Author Topic: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER  (Read 1008 times)

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Offline DCPatriot

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AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« on: June 26, 2014, 07:48:25 AM »
AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
Ann Coulter

I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade -- or about the length of the average soccer game -- so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.


(1) Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls -- all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.


In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."


Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.


(2) Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.


(3) No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.


Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties -- and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.


(4) The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.



Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game -- and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.


(5) You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!


(6) I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.


I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.


(7) It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.


(8) Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.


Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.


Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

more at:  http://www.anncoulter.com/columns/2014-06-25.html#read_more
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Offline AbaraXas

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2014, 09:28:32 AM »
This gnashing of teeth about soccer by some on our side almost seems to cross the line into parody. So you don't like it, yip yip yip, yahoo. I can't stand watching baseball (with rare exceptions). It is boring as hell. In the case of this article, I'm wondering if Ann ever watched or learned anything about soccer but internet forum drivel.

Let's look at some of these.

1. Has Ann ever heard of Pele, Beckham, Ronaldo?  Individual achievement and superstar hero status is as big in soccer as any other major sport. One thing soccer has that other sports, like football are trying to tone down is the celebration of individual achievement. Now, we have gotten so woosified, in football you can get a penalty if you celebrate in an end zone. In soccer, individual achievement is still celebrated.

2. Ann, I doubt it is mostly liberal moms. They are too busy aborting their kids or sitting in drum circles. In all seriousness though, every city of decent size now has many soccer clubs and it is becoming popular among all families. I rarely see a co-ed team, usually it is toddlers and on a rare occasion, a small private school that can't field enough players so some outstanding girls join in. It happened for one team when I was in high school and I remember she could run rings around the guys. Speaking of which, that brings us to the next point which is Ann's dismissal of the athleticism of soccer. Let's see her run 10 miles plus in 90 minutes on a field twice as wide as a football field and 50% longer all with people running all out right into you, while trying to keep a little white ball out of 8 other guy's possession. It takes marathon stamina with tennis agility.

3. Sure there are scoreless games. Funny how we celebrate no-hitters in baseball but somehow it is negative in soccer?  It just shows how difficult the game really is. It isn't just 'kickball' as some like to put it.

4-5. Not even worth commenting on.

6. No one is force feeding you Ann. Just turn it off if you don't like it. Based on this article, you are choosing to be obsessed (in the negative) with it. Reminds me of a fat girl eating cake crying the whole time about how it is bad for her. There is no conspiracy, it is pure market capitalism. It generates a LOT of revenue for the networks and sporting good outlets. People are freely choosing to watch it and buy products associated with it. Capitalism! 

7. Yawn, so?  Yet, I bet you  have more American kids of all ages playing soccer than they do football. It is more accessible of a sport at various levels as you don't have to buy hundreds of dollars of equipment. What's more American than us taking something and making it our own out of free choice due to the benefits?  This whole 'it is foreign' is another of those comments that sound like someone trolling a forum.

8. Not even worth commenting on. Just hyperbole. (we can get into how much more mathematically relevant the metric system is later- not some conspiracy).

I should probably add this example to my Top 10 Ways Conservatives and Libertarians Defeat Themselves article I'm drafting. If you don't like it, big deal, so what. But there is no big conspiracy around soccer. The only potential conspiracy is some on our side making a big deal about it like it is a world changing event, making us seem petty and needing a new tinfoil hat.
« Last Edit: June 26, 2014, 10:20:31 AM by AbaraXas »

Offline GourmetDan

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2014, 09:56:19 AM »

I can't stand watching baseball (with rare exceptions). It is boring as hell.


What?!  How can you say that!  It's the greatest game ever invented!   :patriot:


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Offline Relic

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2014, 11:26:47 AM »
Ann doing what Ann does, trying to be noticed. Soccer is making big inroads. I don't care. I don't like it, it's just dull to me. But if others like it, have at it.

You know, if we all liked the exact same things, those things would be quite expensive.

Offline NavyCanDo

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2014, 02:17:46 PM »
The only hockey game I enjoy is played on a table with little tiny men impaled by a  metal bar where there arms should be.  And the winner is the first to score 10 points, and that can be done before you finish a beer.   10 points in real hockey would take about two weeks.
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Offline Machiavelli

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2014, 03:16:02 PM »

Offline Relic

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #6 on: June 26, 2014, 03:26:24 PM »

Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #7 on: June 26, 2014, 10:11:06 PM »
Quote
How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters
40 million meters gets you around the world.

And 147.2 centimeters is the height of your typical elementary school kid, if you really want to make a big deal of it.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2014, 11:52:47 AM by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline GourmetDan

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2014, 09:06:42 AM »
And 147.2 meters is the height of your typical elementary school kid, if you really want to make a big deal of it.

