Author Topic: Today's Toons 5/16/11  (Read 5587 times)

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Online pookie18

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Today's Toons 5/16/11
« on: May 16, 2011, 10:58:00 am »
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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters R & P:
 

 
 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

Foreshadowing a possible presidential run, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal released his birth certificate. Just one more politician who can't use his mother's maiden name as his password any more.  
 
 
 
Singer Sheryl Crow said that she has "mixed emotions" about the death of bin Laden. I know what she means. On the one hand, there's the joy, but it's all mixed up with this feeling of elation.  
 
 
 
After a jobs report was released showing unemployment was back up to 9%, Nancy Pelosi described it in a Tweet as "good news". Nancy, the only time rising unemployment is good news is when it's among elected Democrats.  
 

Witches, warlocks and pagans now have their very own chapel at the Air Force Academy - a special worship space for cadets of Earth-centered religions. Great. Next the atheists will demand that a chapel be built just for them to not go to.  
 
 
 
Michael Moore said that America "lost something of our soul" in killing bin Laden. Yeah, the part that ached for not seeing justice done.  
 
 
 
During a speech in New York, House Speaker John Boehner said he wanted spending cuts of "trillions, not just billions". Basically he wants everything Obama wants, just with a minus sign in front of it.  
 
 
 
Global warming advocates are now saying that increased temperatures could interfere with wi-fi signals. I'm not buying it. If hot air killed wi-fi, DC would be a wireless dead zone.  
 
 
 
Hillary Clinton said she rejects the idea that China is "a threat to the United States". Yeah, nuclear weapons and $1 trillion in US bonds. What could they threaten us with?  
 
 
 
An AP poll showing Obama's approval rating at 60% achieved the number by tilting their survey sample toward Democrats by 17 points. I thought this was Associated Press. Maybe it was Artful Polling.  
 
 
 
In an interview, Osama bin Laden's son Omar said that burying Osama at sea "demeans and humiliates his family". Right. We should've buried him under a collapsed building.  
 
 
 
The Obama administration is pushing banks to start offering sub-prime mortgages to high-risk customers again. How come liberal economic solutions always seem to involve doing more of what got us in trouble in the first place?  
 
 
 
A recent sudden spike in DC gas prices has propted a criminal investigation. Anybody else think their first stop should be a visit to the guy who keeps saying we shouldn't drill?  
 
 
 
Aviation experts say there's no explanation for the recent "outbreak of insanity" on planes. Here's a hint: it rhymes with "adical Islam".  
 

Immigration and Customs Enforcement said it "was not the best use of the agency's resources" to try to deport 5 illegals arrested at a protest at Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels' office. Guys, deporting illegals is the only reason you HAVE resources.  
 

  -- Fred Thompson
 

Michael Moore gave an angry interview to CNN Friday accusing the U.S. of assassinating Osama bin Laden. He was just cranky because the 7-Eleven in Hollywood had been closed for a week. Apparently there was a death in the family.  
 

General Motors posted its biggest quarterly profit in ten years Friday, making three billion dollars in earnings. They did it by selling large trucks and SUVs. Democrats are beginning to wonder if President Obama wears a bracelet inscribed What Would Bush Do?  
 
 
 
The U.S. asked Pakistan Friday to return the stealth chopper the SEALs left burning in bin Laden's yard. It offers an explanation as to why he offered no resistance. Bin Laden woke up, looked out the window, saw the flames, and just assumed he had already died.  
 
 
 
President Obama touted the quarter-million new jobs reported Friday at a speech in Indianapolis. However, one-fourth of the new jobs were for McDonald's new graveyard shift. The rest are emergency room nurses trained to treat McDonald's-related illnesses.  
 
 
 
President Obama flew to Ft. Campbell to shake hands with the U.S. Navy SEAL who shot Osama bin Laden twice between the eyes and killed him. The president had to go to him. The commando is in the brig til he can prove he didn't act out of prejudice against Muslims.  
 
 
 
The White House got the bad news Friday that unemployment went back up to nine percent. It's bad. People are so desperate for work in America that al-Qaeda received a hundred thousand resumes when one management position opened up last weekend.  
 
 
 
El Paso police killed a mountain lion that slipped into town before President Obama arrived Tuesday. The chase lasted all morning before they shot it. They couldn't take a chance that the mountain lion might run onto the golf course and distract the president.  
 
 
 
Tucson Democrats circulated a ballot measure petition Tuesday calling for Southern Arizona to secede and form a new state called Baja Arizona. It's where a great many illegal immigrants live. They want to secede from Arizona and become part of Los Angeles.  
 
 
 
Arizona lawmakers proposed an online fundraiser to build a wall on the border with Mexico to stop illegal immigration. Cash began pouring in the first day it was proposed. This project's raised money so fast that Google and Microsoft are in a bidding war to buy it.  
 
 
 
Homeland Security announced Tuesday that President Obama will text New Yorkers on their cell phones to warn of terror threats. New Yorkers aren't happy at all. It's not enough that he's taking money out of your pocket, he wants your pocket to vibrate in appreciation.  
 
