Author Topic: Relationship Experts Recommend Single Women Try Bathing In Open Stream Until Suitor Glimpses Them Through Trees  (Read 1707 times)

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Wingnut

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NEW YORK—Saying the strategy was certain to attract the most eligible men of the highest repute, relationship experts recommended Friday that single women frustrated with their current romantic options try bathing in an open stream until the ideal suitor glimpses them through the trees. “Finding a suitable partner can be very difficult for women, but we’ve learned that one of the easiest and most effective ways to attract that special someone is to put on a thin white cambric bathing gown, wade into a sylvan brook, and begin washing your body and running your hands through your long, silken hair while humming softly to yourself,” said professional dating coach Priscilla Adams, adding that women should choose a location with a small waterfall cascading lightly into a natural bathing pool, where a man out riding his horse or returning from a distant war might catch sight of them from the stream’s wooded banks.

 “After several minutes of bathing, you should see a mysterious, rugged presence fixing his steely gaze upon you, at which time we advise that you hurriedly wrap yourself in a woven blanket and call out ‘Who’s there?’ before being reassured by his kind face and inviting physique. This tactic is almost guaranteed to result in a satisfying romantic experience.” Adams added that if an immediate connection isn’t felt, women could also try putting on their most billowy dress and waiting on the edge of a windswept cliff at sunset.

Offline Sanguine

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@Wingnut, did you write this?  Or is there a link?

Offline Frank Cannon

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@Wingnut, did you write this?  Or is there a link?

He did.......after dropping mescaline and watching an episode of Petticoat Junction.


Wingnut

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@Wingnut, did you write this?  Or is there a link?

I can't put the link up!...

Wingnut

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He did.......after dropping mescaline and watching an episode of Petticoat Junction.



Why sir, you slay me.  I am of the highest repute.



Offline Frank Cannon

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Why sir, you slay me.  I am of the highest repute.

You slay me Sir. This article is hysterical.

Offline montanajoe

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Me and an Army buddy ran across just this scenario in east Texas around 1970...as the song goes my first taste of Texas was sweet....

Offline Ghost Bear

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He did.......after dropping mescaline and watching an episode of Petticoat Junction.



That girl on the end is a real dog.
Let it burn.

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He did.......after dropping mescaline and watching an episode of Petticoat Junction.




Thus proving beyond all reasonable doubt that not only do women bath and shower in full makeup, but also the water does not effect the makeup in any way. This is a corollary of fact that all women sleep in full makeup, and they all wake-up looking stunning, even if they are in the hospital or in a coma.


So far this has only been proven on TV and in movies, but that doesn't mean it's not real!
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Offline Cripplecreek

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The last woman I found bathing in a stream made me glad I was upstream.

Offline Ghost Bear

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Thus proving beyond all reasonable doubt that not only do women bath and shower in full makeup, but also the water does not effect the makeup in any way. This is a corollary of fact that all women sleep in full makeup, and they all wake-up looking stunning, even if they are in the hospital or in a coma.


"It's called a nap, Susan Lucci!"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_phRe4Ziu8Y
Let it burn.

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Offline Smokin Joe

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Oh, shucks, the Onion.

I was going to say that if her ideal suitor hadn't discovered her, her shrieks when she finally left the water with blue lips from hypothermia and a liberal coating of goose bumps and leeches on her nether parts should bring someone acceptable.
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Offline Snarknado

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The article fails to mention that this technique also imbues the fair maiden with an irresistibly exotic pungency, what with all that bear poop in the water...
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