The Adventures of Florida Man: A Running Thread

[EdJames]

@EdJames

That is some serious stuff. I had a boil at the base of my scrotum that apparently "burst inside" and infect my blood. Scrotum swole up 3 or more times it's normal size,and when it burst,it leaked black pus that smelled like the grave. I was running a fever of 103 when I got to the hospital ER so I wasn't thinking very clearly,but it was about 5 AM on a Sunday morning,and everybody started panicking. The surgeon made me sign a release giving him the authority to castrate me if necessary before they would operate,and they cut my clothes off and burned them.

They didn't have to castrate me,and I honestly think the surgeon was happier about this than I was. 2 years later he would see me someplace in town and come up with a big smile on  his face and congratulate me for surviving the operation.

I was cut from top to bottom,and stitched back together from top to bottom. I was in intensive care for 12 days because they had to leave drain holes and monitor me to make sure they cut it all out. The surgeon later told me about having to amputate the leg at the hip of a 15 year old girl to save her life because she got an infection below her knee.

Yeah,this is some serious stuff.

@sneakypete

I thought it was notable because I never realized that these "flesh eating" bacterias were out in a place like the Gulf of Mexico.  I always heard about people getting them while they were in hospitals.

Do you know what kind of infection you had?

[sneakypete]

@sneakypete

I thought it was notable because I never realized that these "flesh eating" bacterias were out in a place like the Gulf of Mexico.  I always heard about people getting them while they were in hospitals.

Do you know what kind of infection you had?

"Flesh-Eating Bacteria". Not the scientific name,but the common name. It seems to be real common around the warmer regions of the Atlantic Ocean,with lots of cases near Miami.

Although that boil on my scrotum had been coming and going for years. I can't even remember when I first had trouble with it. It would get infected,burst on the outside,and a little pus and blood would drain away and it would clear up. This time it burst on the inside and got into my blood stream.

[jmyrlefuller]

Drunk Florida man kicked out of library told cops he was Jason Bourne
After he was kicked out of the Barbara S. Ponce Public Library in Pinellas Park for causing a disturbance, the man identified himself to police as Jason Bourne, the fictional super-spy created by author Robert Ludlum and portrayed in the movies by Matt Damon, News4Jax reported.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/drunk-florida-man-jason-bourne

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man claims sexual role-play led to shootout
“On 2/13/19, (my wife) and I were role playing in one of our many adventures. Absolutely no crimes were committed and I certainly didn’t do anything to hurt her,” Gray wrote. “In our role-playing adventures, we have traveled, purchased specific items, added other members, and have acted the part in our videos.”

https://www.wflx.com/2019/05/01/florida-man-claims-sexual-role-play-led-shootout/

[mountaineer]

Video catches Florida man in bonnet hiding 28 cans of baby formula under dress, cops say
By Jared Gilmour
May 02, 2019 06:23 PM, Updated May 02, 2019 06:23 PM
Miami Herald

A Florida man was caught on video hiding stolen baby formula under his dress at a Cape Coral grocery store last week, and he’s suspected of similar crimes at other stores, police said.

Officers responded to the reported theft at a Publix in Cape Coral on Saturday, and were told that a man had been riding a motorized cart around the store around 9:40 p.m. when he grabbed 28 cans of Enfamil baby formula and stuffed them under the long red and purple flowered dress that he was wearing, police said in a news release on Thursday.  ...

[video at link]

[Sanguine]

Florida man can also be a good guy...well, sort of:

Florida man gave ‘baby cheetah’ to fire station — but it was another type of wild cat

The small cat that a Florida man discovered this week wasn’t the baby cheetah he suspected it was.

But the man wasn’t wrong that it was a wild animal, according to Orlando authorities.

On Thursday, the man dropped off the kitten at fire station seven in Orlando, telling firefighters there at around 9 a.m. that “he found it in the area and didn’t know what to do,” fire department spokesperson Ashley Papagni wrote in an email to McClatchy....

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article229719094.html#storylink=related_inline

[sneakypete]

Florida man can also be a good guy...well, sort of:

@Sanguine

Just from looking at the photo I would have guessed it was just a tabby cat kitten. Looks nothing like a Bob Cat to me.

[jmyrlefuller]

Wanted Florida man hoped blonde wig would disguise him from deputies as he biked away
Florida fugitive wanted on drug charges tried to elude deputies surrounding the home he was in Thursday by donning a long blonde wig and riding off on a bicycle, the Brevard County Sheriff's Office said.

The wig didn't work, and agents caught up with and arrested Robert “Bobby” Walls soon after watching him ride away, deputies said.

