The Briefing Room

General Category => Sports/Entertainment/Arts => Topic started by: Chieftain on June 22, 2012, 06:28:48 PM

Title: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Chieftain on June 22, 2012, 06:28:48 PM
This is not meant to compete with Lando's ongoing artistry in any way, but rather to accent it.

What I want here is the absolute worst video and music recordings you know of.  Everybody has a couple of songs that put their teeth on edge, and this is the place for 'em.  Tasteless, off key, stunningly poor performances and idiotic costume malfunctions....let's see 'em boys and girls....

To start off, here is one of the songs that Rush Limbaugh uses for his Gay Updates...

Klaus Nomi - You don't own me [1981] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qPnTyrvAv0#ws)

Next??

 :beer:
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: mystery-ak on June 22, 2012, 06:34:01 PM
I think I got you all beat

Van Halen - (Oh) Pretty Woman (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWQRDI7mTyw#)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: andy58-in-nh on June 22, 2012, 06:50:38 PM
I think I got you all beat

Okay, I'll admit that your Van Halen video "Pretty Woman" is in fact, Pretty Horrible, so much so that it might have been partly responsible for Roy Orbison's untimely departure from this vale of tears.

But for that singular, why-aren't-I-ripping-out-my-own-eyeballs-rather-than-watching-this-dreck experience, may I present Mr. Daivd Hasselhoff, who it seems, is "Hooked on a Feeling....

 David Hasselhoff - Hooked On A Feeling"  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIFh1ydXWmg&feature=player_embedded)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: mystery-ak on June 22, 2012, 06:55:54 PM
OMG..I forgot about David Hasselhoff...I'll never get those three and a half minutes back...this is a close call!
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: andy58-in-nh on June 22, 2012, 07:04:55 PM
OMG..I forgot about David Hasselhoff...I'll never get those three and a half minutes back...this is a close call!

Oh, I could just be getting warmed up... if taunted enough, that is...  :smokin:

How's about the video that single-handedly destroyed Billy Squier's admittedly thin career? (Hint: he dances like you imagine Barack Obama dances...)

 Rock Me Tonight  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fR0j7sModCI)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: andy58-in-nh on June 22, 2012, 07:14:23 PM
A lot of lovely things come from Finland: hot tubs, aquavit, ravishing blondes in tiny swimsuits.... this was not one of them...

 Oh God, Please Make it Stop. I'll Pay You. Really.  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPnGPIMUnus&feature=player_detailpage)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: DCPatriot on June 22, 2012, 07:19:32 PM
Playmates - Beep Beep (The Little Nash Rambler) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1c4QZGQw5o#)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: andy58-in-nh on June 22, 2012, 07:32:53 PM
Playmates - Beep Beep (The Little Nash Rambler)

Hey, I always liked that song. Reminds me of all the times as a young buck when I got pulled over by the local constabulary for going a wee bit over the limit while the girl next to me struggled to get herself in proper condition for a flashlight inspection...  I still jump at blue lights in my rearview.  At least now, I always have my pants on.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 22, 2012, 09:10:04 PM
From the infamous 1968 album The Transformed Man, here's the second-worst musical act to come out of Canada (but more on Nickelback later), William Shatner, with quite possibly the worst of the six tracks to come off the album, a cover of the Bob Dylan classic "Mr. Tambourine Man."

William Shatner - Mr Tambourine Man (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0hTtsqiFCc#)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 22, 2012, 09:19:37 PM
In 1979, the Japanese pop duo Pink Lady had conquered their home nation and decided to conquer the world, starting with the United States. The problem was that the duo knew very little English. Did that stop them? Not in the least. After one top-40 hit, and a CBS news story, Fred Silverman (at the time the president of NBC) decided to sign them for a variety show, a format that was already in decline. The result-- Pink Lady and Jeff-- became known as one of the worst TV series in history and was canceled after five episodes in 1980. The move left Pink Lady's career in shambles, and they retreated to Japan and eventually into retirement. They've since reunited.

Here's their only top-40 hit, peaking at #37 on the Hot 100 in 1979, "Kiss in the Dark."

Pink Lady: "Kiss in the Dark" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NEOQYeahjE#)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 22, 2012, 09:48:28 PM
I think this one may have been intentionally bad, but they did a great job of it. French Canadian songstress Madame St. Onge belts out this 1960s vintage travesty.

Worst Records Ever Made - Mme St Onge (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLzvvL9O7CQ#)

I could go on all night...
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Chieftain on June 22, 2012, 09:50:59 PM
When I was on shore duty (briefly) at NATC Lakehurst NJ, the crew took a 1 hour lunch break to watch two shows.  The first was the daily episode of "Soap", and the other was the daily segment of "The Gong Show".

Not exactly a jukebox item but some of the very worst talent on display in one place on a regular basis, ever.

I dare you to turn it up and listen to this rendition of John Denver's "Country Roads"....

1977 Gong Show All Star Special Part 7 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBb3INw_Ktg#)

 :beer:
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 24, 2012, 05:08:43 PM
Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present to you what I believe is the only song performed by renowned male model and 1990s icon Fabio. In 1994 he recorded an album, Fabio After Dark. It was actually part-compilation album of songs to, well, set the mood and part Fabio describing his idea for the perfect romance (thick Italian accent at all) to some sort of late 80s/early 90s R&B slow jam beat.

And then there was this... yes, Fabio singing.

Fabio - When Somebody Loves Somebody (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvQhrrHSPsg)

(EDIT: It seems that the new software no longer allows YouTube video embedding. Aw, shucks.)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 26, 2012, 08:34:30 PM
Burt Bacharach has written some classic music. One of his best is a tune known as "(They Long to Be) Close to You," which was a hit for the Carpenters in 1970. So why is it being included in the Jukebox from Hell?

Well, in 2001 or so, Heineken, the beer company, decided to put together a commercial that would act as a psychological weapon: assemble some of Britain's most infamous and disliked celebrities and have them sing this song as badly as possible until sales of Heineken went up. The guy at the piano is renowned magician and outspoken conservative Paul Daniels, with his wife and assistant on the swing. The woman lowered down from the moon is Vanessa Feltz, a talk show host (think the UK's answer to Jenny Jones or Ricki Lake). The rest of the assorted weirdos are ones I don't recognize, but their eccentric appearances should tell you enough.

The end of the commercial series has them being attacked by lions.

Now, I apologize, but the only full version of this song I could find has the captions written over in Turkish. Most of it's available in bits and pieces with the original English captions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6ZaXhNY_iQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 02, 2012, 07:40:53 PM
The Portsmouth Sinfonia was an orchestra conceived by England's Portsmouth School of Art; its distinguishing characteristic was that its members were all novices at the instruments they played. (That wasn't to say they weren't musically skilled; "clarinetist" Brian Eno was in fact a skilled producer and keyboardist, a pioneer in the genre of ambient music.) Instead of having them play typical elementary school fare, the conductor plunged this group of n00bs directly into the classics and had them attempt to play the music as written, as well as they possibly could.

