Author Topic: “The Affordable Boat Act”  (Read 255 times)

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Offline happyg

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“The Affordable Boat Act”
« on: November 02, 2013, 12:45:57 PM »
The U.S. government has just passed and President Soetoro has signed into law “The Affordable Boat Act” declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014. These “affordable” boats will cost an average of $54,000 –$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been passed because, until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This law ensures that every American can now have a “affordable” boat of his own, because everyone is entitled to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 “free” life jackets (not including monthly usage fees).
To ensure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can’t afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined, and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert, ghettos, inner cities, or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, inexperience, or lack of knowledge and/or desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat once approved by appropriate authorities.
A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the port, starboard or stern sides of a boat) will decide everything, including when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride your boat, and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use his boat. They will also decide if your boat has outlived its usefulness, or if you must purchase specific accessories(like a $500 compass), or a newer and more expensive boat. Those who can afford yachts will be required to do so…it’s only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of taxpayers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations are also exempt.

Makes about as much sense as Obummercare.

Offline olde north church

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Re: “The Affordable Boat Act”
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2013, 01:04:34 PM »
Actually more sense, a boat can serve an honest purpose.
Why?  Well, because I'm a bastard, that's why.

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