Walls later admitted he put the wig on in hopes that officers wouldn't recognize him and that he'd avoid arrest, deputies said.

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/os-ne-brevard-wig-disguise-fails-20190504-story.html

[sneakypete]

I'm no expert on disguises,but I suspect it was the beard and the male clothes that gave him away.

[Cyber Liberty]

Wanted Florida man hoped blonde wig would disguise him from deputies as he biked away
Florida fugitive wanted on drug charges tried to elude deputies surrounding the home he was in Thursday by donning a long blonde wig and riding off on a bicycle, the Brevard County Sheriff's Office said.

The wig didn't work, and agents caught up with and arrested Robert “Bobby” Walls soon after watching him ride away, deputies said.

Walls later admitted he put the wig on in hopes that officers wouldn't recognize him and that he'd avoid arrest, deputies said.

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/os-ne-brevard-wig-disguise-fails-20190504-story.html

I think I can see why it didn't work.

[Sanguine]

Florida Man had an eventful weekend:

‘F*** It, I’m Drunk, Take Me To Jail’: Florida Man Crashes Lawn Mower Into Police Car

HAINES CITY (CBSMiami)- Police officers have to worry about people driving under the influence or boating under the influence, but now, they’ll have to look out for those lawn mowing under the influence.

On May 5, one Florida man was charged with a DUI, or in this case an ‘LUI’,  after he allegedly drove his lawn mower into a police car while drunk.

According to Haines City police, an officer handling another incident inside of a local business in Haines City, in Central Florida, heard a loud noise from outside of the store. When the officer went outside, he found Gary Anderson, 68, behind the wheel of lawn mower and near the officer’s parked police car, which had minor damages to the bumper....

https://miami.cbslocal.com/2019/05/07/drunk-florida-man-crashes-lawn-mower-police-car/

[sneakypete]

Florida Man had an eventful weekend:

@Sanguine

George Jones,the country singer,was once arrested for driving a riding mower down a public road while intoxicated. His wife at the time,Tammy Whynette,IIRC,was the one that called the cops on him. She had refused to take him to the liquor store because he was a mean drunk,so he took off on the lawn mower.

[Sanguine]

@Sanguine

George Jones,the country singer,was once arrested for driving a riding mower down a public road while intoxicated. His wife at the time,Tammy Whynette,IIRC,was the one that called the cops on him. She had refused to take him to the liquor store because he was a mean drunk,so he took off on the lawn mower.

She stood by her man, but called the police.   

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested after refusing to remove ‘I eat @$$’ bumper sticker

A man was arrested in Florida for refusing to remove a bumper sticker on his vehicle that read “I eat a–,” a report said on Tuesday.

Dillon Shane Webb, 23, was driving a brown Chevrolet truck on Sunday when a deputy noticed the sexually suggestive sticker fastened to the rear window and alerted Webb that it violates a state obscenity law, according to the Lake City Reporter.

Webb responded by claiming that the content of the sticker was “just words,” the report said.

https://nypost.com/2019/05/07/florida-man-arrested-after-refusing-to-remove-i-eat-a-bumper-sticker/

(H/T @The Ghost , though I think Florida Man has a case here)

[The Ghost]

https://nypost.com/2019/05/07/florida-man-arrested-after-refusing-to-remove-i-eat-a-bumper-sticker/

(H/T @The Ghost , though I think Florida Man has a case here)[/center]

I do too!  Kramer had Assman plates! 

[The Ghost]

@Sanguine

George Jones,the country singer,was once arrested for driving a riding mower down a public road while intoxicated. His wife at the time,Tammy Whynette,IIRC,was the one that called the cops on him. She had refused to take him to the liquor store because he was a mean drunk,so he took off on the lawn mower.

If the Possum had this one he might have made it there and back by going via the creek.

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested after refusing to remove ‘I eat @$$’ bumper sticker

A man was arrested in Florida for refusing to remove a bumper sticker on his vehicle that read “I eat a–,” a report said on Tuesday.

Dillon Shane Webb, 23, was driving a brown Chevrolet truck on Sunday when a deputy noticed the sexually suggestive sticker fastened to the rear window and alerted Webb that it violates a state obscenity law, according to the Lake City Reporter.

