What Happens When We Don’t Raise Kids to Become Adults

[rangerrebew]

What Happens When We Don’t Raise Kids to Become Adults

Sen. Ben Sasse / May 31, 2017

When I was little, mom would leave detailed lists of chores on the kitchen counter each summer morning for my siblings and me to complete before we could play baseball, ride bikes, or go swimming.

And when I arrived at college, basically everyone with whom I became friends, a group from a wide range of socioeconomic backgrounds, had also done real work growing up.

http://dailysignal.com//print?post_id=336612

Not everyone had worked in the field like I had—most had spent summers in retail or taking orders at a fast-food place or sorting the mail or doing some other kind of grunt work at a local office—but it was at least a job with certain expectations and set hours.

[Night Hides Not]

Thanks for posting, but I'm not looking to Sen. Sasse to define "adulthood". Ben's credibility was further diminished by not reacting stronger on the Bill Maher show. He went on to promote his book, nothing more.

We're having that discussion in our household. My son just turned 28, is gainfully employed, and is going back to school to complete his degree. BTW, he's also back living at home.

During his free time, he plays quite a bit of video games, which drives my wife up a wall. LOL, she takes it out on me, for setting a bad example...my "addiction" is the Civilization series of games, which I play often while watching TV. My 15 YO son is a typical teenager, who likes Madden and other games. His grades are A-, is now the Senior Patrol Leader of his Boy Scout troop, and was a state finalist in Trumpet.

As long as my grades were good, and stayed out of trouble, my parents gave me plenty of latitude. I made my spending money keeping score at the local bowling alley, and did well enough in school to earn an Army ROTC 4-year scholarship.

My wife's mother, out of necessity, made Attila look like a Boy Scout...she and my FIL raised ten kids, all graduated from HS, and most have college degrees.

She feels she made too many mistakes with our two older children, who are now 30 and 28, and she's determined to make up for it with the 15 YO.

She's now working on the 28 YO, for him to "get serious" about his life. I've told him I'm not going to get in the middle of that discussion, but leave it to his judgment when to settle down. Everyone's got their own time clock...I didn't get married until I was 33, I had the chance to experience life before "settling down".

My 30 YO daughter has a 6 YO son, and she and the father work hard to be civil to each other, as my grandson splits time with the two: one week with her, one week with him. Nana (my wife) and her family have never had to "share" grandkids, as my parents were 2000 miles away, and my family was much smaller. Tensions rise around certain times of the year, when the schedule is not in our favor, such as holidays, Halloween, etc.

Apologies for the rant, but I think it ties into the thread topic. Today's world is far different than the times I grew up, for better and worse. The Senator's book is well intentioned, but he's not exactly showing the leadership we need in DC.

[Bigun]

All three of my children are well educated, upstanding, hard working, and successful but I feel unqualified to comment because the youngest of mine is now well into his forties.

[Night Hides Not]

All three of my children are well educated, upstanding, hard working, and successful but I feel unqualified to comment because the youngest of mine is now well into his forties.

What about the grandkids?  j/k

[Wingnut]

I thought here at TBC all the women are 10's, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

[corbe]

    Sen. Sasse makes some good points and your post @Night Hides Not   it sounds like you instilled the proper outlook in your Children so that the can handle most of the trails and tribulations that Life throws at us.
     I helped raise someone else's 4 Girls and 1 boy, mostly with disastrous results, due mainly to not having a 'free hand' in their upbringing.
     2 of the girls are in the State prison system and the boy died in an automobile accident in the middle of the night (School night) years ago, hit by a police car in pursuit and no lights on, of course my X won the lawsuit and quickly put the money up her nose.
     Half the people I know should not have Children and I suspected I was one of them, so I never had any of my own.

[Suppressed]

I thought here at TBC all the women are 10's, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

I'm good at looking.

[Night Hides Not]

I thought here at TBC all the women are 10's, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

Speaking from self-evaluation, you're definitely wrong on the middle part... 

However, my children are "above average", and my wife is a 10.

And I will be toasting myself on Father's Day with a glass of 2009 Beerenauslese from my favorite winery in Germany, assuming that the shipment arrives on time.

