Thursday, August 7, 2014 PrintEmail210 Comments
Has Vladimir Putin seen this photo of John Kerry yet? Has Benjamin Netanyahu?
When they do, I think one of them will be laughing and the other — well, no, even Bibi will be cracking up when he sees Hamas’ best buddy wobbling on a bicycle on Nantucket last weekend.
A girl’s bike.
A girl’s pink bike.
As usual with these annual summer photos on Nantucket, Kerry looks surprised that someone just walking along happens to have a cellphone camera. It’s happened to Liveshot how many times now, just on Nantucket, and he’s still astounded that it’s happened again.
Apparently, he still believes it’s 1984, and the only photographers are from the Globe, and if they take another embarrassing shot, he can just call Mr. Winship or Mrs. Winship and get it killed.
Now, embarrassing photos go around the world when the Globe is Photoshopping tomorrow’s halo above Liveshot’s exquisitely coiffed mane.
Behind him, you can see his new white dog — could his name be Surrender? I don’t see a baggie in Mr. Secretary’s hand, nor do I see Glenn Johnson trailing behind him. That’s a job his aide Johnson is well-suited for — following behind, cleaning up messes left by a clueless Democrat and his pup. After all, Glenn was Kerry’s head cheerleader at the Globe.
I just got back from Dallas, where I went to the museums for George W. Bush and JFK. They have some amazing photos at both locations, but after seeing this last photo of the secretary of state, I have an idea for where John Kerry’s “museum” should go.
On Nantucket, where his greatest photos have been taken.
Last year, it was the Herald’s photo of him climbing onto his $7.5-million yacht, the Isabella, the one he tried to avoid paying taxes on, as Egypt was convulsed in revolution.
Then there was the late-night photo of him with some female teenyboppers, one of them sipping a cold one out of a red Solo cup with a penis straw.
And speaking of Nantucket, don’t forget the famous video from the 2004 election, of Kerry windsurfing — a man of the people, all right, as long as the people are gigolos.
If we include off-island photos as well, the JFK Museum of Nantucket must include another 2004 keeper, when he dressed up like a sperm in the Woody Allen movie, “Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask.”
Another thing I noticed about the presidential museums in Dallas was the audio from their presidents’ memorable speeches. Since Kerry still believes he was robbed of the presidency, doesn’t his museum need some of Liveshot’s greatest quotes thundering down through the halls?
“I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against the $87 billion.”
“I’m fascinated by rap.”
“I was an altar boy.”
“This tunnel (the Big Dig) will be a bargain.”
“Manny Ortez … I have a final score for you … Detroit 2, Red Sox 3.”
“You’re looking at the biggest cheesehead in America.”
Come to think of it, maybe Nantucket isn’t the best place for a Kerry museum. Where is the Comedy Hall of Fame located? Could they use a Liveshot wing?