Author Topic: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman  (Read 3976 times)

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Offline EasyAce

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Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« on: December 06, 2016, 02:54:39 am »
Van Williams was one of Hollywood's classiest acts in the 1960s/early 1970s. He took his successes in stride;
he didn't let his failures brand him. And when he saw the proverbial writing on the wall, he backed away
from Hollywood and found a new life as a part-time sheriff's deputy and full-time firefighter in the Los Angeles
area.

Of course his best-known role was the television version of a venerable, ancient radio show, The Green Hornet,
in which he played the title character, newspaper heir Britt Reid turned crime fighter, the urban version of his great uncle
the Lone Ranger---infiltrating criminal gangs and enterprises to dismantle them. It left him a wanted criminal
himself in the eyes of the police, but he could live with that so long as the real criminals were given what for.

Williams played the Hornet with aplomb and dry wit. In recognition thereof, here are all the reasons why the
Green Hornet was a better crime fighter than Batman, his television contemporary/camp legend:

* He was born in old-time radio, not the comics.

* He dressed for success, not in his underwear.

* He had a more useful sidekick.

* A sexy but intelligent secretary.

* A classier theme song.

* And a classier ride.

* He didn't have to wear a phony utility belt with comic-opera weapons---all he needed was a gas gun and an expandable
telescoping laser sting.

* He invented the drone. (The Black Beauty scanner was the great-grandpa of today's remote control drones.)

* He fought real criminals, not clowns with theme crimes, bad makeup, worse puns, and wastes of some of Hollywood's most
legendary talent. (If there was justice, Vincent Price would have sued for defamation of character for being paid to play
Egghead.)

* And while we're at it, he didn't flinch when infiltrating the criminals' operations; Batman would have run home to mommy
at the very idea of it.

* Britt Reid at least worked for a living---he turned his father's inheritance into an even more successful newspaper.

* And he didn't live in an oversize mansion spending most of his time in two rooms.

* He also didn't have to figure out how to change clothes sliding down a fire pole to a cave.

* He dated better-looking women than Bruce Wayne.

* And probably got more second, third, fourth, and fifth dates.

* He had the D.A. on his side. The best Batman could do was a police commissioner who probably had no business in the job.

* The Black Beauty's front-and-rear rockets could get the job done faster than the Batbeam.

* The Batmobile was uglier than the Lincoln Futura concept car from which it was built.

* The Black Beauty looked better than the Imperial Crown Sedan from which it was built.

* The Green Hornet didn't have to bust every speed limit in town to get the job done; hell, he had enough trouble with
the cops thinking he was a murderer because of the nature of his operation.

* And he didn't have to have cameras at weird angles to show him climbing walls he couldn't climb in the first place.

* Do you really think Batman would have had the cojones to kidnap a foreign head of state to save his and his
fiancee's life?

* Kato was a more useful domestic servant than Alfred ever was.

* Quick---name one legendary relative of Batman. I couldn't, either.

* The Green Hornet otherwise kept his carping, harpie, harridan relatives out of the house. (If he had an Aunt Harriet worming
her way into living in his pad, he'd have turned the Hornet Sting on her without regret, and no jury on earth would have
ruled it unjustifiable.)

* When the Green Hornet and Kato were brought onto Batman for one sequence, Kato kicked the living crap out of
Chicken the Goy Wonder. And it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

* The Green Hornet: Took on crooked cops. Batman: Wouldn't have known a crooked cop if he'd paid graft to one.

* The Green Hornet: Beat arsonists, bootleggers, mind-controllers, crooked political operatives, shady foreign heads of states'
chiefs of staff, fire commissioners turned arsonists, heroin traffickers, and renegade soldiers. Batman: Beat clown crooks
whose plots were about as indecipherable as a box of Alpha Bits. (And probably couldn't close the deal if he ever did
get into the Catwoman's pants.)

* Britt Reid knew how to handle himself at mix-and-mingle time. Bruce Wayne was a wallflower.

* Kato knew chemistry. Dick Grayson probably flunked it.

* The Green Hornet admitted to being something of a romantic. Batman's idea of romance was a session with the
Batcomputer.

* The Green Hornet didn't mind turning over the profits of the rackets he broke up to charity. Batman was too busy tabulating
the expenses of the Wayne Foundation.

* No self-respecting crime fighter would be caught dead doing his work in a cave in a character based on a bloodsucker.