Alas, at least for the first few years, the results were (predictably) laughable. After a few years, the members of the orchestra slowly got accustomed to their instruments, and despite efforts to branch off into other genera, the novelty wore off and within a decade they were inactive.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present one of their earliest, and most infamous, recordings, an adaptation of Richard Strauss's "Also Sprach Zarathustra," made famous by the film 2001: A Space Odyssey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6piDRKOwh88
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 06, 2012, 06:15:24 PM
Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present to you Exhibit A in the case against mixing popular music with kazoos. Here is the Temple City Kazoo Orchestra, from the California city of the same name, with their atrocious cover of the Bee Gees classic, "Stayin' Alive."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGDVGzeq6ug
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Chieftain on July 06, 2012, 09:15:00 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: U-238 on July 08, 2012, 12:35:10 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC73PHdQX04
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk57tQmRw70
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 09, 2012, 08:43:23 AM
You may have heard of the concept of a supremely bad product becoming a bigger hit than a good one; after all, that is one of the major plot points of Mel Brooks's film and musical The Producers. Well, it happens in real life, too. Circa 1980, Cynthia Frantz, a law student and resident of the Bay Area's alternative music scene, decided to take on the persona of "Gloria Balsam" and recorded a single with two songs, the first being a rock-and-roll cover of Frank Sinatra's "High Hopes" (which, unfortunately, I don't believe is on YouTube) and a maudlin ballad about a puppy, "Fluffy." Both feature horrendously off-key singing.

Here's "Fluffy."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WehN8X_VkE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: U-238 on July 10, 2012, 01:45:11 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFUaHWAJ9_4&feature=related
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 14, 2012, 11:18:43 AM
Larry "Wild Man" Fischer had a reputation as an eccentric street performer in southern California. He briefly had an association with the legendary Frank Zappa, who released Fischer's first album, An Evening with Wild Man Fischer. Fischer was seriously mentally ill, which led to him being institutionalized as a teen (he escaped without anyone bothering to put him back in) and throwing a glass jar at Zappa's daughter, which ended his association with Zappa.

Fischer's style can be described as erratic, stripped-down with very little instrumentation, and an almost-sobbing, wildly off-key style of singing. He had a knack for writing fairly good songs, but what he lacked (or perhaps purposely avoided) was the ability to make them sound anything resembling professional.

Fischer, alas, died last year.

Here's what appears to be an attempt at one of those cheesy sunshine pop songs, "Merry Go Round:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHqR1Rql5r8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 15, 2012, 08:24:36 AM
Continuing my theme of schizophrenic musicians is the case of Wesley Willis. Willis, who hailed from Chicago, wasn't so much a singer as he was a ranter. Many of his songs (none of which are safe for playing here) were meant to be so disgusting that they would scare off the demons that haunted him throughout his life. The rest of his body of work consisted mainly of odes to all things Chicago. In the first few years of his "musical career" he ranted with the backing of a full punk-rock band, the Wesley Willis Fiasco. In later years, he carried around an electronic keyboard to provide accompaniment. Willis died in 2003, aged 39 years.

Here's perhaps one of his most famous compositions, a tribute to the "Rock and Roll McDonald's" restaurant in Chicago, also entitled "Rock and Roll McDonald's."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cp3Cs3tDuR8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 16, 2012, 07:58:02 AM
Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell is a lesson in prophecy. As the story goes, Austin Wiggin received a series of prophecies from his mother as a child, one of them being that his daughters would become famous musicians. When her other prophecies started coming true, Wiggin, who had sheltered his family from the sins of rock-and-roll music, decided to basically force his four daughters, Dorothy, Helen, Betty and Rachel, to form a band and record an album.

The result was a band known as The Shaggs and their album, Philosophy of the World. Derided as some of the worst music ever recorded, the Shaggs naturally didn't get taken very seriously. Austin Wiggin's dreams were crushed-- or so it seemed. Over the years, they slowly got better and in 1975 Wiggin decided to try again and brought his daughters back in the studio for their next album, Shaggs' Own Thing. Wiggin died during the recording sessions and the daughters, who always resented the whole thing, never released the album and disbanded the group forevermore. (Shaggs' Own Thing would get released in 1982; they'd reunite once in 1999.)

It was only in 1980 that Philosophy of the World was discovered by record executives, who believed it was so bad it was good and gave the album a wide release. They became infamous among "outsider music" aficionados and the album received wide praise, if only for its cathartic value.

The moral of the story: prophecies almost never turn out the way you expect them to turn out.

Here's a track from Philosophy of the World, which is kind of creepy knowing the story. "Who Are Parents?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cs1BIlglzI
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 17, 2012, 06:46:35 AM
Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell is "Sultry" Sondra Prill, a late 1980s public access starlet from down in Florida. Unlike my other entries in this thread, she doesn't have much of a story... but like the others, she also doesn't have much talent. Watch her butcher Janet Jackson's hit "Nasty:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZFrmFhXkr0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Luis Gonzalez on July 17, 2012, 11:28:37 PM
Here's my entry/entries.

The original video first by O-Zone, a pop trio from Moldova, the second, the parody by Los Morancos, a Spanish comedy team.

The Spanish comedy team opens the song with some of the greatest lyrics ever to a disco song, as they face each other and sing:

Faggot who?
Faggot you!
Faggot me?
Faggot ha ha!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRx5PrAlUdY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czRtuU-O6aM

Fiesta! Fiesta!


Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 19, 2012, 06:05:09 PM
My next entry in the Jukebox from Hell is simply inexplicable.

Design the Skyline - Surrounded by Silence (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViSZI6UJEUQ)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 20, 2012, 06:19:51 AM
It's Friday!

Rebecca Black - Friday (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 22, 2012, 08:13:28 PM
We've already hit William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy in this thread. Our next entry in the Jukebox from Hell is another alumnus from Star Trek, George Takei (there must be something about that show; fortunately, DeForest Kelley knew better and never recorded an album in his lifetime). In 2008, Takei was one of the first contestants on the 2008 CBS reality show Secret Talents of the Stars; Takei's "talent" was supposedly that he was a country singer. Supposedly being the key word.

Let me put it this way: it was so bad, CBS canned the show after one episode.

Here's George Takei with his take on Willie Nelson's hit, "On the Road Again:"

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2008/4/george-takei-goes-country-485517
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Scythian on July 22, 2012, 08:44:15 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwbtbfAnI80

This one is actually pretty good, what do you guys think?
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 25, 2012, 06:26:23 AM
Meet William "Shooby" Taylor. Taylor was a scat artist, and while that in and of itself doesn't necessarily qualify him for the Jukebox from Hell, it was his decision to scat over pretty much any type of music, regardless of how appropriate it was, along with his somewhat unorthodox choices of syllables that qualifies him for this honor. His work was somewhat inconsistent, ranging from the good fits (a scat-along with Miles Davis) to the borderline sacrilegious (the black power anthem Lift Every Voice and Sing) to the absurd.

Fun fact: Taylor, at one time, appeared at the world famous Apollo Theater in Harlem during its Amateur Night competitions and was promptly booed off the stage.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present this morning's entry in the Jukebox from Hell: Shooby Taylor scatting over the Johnny Cash classic "Folsom Prison Blues."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgZ1PYS7qUU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 26, 2012, 06:21:52 PM
We know very little about our next entry in the Jukebox from Hell. Basically, a cassette tape containing the name of "Wooshie Spkamoto" and two karaoke tunes (Melissa Manchester's "Don't Cry Out Loud" and Kenny Rogers's "Lady") wound up in the hands of a disc jockey at WFMU, a New Jersey radio station known for featuring the totally bizarre artifacts of the music world. Naturally, they played it.

Here's Wooshie's cover of "Lady:"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4NJ21IchO8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 27, 2012, 11:09:16 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 28, 2012, 11:18:20 PM
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell is another ruse. Jo Stafford, an acclaimed jazz vocalist, and her husband, pianist Paul Weston, had an act in which they posed as the lounge act "Jonathan and Darlene Edwards." "Jonathan" (Weston) would play an out-of-tune piano rather sloppily while "Darlene" (Stafford) would sing along off-key. Ironically, it was under this ruse that Stafford would win the only Grammy award she ever won in her lifetime-- the 1960 Grammy for Best Comedy Recording.

