If I were president

[Cripplecreek]

If I were president I would be the first president caught peeing on the south lawn with my dogs at 4 AM.

Beyond that, my aspirations as president would mostly be restricted to encouraging the states to regain control of the senators and representatives to go home for about 8 months per year. And if the constitution doesn't mention it, let the states handle it.

That is all.

[Idaho_Cowboy]

If I were president, I'd put more mileage on the veto stamp than @Frank Cannon has on his 72 Lincoln.

[Frank Cannon]

If I were President I would put an end point on Red Lobster's "Endless Shrimp" promotion through Executive Order. Why? Because I would be President and could do whatever I wanted.

[sinkspur]

If I were president, I would make a final determination in the age-old quandry:

Fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing.

I would determine that slim chance means almost no chance and fat chance means you're screwed no matter what.

[montanajoe]

If I were president, I'd ask the voters how they could possibly have been so stupid as to have elected me and I'd resign in disgust...

[Cripplecreek]

If I were president, I'd ask the voters how they could possibly have been so stupid as to have elected me and I'd resign in disgust...

You people sicken me.

[Gefn]

I would hand the reigns over to Ted Cruz on the condition I get a personal tour of the White House by Heidi, a free pass to all the Smithsonian museums, an inaugural ball ticket ( and a date with a nice single staffer) and a yearly Christmas card for life.

Oh and if their staff needs a social media person/ cat walker they give that job to me. 
(Heck, I'd do that for free!) think how popular Socks would have been if Twitter or Facebook had been around. He would be as famous as Larry the first cat in the UK!

@rodamala
@Hopalong Ginsberg
@CatherineofAragon
Did i leave out any other Cruz people?

[jmyrlefuller]

I actually have a pretty thorough agenda I'd put in place if I were to be elected. In short, it involves simplified, broader taxes; long-term entitlement reform; multi-pronged defense (including foreign, border and trade/economic); halting enforcement of Obamacare; and restoring the people's freedoms.

[mirvin]

You people sicken me.

Please!  I can do better. 

If I were president, I would install a 300 foot chain-linked fence, laying on its side, on the northern shore of the Rio Grande, then electrify it for anyone coming out of the river wet. 

Now for the piece de resistance …. Set up multiple cameras and sell on pay-per-view.  Guys watching a giant bug zapper?  We could pay down the national debt in no time.

[Silver Pines]

I would hand the reigns over to Ted Cruz on the condition I get a personal tour of the White House by Heidi, a free pass to all the Smithsonian museums, an inaugural ball ticket ( and a date with a nice single staffer) and a yearly Christmas card for life.

Oh and if their staff needs a social media person/ cat walker they give that job to me. 
(Heck, I'd do that for free!) think how popular Socks would have been if Twitter or Facebook had been around. He would be as famous as Larry the first cat in the UK!

@rodamala
@Hopalong Ginsberg
@CatherineofAragon
Did i leave out any other Cruz people?

@Freya

Can't do better than that.  The only flaw in your plan is that some cats don't need to be walked...

[Gefn]

@Freya

Can't do better than that.  The only flaw in your plan is that some cats don't need to be walked...

The first cat must see people daily and meow at them, regally. I think Socks had a person. And I think JFK's kitten had a person, as did Susan Ford's cat.

[Bigun]

If I were President I would largely shut down the government for 4 years, sign nothing except bills that repeal big spending legislation or big liberal nonsense garbage.  No new spending.  I would nominate only conservatives to the courts.  No deals with Democrats and liberal Republicans.  If they don't confirm them then the spot stays empty.  I would obsess over cutting programs and bureaucracy with special focus on closing departments that make rules and laws which no longer have to be approved by Congress.  Cut cut cut cut.  Then I would also use the bully pulpit to end the homofascist nonsense and even propose a marriage amendment and also promote an Article 5 Convention of States.  Lastly I would speak 24/7 about the First Amendment and the rest of the Constitution and Bill of Rights...etc....EDUCATE!!! the public about why all those principles are important. 

So there would be a big focus on educating the republic about republicanism, limited government and separation of powers.

Why is your name not on my ballot?

[Bigun]

Make me king for just 24 hours with the proviso that what I do during that 24 hours cannot be undone for five years and I will change the course of history on this planet for a century.

[bigheadfred]

If I were president I would be the first president caught peeing on the south lawn with my dogs at 4 AM.

Beyond that, my aspirations as president would mostly be restricted to encouraging the states to regain control of the senators and representatives to go home for about 8 months per year. And if the constitution doesn't mention it, let the states handle it.

That is all.

I would only be president for about 30 minutes.

[Oceander]

If I were president, I'd resign; I couldn't live in a country that would have me for president!

[Sanguine]

I would hand the reigns over to Ted Cruz on the condition I get a personal tour of the White House by Heidi, a free pass to all the Smithsonian museums, an inaugural ball ticket ( and a date with a nice single staffer) and a yearly Christmas card for life.

Oh and if their staff needs a social media person/ cat walker they give that job to me. 
(Heck, I'd do that for free!) think how popular Socks would have been if Twitter or Facebook had been around. He would be as famous as Larry the first cat in the UK!

@rodamala
@Hopalong Ginsberg
@CatherineofAragon
Did i leave out any other Cruz people?

Yes, most of us Texans!

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

If I were President I'd hold a raffle on what country to nuke every week, just for shits and giggles of course. :)

[mountaineer]

Assuming I could not actually get rid of such departments as energy and education, I would at least "neglect" to fill as many vacant bureaucratic positions as possible, especially for secretary, undersecretary, assistant secretary, assistant undersecretary, assistant to the undersecretary, assistant to the assistant undersecretary ... you get the idea.

[Slide Rule]

If I were President I would largely shut down the government for 4 years, sign nothing except bills that repeal big spending legislation or big liberal nonsense garbage.  No new spending.  I would nominate only conservatives to the courts.  No deals with Democrats and liberal Republicans.  If they don't confirm them then the spot stays empty.  I would obsess over cutting programs and bureaucracy with special focus on closing departments that make rules and laws which no longer have to be approved by Congress.  Cut cut cut cut.  Then I would also use the bully pulpit to end the homofascist nonsense and even propose a marriage amendment and also promote an Article 5 Convention of States.  Lastly I would speak 24/7 about the First Amendment and the rest of the Constitution and Bill of Rights...etc....EDUCATE!!! the public about why all those principles are important. 

So there would be a big focus on educating the republic about republicanism, limited government and separation of powers.

RAT Patrol you have my vote.

You have a lock on the Coolidge crowd like me.

Amity Shlaes wrote an excellent book on him.
https://www.amazon.com/s/156-4745792-6685554?ie=UTF8&field-keywords=amity%20shlaes&index=blended&link_code=qs&sourceid=Mozilla-search&tag=mozilla-20


Al