I did some serious research last night with my team, (my dog Scooter), while consuming my remaining Great Lakes Chistmas Ale. We uncovered something very disturbing, man made global imbalance. You see, people tend to concentrate in small areas, New York, Los Angeles, Mexico City, London, Paris, etc. When you consider the mass of people, buildings, cars and such, this is the same as putting weights on a spinning ball. It causes woble. The Earth is increasing it's wobble due to our thoughtless placement of weight.
This is bad, very bad. The wobble can explain increased tectonic plate shift, earthquakes, radical weather, sink holes, reversal of the magnetic field and any number of other things I haven't made up, er... researched yet. The science is settled. You doubt it, spin a ball and then put weights on it in random places and spin it again. See?
What can be done?!
You can help. Spread this message and donate to the Relic fund for global balance. (The fund name may need polishing for marketing purposes). Donate now, and my crack team will begin to place large, heavy objects in places that will help offset the global imbalance. We will build in Montana, and other sparsely populated areas to put the Earth back in balance and restore our planet to a healthy spin.
This is critical, don't delay. Contact me with your cash donation.