From their first album, Jonathan and Darlene Edwards in Paris, here's "Paris in the Spring."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alWBCVHGPnY
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 01, 2012, 10:29:21 PM
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the audition process for reality shows like American Idol, I had a friend of mine who tried out for it many years ago (she didn't make it through). Basically they gather thousands of auditioners in a big arena or stadium and have them perform one-by-one for the producers (not the on-air judges), then they send those they like to the televised auditions in front of the judges. Well, every so often they'll send a gag contestant to the judges as a joke. (Oftentimes they're not eligible for the contest; in fact, the first gag act was the hosts of the English version of the show in costume.)

William Hung earned a name for being one of the first "gag acts" to become famous from the American Idol auditions process. Hung, at the time a college student at UC-Berkeley, had no musical training when he tried out for Season 3 of the show. Yet his cover of Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" rocketed him to infamy, parlaying it into three albums. Hung, mostly retired from music, now works for the LAPD.

Here's his signature song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bo-Y_Vb0wsw&t=52s
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 02, 2012, 08:43:34 PM
In honor of the Olympics, I figured this entry in the Jukebox from Hell would be particularly fitting.

In 1994, the Canadian Football League decided that, in order to try and keep pace with its bigger, U.S.-based rival, it would begin placing markets in the United States. The original plan was to stay up north, but when it took in a Sacramento team from the now-defunct World League, that went out the window and in 1994, three new teams in Baltimore, Las Vegas and Shreveport (yes, Shreveport... it's a long and odd story) took the field.

Las Vegas's national anthem singer was a lounge singer named Dennis K.C. Parks. The problem was that Dennis, although he had a lyric sheet, had no idea of how the tune to Canada's national anthem, "O Canada," was supposed to go. The result was something that kind of resembled the old German Christmas carol "O Tannenbaum..." which sounds nothing like "O Canada." Despite his efforts to cover himself by using the pseudonym "Greg Bartholemew," Parks was discovered quite quickly and became an international embarrassment. (Fortunately, the Canadians took it in stride and brought him to Canada to learn the song the right way.)

Here's Dennis K.C. Parks's version of "O Canada."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpXzASiXX8U
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Chieftain on August 03, 2012, 02:13:28 PM
Gives new meaning to "sounds like Hell"...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QQX_KakJm34#!

 :beer:
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 04, 2012, 10:52:59 AM
This one sets up a nice segue... from a video parodying Lawrence Welk... to the real McCoy.

Here's Brewer & Shipley's lone chart hit, "One Toke Over the Line..." performed by the cast of The Lawrence Welk Show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 07, 2012, 09:16:22 PM
For the next few days, I'm going to feature in this thread Disco Week: a flashback to the late 1970s and some of the most ill-advised disco records ever recorded.

The first entry is a cut from The Ethel Merman Disco Album. Yes, Ethel Merman, at the time in her 70s, recorded a disco album at the peak of the fad. Here's her signature tune, "Everything's Coming Up Roses," discofied.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERZA-UawBuU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 08, 2012, 09:11:11 PM
Disco Week, Part II:

Monti Rock is perhaps best known as one of the eccentric regular guests on Johnny Carson's The Tonight Show in the 1970s, squarely on the D-list.

If you're wondering where Richard Simmons got his persona, take a listen to this disco cut, "Get Dancin'," which Monti Rock recorded under the title "Disco-Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes" (certainly not subtle). The rambling, exuberant, encouraging banter Disco-Tex engages sounds very similar to the kind Simmons would make famous a few years later.

It's also gay as ****, which isn't surprising considering disco's roots in the gay club scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KD6PqT3LjQk
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 09, 2012, 04:28:22 PM
Disco Week, Part III:

I Love Lucy is remembered as a television icon-- the first TV show to gain a wide life in reruns, one that continues to this day. However, as Lucille Ball was beginning to find out in the later years of her last sitcom Here's Lucy (and would later realize fully a few years later when Life with Lucy was a huge flop), some things are best left as they are, in the past.

But that didn't stop the Wilton Place Street Band, a studio group assembled to take Desi Arnaz's classic Cuban-style theme to I Love Lucy... and set it to a disco beat. I'm not going to make any connections here... but Vivian Vance, the woman who played Ethel on that show, died the same year this travesty was released.

As performed on Soul Train, I present... "Disco Lucy."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouyfD1mfLOo
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 10, 2012, 02:33:20 PM
Disco Week, Part IV:

This little piece was released when disco was already well out of fashion. The creepy narrator trying too hard to invoke his "low voice" is Kevin Kline, who later became a famous actor.

Here's Cristina Monet (and Kevin Kline), with "Disco Clone."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1lqi29BVXE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 11, 2012, 09:17:24 AM
Introducing the Minipops.

In 1982, the British television network Channel 4 launched a TV show called Minipops, in which kids would sing, in costume, to contemporary pop hits of the day. The idea seems innocuous enough-- after all, the popular "Kidz Bop" line of albums does the exact same thing today here in America. That is, until you realize some of the lyrical content of the songs they're singing.

Then, seeing little 5-year-old Joanna singing "night time is the right time, we make love" while dressed up as grown-up Sheena Easton seems kind of creepy. The outrage from this incident forced the show's cancellation. Overkill, perhaps, but certainly the choice of song (and original lyrics) was inappropriate.

(Note that this was originally going to be Disco Week Part V, which would've featured the Minipops cast doing a medley of ABBA... and blurting out the equally creepy first line, "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! A Man after Midnight..." but unfortunately that one doesn't seem to be on YouTube.)

Here's Joanna Fisher singing Sheena Easton's hit, "9 to 5 (Morning Train)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh7NxD9fTGM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 12, 2012, 08:01:18 AM
Wrapping up Disco Week:

I have purposely tried to avoid repeat appearances on the Jukebox from Hell, and I featured a couple of Lawrence Welk performers last week, so I was hesitant to include this one so soon. However, Myron Floren wasn't among the performers, so I'll let this one slide. Myron was Welk's second-in-command and, like Welk, a skilled accordionist. While accordions go well with polka, Western European romantic music, and Weird Al parodies... disco is probably way down on that list.

But oh, no. Remember, this is the late 1970s, and they had to discofy everything. EVERYTHING. Including Lawrence Welk apparently.

But here it is anyway... Myron Floren, with a disco-backed cover of A. Humpfat's Clarinet Polka... "Disco Accordion."

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/DP/2003/01/365-Days-Project-01-31-floren-myron-disco-accordion-1977.mp3
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 13, 2012, 03:06:12 PM
I promise this is the last Star Trek related tune I will include here... until, at least, I run out of artists.

This little ditty dates to 1987, from Britain. I'm going to start this by saying that from 1984 to 1986, there was a popular rock supergroup known as The Firm active. Well, the band in today's entry into the Jukebox from Hell isn't that "The Firm." They're both from the mid-80s, both were British, and they have the same name, but the similarities end there.

This "The Firm" was a novelty group that recorded a rather annoying tune about the TV show Star Trek... as if that show hadn't churned out enough bad music already (see above). Rightfully so, the record companies refused to distribute this dreck. So the band pressed their own copies and distributed them to radio... and inexplicably, it became a hit. A number-one hit, even. (Of course, I imagine there were plenty who were expecting a tune from the aforementioned rock supergroup and were sorely disappointed.) It never caught on in America, with the only real exposure coming from novelty DJ Dr. Demento.

The song attempts to associate characters with catchphrases that were never uttered during the course of the Star Trek series... with extremely bad imitations (the imitation of McCoy is particularly bad). Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present... "Star Trekkin'."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCARADb9asE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 14, 2012, 05:21:49 PM
Actor Telly Savalas had a nice career as a tough-guy character actor. He's probably best known for his starring role in Kojak.

