Author Topic: Today's Toons 3/13/17  (Read 3020 times)

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Offline pookie18

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Today's Toons 3/13/17
« on: March 13, 2017, 06:28:19 AM »
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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter T:

(Thank you, Polly Ticks)
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 
Attorney General Jeff Sessions recused himself from investigating Russian ties to the Trump campaign Thursday. He's on the hot seat. Democrats are so determined to impeach Jeff Sessions for talking to the Russian ambassador that they've forgotten to impeach him for being a Confederate.
 
Capitol Hill broke into a partisan witch hunt Thursday for any Trump Administration official who ever spoke to a Russian. Everyone's under close scrutiny. Ivanka Trump admitted she once heckled Yakov Smirnov in Branson, and Democrats are demanding that she resign as First Daughter.
 
Barack Obama reportedly disseminated intelligence on Jeff Sessions' meeting with Russians to government officials and reporters before he left office. It looks catty. Jeff Sessions was a curious choice for Attorney General to begin with because he's had no experience running guns into Mexico.
 
Barack Obama is being publicly lobbied by a Paris political group to run for the presidency of France. He can't legally run now because he's not French. However Obama supporters are trying to change the French constitution to allow presidential candidates who were born in the U.S. or Kenya.
 
Russia's U.S. Ambassador Sergey Kislyak had an open social calendar all weekend as no one in Washington will talk to him. It spread to Hollywood. Backstage at the Comedy Store Friday, Yakov Smirnov tried to make eye contact with me, but I averted his glance and looked the other way.
 
President Trump's allies said Sunday that President Obama's Justice Department wire-tapped the Trump election headquarters to try to help elect Hillary Clinton. That's our gal. You start out your public career forty-two years ago investigating Richard Nixon and you end it by channeling him.
 
Barbra Streisand tweeted President Trump is making her fat because she takes out her anger toward him during the CNN morning news by eating pancakes soaked in honey butter. She's just written a new book about strength. It's her tribute to the capacity of yoga pants to withstand anything.
 
President Trump counterattacked against Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi's attacks on Jeff Sessions by tweeting pictures of them with the Kremlin's U.S. ambassador. How nasty could this get? The Democrats were just reminded the Lewinsky family originally came to the United States from Russia.
 
Attorney General Jeff Sessions stepped aside from any investigation about the Trump campaign's contacts with Russia last fall. The paranoia is spreading. In Hollywood, Bullwinkle Moose just admitted he spoke with Boris and Natasha and he has agreed to recuse himself from the next cartoon.
 
Barack Obama was photographed in public for the first time since he left office Sunday as he left a charity event in New York. He gave the camera a big smile. Even if it turns out his Justice Department did wiretap President Trump, he's confident that he can still run the country from prison.
 
Barbra Streisand blamed her weight gain on all the pancakes she eats to salve her anger while watching the morning news. The Democrats are splitting apart. BLM activists were just arrested for plotting to blow up Jewish centers, now Streisand launches an unprovoked attack on Aunt Jemima.
 
President Trump drew rave reviews from U.S. business leaders after their White House meeting this past week. He's nothing if not considerate. Every time President Trump picks up the phone and orders in Chinese food he remembers to look into the mouthpiece and ask Barack if he wants anything.
 
President Trump's new travel ban allows Iraqis into the U.S. but it bans anyone trying to enter the U.S. from Somalia, Yemen, Libya, Syria and Iran. The idea is to stop terrorists from direct entry into the U.S. Now they will have to go to a truck stop in Mexico and wait their turn like everybody else.
 
Wikileaks released proof showing the CIA stole Russian malware, allowing the CIA to mimic Russian hackers and now no one knows who hacked who last year. This could help the Democrats recover. The first step in Trumpoholics Anonymous is to admit you lost the election fair and square.
 
The CIA hunted for leakers after Wikileaks revealed they can spy on foreign agents through their smart-phones. They're outraged that somebody leaked secret information they stole in the first place. It's like the prostitute who told the judge she decided she'd been raped when the check bounced.
 
The New York Times says Barack Obama is irked and aggravated by the charges by President Trump that Obama bugged his Trump Tower campaign office phone just before the election. He's acting guiltier by the day. He's just vowed to spend the rest of his life looking for the real wire-tapper.
 
President Trump called Senator Rand Paul from the Oval Office to push for the GOP health care bill. It was just Trump and Senator Paul on the line, plus the CIA, the NSA, Barack and the Russians. Whenever Trump calls Domino's, it's like ordering pizza for an entire fraternity house.
 
Fox News cited a jobs survey saying three hundred-forty-six thousand jobs were created in the U.S. during President Trump's first month in office. And that excludes paid protestors. Whistling Dixie is when CNN commentators complain it's going to be a long four years under President Trump.
 
The GOP health care bill rolled out this week ends the ten percent Obamacare tax on tanning salon sessions that helped fund Obamacare. Trump has reversed Obama's Mexican border policy and now he's ending Obama's ten percent excise tax on indoor tanning sessions. Leave it to Democrats to help brown people become Americans and then tax Americans who want to become browner people.
 
House Republicans split over the American Health Care Act rolled out by Speaker Ryan this week. Conservatives called it Obamacare Lite. The phones lines on Capitol Hill were so tied up by angry callers that lawmakers had to use their own cell phones to place their NCAA tournament bets.
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 
A group of Republicans revealed their plan to repeal and replace Obamacare. Pete Sessions has a healthcare plan of his own. I do know a catchy title when I see one. He calls it -- this is 100 percent real -- he calls it the world's greatest healthcare plan of 2017. You can't vote no on the world's greatest healthcare plan of 2017. You'd have to be an idiot. This guy is smart.
 
-- Jimmy Kimmel
 
 

Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 3/13/17
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2017, 07:44:12 AM »
Thank you Pookie. Have a Great Day
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 3/13/17
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2017, 08:23:19 AM »
Thank you Pookie. Have a Great Day

You're welcome, David!

Online Polly Ticks

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Re: Today's Toons 3/13/17
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2017, 09:35:30 AM »
Thanks, Pookie.  Happy Monday!
Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too. -Yogi Berra

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 3/13/17
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2017, 09:44:09 AM »
Thanks, Pookie.  Happy Monday!

My pleasure, Polly Ticks!

Offline Freya

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Re: Today's Toons 3/13/17
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2017, 09:47:43 AM »
Thanks Pookie.

I hope tomorrow's toons won't be cancelled because of snow.
G-d bless America. G-d bless us all

Ask me if you want to be on the kitty 🐱 or puppy 🐶 ping lists
Or NJ/NY ping list.

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 3/13/17
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2017, 09:55:03 AM »
Thanks Pookie.

I hope tomorrow's toons won't be cancelled because of snow.

You're welcome, as always, Freya! Only if my internet is down...

Offline bolobaby

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Re: Today's Toons 3/13/17
« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2017, 01:15:07 PM »
Oh, the idiotic irony...

How to lose credibility while posting:
1. Trump is never wrong.
2. Default to the most puerile emoticon you can find. This is especially useful when you can't win an argument on merits.
3. Be falsely ingratiating, completely but politely dismissive without talking to the points, and bring up Hillary whenever the conversation is really about conservatism.
4. When all else fails, remember rule #1 and #2. Emoticons are like the poor man's tweet!

Offline mrpotatohead

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Re: Today's Toons 3/13/17
« Reply #8 on: March 13, 2017, 03:05:55 PM »
Thanks Pookie...enjoyed them!
Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 3/13/17
« Reply #9 on: March 13, 2017, 03:08:46 PM »
Thanks Pookie...enjoyed them!

My pleasure, as ever, mrpotatohead!


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