Author Topic: Today's Toons 5/23/11  (Read 4516 times)

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Online pookie18

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Today's Toons 5/23/11
« on: May 23, 2011, 08:03:31 am »

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters A & P:
 

 
 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

Michael Moore has signed up to join Keith Olbermann's Current TV program. I'm not sure who's supposed to be enhancing whose credibility here, but either way, it ain't working.  
 
 
 
President Obama announced a new plan to "speed up the evaluation of oil and gas resources in the mid and south Atlantic." Sure, from a snail's crawl to a turtle's trot.  
 
 
 
During a recent speech, President Obama quoted the Bible to support his immigration reform plan. Maybe he should try quoting from federal immigration law, instead.  
 

  -- Fred Thompson
 

U.S. Senator Jim Inhofe saw the photos of Osama bin Laden's corpse Thursday. He said the bullet went into his eye then exploded inside his brain and then it came out his ear. These bullets are so dangerous the rap star Common just did an entire song praising them.  
 
 
 
President Obama invited the rapper Common to the White House Thursday despite his lyrics glorifying a New Jersey cop killer. The circumstances permitted it. The president had just blown the head off a terrorist and he needed a little mood music to help him unwind.  
 

President Obama's ban on oil drilling offshore in the Gulf of Mexico was voted out by the GOP House. He can't call anybody an ocean polluter now. Crews of volunteers have begun rescuing ducks that are swimming in the ocean with Osama bin Laden all over them.  
 

President Obama said Thursday economic recovery will take another two years. It's hampered by high gas prices. When President Obama promised to get the economy on its feet, we didn't realize it meant our cars would be running on Flintstone power.  
 
 
 
The White House showed the porno Osama bin Laden kept in his house Friday. So he enjoyed marijuana, watching himself on TV and porno actresses. The Navy SEALs were ordered to either assassinate bin Laden or bring him back to to star in Two and a Half Men.  
 
 
 
White House former Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel was sworn in as mayor of Chicago Monday. The president really misses him. If Rahm Emanuel were still White House chief of staff, they'd fish bin Laden out of the water and kill him every Sunday until Election Day.  
 
 
 
Donald Trump announced Monday he will not run for president. NBC had just stated they'd re-cast The Apprentice and do the show without him as host. Donald Trump is the first presidential candidate ever to quit a race to spend more time with his contestants.  
 
 
 
Newt Gingrich upset Democrats Saturday by calling Obama the most successful food stamp president ever. Democrats said it's a racist comment. From now until Election Day, Republicans won't be able to separate their laundry without being accused of racism.  
 

Senator John Kerry flew to Islamabad Monday to help repair relations with Pakistan and to retrieve the top-secret remains of the U.S. stealth helicopter left behind in Osama bin Laden's yard. Kerry negotiated the release of the tail-piece. Isn't that Bill Clinton's job?  
 

The Pentagon released photos of Osama bin Laden's private porn stash Friday. Also, he dyed his hair, took potency pills, smoked pot and liked to watch himself on TV. Each day it becomes clearer and clearer that he didn't attack Los Angeles out of professional courtesy.  
 

Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted Tuesday he had a child out of wedlock with his family maid in Brentwood. This all happened ten years ago. At one time between Arnold's movie career and his political career he tried to be a stay-at-home dad, and he succeeded a little too well.  
 

Air Force One missed its approach on a runway Wednesday with President Obama on the plane. The pilot didn't like cloud cover and pulled up and circled for a second approach. Three newspapers lost their White House credentials for downplaying the threat to the country.  
 
 
 
Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted fathering a child with his family's maid fourteen years ago in Los Angeles. This shouldn't hurt his career in public service at all. The International Monetary Fund is looking for a president who knows how to have consensual sex with a maid.  
 
 
 
President Obama demanded that Israel begin Mideast peace talks Friday by withdrawing to its original borders. That's back when Israel was fifteen miles wide in the middle. If you had an hourglass figure back in the Sixties everybody within reach wanted to take a shot at you.  
 
 
 
The Washington Post reported Tuesday the CIA had Osama bin Laden under surveillance for months from a safe house across the street. It was very tightly timed and organized. The raid's launch was triggered automatically once the president's approval rating hit forty percent.  
 
 
 
Osama bin Laden spoke from the grave Friday in a tape to al-Qaeda sites. He recorded it just before he died. He ordered his followers to protest in Egypt, he ordered al-Qaeda to kill Americans, and then he ordered his wife to answer the door and then there's a lot of noise.  
 
 
 
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 

President Obama’s campaign just moved into a 50,000 square foot office in downtown Chicago. Meanwhile, Ron Paul’s campaign landed a sweet kiosk at the mall.  
 
 
 
Joe Biden said that working on the deficit with Republicans is like carpooling to work. In response, everyone who carpools with Biden was like, “It can’t be that bad.”   
 
 
 
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have put their former mansion on the market for $23.5 million. It’s not that clean though, because they had a maid but she was always busy doing other stuff.  
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 

Maria Shriver had dinner with Oprah the other night, so Arnold is in a lot of trouble. He should start looking into fortified compounds in Abbottabad.  
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Kimmel
 

Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He couldn’t find his birth certificate.   
 
 
 
President Obama’s approval rating, which got a bump after killing bin Laden, has slipped again. Which is really bad news — not for the president, for Moammar Gadhafi.  
 

Arnold kept this secret for more than 10 years. You know how he did it? He moved the woman and child into an apartment right down the street from the Pakistani military academy.  
 

President Obama suggested that Israel should go back to the pre-1967 borders. Native Americans said, “Why stop there? Let’s go back to the pre-1492 borders.”  
 

-- Leno
 

Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump’s supporters — all of whom are late night comedians.  
 
 
 
Ron Paul came out in favor of the legalization of heroin and prostitution. Unfortunately, he didn’t come out in time to be Charlie Sheen’s replacement on “Two and a Half Men.”  
 

Schwarzenegger secretly fathered a child outside of his marriage 10 years ago. He told his wife at the time but it took 10 years for her to figure out what he was saying.   
 

Ron Paul announced that he will run for president, and he supports the legalization of prostitution and heroin. If he does win, it will be one heck of a victory party.   
 
 
 
-- Conan
 

Arnold is already coming up with excuses. He said he was just auditioning to be the next head of the IMF.   
 
 
 
-- Craig Ferguson
 

--------------------------------------------
 

Having already downed a few power drinks, a woman turns to the guy on the stool next to her, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen here, good looking, I will screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, their place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on. It doesn't matter to me. I just love it." 
 

His eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding. I'm in Congress too. What state are you from?" 
 
 


Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 5/23/11
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2011, 10:45:41 am »
Thank you Pookie. Have a great week
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 5/23/11
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2011, 10:50:56 am »
yeah pookie!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/23/11
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2011, 10:57:53 am »
Thank you Pookie. Have a great week

You're welcome & the same to you, David!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/23/11
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2011, 10:59:02 am »

Offline illeagle

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Re: Today's Toons 5/23/11
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2011, 11:25:48 am »
Thanks, Pookie. It was tough, but I made it thru the weekend with out Toons! :03:
“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
Edmund Burke

 “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/23/11
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2011, 11:32:46 am »
Thanks, Pookie. It was tough, but I made it thru the weekend with out Toons! :03:

My pleasure, Illeagle!



Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 5/23/11
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2011, 01:40:21 pm »

Offline ricebug

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Re: Today's Toons 5/23/11
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2011, 07:33:30 pm »
G'day, Pookie!!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/23/11
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2011, 10:40:51 am »
G'day, Pookie!!

Mornin', Ricebug! Either didn't get notified or missed your comment yesterday...