However, he also had a musical career. While not as infamous as William Shatner's, Savalas was prone to, quite frequently, perform spoken-word covers of popular songs. Amazingly, he was a hit in Europe with those things, especially with a cover of the Bread song "If." Oddly, Savalas had a very respectable baritone singing voice, even if it was somewhat limited in range. His covers of a couple of Don Williams tunes turned out very well. Why he decided to speak the lyrics to so many of his songs, the world will never know.

Here's one of the tunes that didn't turn out so well. Ladies and gentlemen, I present Telly Savalas, with the Righteous Brothers cover "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPtoQYzcRwg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 15, 2012, 05:03:49 PM
Not too much is there to be said about Wing Han Tsang, a New Zealand woman of Chinese descent. Let her high-pitched warbling speak for itself.

Here's Wing with a cover of ABBA's "Dancing Queen."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqBWvmhS-AY&feature=related
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 17, 2012, 07:04:38 PM
Norman Odom has a special place in music history. He helped launch the career of famed record producer T-Bone Burnett. His style of music is considered an important forerunner to the genre of psychobilly.

And all of that came from this oddball mess he recorded under the nickname "Legendary Stardust Cowboy" in 1969-- "Paralyzed." That's all I'm going to say about this one, as the element of surprise makes this one all the more, well, entertaining.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EEZAivzl1Q
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: gogogodzilla on August 18, 2012, 02:08:40 AM
HA!  You call zis muzik BAD!?! 

It is to laugh, that you sink zis musik ist BAD!

HA, HA HA! HA HA HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Zis ist the epitome of bad!

(Credit to Ivor Bigguns)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyQE1zzLbGo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyQE1zzLbGo)

or zis von...  (which I actually like... Star Trek done as opera)

(credit: Robot Chicken)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_Ff3upJG00 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_Ff3upJG00)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 20, 2012, 08:12:17 AM
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from an obscure pornographic Broadway musical called "Let My People Come." Most of the VERY graphic songs from this musical aren't fit for play most places, including here. However, one song does have a fairly wide circulation, a tune about... coming out as gay. Certainly not the worst tune out there about this topic (but most of the ones that are worse are intentionally cheesy, see the Kids in the Hall song of the same topic), but the end part with everyone yelling in ecstasy "I'm gay!" is enough for a few chuckles.

Here's "I'm Gay."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAN-q7G5I88
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 22, 2012, 05:14:59 PM
An old tale known as the Marching Chinamen states that if the entire population of China were to line up and file through a gate, they would never finish, as China's population is large enough that the children of those currently passing through the gate will mature and have more children, who themselves have time to mature and have yet more children, ad infinitum. (Presumably the tale was long before the one-child policy came into effect.) It was adapted into the humorous short-story "The Marching Morons" in 1951, in which the Chinese were replaced by stupid people.

The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell illustrates this point in pure clarity. As long as I limit myself to one entry per day (as I have), I should never run out of bad music to feature here. Heck, up to this point I've even been able to restrict myself to one song per artist... and I still have a big backlog to go through. Yet every day, more bad music comes out. I heard this tune on the local country music station for the first time today. Within ten seconds of trying to listen to it I was annoyed. This woman sounded like a valley girl trying to cross the anger of Taylor Swift with a pop sound vaguely resembling Katy Perry without the charm or perhaps Ke$ha. After putting up with the entire song, waiting for the backsell... it comes. Shockingly this piece of bilge was from an almost unrecognizable Swift herself. Although she's put together some tripe before that pandered squarely to the teen girls and no one else... never before had she ever released a song as bad as "We are Never Ever Getting Back Together."

The Kennedys must be getting to her head... and not the Dead variety.

Here it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcMn_Eu-XTE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 23, 2012, 04:32:20 PM
Our next entry in the Jukebox from Hell actually was referred to be by Scottftlc, who writes:

In January 1969, during the tempestuous Let It Be sessions, there was one particular day where Paul McCartney and George Harrison got into a snippy argument over how George was playing guitar on one of Paul's compositions.  George got fed up with what he considered Paul's overbearing attitude and announced he was leaving the band.  He marched out of Abbey Road studios and went home. 

Later in the evening, George returned to work as a producer with an Apple-signed band by the name of Brute Force (one of those bands that took one of the Beatles up on their offer of whatever money they needed to get started - resulting in the Neil Aspinall quote: "Has there ever been enough money from the beginning of the world until now to cover that?")

Without a song to work on, George came up with one on the spot based on his experiences and/or mood of the day.  He named it "The King of Fuh"...and if you transpose "King" and "Fuh", which of course they do in the song, you get the point.

Within a day or two, George and Paul had made up, George returned to the band and the Beatles went on for another 8 months or so, tabling Let It Be for the time but pursuing a couple of #1 singles and the little matter of Abbey Road.

It became a limited cult classic - most of the copies were bought up by George and John Lennon, both of whom thought it a gas.  It has reappeared on a recent release of old, arcane Apple classics and oddities.

About as bad as it gets, even considering The Beatles' isintigration blues of the time.

And so here is The King of Fuh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8UbwKTRT7I
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 24, 2012, 12:37:37 PM
I somehow missed this, er, gem during Disco Week last week.

At the height of the disco fad in England, 1980, English newscaster Reginald Bosanquet (for some reason unbeknownst to anybody) decided to, in his usual stiff style, narrate the lyrics to a disco tune known as "Dance With Me." The results, which included the scripted scat-like syllables, were predictable. By the end of the year, Kenny Everett, an English DJ, had ranked it #1 in his "Bottom 30" of the worst songs ever made.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, here is Reginald Bosanquet with "Dance with Me."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVT_wXmnZJM&feature=related
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: massadvj on August 24, 2012, 01:18:31 PM
That's it.  I'm naming my homestead "Fuh" as of today.  :silly:
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Scottftlc on August 24, 2012, 01:27:51 PM
That's it.  I'm naming my homestead "Fuh" as of today.  :silly:

All Hail!
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 25, 2012, 10:48:53 AM
All Hail!
Now I can blame you for getting this and a number of other Brute Force tunes stuck in my head.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Scottftlc on August 25, 2012, 11:00:24 AM
A great name for a band...but their product is a bit dicey!
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 25, 2012, 10:13:27 PM
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from Romania by way of England.

Twin sisters Monica and Gabriela Irimia appeared on the second season of English reality contest Popstars as potential members of one of the two groups being formed by the show, "Girls Aloud." They didn't make it. Not by a long shot. In fact, the judges were left dumbfounded at how bad of an act they were.

They don't really have much talent, and most of the songs were written by their equally untalented mother. Their sheer awfulness prompted them to get a recording contract immediately, and their first song, "The Cheeky Song" (which includes the timeless maxim of "touch my bum, this is life"), made it all the way to number three on the highly competitive Christmas charts, beat out only by the two groups that had been formed by Popstars.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present... "The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)" by The Cheeky Girls.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxoKZldsFxg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 27, 2012, 03:25:01 PM
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from Elvis Presley. This record was conceived as a ploy by Elvis's infamous and overbearing illegal-alien manager, Cornelius "Colonel" Tom Parker. to produce an album that he would completely control. To do this, he could not use any music, and thus he created an album consisting only of spoken word jokes and improvisations from Presley's concerts, assembled (as the Wikipedia entry for this article says) "in a manner that has been described as lacking continuity and nearly devoid of comprehensibility, let alone humor." Parker then promptly sold the rights to the album to RCA. Many fans were surprised by the fact that the album contained very little music, and many of the jokes didn't make sense without the sight gags. The album ranks number one in the 1991 book The Worst Rock and Roll Records of All Time, with the authors duly noting the lack of rock and roll.

