.  
 
 
 
MSNBC's Ed Schultz said the losing Wisconsin Democrats were "brilliant on the basics." Really? I thought the most basic thing in an election was winning.  
 

The state of Illinois is now so broke that by Monday it won't have enough cash to bury its indigent dead. If it gets any worse, it won't even be able to register them to vote.  
 
 
 
An Obama commissioner recommended that the DOE issue more regulations on the rules regarding use of hydraulic fracturing to drill for natural gas. I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of these fracking regulations.  
 
 
 
  -- Fred Thompson
 

President Obama demanded cooperation from Republicans in rebuilding the U.S. economy Friday. Last week all the leading economists said we needed to raise the debt ceiling or the stock market would crash. Well they were half right, which is better than they usually do.  
 

President Obama hosted a barbecue at the White House Thursday to celebrate his fiftieth birthday. He got a lot of gifts. Wall Street gave President Obama a recession with his name on it, but you could tell by the expression on his face when he opened it that he already had one.  
 
 
 
Senator John Kerry declared Friday that the news media has an obligation to stop giving airtime to Tea Party representatives. We've learned one thing this year. In Washington the impulse to censor is second only to the impulse to post naked pictures of yourself on Facebook.  
 

Florida pollsters shocked the White House Friday. Poll numbers came out showing that President Obama trails Mitt Romney by eight points in the Sunshine State. To get Florida back the president may have to order the Navy SEALs to raid Casey Anthony's compound in Ohio.  
 

The Rise of the Planet of the Apes topped the movie box office Sunday with fifty-four million dollars in ticket sales. The plot is quite believable. In the movie, the apes take over everything and within a year the United States is debt-free and the budget is balanced.  
 

Sarah Palin announced she will address a Tea Party Rally in Washington over Labor Day. She's hot again. Interest in her soared after the stock market crashed when many Americans realized that we may need a president who can teach us to survive in the woods.  
 

President Obama went on TV Monday to back the credit of the United States. He said he doesn't care what anyone says, America will always be a AAA country. That makes Obama the first president ever to tell the nation that we'll never be called up to the Majors.  
 
 
 
President Obama tried to calm the market Monday by going on TV while stocks were still trading. The effect on the stock exchange was instantaneous. The Dow Jones fell three hundred points at the sound of his voice, showing him that as a singer he's still magic.  
 
 
 
President Obama went on TV and killed the stock market Monday, then stayed off TV Tuesday and the Dow soared. It's a real predicament for him. The Devil hasn't had this much fun since he offered Tiger the world's greatest golfing career or any woman he wants.  
 
 
 
London broke out in fiery racial street protests Tuesday when a policeman shot and killed a suspect in his cab. The burning turned to looting and strip-robbing people on the street. The goal of the rioting is to overthrow Queen Elizabeth and install Rodney King.  
 
 
 
Colorado residents petitioned the U.S. Board on Geographic Names Thursday to name a mountain top in Colorado after John Denver. It set off a chain reaction. The next day Wall Street brokers asked NASA if they could name a meteor crater after President Obama.  
 
 
 
President Obama went on TV during Wall Street's sell-off Monday to calm a panicky stock market. Then he called for tax hikes and the market plunged three hundred points while he spoke. Community activists simply don't have any training in how to be soothing.  
 

Barack Obama's approval rating fell to forty percent in Gallup's poll Tuesday. There is worldwide anarchy. Standard and Poor's just downgraded the office of President of the United States from leader of the free world to entertainment director on the Titanic.  
 

Congress got an eighty-one percent disapproval rating in the polls Monday. They had just passed a toothless debt reduction bill that crashed Wall Street. The next day every House member got a nice note from Casey Anthony thanking them for changing the subject.  
 
 
 
The Lundberg Survey said Thursday that falling oil prices could lead to three-dollar-a-gallon gas by this fall. That's good news for all the people who will be sleeping in their cars and SUVs. They'll be able to afford to move every three hours so they don't get a parking ticket.  
 
