Author Topic: Today's Toons 5/31/11  (Read 7790 times)

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Online pookie18

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Today's Toons 5/31/11
« on: May 31, 2011, 08:27:55 am »

 


 


 

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:
 

 
 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

I read in a Reuters story that the national debt - now $14.3 trillion - in $1,000 bills, would be a stack more than 900 miles tall. Obama's solution: thinner currency.  
 
 
 
President Obama said America's role in Libya is now so "limited" that he doesn't need to seek congressional approval under the War Powers Act. Well, unless the role is limited to "leaving", the law says otherwise.  
 

During Obama's visit to the UK, police gave him the code-name "chalaque", a Punjabi word that means "smart alec". Probably because they don't have a word for "guy who returned the bust of Churchill".  
 
 
NBC's Andrea Mitchell complained that Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu treated Obama "like a school-boy." Oh. So that must've been a schoolbus Obama just threw him under.  
 

When President Obama signed the guestbook at Westminster Abbey, he dated it May 24, 2008. He should probably be more careful to avoid reminding people of the time before he was President.  
 

During his dinner with the Queen, President Obama blundered by giving his toast while the orchestra was still playing "God Save the Queen". To his credit, though, he did manage to say the entire sentence without a teleprompter.  
 
 
 
The White House has named Jesse Lee to a new position titled Director of Progressive Media & Online Response, responsible for squashing any negative stories about the President. I'm shocked. They only hired one guy.  
 
 
 
The White House has ordered all federal agencies to stop using full-size vehicles for their fleets. Typical Obama solution. If you can't afford the gas, just buy a new car.  
 
 
 
Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood unveiled new fuel-economy window stickers for cars and trucks, but arrived at the event in a 12-mpg Chevy Suburban SUV. Makes you wonder if Homeland Security Secretary Napolitano's house is surrounded by a moat with alligators.  
 
 
 
Paul Ryan said that Democrats are "demagoguing" his Medicare plan. Well, when you're selling responsibility and America's future, and the other guy is peddling free beer, guess whose gonna be the most popular... for a while.  
 
 
 
During a private meeting with gun-control advocates, President Obama told them that he was working on gun-control regulations "under the radar". Wonder if he'll let us find out what's in it before he passes it this time?  
 
 
 
  -- Fred Thompson
 

President Obama set the terms for an Israeli-Palestinian peace treaty in a speech he gave on Thursday. They've been fighting for four thousand years but Obama says it's time they settle their differences once and for all. Next he is going to settle this Roadrunner-Coyote thing.  
 
 
 
Princeton professor Cornell West roiled his own African-American community Thursday by calling Obama a puppet of Wall Street. He said he's sold out black people. The professor said he is tired of the president playing the white man's game, but why bring hockey into this?  
 

California reported twelve percent unemployment Friday sparking White House concern for Obama's re-election. It's seen as a failure of his stimulus package. He said it'd produce thousands of shovel-ready jobs for California but Hugh Hefner and Larry King just refuse to die.   
 

Ron Paul stood by his libertarian beliefs on Sunday news shows, repeating his call for the legalization of marijuana and cocaine and prostitution. He's drawing tremendous support from college-aged voters. They think if he wins, the victory party will be at Charlie Sheen's house.   
 
 
 
Patrick Kennedy discusses his drug and alcohol addiction on CNN Sunday. He drank and smoked pot and snorted coke and ingested pain-killing pills for a reason. He wanted to be the first Kennedy to demonstrate that you don't have to cheat on your wife to have a good time.  
 
 
 
Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels' wife intervened Sunday and vetoed his presidential run because she reportedly didn't want their personal life in the news. It's the usual story. Apparently they'd once had trouble in their marriage and one of them was dating the maid.  
 

President Obama flew to Ireland to mark his Irish roots Monday. His mother's side is Anglo-Norman, who conquered and occupied Dublin eight centuries ago. When Obama finds out he's an imperialist he's going to order the bust of himself removed from the Oval Office.  
 
 
 
President Obama was given the code name Chalaque by London police this week. It's a Punjabi word for a smart aleck. We have to take this insolence from Punjabis until we are are willing to read enough computer instruction manuals to provide our own tech support.  
 
 
 
President Obama and members of his administration are scheduled to fly to Poland Friday, if the volcanic ash allows the flight. The visit means a lot to the people of Poland. They want to give Joe Biden a medal for single-handedly replacing Polish jokes in America.  
 
 
 
Maria Shriver discussed her TV career plans on Oprah's final show Wednesday taped last week in Chicago. She began in NBC News and could end up there. NBC Dateline just offered her the moon to host a new investigative show called To Catch a Predator with the Housekeeper.  
 