Here's side one of the infamous "Having Fun with Elvis on Stage."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3haAGoan5Q
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 28, 2012, 06:42:00 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 31, 2012, 12:48:04 PM
The moral of this song is apparently to let anybody into your house, at any time, no matter how sketchy-- as long as your mother says it's OK. Yeah... I can see how that one might not turn out so well.

Here's Rappin' Rabbit with "Any Friend of Jesus Is a Friend of Mine."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-qCODabM2s
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 04, 2012, 06:05:01 PM
Elva Miller was an unsuspecting housewife whose, er, unique singing style got her "discovered" by DJ Gary Owens in 1960. Within a few years, Mrs. Miller ended up as a national sensation with her renditions of popular songs of the day... and ended up spawning more than her fair share of imitators. We already hit on the Quebecois Madame St. Onge; Sam Sacks will probably be in tomorrow's entry, and there are plenty of others.

The title of her second album, Will Success Spoil Mrs. Miller?, was eerily prophetic. The problem was that Mrs. Miller viewed herself as a serious musician and wanted to learn to become better. The record company, viewing her as novelty gold, hated the idea, so she retired. She died in 1996.

From Volume 2 of The Rhino Brothers Present the World's Worst Records, here's Mrs. Miller with her rendition of Petula Clark's "Downtown."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw07CDid0JM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 05, 2012, 09:10:48 PM
As I mentioned in the previous entry, the popularity of Mrs. Miller led to a number of knockoffs. One was the album, Sing It Again, Sam! The Inimitable Song Stylings of Sam Sacks (http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/11/the-inimitable-.html). You can hear the entire album at that link.

From that album, here's Sam Sacks with a piece entitled "Yodel Blues."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PSAPEmIPJk
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: gogogodzilla on September 07, 2012, 11:17:10 PM
Well,  here's an addition from the bowels of internet meme-dom...

...don't worry, this isn't the 10 hour long version, just about 4 minutes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSMNKQl5DYo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSMNKQl5DYo)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 09, 2012, 08:10:55 AM
What Jukebox from Hell is complete without some Michael Bolton? Especially Bolton singing several notes higher than any man should in this well-overacted music video.

Here's his cover of Laura Branigan's "How am I Supposed to Live Without You?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFood_bTOX4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 10, 2012, 10:34:49 AM
For some odd reason, people seem to treat KISS as some amazing hard-rock band. While I'll admit they have a few good and very rockin' tunes (e.g. Detroit Rock City, Calling Dr. Love), there's a lot of their content that is unbecoming of a rock band.

This one is perhaps the most indicative of that: a sappy ballad about a man ditching his wife to rock out with his band buddies all night. Seeing them in their trademark makeup singing this tune with all the string instruments and the piano qualifies this one for the Jukebox from Hell.

Here's the alleged Knights in Satan's Service with "Beth."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbtO_Ayjw0M
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: massadvj on September 11, 2012, 12:13:21 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw3oxJvSRj0 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw3oxJvSRj0)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 12, 2012, 05:47:18 PM
Back in the early 1960s, before the Beatles set foot on this continent, two types of songs were dominating the American music scene: thinly veiled left-wing political folk songs and teenage tragedy songs. In the latter, the singer laments the death of his (or her) lover, usually by way of a car accident. With all that misery floating about, it's no wonder the Beatles took the country by storm.

Well, a guy named Jimmy Cross decided to have a little morbid humor with the whole "teenage tragedy" formula and wrote "I Want My Baby Back" (no relation to the Chili's baby-back ribs jingle) about a man who's not going to let a little thing like death get in the way of being with the one he loved. Cross's effort landed him at #1 on Kenny Everett's 1977 list of the worst songs of all time.

From The Rhino Brothers Present the World's Worst Records, Volume 1, here's Jimmy Cross with his 1965 song "I Want My Baby Back."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0x8S1U7O3w
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 14, 2012, 12:35:37 PM
Jerry Springer is a multifaceted man. Radio host on Air America, Democratic Party politician, pioneer of trashy television... and country singer?!

Yes, at the height of Jerry-mania, Springer recorded a country music album, Dr. Talk. While I'd rather post his cover of "Mr. Tambourine Man" here (and it's a nightmarish parade of diphthongs), I already featured a version of that song earlier (the William Shatner version).

So, here's a snippet of him singing the old standard "Me and Bobby McGee."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64b6NZDK3Ec&feature=related
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 15, 2012, 10:50:50 AM
Jim Schoenfeld is best known for his long career in ice hockey-- as a tough-guy for the Buffalo Sabres during his playing days, and as the coach who told notorious NHL ref Don Koharski to "eat another donut, you fat pig."

Well, Jim, toward the end of his junior hockey career and about the same time he joined the Sabres, also recorded an album. *SCHONY was produced by John Valby, a Buffalo-area musician best known for his rather vulgar party tunes. The album selection and arrangements were, at best, questionable: a 1970s hard-rock arrangement of The Beatles' "I Saw Her Standing There," an unnaturally slow version of the Jerry Lee Lewis hit "Great Balls of Fire," and a tap-dance version (mind you, this is an album, not a video) of the old standard "You Always Hurt the One You Love" with a bizarre ending are among the numerous gems on the album. It was a major hit in Buffalo, reaching #2 on the local album charts. In addition, Schoenfeld had a tendency to be kind of melodramatic with his vocal stylings, sloshing all over the place.

Here's a typical piece from the album, a cover of the Bob Dylan tune "All Along the Watchtower."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LuMdB4G7RA
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 16, 2012, 09:08:27 PM
Somewhere between the death of disco and the rise of hip hop came this piece of marketing disaster.

Here's the fictional character Strawberry Shortcake with the "Strawberry Rap." Now, I've posted some doozies here to this point but I dare anyone to try listening through this whole piece.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9q84ld4IxQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 17, 2012, 03:12:20 PM
Going back through all my entries in this thread, I realized that I once referred to William Shatner as the second-worst act to come out of Canada, with a note that I'd get to Nickelback later (apologies to Justin Bieber, Simple Plan, and any number of other atrocious acts to come out of the True North). Well, I guess there's no better time than today.

Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell is Nickelback's 2008 hit "Gotta Be Somebody." It's a typical piece of dreck about how even though the singer has been totally impotent at finding love, they "can't give up" because there's "gotta be somebody for [him] out there." Which, from my life experience, is total rubbish because most people find true love by the time they're in their mid-20s and if you haven't found it by then, you're screwed, as I found out the hard way. Many people, whether we like to admit it or not, never find true love and end up alone. The idea of there being someone for everyone is a myth and a lie. End of rant. Now, as for the video... it has nothing to do with the song, which is no surprise.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, as promised, I present Nickelback.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0VRj2uw9L0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 19, 2012, 05:51:08 PM
Meet Eilert Pilarm.

Pilarm, a Swede, is an incredibly bad Elvis impersonator with very little sense of rhythm, tone, the English language, or how to look like Elvis. He first came to fame in 1992 on the Swedish variety radio program Morgonpasset... and once you hear him, you'll understand why.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present the Eilert Pilarm Megamix.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DYyfEJBrr0&feature=related
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 21, 2012, 07:41:55 PM
B.J. Snowden is a music teacher from Massachusetts. While she's a skilled instrumentalist and shows competence at songwriting and arranging, her singing style seems to be heavily impaired by a rhoticism (a difficulty in pronouncing the letter "R"). She was featured in Irwin Chusid's book and album Songs in the Key of Z, which highlighted offbeat musicians. While Snowden initially bristled at being compared to the artists in that book, she's come to embrace the, er, honor.

