Author Topic: Today's Toons 7/18/11  (Read 3521 times)

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Online pookie18

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Today's Toons 7/18/11
« on: July 18, 2011, 08:36:48 am »

 

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters A & P:
 

 
 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

During a press conference, Democrat Congressman Charlie Rangel said we should ask "what would Jesus do?" about the debt ceiling. Well, first of all, Charlie, Jesus would pay his taxes.   
 
 
 
A Seattle family filed a complaint after the TSA twice singled out their 6 year old son for a pat down. I had no idea the shortage of wheelchair-bound grandmothers had gotten so severe.  
 

Journalist Bob Woodward said that the rest of the world doesn't see America as "the grown-up nation" any more. Well, that'll happen when the President keeps spending money like a kid in a candy store.  
 
 
 
Wisconsin's Governor Walker signed a bill allowing concealed carry, making it the 49th state to do so. Obama's worried that it won't be long before the other 8 states cave in, too.  
 
 
 
MSNBC's Ed Schultz said that Republicans are on a "mission to murder the American Dream." I'm shocked. I can't believe Ed's already run out of Hitler analogies this far from the election.  
 
 
 
Republican presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty compared President Obama to "a manure-spreader in a wind storm". I disagree. When you actually spread manure, eventually something good comes of it.  
 
 
 
In a press conference on the debt ceiling talks, President Obama said it was time to "eat our peas". Probably planning to borrow them from China.  
 
 
 
A new report shows that China is rapidly catching up to the US in spy-satellite capabilities. I'm not surprised. If Obama owed me a trillion dollars, I'd want to keep an eye on it, too.  
 
 
 
Obama's Energy Secretary Steven Chu defended the light bulb ban, saying, "we are taking away a choice that continues to let people waste their own money." By that logic, you'd think he'd be against using tax money to pay his salary.  
 

President Obama said he wants to raise taxes, but not until 2013. Basically he wants to bet you $2 trillion of your own money that he'll get reelected.  
 
 
 
After the US Embassy in Syria was attacked, the State Department's response was to threaten to file a lawsuit. I kinda miss the days when acts of war were met with more Marines than lawyers.  
 
 
 
MSNBC's Mika Brzezinski said Republicans were "stupid and mean" for not making a debt ceiling deal with Obama. Wow. You don't often hear insightful analysis like that outside of kids being told they can't have ice cream.  
 
 
 
President Obama said he wanted higher taxes in the debt ceiling deal because he hates having income that he "doesn't need". So... he just needs everyone else's income?  
 
 
 
During an interview on PBS, George Stephanopoulos said that, since entering the White House, Obama "has done remarkably well". Too bad we can't say that about the rest of America.  
 
 
 
During an interview on CBS, President Obama said that Republicans in the debt ceiling negotiations should act more like Ronald Reagan. Ok - "There you go again."  
 

  -- Fred Thompson
 

President Obama was urged by Democrats to ignore the debt ceiling and keep borrowing money without Congress. They think a constitutional loophole gives the president unlimited power to borrow money. It's the same thing homeowners in Las Vegas had and it didn't end well.  
 

Homeland Security warned Thursday al-Qaeda is planning to attack airliners with bombs sewn underneath the skin of passenger suicide bombers. Not everyone with an implant is an airline suicide bomber. Some people are just trying to get their shampoo bottles onto the plane.  
 
 
 
The American Federation of Teachers said Monday the union will defend teachers caught cheating to improve student test scores on standardized tests. It's robbing our children of their education. How are they ever going to learn to cheat if the teachers keep doing it for them?  
 
 
 
President Obama told CBS that government checks may not be sent out in August if the GOP doesn't yield. They send out seventy million checks a month. The president's threat to withhold government checks is a never-before-tried maneuver in politics called firing everybody who supports you.  
 
 
 
President Obama trailed former president George W. Bush in popularity in a poll taken of Arabs living in the Middle East. It makes sense. The Arabs preferred President Bush because he would always give them a little warning before the bombing began by going to Congress first.  
 
 
 
New York pea farmers ripped President Obama Monday for saying it's time for Americans to eat their peas. He's also told us sneeze into our elbows and lay off snack foods and cola. He wants our teeth to be in great shape so when the Chinese come to buy us he can get a good price.  
 

President Obama said Tuesday Social Security checks may not go out in August due to the budget impasse. His plan is to cut off seniors, blame the Republicans and run for re-election. It's the best idea since Tiger Woods added unlimited texting and data to his cell phone account.  
 
 
 
Don Rumsfeld was frisked by the TSA in Chicago after his titanium hips and his titanium shoulder set off the metal detector Wednesday. Titanium is also the metal used to harden ICBMs. It's not good news for the Iranians that we keep our Republicans alive with spare missile parts.  
 
 
 
Patrick Kennedy married Amy Petitgout in Hyannisport last weekend with Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer officiating. It's a tradition. Kennedys always insist on being married by Supreme Court justices in case they ever want to have the decision overturned at a later date.  
 
 
 
President Obama scheduled a big fundraising party in Chicago on his fiftieth birthday on August third. It's the day after the U.S. runs out of money. Lots of men have a midlife crisis on their fiftieth birthdays, but they don't usually bring the whole country along on the Apocalypse.  
 
 
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 

CNN canceled Eliot Spitzer’s show on CNN. I guess producers canceled it after they realized it was still on. 
 

President Obama’s staff got raises of 8 percent, more than double the average for regular Americans, which is 3 percent. But to be fair, many of them will be unemployed next November.  
 
 
 
A report says that a growing number of Americans are worth $1 million. The bad news: last year they were worth $5 million.  
 
 
 
President Obama ordered Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner to take what little money we have left and buy lottery tickets. I don’t think that ever works.  
 
 
 
In the last month, President Obama’s re-election campaign raised $86 million. But the bad news is, to get re-elected, he has to come up with $14 trillion more. 
 

-- Leno
 

Eliot Spitzer’s show on CNN was canceled. So you wonder, how will the guy kill an hour?  
 

Bachmann says she wants to end things that are “vulgar and a detriment to society.” She’s talking about me, right?  
 
 
 
Congress is pledging to work around the clock until they’re absolutely certain they will get nothing done.  
 

-- Letterman
 

--------------------------------------------
 

This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Fredericksburg, TX who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified.  
 

The victim apparently "drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting someone" in Kerrville. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, and an Obama T-shirt.  
 

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.  
 

See there, police do care. 
 

--------------------------------------------
 

Political Cryptogram
 
 
 
Y JHMLU Z TAWZE YLBWXEGWLE
 
 
 
YL EZSWX - ZL WSNWQQWLE DYNF.
 
 
 
EIWP ZAW JMQQP KZNFWU KP EIW
 
 
 
THBWALGWLE ZLU XMAW EH TH MD!
 
 
 
 

(Thank you, Cyber Ninja)

Offline illeagle

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Re: Today's Toons 7/18/11
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2011, 10:45:35 am »
Good Morning Pookie and Thank you! :seeya:
“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
Edmund Burke

 “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 7/18/11
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2011, 10:53:15 am »
Thank you Pookie. Have a great week
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 7/18/11
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2011, 01:28:39 pm »
yeah pookie!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 7/18/11
« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2011, 02:52:32 pm »
Good Morning Pookie and Thank you! :seeya:

Mornin' & you're welcome, Illeagle!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 7/18/11
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2011, 02:53:19 pm »
Thank you Pookie. Have a great week

My pleasure & the same to you, David!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 7/18/11
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2011, 02:53:55 pm »