Today's Toons 8/8/11

[pookie18]

 


 


 

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:
 

 
 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

The Secret Service agents who protect Joe Biden pay him $2200 per month rent to use a cottage next to his home. Since the cottage isn't close enough to hear Joe practicing his speeches, it's worth every penny.  
 
 
 
A California TV reporter was shot with a BB while doing a live report. It's awful being publicly attacked by something small and annoying. It's like being a general at a Barbara Boxer hearing.  
 
 
 
The New York Times gushed over how good Obama looks with his 50th birthday this Thursday, saying "his brow is mostly smooth, his chin firm, his neck taut." Probably helps that, so far, he's avoided the stress of trying to find a job in this economy.  
 
 
 
ABC's Dan Harris said Republicans have "mounted an unprecedented assault on environmental regulations." The way these regulations are written, I think this would qualify as self-defense.  
 
 
 
The Justice Department filed a lawsuit challenging Alabama's new immigration law. Probably mad that it lacks a provision allowing the sale of guns to drug lords.  
 
 
 
The New York Times' Maureen Dowd claims that an unnamed Democrat Senator said "We are watching Obama turn into Jimmy Carter right before our eyes." I wish. At this point, it'd be a welcome improvement.  
 
 
 
A group of Democrats is proposing a new internet sales tax. Great idea. Can't let those billionaires get away with buying untaxed Beanie Babies on eBay.  
 
 
 
Saudi Arabia announced plans to build the world's tallest building in their country. I think we should respond by drilling the world's most productive oilfield here in the USA.  
 

Democrat Senator Chuck Schumer said that for Democrats, job creation is their "strong suit." Based on what we've seen so far, it's more like their "Emperor's new clothes".  
 
 
 
Russia's Post Office has issued a collection of new stamps and envelopes to mark President Obama's 50th birthday. America's Treasury is celebrating by issuing a collection of new IOUs.  
 
 
 
During his press briefing, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said it was "inappropriate" for Democrats to call Tea Partiers "terrorists". Ya know, that would mean a lot more if the White House didn't also think it was inappropriate to call terrorists "terrorists".  
 
 
 
Prison crews were used to clean the sidewalks in front of the Chicago theater where President Obama held a fundraiser. Now there's something you don't see every day - shady characters OUTSIDE of a Democrat fundraiser.  
 
 
 
President Obama plans a bus tour of the Midwest the week of August 15th, with a focus on jobs. Help me out here - how does causing traffic jams making thousands of people late for work help the economy?  
 
 
 
DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz said that "we've really begun to turn the economy around." Well, technically, that IS an accurate description of a tailspin.  
 

  -- Fred Thompson
 

The U.S. Border Patrol allowed one hundred and thirty-three Mexican soldiers to return to Mexico Thursday after they accidentally crossed the border into the U.S. That's how bad the economy is today. For the first time in history Mexicans are crossing the U.S. border accidentally.  
 

House Democrats took turns Thursday accusing the Tea Party of holding America hostage throughout the debt crisis. It could backfire on Democrats. If it turns out that Obama can't negotiate with the hostage takers the last thing he needs is another comparison to Jimmy Carter.  
 
 
 
President Obama announced new fuel efficiency standards for cars Friday. He ordered all cars to be able to get fifty-five miles per gallon in ten years. Later in the day he commanded the Potomac to part but his golf ball landed in the water before he could get both arms in the air. 
 

The U.S. returned thirty-three Mexican soldiers Saturday who had accidentally crossed the border into the U.S. No one thought it was on purpose. President Obama may be able to carry the Southwest because the economy is so bad that only a lunatic would come here looking for a job.  
 
 
 
Joe Biden worked out a debt ceiling deal with House and Senate leaders Sunday as the Republicans declared victory, Democrats declared victory and the White House declared victory. Wall Street was suspicious. They know that when everybody gets a trophy it's socialism.  
 
 
 
Bill Clinton endorsed New York's same-sex marriage law on Monday although he opposed same-sex marriage when he was president. Forget the logic. Gay groups won't accuse him of inconsistency because, to be fair, Bill Clinton opposed his own marriage when he was president.  
 
 
 
The U.S. Senate passed the debt ceiling compromise legislation Tuesday. It cuts two trillion in spending while seven trillion is added to the debt in ten years. Harry Reid is from Las Vegas and he convinced everyone if they lose enough money they'll get their room and dinner comped.  
 
 
 
President Obama went on TV Tuesday to announce that the debt ceiling bill was passed in the Senate before the deadline. It was a heroic moment. Millions of Americans without jobs or money or a way to pay their bills are thrilled that an economic catastrophe has been averted.  
 
 
 
Joe Biden called Tea Party members terrorists Monday for demanding lower taxes and spending cuts. It's worse being a capitalist than an Islamist. From now on if the TSA finds anything left in your wallet besides your Social Security card, you won't be allowed on the plane.  
 
