Anyone who has read the Lord of the Rings series owes it to themselves to also read the parody by National Lampoon "Bored of the Rings". That latter work inspired the following introduction to what I hope to be a complete work of political satire skewering leftists.
The Black Gate Opens
Characters: Aragorn Arathorn, heir to the Throne of Westernesse (Sen. Ted Cruz)
Gandalf Mithrandir, Wizard (Rep. Mike Lee)
Gimli son of Gloin, Dwarf warrior (Rush Limbugh)
Legolas, Elf warrior, (Hugh Hewitt)
Meridoc Took , Hobbit of the Shire(Ann Coulter)
The Mouth of Obama (Scarlett Johanson)
A large fighting force of Elves, Men, Dwarves and Talk-Show Hosts gathers outside the gates to the land of Cloz-dor behind which a far, far more massive horde of foul orcs, goblins, Internet trolls and bureaucrats lurk awaiting battle.
Led fearlessly by Aragorn (Sen. Cruz) side-by side with the wizard Gandalf (Mike Lee) the parley moves slowly toward the obsidian, 100 foot high gate while far in the distance a tall tower with a great glowing “O” atop it looms.
They stop and a herald blows a ruffells .
“Let the Lord of the Bla…uh, African- American land come forth! Let justice be done upon him!” cried Aragorn in a clear voice.
They continue forward and as they draw nearer to the gate, it slowly swings open, and out trots a huge dirty white French Poodle, round, bouncing poms-poms cut for show, wearing high heels (!) and on it’s back sat a short, distracted-looking woman wearing a reddish tousled wig, “Obama!” rainbow 2008 campaign tee shirt, faded at the edges, a black miniskirt and torn fishnet pantyhose stockings (Johanson).
“I am the Mouth of Obama” said the sleazy, apathetic tramp, “What’s it tooya anyways, ya jerks ???”
Aragorn says, “For injuries inflicted upon the free peoples of Middle America and the Good Earth, we demand that Obama be brought forth to answer for his Obamanation Helth Care, which has caused grievous suffering and loss to our people!!”
The Mouth of Obama raised its head and let a laugh go, which trailed off into a coughing fit and she urges the monstrous poodle forward. As she does, the animal teeters on its absurdly high stiletto heels, loses its balance and pitches forward and over dumping the Mouth of Obama into the dirt. Cursing, pinned under the complaining poodle, the Mouth of Obama fumes at two midget assistants dressed in business suits hovering nearby.
“Well, don’t just stand there!!! Come over and HELP me, you dolts!!” The three suited figures look at each other in confusion, then rush over to the fallen figure one waving pieces of paper, the other a selection of pens. She waves them off in a hissy fit of rage…”NO! NO! NO! You fools!! I don’t need Obamacare waivers, I need you to get me out from under this !@#$% dead doggie!!”