 
 
New York cops saved a man about to leap sixty stories off the roof of Rockefeller Center Monday. A cop climbed onto the ledge and convinced him not to jump. The White House just hired the cop as a speechwriter to do all of the president's economic statements.  
 
 
 
President Obama told a Ramadan dinner Wednesday that Islam has always been a part of the American family. He pointed out that Muslims also died in the World Trade Center attack. Of course, if they hadn't brought box cutters on the plane they would be alive today.  
 

-- Argus Hamilton
 

Man, it’s been a tough time for the economy, but this week, President Obama declared that quote “things will get better.” Yep, and then he opened his eyes, and blew out the candles on his birthday cake.
 
 
 
 
There was a small fire today at President Obama’s vacation home in Martha’s Vineyard. Or as Obama told China, “Darn! That's where I was keeping the $14 trillion I was about to give back! What are the odds?"  
 

President Obama took campaign volunteers out for burgers yesterday and apparently left a 35 percent tip. Oh man, that guy is so generous — with China’s money.   
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 

President Obama said that even though we’ve been downgraded, we’re still a AAA nation. Unfortunately, he meant in the minor league baseball sense.  
 

Al Gore got so angry during a speech about global warming that he almost woke up some of the people in the audience.  
 
 

-- Jimmy Kimmel
 
 
 
President Obama will embark on a bus tour through the Midwest that will focus on jobs — mainly, him trying to keep his.  
 

S&P downgraded the United States from AAA to AA+, and it gets worse. Today, Italy, England, and Greece un-friended us on Facebook.  
 

I don’t know why Timothy Geithner would quit working at the Treasury, it must be an easy job now, especially since there’s no money in it.  
 
 
 
The United States has been downgraded, and this is how bad it is: Even Greece won’t talk to us.  
 

The Dow skyrocketed 400 points. Which just shows that on a day that President Obama doesn’t talk, Congress doesn’t act, and the experts are on vacation, we’ll be fine.  
 

They say the price of gas could soon be under $3 a gallon. Do you know what that means? You can now afford to drive by the house you used to live in, go by the job you used to have, and go see the bank where you used to have money.  
 
 
 
President Obama said this week that the downgrading of our credit rating should give America "a renewed sense of urgency." A renewed sense of urgency? The only people that don’t think it’s urgent are the congressmen that just went on a five week vacation.  
 
 
 
Did you know that China has the exact same credit rating that we do? You’d think their credit would be better, but it’s not. Look who owes them all the money.  
 

According to the Mexican government, the number of people leaving Mexico for the United States is now practically zero. It’s true. The other day I was in downtown Los Angeles and I heard something down there I haven’t heard in years: English.  
 

-- Leno
 

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In honor of the 44th President of the  United States , Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: "Barocky Road"  
 

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes.
The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.  
 

The cost is $82.84 per scoop....so out of a hundred dollar bill you are at least promised some CHANGE!  
 

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it,  the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you at no charge.  
 

You are left with an empty wallet, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream.  
 

Are you stimulated yet?  
 

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Let's say you come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup into your home and you have sewage up to the ceiling.   
 

What should you do?  Raise the ceiling, or pump out the crap? 
 

The choice is yours. 
 
 

[illeagle]

It's a super Monday for Toons! Thanks Pookie.

[Oceander]

yeah pookie!

Just a little doodle for the morn'

[pookie18]

It's a super Monday for Toons! Thanks Pookie.

You're welcome, Illeagle!

[pookie18]

yeah pookie!

Just a little doodle for the morn'

Mornin', Oceander! Thanks, added for Thurs.

[Oceander]

Another doodle, to use or not as you wish:

[pookie18]

Another doodle, to use or not as you wish:

Thanks...added for Thurs. as well.

[massadvj]

Thanks, Pookie.  I'm back.  Tanned, rested and ready.

[pookie18]

Thanks, Pookie.  I'm back.  Tanned, rested and ready.

My pleasure & glad you enjoyed yourself, massadvj!