Author Topic: Today's Toons 8/7/17 (Read 4823 times)

pookie18 · « **on:** August 07, 2017, 10:42:08 am »

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter T:

(Thank you, cartoonist Rex May)

In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Senate Republicans dodged a bullet Friday by failing to repeal Obamacare, when you consider the GOP won the House, the Senate, and the White House by opposing Obamacare. Why would they want to repeal it? By opposing Obamacare for one more election, they can win control of the House of Commons, the House of Lords and Buckingham Palace.

John McCain flew to Washington with brain cancer Tuesday to cast the deciding vote to put the GOP health care bill to a vote, then on Thursday he cast the deciding vote to kill the bill. Democrats hated him one day then loved him the next. He faces censure now for doing Comey's act.

The GOP health care bill failed to get to a House and Senate conference for final writing last Thursday. A poll of GOP voters favored paying for government-provided sex change operations for government workers. They wanted to install testicles on all male Republican members of Congress.

Hillary Clinton is writing a book called What Happened, explaining why she lost to President Trump. It's said to blame the FBI Director and Russians, not herself for destroying her official e-mail. Hillary may have five-to-ten years to write the book if Attorney General Jeff Sessions can take a hint.

Congress faces a government shutdown in September if the debt ceiling isn't raised to pay for their spending. It was ever thus. If this annual play were an action movie, the closing film credits would read, The Government Shutdown returns next year in The Government Shutdown Never Dies.

Dunkirk is a movie hit about the British Army's heroic evacuation across the English Channel after the French Army collapsed before the German army in World War II. America's own future was at stake in the conflict. If Hitler had won the war we would be German today, instead of Mexican.

President Trump hired John Kelly to run the White House Friday. So far Trump has fired the acting Attorney General, his National Security Advisor, FBI Director, the White House Chief of Staff and Communication Director. Everyone agrees this is the wildest season of The Apprentice ever.

North Korea's Kim Jung Un applauded the successful test-flight of another long-range missile Friday. Experts say by next year Kim could keep his promise to mount a nuclear warhead on top of an ICBM missile and land it in downtown Los Angeles. That could put over fifty U.S. citizens at risk.

President Trump dismissed communications director Anthony Scaramucci Monday. It follows his dismissal of Reince Priebus, Sean Spicer, his National Security Advisor, the FBI Director, and ten years as host of The Apprentice. President Trump has fired more times than a Civil War cannon.

President Trump hired a Marine Corps General to bring order to the White House Monday to end the staff warfare that's been relentless, vulgar, and public. It's been chaotic. There's been so much fighting going at the White House that the Oval Office has been converted into an Octagon.

The Border Patrol cited a huge drop-off in illegal immigration to California this year. I don't think we're giving North Korea's missile program enough credit for it. With each successful long-range missile launch, a million Mexicans make a group decision that there's no place like home.

Playboy magazine cited an annual public health survey which shows that Washington D.C. led the nation among all U.S. cities in the number of sexually transmitted diseases reported in the last year. That makes perfect sense to me. You cannot screw that many taxpayers and not catch something.

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson ripped Congress Tuesday for passing sanctions on Russia and worsening relations with the Kremlin. They're being goaded by the media. Anonymous sources told CNN Tuesday that Russia was behind all the missing socks from our dryers over the past decades.

Venezuela's dictator Nicolas Maduro celebrated his sham election victory by having his troops forcefully pull opposition leaders out of their beds, drag them down the street and throw them in jail. What a scene. Maduro's theme song is, I'm a Little Bit Hitler, and a Little Bit United Airlines.

-- Argus Hamilton

Today, President Trump officially removed Anthony Scaramucci as his communications director. And this was a little awkward -- when Scaramucci called an Uber to pick him up at the White House, Sean Spicer was driving.

Trump is also being criticized for his conversation with the president of Mexico, where he called New Hampshire "a drug-infested den." New Hampshire says it's furious, while Colorado says it has to find a new nickname.

-- Jimmy Fallon

Kelly is the polar opposite of Reince Priebus, the former chief of staff. Kelly is military, Priebus is a Washington insider. Kelly's from Boston, Priebus is from Wisconsin. John Kelly has two first names, and Reince Priebus has no recognizable names at all.

-- Steven Colbert

(Thank you, Reagan_Fanatic)