Here's Snowden with an unusual ode to Canada, "In Canada."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qvNk52mXiU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 22, 2012, 09:40:36 PM
The Ohio Express was an unusual group. Heck, it'd be difficult to classify them as a group at all-- they were more like a brand that was used for several different bands.

One of them was a guy named Joey Levine. Levine was signed to Buddah Records and used the Ohio Express band to write and record this tune. Oddly enough, Buddah also assembled a "live band" for performances and appearances, of which Levine was not a member. There is an urban legend of a story where the "Ohio Express" live band had no idea of what was supposed to be their own latest single when requested at a concert.

This tune, typical of Levine's output, was inane sunshine pop with stupid lyrics. It also ranked #2 in Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs. Here's "Yummy Yummy Yummy."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozqfOzqMvlQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 23, 2012, 12:55:17 PM
Over the course of this thread, I've featured a few songs from Irwin Chusid's 2000 compilation album, Songs in the Key of Z. The album is a collection of what Chusid calls "outsider music." That's a phrase Chusid coined himself, and one that seems to mean whatever Chusid wants it to mean at any given time. For instance, he includes the likes of Joe Meek (a successful English record producer) seemingly solely because he was gay, Syd Barrett (the original leading force behind Pink Floyd) for his later drug-induced insanity, and other obvious "insiders." Me, I prefer the term "offbeat music."

Anyway, the album has a lot of stuff. Much of it is just plain weird, and much of it is, in its own perverse way, brilliant. Take, for instance, the example of nursing-home resident Jack Mudurian from Boston. One day, after Mudurian performed in a talent show at the home, he boasted that he had a repertoire larger than that of Frank Sinatra's. Well, an employee with a cassette-tape recorder decided to take him up on his boast. Mudurian obliged and the result was Downloading the Repertoire-- 47 minutes and 129 consecutive songs (some of which were repeated) of Mudurian singing non-stop, mostly Tin Pan Alley tunes.

As far as quality, it was what you could expect of a guy in a nursing home. Now imagine listening to 47 minutes of some old guy in a nursing home on a jukebox and you'll find out why this is in the Jukebox from Hell.

Here's the first song from Downloading the Repertoire, a cover of "Chicago (That Toddlin' Town)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ469i6crGE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 24, 2012, 08:03:14 PM
As most people know, the band from The Patrtidge Family was not real, other than lead singer David Cassidy and backup singer Shirley Jones. All of the others were actors and most didn't know how to play the instruments they were illustrated with on camera.

That includes Danny Bonaduce, the son of a prominent TV producer from the 1960s who landed an acting gig as the "bassist" of the Partridge Family. Bonaduce, however, had no clue how music really worked. He couldn't play bass (although he has since learned the rudiments of the instrument) and he couldn't really sing.

That didn't stop the record companies from putting out the Danny Bonaduce album. To do that, they hired a backup singer named Bruce Roberts to sing alongside Danny on all of the songs. On top of that, they chose perhaps one of the most inappropriate songs you could imagine for the lead-off single: a song entitled "I'll Be Your Magician." The song talks about how the singer will "touch (a woman) gently with his 'magic wand'," break down her resistance, and eventually make love with the woman. In a nutshell, it's a rape song. Keep in mind, Danny was 13 years old when this was recorded.

Here's Danny Bonaduce with "I'll Be Your Magician."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyitCLVARds
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 26, 2012, 09:20:53 PM
Alvin Dahn, janitor by day, has only one recorded song known to man. Backed by some of Buffalo's best session singers, Dahn bought studio time to record this tune after a particularly bitter breakup. He thought he struck gold. Unfortunately, he lacked the voice to sing it.

I was going to save this one for Halloween, but I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to run a little thinner on these tunes than I was expecting. Oh, there's still plenty of bad songs out there, but I'm also trying to save some for the Christmas season, too. Those will come in due time.

Here's "You're Driving Me Mad."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d9j3-OzYUw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 28, 2012, 08:32:44 PM
Get ready for some nightmares... ladies and gentlemen, perhaps one of the most ill-advised covers in history: David Bowie and an uncomfortably affectionate Mick Jagger with their cover of Martha and the Vandellas' "Dancin' in the Street."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G4jnaznUoQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 30, 2012, 06:15:34 PM
Here's an obscure husband-and-wife duo that also ended up in the hands of WFMU. Wayne and Liz Lasowski of Whitewater, Wisconsin specialize in Christian, er, "music." Well, it's kind of hard to call it that-- half of the songs from their repertoire aren't really songs, they're just Wayne awkwardly reading some strange mixture of scripture and sermon. The other half are equally awkward, tone-deaf renderings of original songs.

Interestingly, their SoundClick profile (http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=500423) asks them the question of whether or not they'd ever sign with a major record label, to which they respond "Not at this time." I don't think we'll have to worry about that any time soon.

Here's "The Life."

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/KG/wayne_liz/Wayne_and_Liz_-_The_Life.mp3
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 01, 2012, 07:36:16 PM
From the bowels of the Internet... here's the infamous Nyan Cat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QH2-TGUlwu4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 04, 2012, 08:47:16 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 05, 2012, 08:50:38 PM
Some of the members of the U.S. Senate, over the years, have had strong musical backgrounds. Everett Dirksen once charted on the top-40 with "Gallant Men." Robert Byrd could play a red-hot fiddle. The Singing Senators included among its members John Ashcroft, Trent Lott, Larry Craig and Jim Jeffords.

And then there is Ted Kennedy. Kennedy had a habit for breaking into a particular song on the campaign trail. It was in Spanish. Pandering much? In the words of a former Alaska governor, you betcha.

Here's one of Kennedy's renditions of "Guadalajara."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfL5zECvBJQ&feature=related
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 06, 2012, 11:13:51 AM
Lou Reed, the mastermind of the Velvet Underground, is alleged to have produced the next entry in the Jukebox from Hell solely to fulfill a contractual obligation. He nonetheless considered it a serious experiment, but it wasn't exactly intended to be pleasing to the ears. The record ranks #2 in the book The Worst Rock and Roll Records of All Time.

Here's over an hour of guitar feedback loops. It's called "Metal Machine Music: The Amine Beta Ring."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyF7g-dHO7g
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Luis Gonzalez on October 08, 2012, 08:19:06 AM
WTF?

WTF!?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-h2lJ6b7BE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: andy58-in-nh on October 08, 2012, 08:30:47 AM
Get ready for some nightmares... ladies and gentlemen, perhaps one of the most ill-advised covers in history: David Bowie and an uncomfortably affectionate Mick Jagger with their cover of Martha and the Vandellas' "Dancin' in the Street."

Great song, but I greatly prefer the original version. That video is gayer than the cast of Glee singing show tunes on a lavender parade float in the Castro District.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 08, 2012, 10:22:16 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 09, 2012, 09:56:04 PM
Bill Mumy was a fairly famous child actor. He appeared as the menacing Godlike character at the center of the classic The Twilight Zone episode "It's a Good Life." He also had a starring role in the TV series Lost in Space.

However, in the late 1970s, Mumy decided to shift to music. Along with childhood friend Robert Haimer, he formed the novelty band "Barnes & Barnes" shortly after Lost in Space ended its run. Their taste in writing was nothing short of bizarre. Their best known tune was a little ditty known as "Fish Heads;" another one was known as "Party in My Pants."

From The Rhino Brothers Present the World's Worst Records, Volume 1, here's Bill Mumy and Robert Haimer, also known as "Barnes & Barnes," with "Boogie Woogie Amputee."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2oxSE6zeWg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 11, 2012, 08:40:44 PM
Perhaps no song is more infamous than the next entry in the Jukebox from Hell.