O/T, one of my nieces is getting married on the 17th, and my gift to her is a wine basket with selections from Germany and Texas.

/thread hijack

[Night Hides Not]

    Sen. Sasse makes some good points and your post @Night Hides Not   it sounds like you instilled the proper outlook in your Children so that the can handle most of the trails and tribulations that Life throws at us.
     I helped raise someone else's 4 Girls and 1 boy, mostly with disastrous results, due mainly to not having a 'free hand' in their upbringing.
     2 of the girls are in the State prison system and the boy died in an automobile accident in the middle of the night (School night) years ago, hit by a police car in pursuit and no lights on, of course my X won the lawsuit and quickly put the money up her nose.
     Half the people I know should not have Children and I suspected I was one of them, so I never had any of my own.

God Bless you!

I will forever give my wife credit (though I forget to often) for leading me into the Catholic Church. I grew up in a family that rarely, if ever, went to church. I attended a few retreats at Gonzaga, but went no further than that.

My wife is a devout Catholic, and that was part of her appeal. I converted about 20 years ago, and my 3 kids are all confirmed. It's been an important part of their lives, and it gave them an opportunity to see a different side of me, as I've been teaching Old Testament to 6th graders for 20 years.

IMO, those experiences provided a good moral foundation for them, as opposed to running wild and free during their formative years.

[Restored]

You parent them until they turn about 14 and then you start letting them learn their own lessons. I was very fortunate that my son got into sports. He was a state champion in track and now the kids he coaches are state champions. He decided to major in Accounting in college because I have a degree in Accounting and "So how hard can it be?". Now if he will just pass his Accounting classes......"D's get degrees".
My daughter just got her first "real" job after college, doing the same thing she has been doing since she was 17. Trump's going to be sorry she moved to NoVa.
In both cases, I had an influence. Sometimes good and sometimes bad.

[Night Hides Not]

You parent them until they turn about 14 and then you start letting them learn their own lessons. I was very fortunate that my son got into sports. He was a state champion in track and now the kids he coaches are state champions. He decided to major in Accounting in college because I have a degree in Accounting and "So how hard can it be?". Now if he will just pass his Accounting classes......"D's get degrees".
My daughter just got her first "real" job after college, doing the same thing she has been doing since she was 17. Trump's going to be sorry she moved to NoVa.
In both cases, I had an influence. Sometimes good and sometimes bad.

I've told my kids that I've done two things for them they can never take away from me:

1. I made sure they were born in Texas.
2. I taught them how to swim.

Anything/everything else is gravy.

[mountaineer]

Mr. M worked for 15 years at a small state university, and Sen. Sasse's description of the current lot of college students is dead on. Mr. M can cite many instances of having to put up with the whining and crybaby attitude of allegedly adult children. That whole "I pay tuition, so you work for me" attitude is common. Worse, there were many instances of the little darlings' helicopter parents swooping in to rescue them from mean college administrators who actually expected them to work and follow rules.

It also fairly describes my family - well, half of it. There were two boys and two girls. We girls had chores a-plenty from a young age, from using a mangle to iron our father's shirts to scrubbing baseboards to cleaning toilets. Every weekend was full of chores. We baby sat and then got "real" jobs as soon as we legally could do so. For my first job I sold souvenirs at a nearby amusement park and my sister worked at McDonald's. We grew up to be responsible, hard-working adults with good marriages (21 years thus far for me, 26 for her).

The boys? Not so much. Neither was required to do much of anything except occasionally cutting the grass. Neither had part-time or summer jobs in high school. The older one (now age 67) got into drugs and Marxist politics and had two brief failed marriages. I neither know nor care where he is now. The younger never married, became an alcoholic, blames his late mother for all his woes and now - between infrequent bouts of sobriety - spends his days at the bar. He comes home, pukes, passes out, and returns to the bar.

I realize my personal anecdotes don't necessarily prove anything, but I agree with Sen. Sasse on what he said about some of the causes of today's children being so infantile.