* You could dress the Green Hornet up and take him anywhere. You couldn't dress up Batman or take him anywhere other
than a Halloween bash.

* The Green Hornet would never let himself get caught in frosty freezie makers or piano roll punchers.

* And, the Green Hornet would never have let Liberace get the best of him for even half a two-part episode.

So there!
« Last Edit: December 06, 2016, 02:56:39 am by EasyAce »


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Oceander

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2016, 03:22:25 am »
You've pretty much convinced me!

Offline Frank Cannon

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2016, 04:16:45 am »
* And a classier ride.

Like hell. The Green Bug drove one of the boxiest and worst looking Imperials that Virgil Exner ever designed. The Batmobile was a cool Lincoln concept car. 'Nuff said.



Offline EasyAce

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2016, 04:17:58 am »
* And a classier ride.

Like hell. The Green Bug drove one of the boxiest and worst looking Imperials that Virgil Exner ever designed. The Batmobile was a cool Lincoln concept car. 'Nuff said.




It's like I said: the Black Beauty improved the Crown Sedan; the Lincoln Futura was turned into a trashmobile
when made into the Batmobile.


"The question of who is right is a small one, indeed, beside the question of what is right."---Albert Jay Nock.

Fake news---news you don't like or don't want to hear.

Oceander

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2016, 04:18:18 am »
* And a classier ride.

Like hell. The Green Bug drove one of the boxiest and worst looking Imperials that Virgil Exner ever designed. The Batmobile was a cool Lincoln concept car. 'Nuff said.




Think I'll go with the Imperial on this one. 

geronl

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2016, 04:33:28 am »
"Green Hornet" would have gone down the memory hole if it were not for Bruce Lee.

Offline EasyAce

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2016, 04:44:37 am »
"Green Hornet" would have gone down the memory hole if it were not for Bruce Lee.

Actually, that isn't exactly true, entirely---The Green Hornet has been a popular old-time
radio find for decades.

The Green Hornet---the old-time radio original.


"The question of who is right is a small one, indeed, beside the question of what is right."---Albert Jay Nock.

Fake news---news you don't like or don't want to hear.

Offline EasyAce

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2016, 04:51:27 am »
Did you know---J. Edgar Hoover once put pressure on The Green Hornet in the radio
years.

The radio show's original introduction said: "He hunts the biggest of all game---public enemies
even the G-men cannot reach." Hoover, vain as he was, put pressure on the show's producers
and home radio station (Detroit's WJZ) to dump the intro. They changed it to the more corny,
"He hunts the biggest of all game---public enemies who try to destroy Our America!" Hoover
couldn't bear the thought that the FBI couldn't get anyone they set out to get . . . even if it may
have been true in a lot of cases.


"The question of who is right is a small one, indeed, beside the question of what is right."---Albert Jay Nock.

Fake news---news you don't like or don't want to hear.

Offline Gefn

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2016, 01:28:16 pm »
I never saw the TV show, but I bought episodes of the radio show from audible on sale a few years ago.

I really like old time radio. I enjoyed listening to this show on a long car drive. The plot , writing and acting was top notch.

I wonder if Kato was the inspiration for Peter Sellers'  Kato in Pink Panther.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2016, 01:28:34 pm by Freya »
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Offline EasyAce

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2016, 08:59:21 pm »
I never saw the TV show, but I bought episodes of the radio show from audible on sale a few years ago.

I really like old time radio. I enjoyed listening to this show on a long car drive. The plot , writing and acting was top notch.

I'm an old-time radio absolute nut. I have a personal collection of over fifteen thousand old-time radio shows,
including every surviving episode of The Green Hornet, The Jack Benny Program, Fibber McGee & Molly,
Lux Radio Theater, Suspense, Quiet Please, CBS World News Today
(the World War II newscasts), The Halls
of Ivy, Broadway is My Beat
(arguably the best crime drama of old-time radio's final period), Easy Aces,
The Goldbergs, Vic & Sade, The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show, The Whistler,
Bob & Ray Present the CBS
Radio Network
, and Fred Allen.

I wonder if Kato was the inspiration for Peter Sellers'  Kato in Pink Panther.

It's not impossible. Did you know that Blake Edwards wrote and directed the earlier radio episodes of Richard
Diamond, Private Detective?


"The question of who is right is a small one, indeed, beside the question of what is right."---Albert Jay Nock.

Fake news---news you don't like or don't want to hear.