Jefferson Airplane began its career as a psychedelic-tinged rock band in the 1960s. It evolved over the course of the 1970s into Jefferson Starship, eventually progressing toward a more pop sound in the early 1980s, when one of the founders left the group and took the rights to the Jefferson name with him. It was during this era that the temporarily rechristened Starship produced some of their most infamous music, squarely in the realm of what radio types call "adult contemporary."

This song, co-written by Elton John's lyricist Bernie Taupin, was heavily criticized for spouting an anti-corporate message while at the same time producing a sound so ridiculously corporate that it couldn't be taken seriously. It has ranked among the worst pop songs ever recorded in polls conduced by the now-defunct Blender magazine, Rolling Stone, and TV channel VH1.

I'm a little surprised it took me this long without mentioning it, but here's Starship with "We Built This City."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxGGckAc1rs
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 12, 2012, 05:24:08 PM
The next song in the Jukebox from Hell was so annoying that when it hit #1 on the pop charts in 1952, it is credited with provoking such a negative response that people were scrambling to listen to something different. That something ended up being rock and roll, and pop music hasn't been the same since.

Interestingly, because the American and British music industries still hadn't developed much of an international presence at the time, it was a #1 hit on each side of the pond with two different artists: Patti Page in the US, and Lita Roza in the UK. Roza was basically forced to sing the song at the insistence of her record company and always hated the song, vowing never to perform it live.

Anyway, here's the original version by Patti Page of "How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AkLE4X-bbU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 15, 2012, 03:59:21 PM
The Singing Dogs were an innovative project created by Don Charles by splicing the sounds of various dogs barking at different pitches together in certain order to create the sound of them performing a song. He then took pictures of four (later five) dogs and made a fictional band.

I'm going to revisit these guys come Christmastime, when I'll play their most infamous hit, their rendition of "Jingle Bells." That one was part of a medley that was a surprise hit on the Billboard Hot 100 back in 1955, reaching #22. This is the follow-up single to that tune, released 1956.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Don Charles's Singing Dogs with "Hot Dog Rock 'n' Roll."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_sC0VkTiu4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 17, 2012, 07:55:26 PM
Here's an early song from perhaps the most famous drag queen in America, RuPaul Charles. It is kind of amusing looking back at his/her ((s)he doesn't really care which one you use; I tend to use "her" for the female persona and "him" or "his" for the person himself) character's evolution over the course of the 1990s and early 2000s, and how ridiculously camp her early 1990s work was.

From 1993, here's RuPaul with her debut song, "Supermodel (You Better Work)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2wrU2tkl38
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: PzLdr on October 20, 2012, 09:15:47 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 20, 2012, 09:33:25 PM
Meek thought he was the reincarnation of Buddy Holly, and held regular seances to channel the real King of rock n' roll. He became more and more bizarre as tiome went on, culminating in his suicide. As they say at UPS, h ewasn't wrapped too tight.  :smokin:
It's amazing to read the guy's story. He was a production genius, yet (especially in his later years) absolutely batty. But alas, a lot of the geniuses of the industry are, and that's perhaps why they have so many personal problems.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 20, 2012, 09:46:30 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: PzLdr on October 21, 2012, 08:46:41 PM
It's amazing to read the guy's story. He was a production genius, yet (especially in his later years) absolutely batty. But alas, a lot of the geniuses of the industry are, and that's perhaps why they have so many personal problems.

See: Phil Spector.  :pondering:
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 22, 2012, 11:45:43 AM
Let me take you back to the summer of 2000. Even though the dot-com bubble was on its way to bursting, it was a pretty good time. 9/11 hadn't happened yet, the economy was pretty good (especially compared to today), and we were all having a decent time.

Then this tune came out. The song actually dates to the 1990s, where it was written as a radio jingle and then fleshed out by Trinidadian Anslem Douglas. It came to the attention of Steve Greenberg (who, unlike the band he was promoting and producing, decidedly NOT Caribbean), who re-recorded it with the Baha Men and pushed this song as many places as he could. Buoyed in large part by Greenberg's aggressive marketing toward the children's market, it became the anthem of the summer of 2000-- and the bane of many a music critic's existence. It ranked #3 on a Rolling Stone list of most annoying songs, #2 on a list of the worst songs published by AOL, and #1 on a Spinner.com list of the worst songs. So if you're wondering "Who Let the Dogs Out?," Mr. Greenberg is to blame.

Here's the Baha Men with "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He82NBjJqf8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 23, 2012, 06:12:27 PM
Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell is technically a twofer. Not because I intended it this way, but because the only recording I could find of this song on YouTube was from a radio show, and there were two songs in the video. It's the first one I'm going to feature.

We don't know much about Dusty Roads Rowe. He seems to be a jazz singer and clarinetist from somewhere around Louisiana, judging by the sound of his best known song. Well, here's the problem: jazz is an art form known for its frequent and complex chord changes, and that's evident throughout this piece. His clarinet skill, however, is sorely lacking: he seems to only know how to play a pentatonic scale in B-flat (given that clarinets are generally tuned by default to B-flat, that means he has only an elementary school level knowledge of how to play the instrument). As a result, the solo in the middle of this next song makes Squidward Tentacles look like the prodigious virtuoso he really thinks he is.

From Irwin Chusid's Songs in the Key of Z, here's Dusty Roads Rowe with "Baby, Your Love's in Town."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2kHhlC1uw8

BONUS: The second song on this recording is a mispronounced rendition of "Aquarius" (the song from Hair that was made famous by The Fifth Dimension) by Tony Martin.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 24, 2012, 07:27:13 PM
Our next entry in the Jukebox from Hell is from a truly strange man by the name of Dan Scott Ashwander. Quite frankly, he's a kook and is featured in Donna Kossy's book Kooks. A self-published book, Am I Insane?, purportedly "explains the purpose of his 'cosmic mind,' and tells of his adventures battling the likes of the Evil Eternals, Hitler, Mussolini and Albert Einstein."

The song listed here fits that description quite well. In the song's lyrics, the Nazis defeat Jesus. The label on the cassette tape on which this was found has the sides labeled "Scientific Proof that I'm Jesus Christ and God" b/w "I'm Jesus Christ and I Will Heal You."

Here's Dan Ashwander with "The Word of God."

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/DP/2003/07/365-Days-Project-07-13-ashwander-dan-the-will-of-god.mp3
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 25, 2012, 06:26:49 PM
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes, once again, from Japan. (Of all the foreign countries out there, I seem to pick on Japan a lot. Perhaps it's just because they're weird. Who knows?)

This song was a very highly elaborate ruse put together by a half-dozen of Japan's best-known comedians, performing under the name Happatai (Green Leaves). The act had them performing a bizarre disco-pop tune (this was the late 1990s, well after disco was dead) wearing nothing but underwear and an Adam-and-Evesque green leaf over their loins. Apparently the point of this piece, which originally appeared on the TV sketch comedy show Adventures of a Laughing Dog, was to dupe unsuspecting Americans, Britons and/or other nationalities that this was a legitimate Japanese pop act.

While it's certainly debatable how successful they were in their task, it did inspire one of the earliest efforts at a Flash animutation, "Irrational Exuberance," ca. 2001.

Here's Happatai with "Yatta!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW6M8D41ZWU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 26, 2012, 05:32:33 PM
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell was the first song to be censored from the radio series American Top 40 when it peaked on the Billboard Hot 100 at #37 in 1971.

First, a little background: William Calley was an inept lieutenant in the U.S. Army who, according to later testimony, was absolutely reviled and hated by his troops. He was eventually found guilty of instigating the My Lai Massacre of 1968, in which hundreds of Vietnamese women and children were slaughtered.