 
 
President Obama left Ireland for Britain a day early Tuesday due to volcanic ash in the air arriving from Iceland. However the president did get to meet some distant relatives on the Emerald Isle. Conservatives are convinced he had a secret visit with his Irish aunt Sheree O'Law.  
 

President Obama paused dramatically while toasting the Queen at Tuesday's dinner. The orchestra thought he was finished and began playing God Save the Queen. President Obama ignored the orchestra and kept speaking, losing any chance of ever hosting the Academy Awards.   
 
 
 
President Obama visited Westminster Abbey on Tuesday and signed his name to the guest book and added a salutation, but he signed 2008 by his signature. It was an honest mistake. The Teleprompter's copyright date was listed just below the words Best Wishes, Barack Obama.  
 
 
 
President Obama assured the British Parliament Wednesday that the Allies have turned the corner in Afghanistan. It looked bad this month when five hundred Taliban prisoners tunneled their way out of prison in Kabul and escaped. It showed someone's got an exit strategy.  
 
 
 
President Obama spoke to a combined House of Commons and Lords at Westminster Hall after Tuesday's banquet. The president got along especially well with Queen Elizabeth. They enjoyed comparing notes on ways the Tea Parties are always trying to end their rule in America.   
 
 
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 

President Obama offered $1 billion to Egypt to boost the creation of new jobs. And if that works, they’re going to try it here.   
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 

President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed.  
 

Obama was also in England, where the queen suggested that we go back to the pre-1776 borders.  
 
 
 
According to Osama bin Laden’s diaries, he wanted to attack Los Angeles. He changed his mind when he realized he didn’t have anything against the Mexican people.  
 
 
 
President Obama told Queen Elizabeth that he likes the tea parties in England much better than the ones in the United States.  
 
 
 
President Obama arrived in France for the G-8 summit, a meeting of the world’s top economic powers. To give you an idea of how bad our economy is doing, when the president arrived, the other countries were like, “What are you doing here?”  
 
 
 
-- Leno
 

Legal experts speculate that Arnold Schwarzenegger may have to give Maria Shriver up to $100 million in a divorce. When asked for a comment, Arnold said, “But I have families to support.” 
 
 
 
-- Conan
 

President Obama visited a bar in Ireland and drank Guinness. I know it’s not great for kids to see the president drinking alcohol, but in his defense, beer goes great with cigarettes.  
 

-- Craig Ferguson
 

Katie Couric had her final broadcast on CBS. She’s leaving to run for president.  
 
 
 
Lady Gaga will be on the show. She arrived earlier in a stretch egg. It’s very exciting to have her here at CBS. She’s replacing Katie Couric.  
 
 
 
-- Letterman
 

--------------------------------------------
 

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QGW YXTLTQ HN QGTY OVR GVY EHQ AGVEJWO. 
 

TQ LWZVTEY V OVR QH GHEHL QGHYW DGH OTWO 
 

OWNWEOTEJ HSL NLWWOHZ VEO OWZHALVAR. 
 

  -- OHA GVYQTEJY  
 


(Thank you, Reagan_Fanatic)

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2011, 10:49:36 am »
yeah pookie!!

Offline illeagle

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2011, 11:07:26 am »
Thanks Pookie! :patriot:
“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
Edmund Burke

 “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2011, 03:39:35 pm »

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2011, 03:46:14 pm »
Thanks Pookie! :patriot:

You're welcome, Illeagle!

Offline ricebug

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2011, 09:08:18 pm »
G'day, Pookie!!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2011, 10:20:49 pm »
G'day, Pookie!!

Evenin', Ricebug!

Offline massadvj

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2011, 10:30:08 pm »
Good evening, Pookie.  Here is a new one for you.

http://blip.tv/play/AYK_iU0A

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #8 on: June 01, 2011, 01:24:29 am »
Good evening, Pookie.  Here is a new one for you.

http://blip.tv/play/AYK_iU0A


Evenin' & thanks, massadvj! Will attach to something tom'w.

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #9 on: June 01, 2011, 01:28:56 am »
Just in case you're really hitting bottom tomorrow:


Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #10 on: June 01, 2011, 01:31:33 am »
Just in case you're really hitting bottom tomorrow:


For Thurs...thanks!

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #11 on: June 01, 2011, 01:33:32 am »
For Thurs...thanks!


And that's just the "clean" version! ;^)

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #12 on: June 01, 2011, 01:55:36 am »
Because I just can't resist a motherlode this rich:


Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 5/31/11
« Reply #13 on: June 01, 2011, 02:37:53 am »
Just one more, please, I promise no more (tonight!):