Offline EasyAce

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #10 on: December 06, 2016, 09:04:08 pm »
I never saw the TV show, but I bought episodes of the radio show from audible on sale a few years ago.

The first episode of The Green Hornet on television . ..

The Green Hornet, "The Silent Gun"


"The question of who is right is a small one, indeed, beside the question of what is right."---Albert Jay Nock.

Fake news---news you don't like or don't want to hear.

Offline Idaho_Cowboy

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2016, 09:50:14 pm »
Did you know---J. Edgar Hoover once put pressure on The Green Hornet in the radio
years.

The radio show's original introduction said: "He hunts the biggest of all game---public enemies
even the G-men cannot reach." Hoover, vain as he was, put pressure on the show's producers
and home radio station (Detroit's WJZ) to dump the intro. They changed it to the more corny,
"He hunts the biggest of all game---public enemies who try to destroy Our America!" Hoover
couldn't bear the thought that the FBI couldn't get anyone they set out to get . . . even if it may
have been true in a lot of cases.
So when is the Green Hornet going to take down Hillary?
“The way I see it, every time a man gets up in the morning he starts his life over. Sure, the bills are there to pay, and the job is there to do, but you don't have to stay in a pattern. You can always start over, saddle a fresh horse and take another trail.” ― Louis L'Amour

Offline Gefn

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #12 on: December 06, 2016, 10:11:37 pm »
I'm an old-time radio absolute nut. I have a personal collection of over fifteen thousand old-time radio shows,
including every surviving episode of The Green Hornet, The Jack Benny Program, Fibber McGee & Molly,
Lux Radio Theater, Suspense, Quiet Please, CBS World News Today
(the World War II newscasts), The Halls
of Ivy, Broadway is My Beat
(arguably the best crime drama of old-time radio's final period), Easy Aces,
The Goldbergs, Vic & Sade, The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show, The Whistler,
Bob & Ray Present the CBS
Radio Network
, and Fred Allen.

It's not impossible. Did you know that Blake Edwards wrote and directed the earlier radio episodes of Richard
Diamond, Private Detective?


I have every episode of Dragnet, and quite a few of Bob and Ray and Jean Shepard. I've bought Have Gun Will Travel, Sam Spade, Nero Wolfe, X minus One, The Shadow, from Audible.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2016, 10:15:16 pm by Freya »
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Offline Gefn

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #13 on: December 06, 2016, 10:19:15 pm »
I have to thank Jean Shepard for making me like radio. I loved listening to him on WOR when I was a kid. Bob Grant mAde me love talk radio.

I really love those old fashioned radio shows. You can listen to them and really let your imagination go.
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Adopt a puppy or kitty from your local shelter
Or an older dog or cat. They're true love❤️

Offline SZonian

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #14 on: December 06, 2016, 10:25:25 pm »
* And a classier ride.

Like hell. The Green Bug drove one of the boxiest and worst looking Imperials that Virgil Exner ever designed. The Batmobile was a cool Lincoln concept car. 'Nuff said.

Classy does not always = "cool"...nor does "cool" always = classy.  I'd say in this case, both rules apply. 

The Black Beauty was a classy car, the Batmobile was a cool car...
Throwing our allegiances to political parties in the long run gave away our liberty.

Offline EasyAce

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #15 on: December 06, 2016, 10:32:56 pm »
Classy does not always = "cool"...nor does "cool" always = classy.  I'd say in this case, both rules apply. 

The Black Beauty was a classy car, the Batmobile was a trashy car...

Fixed it for you!

Sorry, but the car from which the Batmobile was fashioned, the Lincoln Futura concept
car, was cooler! The bad news: Ford eventually attached the Futura model name to---wait for it---the top-
of-the-line model of their none-too-classic granny car . . . the Falcon.

And, the Black Beauty didn't need no steenkin' parachutes to stop on a dime off a speed of 200 mph plus!
« Last Edit: December 06, 2016, 10:33:46 pm by EasyAce »


"The question of who is right is a small one, indeed, beside the question of what is right."---Albert Jay Nock.

Fake news---news you don't like or don't want to hear.

Offline Frank Cannon

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Re: Van Williams, RIP: Why the Green Hornet was Better Than Batman
« Reply #16 on: December 06, 2016, 10:47:52 pm »

And, the Black Beauty didn't need no steenkin' parachutes to stop on a dime off a speed of 200 mph plus!

Here we go. Now we are going to get all sorts of pimping for Torsion Air suspension and self adjusting brakes.