Webb responded by claiming that the content of the sticker was “just words,” the report said.

https://nypost.com/2019/05/07/florida-man-arrested-after-refusing-to-remove-i-eat-a-bumper-sticker/

(H/T @The Ghost , though I think Florida Man has a case here)

Update: charges have been dropped.
https://reason.com/2019/05/10/charges-dropped-against-florida-man-because-the-first-amendment-protects-his-i-eat-ass-bumper-sticker/

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man tries to (jokingly) pawn off his son at a pawn shop, triggers massive police response


The single dad was caught on film at a local pawn shop Tuesday, asking the owner if he could pawn his months-old son. After authorities released the footage and began searching for Slocum, the father reached out to let them know it was just a ruse intended for Snapchat.

“This is what I got. I know no one under 18 in here but he’s barely used, seven and a half months old, what do you think he’s worth?” Slocum says in the video, referring to his son, Caden, who was put on the counter in a carrier.


https://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/ny-manhunt-man-pawn-baby-florida-20190509-ldxaklviqnby5atxwzqy5ht32m-story.html?yptr=yahoo

[The Ghost]

Update: charges have been dropped.
https://reason.com/2019/05/10/charges-dropped-against-florida-man-because-the-first-amendment-protects-his-i-eat-ass-bumper-sticker/

This was a case of "He didn't respect my authority" cop arrest.   Hope this guy sues for abuse by a public safety official..

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man crashes lawnmower into cop car, says "bleep it. I'm drunk, take me to jail"
Gary Anderson, 68, allegedly crashed his lawn mower into a parked police vehicle on Sunday, May 5 while the officer was tending to an unrelated incident at a business premise in Haines City, in Polk County, Florida, reported Miami CBS Local.

Although the officer did not see the collision, he claims to have heard a loud crash while inside the shop and rushed outside to see Anderson holding the lawn mower in close proximity to the vehicle. The officer also noticed minor damages to the back and bumper of the patrol car, according to the Haines City Police Department.

As the officer confronted Anderson, the suspect immediately admitted to crashing the lawn mower into the cop car and said he was intoxicated. “F*** it, I’m drunk, take me to jail,” he reportedly told the officer.


https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-68-crashes-lawn-mower-cop-car-tells-police-officer-f-im-drunk-1420389

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested after praising the LORD while highway-surfing his Cadillac, would rather go to jail than go back home to his nagging wife

State troopers recently arrested a Florida man who was caught trying to live out his Titanic movie fantasies and make his heart go on atop a moving vehicle. Local news affiliates report that authorities arrested Leonard Olsen, 70, after an off-duty deputy for the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Department caught him on video, attempting to “surf” his Cadillac while traveling on the highway with cruise control enabled.

The deputy first noticed Olsen’s Cadillac doing more than 100 miles per hour when it abruptly slowed down to just 40 mph. Then, Olsen supposedly opened the sunroof and propped himself up on top of his moving car while traveling on Interstate 4 in the westbound lane. This prompted the officer to begin recording video on his smartphone.

https://www.thedrive.com/news/27965/florida-man-arrested-after-praising-the-lord-while-highway-surfing-his-cadillac

[Cyber Liberty]

I didn't know Frank moved to Florida....

[mountaineer]

I didn't know Frank moved to Florida....

[ABX]

Florida man arrested after praising the LORD while highway-surfing his Cadillac, would rather go to jail than go back home to his nagging wife

State troopers recently arrested a Florida man who was caught trying to live out his Titanic movie fantasies and make his heart go on atop a moving vehicle. Local news affiliates report that authorities arrested Leonard Olsen, 70, after an off-duty deputy for the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Department caught him on video, attempting to “surf” his Cadillac while traveling on the highway with cruise control enabled.

The deputy first noticed Olsen’s Cadillac doing more than 100 miles per hour when it abruptly slowed down to just 40 mph. Then, Olsen supposedly opened the sunroof and propped himself up on top of his moving car while traveling on Interstate 4 in the westbound lane. This prompted the officer to begin recording video on his smartphone.

https://www.thedrive.com/news/27965/florida-man-arrested-after-praising-the-lord-while-highway-surfing-his-cadillac

The sad part is this likely will result in his licensing being suspended, thus being forced to stay home with his wife or her drive him around.

[sneakypete]

The sad part is this likely will result in his licensing being suspended, thus being forced to stay home with his wife or her drive him around.

@ABX

You don't think he has a riding mower? EVERYBODY in Florida has a riding mower. Most have a 4 wheeler,plus a boat. I had a cousin that beat drunk driving arrests for years by just running down to the closest bar in his boat,and dropping anchor close to shore and then wading in. Sometimes he would just sleep in the open boat until morning when they threw his ass out at closing time.

I ain't saying this guy is a hard-core drunk,but I once caught him drinking Mennen After Shave Lotion.

IF he lasted that long before they tossed him out,that is.