[Bigun]

Mr. M worked for 15 years at a small state university, and Sen. Sasse's description of the current lot of college students is dead on. Mr. M can cite many instances of having to put up with the whining and crybaby attitude of allegedly adult children. That whole "I pay tuition, so you work for me" attitude is common. Worse, there were many instances of the little darlings' helicopter parents swooping in to rescue them from mean college administrators who actually expected them to work and follow rules.

It also fairly describes my family - well, half of it. There were two boys and two girls. We girls had chores a-plenty from a young age, from using a mangle to iron our father's shirts to scrubbing baseboards to cleaning toilets. Every weekend was full of chores. We baby sat and then got "real" jobs as soon as we legally could do so. For my first job I sold souvenirs at a nearby amusement park and my sister worked at McDonald's. We grew up to be responsible, hard-working adults with good marriages (21 years thus far for me, 26 for her).

The boys? Not so much. Neither was required to do much of anything except occasionally cutting the grass. Neither had part-time or summer jobs in high school. The older one (now age 67) got into drugs and Marxist politics and had two brief failed marriages. I neither know nor care where he is now. The younger never married, became an alcoholic, blames his late mother for all his woes and now - between infrequent bouts of sobriety - spends his days at the bar. He comes home, pukes, passes out, and returns to the bar.

I realize my personal anecdotes don't necessarily prove anything, but I agree with Sen. Sasse on what he said about some of the causes of today's children being so infantile.

A LOT has changed since my days in school when professors were quick to tell you where the door was if you didn't like their class and would also remind you not to let it hit you in the posterior on your way out!

And parents who would quickly tell you that if you don't like school there is plenty of work to do around here! Grab a shovel, or hoe, or hay fork ...

[RoosGirl]

What Happens When We Don’t Raise Kids to Become Adults?  People like Obama and Trump are elected.

[Restored]

The two things I told my kids :

1. We have plenty of money
2. You can't have any of it.

If you want to ruin your kids, give them money.

[Wingnut]

What Happens When We Don’t Raise Kids to Become Adults?  People like Obama and Trump are elected.

And Bernie Sanders appears normal.

[Night Hides Not]

What Happens When We Don’t Raise Kids to Become Adults?  People like Obama and Trump are elected.

What about FDR or Woodrow Wilson? Warren G. Harding? Harding was nominated because he was a good looking guy, and women had just gotten the right to vote.

My parents did a good job of raising me, yet I worked for George McGovern in '72. The real story is that my civics teacher was the local chairman for the McGovern campaign, and I got extra credit for helping him out.

I was a vocal advocate for Reagan in '80. I lived 30 miles from base in a small German town, so I didn't have to worry about violating any statutes.

[Night Hides Not]

And Bernie Sanders appears normal.

Had Bernie not given Hillary a pass on the emails in the first debate, he might have won the nomination. I hope he realizes that when he beds down for the night in his $600K summer mansion.

[RoosGirl]

What about FDR or Woodrow Wilson? Warren G. Harding? Harding was nominated because he was a good looking guy, and women had just gotten the right to vote.

My parents did a good job of raising me, yet I worked for George McGovern in '72. The real story is that my civics teacher was the local chairman for the McGovern campaign, and I got extra credit for helping him out.

I was a vocal advocate for Reagan in '80. I lived 30 miles from base in a small German town, so I didn't have to worry about violating any statutes.

I was thinking more about the display of character than policies and politics.

[Elderberry]

I've told my kids that I've done two things for them they can never take away from me:

1. I made sure they were born in Texas.
2. I taught them how to swim.

Anything/everything else is gravy.

My Mom was from Georgia. My Dad from Louisiana.

All us kids were born in Texas.

And Mom made sure that we could swim about the same time we learned to walk.

She loved the water, but never learned to swim.

[Wingnut]

I hope he realizes that when he beds down for the night in his $600K summer mansion.

and on the mattress where he stuffs the 1,052,000.00 he earned last year!

[Old Warrior in Exile]

I've told my kids that I've done two things for them they can never take away from me:

1. I made sure they were born in Texas.
2. I taught them how to swim.

Anything/everything else is gravy.