Wow, that would be making a big deal of it...    :silly:


"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left." - Ecclesiastes 10:2

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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2014, 11:52:26 AM »
Wow, that would be making a big deal of it...    :silly:
The original quote said "centimeters" (which is obviously what I meant). D'oh!
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Offline GourmetDan

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2014, 11:58:55 AM »
The original quote said "centimeters" (which is obviously what I meant). D'oh!

Yeah, I knew what you meant.  I just thought it was a nice little joke.   :patriot:

"The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left." - Ecclesiastes 10:2

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Offline AbaraXas

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2014, 01:32:50 AM »
Well this is interesting. it seems Ann lifted much of this from Boston sports writer Dan Shaughnessy.

http://www.bostonglobe.com/sports/2014/06/21/soccer-doesn-get-kick-out/uTIF1VQ8QHOpfDyWI0W4KK/story.html

Offline sinkspur

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2014, 01:48:00 AM »
Well this is interesting. it seems Ann lifted much of this from Boston sports writer Dan Shaughnessy.

http://www.bostonglobe.com/sports/2014/06/21/soccer-doesn-get-kick-out/uTIF1VQ8QHOpfDyWI0W4KK/story.html

She didn't "lift" any of it.  Her column is much more interesting than Shaughnessy's. 

I can't stand soccer.   I like hockey, which many people can't stand.

To each his own.
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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #13 on: June 28, 2014, 01:55:47 AM »
I loved soccer growing up and I had the coolest soccer coach. I had Rafer Johnson as a coach and he made you work hard. We were the number one team in our league. I had my fair share of "Yellow Cards".
« Last Edit: June 28, 2014, 02:03:35 AM by Trigger »

Offline massadvj

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #14 on: June 28, 2014, 05:25:17 AM »
Anyone who says soccer is not rough and injury-prone should go out on the field and play Germany.  More than a few NFL defenses could take lessons from those guys.
"She only coughs when she lies."

Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #15 on: June 28, 2014, 08:19:31 AM »
Her column is much more interesting than Shaughnessy's. 
If by "interesting" you mean her typical brand of hurling a mix of semi-educated and flat-out ignorant insults at the wall to see which ones stick, then I suppose.
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Offline Machiavelli

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #16 on: June 28, 2014, 10:41:27 AM »
her typical brand of hurling a mix of semi-educated and flat-out ignorant insults at the wall to see which ones stick

Thank you. You expressed my thoughts more eloquently and succinctly than I ever could.  :beer:

Offline Machiavelli

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #17 on: June 28, 2014, 10:46:24 AM »

Offline Machiavelli

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #18 on: July 03, 2014, 12:50:41 PM »
Here is Ann Coulter's followup column: Soccer: Part Deux

The woman is a twit and an embarrassment to the Right.

Offline AbaraXas

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #19 on: July 03, 2014, 01:01:43 PM »
Here is Ann Coulter's followup column: Soccer: Part Deux

The woman is a twit and an embarrassment to the Right.

What is her stance on marijuana legalization because I swear she is smoking something strong.

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #20 on: July 03, 2014, 01:19:12 PM »
I find soccer extremely uninteresting - and I used to play it. The World Cup is a giant yawn to me.

To each his own. I know a lot of people hate golf, calling it boring, but I enjoy playing and watching it on TV. Why get so worked up over someone's opinion? It doesn't matter.
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Offline massadvj

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #21 on: July 03, 2014, 01:32:52 PM »
People like Coulter (yes, that includes Sarah Palin) are paid for being relevant, even though they hold no office.  That requires being provocative enough to create "buzz."  In that respect, Coulter's article was one of her more successful.  Even though I don't agree with her, I also don't blame her.  It's the business she is in.
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Offline truth_seeker

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #22 on: July 03, 2014, 03:08:07 PM »
People like Coulter (yes, that includes Sarah Palin) are paid for being relevant, even though they hold no office.  That requires being provocative enough to create "buzz."  In that respect, Coulter's article was one of her more successful.  Even though I don't agree with her, I also don't blame her.  It's the business she is in.
And that is why I frequently refer to them collectively as "entertainers."

Coulter, Limbo, Hannity, Levin, Palin, O'Reilly, etc.

As the audience for their entertainment, we are supposed to "like" or "dislike" them, both of which are reactions like emotions. The push our buttons, and we respond.

I personally choose to not worship them. I prefer John Stossel, Lou Dobbs and Neil Cavuto from Fox Business, to the rest of them.

Cavuto blasted Michelle Bachmann a few days ago, for her unworkable positions. Loved it.
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #23 on: July 03, 2014, 05:12:17 PM »
Quote of the month:
"Drumbeats remind me of orchestras, and orchestras remind me of... orchestration." (David Paterson)

Offline DCPatriot

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Re: AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
« Reply #24 on: July 10, 2014, 01:22:27 PM »
"It aint what you don't know that kills you.  It's what you know that aint so!" ...Theodore Sturgeon

"Journalism is about covering the news.  With a pillow.  Until it stops moving."    - Iowahawk


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