-Old Olympic skiers never die. They just go downhill.
-How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.
-"Greece is really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash."
-A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get into the Olympics but they haven't got tickets. The Scotsman picks up a manhole-cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. "McTavish, Scotland" he says, "Discus", and in he walks. The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder. "Waddington-Smythe, England," he says, "Pole vault," and in he walks. The Irishman looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm. "O'Malley, Ireland," he says, "Fencing."
-A gymnast walks into a bar ... He gets a two-point deduction and ruins his chances of a medal.
-A reporter meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick and asks, “Are you a pole vaulter?” “No,” says the man, “I’m German. But how did you know my name is Walter?