 
 
Wall Street didn't soar on the news that financial apocalypse was averted Tuesday. Everybody knew we weren't going to default on the debt, everybody knew we weren't really cutting spending, and everybody knew Republicans weren't really raising taxes. It's like watching a game in the first round of the NBA playoffs, it looks exciting but the outcome is never in doubt.  
 

Mexican workers began returning home Monday after Mexico announced its four percent unemployment rate. It looks like the U.S. and Mexico are playing ping-pong with two million farm workers. It may have been a big mistake to replace that border fence with a three-inch net.  
 

The White House alarm sounded Tuesday when a man leaped over the fence. The jumper broke a security beam when he went over the fence. After a two-minute chase the Secret Service agents caught President Obama and talked him into coming back and finishing his term.  
 

The White House had a party celebrating President Obama's birthday on Thursday while the stock market crashed and long-term unemployment numbers mounted. The president was satisfied. His birthday's not even a national holiday yet and already nobody's working on it.  
 

The Census Bureau said Wednesday two million people have left California in the last ten years for neighboring states. The effect has been dramatic. All the shopping malls in Utah, Arizona, Nevada and New Mexico are overrun by incredibly beautiful people with terrible credit.  
 

-- Argus Hamilton
 

The movie “Cowboys & Aliens” came out today! Yeah, “Cowboys & Aliens.” Or as Republicans call that, “Arizona.”
 
 
 
 
We finally have a deal on the debt ceiling. But get this — Democratic Congressman Emanuel Cleaver is referring to the plan as a “sugar-coated Satan sandwich.” Or as Americans put it, “Sugar-coated? Yum — I’ll take six, please!”  
 

The TSA has a new program where agents have in-depth conversations with passengers to detect suspicious behavior. Or as most people put it, “You know what, I’ll just take the groping.” 
 
 
 
While eating at a burger place, President Obama gave a free milkshake to an 11-year-old boy. Not to be nice, he just wanted to get rid of it because he saw Michelle coming.  
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 

If the debt limit isn’t lifted in time, President Obama is going to switch to plan B: a nationwide going-out-of-business sale.  
 

Thirty-three Mexican soldiers were returned to Mexico after they accidentally crossed the border. They said they just got swept up in the crowd.  
 
 
 
We finally have a debt deal. See what happens when the two parties put aside their principles and do what is best for them personally?  
 

The unemployment rate in Mexico is so low that illegal immigrants are sneaking back into Mexico. Obama has solved the illegal immigration problem.   
 
 
 
After the debt vote, Sen. Chuck Schumer said it’s time for jobs to move to the front burner. They’re only worried about our jobs when they’re about to lose their jobs.  
 
 
 

They say 50 is the new 30 — not in age, in money: $50 is now worth about $30.  
 

President Obama signed the new debt bill into law. But it doesn't really solve the problem. Economists say in 10 years, the deficit will be $27 trillion. But you know what? In 10 years, that’ll be president Bieber's problem.   
 

Happy birthday to President Obama. It’s hard to believe that just a year ago, Obama was in his 40s and his approval rating was in the 50s. Now it’s the other way around.  
 
 
 
Obama told his supporters that we’ve got al-Qaida on the run. Apparently, al-Qaida was in the stock market too.  
 
 
 
-- Leno
 

In his speech, President Obama said that “compromise” has become a dirty word. Then he told Republicans to go compromise themselves. 
 

A man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk President Obama into coming back and finishing his term.   
 

A new poll shows that President Obama is losing support among voters in Florida, which explains why this morning he sent SEAL Team Six out to get Casey Anthony.  
 
 
 
-- Conan
 

The economy has gotten so bad that I had to buy everybody in the audience shirts.  
 
 
 
Obama got some lovely presents. China gave him an extension on his rent.  
 
 
 
-- Letterman
 
 
 

[Davidfxs]

Thank you Pookie, have a great week

[illeagle]

Thanks Pookie..

[Oceander]

yeah pookie!

[pookie18]

Thank you Pookie, have a great week

You're welcome & the same to you, David!

[pookie18]

Thanks Pookie..

My pleasure, Illeagle!

[pookie18]

yeah pookie!

Mornin', Oceander!

[massadvj]

Still in SD but found the time for toons.  Thanks, Pookie!

[pookie18]

Still in SD but found the time for toons.  Thanks, Pookie!

You're welcome, as always, massadvj!

[ricebug]

G'day, Pookie!!

I think I can see the DOW at 9,000 from my house.

[pookie18]

G'day, Pookie!!

I think I can see the DOW at 9,000 from my house.

G'day, Ricebug! Uh-oh, now Tina Fey's going to use that line ;-)

[Oceander]

Here ya go pookie; a little something in "homage" to today:

[pookie18]

Here ya go pookie; a little something in "homage" to today:

Thanks, Oceander! Any update coming on "eye of Obama"?