I left a promising military career to ensure that our children would be born and raised in East Tennessee. I have often wondered what might have have happend had I not.
But how and where our offspring were born and raised was of the utmost importance.

No regrets.

[jmyrlefuller]

I was fortunate to find retail work in my hometown in my senior year in high school. I think I was probably more responsible than most. It wasn't much of a challenge for me because I believed in being reliable. I enjoyed work more than I did school to be honest.

I took out loans. It helped that I had a scholarship (which, due to some academic difficulties and one massive clerical error, I lost halfway through), but I made sure that I kept my borrowing at a minimum, went to a state college in part to keep costs down, stuck with my original major to ensure I graduated in four years, and worked every summer (and most winter breaks). (In hindsight, that may have hurt me, since I might have benefited from an unpaid internship, but with the nearest one 50 miles or more away from home it wasn't exactly viable.)

I graduated the day the recession hit. The few people who landed jobs before graduation got in with a career path. (Some ended up leaving afterward.) Those of us that didn't had a much harder time, and I think most ended up giving up and going into another field.  I ended up going back to my retail job. All in all, I spent well over a decade there and for a while I thought I might have that job for life if I had needed it— until getting forced out this past April, not long after a chain store opened up in town. That job still paid off my student loans and left me with a decent nest egg when I left.

I lost a LOT of my social life because of that job. I'd like to say there are things I'd never want to do again because of my experience there, but I've seen so many people leave here, take jobs they absolutely hate, or settle for some pretty menial shift work (sometimes a combination of the three) just for a paycheck because that's all there is available. I may not have a choice. That's why I'm not in much of a rush to go back to work yet; I want to have the opportunities I missed. I'm fortunate that I was responsible enough when I did have that job that I can now afford to take those opportunities. Hopefully down the road there will be an opportunity for me to both earn a respectable living while enjoying life at the same time.

With this economy, though, who knows?

[Frank Cannon]

Hopefully down the road there will be an opportunity for me to both earn a respectable living while enjoying life at the same time.

With this economy, though, who knows?

Why sit around a wait for someone else to provide your future? Jobs suck. Work sucks. You do it to make money and have fun now and again. Take your nest egg and try doing something with it. Buy some shithole, fix it up and rent it out or sell it. Pick up a rebuildable wrecked car and flip it out. Do a food truck. Flip estate sale garbage on Ebay. If it makes money, branch out. If it doesn't, there is still the want ads.

[Hondo69]

Hondo Theorum #6:  When you put people in a vice and turn the screws bad things happen

The financial meltdown of 2008 caused entities of all sizes and shapes to rejigger their game plans.  Corporations slashed lavish expense accounts and began firing managers at the top simply because they drew the highest salaries.  Cities scrambled for new income sources and started jacking up "fees" of all types and turned DUI arrests into revenue streams.  State legislators traded a quick influx of federal carrot-on-a-stick dollars for long term deals with the devil.  Small businesses closed faster than you could count them and many individuals discovered their houses were suddenly under water.

All of the above pertain to the topic at hand since so many young adults find themselves at a crappy station in life.  They are lost, stuck in a vice, and have few good options to look forward to down the road.  In short, they've lost hope.

Historically, America has experienced a few spots here and there that economically were unusually rotten.  But by and large that has been the exception, not the rule.  The majority of our history has been one of growth and economic prosperity.  And during these periods of ups and downs a few things have remained constant, one being a small percentage of our youth are spoiled, pampered and generally unprepared for life's hard knocks.  They've always been there and always will.

The problem today is that percentage is not so small anymore.  It is, in fact, a large percentage of our young people that find themselves screwed to the wall by a combination of little hope economically and poor parenting.  The underlying causes of poor parenting are many and up for debate, so I'll set those aside.  But the point here is that we've been able to absorb the spoiled youth of the past simply because there was a margin for error created by economic prosperity.  In essence, we used to have a built-in fudge factor.

The financial meltdown of 2008 whittled away that fudge factor to the point to where it is a razor thin margin today.  Thus we get protests such as Occupy Wall Street, calls for more government handouts, and an overall increase in violence. 

When you put people in a vice and turn the screws bad things happen.