 
 
President Obama courted Hispanics Tuesday, offering citizenship to anyone who will register, pay their back taxes and learn English. The president and the crowd share an unbreakable bond. They all bought their birth certificates in MacArthur Park in Los Angeles.  
 
 
 
Bill Clinton backed Pakistan as an ally Monday while admitting Pakistan has anti-U.S. factions. He said the U.S. relationship with Pakistan is complicated. And no one understands complicated relationships like the man whose business cards read, Every Woman's Plan B.  
 
 
 
Michelle Obama invited rap star Common to the White House Wednesday for Poetry Day. His lyrics have saluted cop killers, derogated white women, and called for the burning of President Bush. He was at the White House to kick off his campaign for Mayor of Detroit.   
 
 
 
Osama bin Laden's son Omar bin Laden on Thursday accused the U.S. of assassinating his father without a trial. He plans to sue the United States. As soon as he files the lawsuit he is going to learn the same lesson that his father learned, it's the discovery that kills you.  
 

-- Argus Hamilton
 

The unemployment rate went up last month for the first time since November. But on the bright side, I hear a senior management position just opened up at al-Qaida.  
 
 
 
The White House announced that the $50 million reward for Osama bin Laden’s whereabouts won’t be going to anyone. Then China was like, “Wanna bet?”   
 
 
 
The number of millionaires in the U.S. is expected to double by the year 2020. Of course, by then, being a millionaire will just mean you have a full tank of gas.  
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 

Al-Qaida released a statement saying the United States will pay for Osama bin Laden’s death. I’m pretty sure we did pay for it. We even took care of the funeral arrangements.  
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Kimmel
 

Supporters of Osama bin Laden want to rename the Arabian Sea after bin Laden’s death. They want to call it “Martyr’s Sea.” Please, hiding in your bedroom for six years with the blinds closed? How about “Chicken of the Sea?” 
 

The United States gave the Pakistani police $162 million. Unfortunately, bin Laden gave them $163 million. 
 
 
 
President Obama gave a big speech at the U.S.-Mexico border, talking about creating pathways to citizenship. We already have pathways. They’re called tunnels.  
 
 
 
President Obama gave a speech about how great it is to have immigrants in our country. Maria Shriver may give the rebuttal.  
 
 
 
-- Leno
 

President Obama’s approval rating is the highest in two years. Experts say that at this rate, Obama can count on re-election if he just kills bin Laden two more times.  
 

-- Conan
 

President Obama admitted he was very nervous while watching the raid on Osama bin Laden’s compound. And it didn’t help that every two seconds, Joe Biden kept saying, “Are we there yet?”   
 

-- Craig Ferguson
 

Pouring water on a terrorist's face goes against our core values as Americans.
You gotta break into his house and shoot him in the eyes. 
 
 

-- Jim Treacher
 

------------------------------------------------
 

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.  
 

He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.  
 

His meals are provided at no cost to him.  
 

He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.  
 

For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.  
 

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.  
 

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free.  
 

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.  
 

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.  
 

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head... 
 

My dog is a Democrat! 
 
 


Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2011, 11:04:30 am »
Yeah pookie!

Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2011, 11:11:54 am »
Thank you Pookie have a great day
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2011, 11:14:15 am »

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2011, 11:15:04 am »
Thank you Pookie have a great day

You're welcome, David!

Offline illeagle

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2011, 11:25:15 am »
Thanks for Super Monday! :seeya:
“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
Edmund Burke

 “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2011, 11:28:01 am »
Thanks for Super Monday! :seeya:

My pleasure, Illeagle!

Offline massadvj

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2011, 02:41:34 pm »
Thanks Pookie.  I know this one breaks the 11th commandment, so if you don't use it, I understand.  Just want you to know you are welcome to it if you want it.  Mitt Romney "Cain't Say No"

http://blip.tv/play/AYK67hgA

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2011, 02:52:21 pm »
Thanks Pookie.  I know this one breaks the 11th commandment, so if you don't use it, I understand.  Just want you to know you are welcome to it if you want it.  Mitt Romney "Cain't Say No"

http://blip.tv/play/AYK67hgA


You're welcome, as always, massadvj! Have pretty much been avoiding bashing of any candidates with a possibility of winning, but actually picked this up last week when myst posted it at FR & (due to your stature) will run it tom'w.

Offline massadvj

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #9 on: May 16, 2011, 05:03:28 pm »
You're welcome, as always, massadvj! Have pretty much been avoiding bashing of any candidates with a possibility of winning, but actually picked this up last week when myst posted it at FR & (due to your stature) will run it tom'w.


Ok thank you.

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #10 on: May 16, 2011, 05:10:54 pm »

Offline ricebug

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #11 on: May 16, 2011, 09:58:42 pm »
G'day Pookie!!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/16/11
« Reply #12 on: May 16, 2011, 10:01:26 pm »