The subsequent investigation, which did not begin for over a year, was highly divisive. All of Calley's subordinates turned on him, and viciously. Meanwhile, on the other side, three whistleblowers were condemned by several U.S. Congressmen. In the end, Calley took the fall for the massacre and served a mere three years under house arrest. None of his fellow perpetrators were punished-- they were either acquitted or had the charges dropped.

This leads us to our next song. It's performed to a wholly inappropriate, bouncy bluegrass beat, for one. Two, it describes Calley's childhood as one of wanting to serve in the military (while he was a Navy brat, it appears he only signed up after he flunked out of junior college and the Selective Service threatened to put him in the draft pool). Third, it portrays Calley as an innocent player, just doing his duty under the assumption that you can't trust anyone in Vietnam.

Here's Terry Nelson with "The Battle Hymn of Lt. Calley."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXNsXIxBkqs
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 27, 2012, 10:01:41 PM
The annals of music of history are filled with songs made to tick off the record companies, and this next one is no exception.

The story begins in the mid-1980s. Legendary country musician Johnny Cash had not had a hit in several years, and he largely blamed the decline on a lack of promotion from Columbia Records, the company that had held his contract for nearly 30 years. Well, as an act of revenge, Johnny decided to write a tune as cheesy and lousy as he could. (ADDENDUM: Those familiar with the recording industry know that there are few things the industry despises more than novelty songs. They're short-lived and don't get a lot of "recurrent" rotation when it comes to radio airplay. I suspect that's precisely why Cash decided to write a novelty song.)

The result is a satirical story about how, after two years of headaches, a doctor in Nashville declares Cash brain dead and sends him to a mad (but, oddly, highly regarded) scientist in New York City, where his brain is "transplanted" and swapped with a recently killed bank robber known as the Manhattan Flash. Apparently still cognizant of his sense of self, but now infused with the Flash's mind, he starts going on robbing sprees, including at a bank and then at the Grand Ole Opry. When Cash tries to get his old brain back, the now-rich mad scientist reveals that Cash's brain is now in a chicken. If the story seems ridiculous, it's because it is. Yet it proved to be the closest thing Cash would have for a hit for several more years; it peaked at #45 on the chart.

Here's the Man in Black with "Chicken in Black."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_uM87NTFW4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 28, 2012, 03:11:05 PM
One of the bad (or, in a perverse way, great) things about the Internet is that any idiot with a modem can put out garbage and pass it off as music.

Well, recently this video has been making the rounds of the viral circuit. It purports to be from a woman named Gnesa. It is quite possibly THE most tone-deaf recording I have ever heard, and if you've followed this thread for long enough you know I've listened to a lot of crap. The lyrics are awkward. The dancing is even more awkward. Those who have reviewed the song have made references to the earlier entry in the Jukebox from Hell, Rebecca Black's "Friday--" but oh, it's so much worse than "Friday." At least Black was on pitch.

Some day the person behind this may come out and eventually explain that this was all a joke, much like Gloria Balsam or Jonathan and Darlene Edwards from previous entries. That's the only explanation I can give for any person who thought recording and releasing this song was a good idea, and you know she had to receive help for this.

Here's Gnesa with "Wilder."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF2o5RDkq9A
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 30, 2012, 06:38:01 PM
My next entry in the Jukebox from Hell isn't necessarily bad, it's just controversial. Given the large female contingent we have on this board, I figured it was more appropriate for here.

In 1972, at the height of the feminist movement, Jewish country singer Kinky Friedman composed a little ditty sung from the perspective of a male chauvanist. Unlike some of the other songs making fun of feminism (see Shel Silverstein's "Put Another Log on the Fire," which was clearly tongue-in-cheek), it has never been quite clear whether or not Friedman truly felt the way he sung about feminists. One day in Buffalo, New York, things boiled to a head, when a bunch of angry lesbians heard Friedman's band, the Texas Jewboys, performing this song. The women proceeded to attack the band members, forcing Friedman to cut off the set and run. He would not return for nearly 40 years, making his long-awaited return this past summer.

Here's Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys with "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO8sD81NVTg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 04, 2012, 05:11:32 PM
Our next entry in the Jukebox from Hell (yeah, I know it's been a while since I put one in here) was the 1982 winner of the Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Original Song.

This creepy, off-key double-entendre-laden song was sung by Kristy McNichol. She's not a singer. She was an actress... until she quit acting due to mental illness. She came out as a lesbian a couple years ago. Nobody cared.

From the movie The Pirate Movie, here's Kristy McNichol with "Pumpin' and Blowin'."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdlKXRReqNA
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 05, 2012, 02:00:35 PM
Who wants to hear Sylvester Stallone sing? Any takers?

Well, too bad. From the 1984 movie Rhinestone, here's Sly with another Razzie Worst Song winner, "Drinkenstein."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1WSPAvT7qE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: andy58-in-nh on November 05, 2012, 02:10:53 PM
Re: Kristy McNichol/"Pumpin' and Blowin'" -

(http://www.vh1.com/celebrity/bwe/images/2009/08/Vomit.gif)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 07, 2012, 05:23:48 PM
Yeah, I remember seeing that video/hearing that song for the first time and was astounded at how bad it was. McNichol was not a singer and it showed. It's a really underrated lousy song.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 07, 2012, 05:31:19 PM
The next entry finished #3 in Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs and #1 in a VERY crowded, open-ended CNN.com poll of the worst pop songs of all time.

This song is about a woman who is pregnant, and it perhaps has some of the hammiest lyrics ever written in a pop song. Among the examples: "you're having my baby, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me," "the seed inside you, baby, do you feel it growing?," "I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doing to me," and more. There was also a fairly controversial lyric: "you could've swept it from your life but you wouldn't do it." The song was released in 1974, just a year after Roe v. Wade declared abortion a constitutional right in the United States. It was still a very raw issue at the time. Nevertheless, it proved to be Paul Anka's first major hit since his teen idol days in the 1950s.

Here's Paul Anka and Odia Coates with "(You're) Having My Baby."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZYNA6qUNTE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 15, 2012, 10:00:59 PM
Willie Nelson has done a large number of collaborations. Most of them have turned out great: his collaborations with Waylon Jennings became legendary. His duet with Ray Charles, "Seven Spanish Angels," is a beautiful tune. He's also, more recently, collaborated with Toby Keith.

Others, not so much. Recently he released an album along with Snoop Dogg-- I haven't had a chance to hear any of it. (They do have something in common.) This next entry in the Jukebox from Hell perhaps was his most ill-advised. At the time of this song's release, Julio Iglesias II was this Spaniard singer who, while big in his home country, had minimal exposure to the English language. Why he teamed up with Willie, the world will never know, but the cover of the album pretty clearly shows Nelson forcing an uncomfortable smile. The song itself, which talks about the singer's (it was originally written for one person) numerous ex-lovers and how he was happy they were in his life even though all the parties have moved on to other lovers, spawned a few jokes. One of the most famous was popular among shock jocks: "To all the girls I've loved before, please call Dr. (blank)."

Here's Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson with "To All the Girls I've Loved Before."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sV5u_B2-6_k
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 16, 2012, 07:00:24 PM
Here's another cut from Irwin Chusid's Songs in the Key of Z album.

The author of this next piece identifies himself only as "Luie Luie." He's a multi-instrumentalist, and in a rather impressive feat, he plays numerous lead instruments on this signature track of his. That's about the only good thing I can mention about this piece.

Apparently this is supposed to be a dance piece. Unfortunately, he is hopelessly vague as to how you're supposed to dance to it (he does mention "foot to nose" so I imagine this Luie Luie character is one kinky fellow). What makes this song a real gem, though, is his frequent use of the word "touch." The result is perhaps one of the most awkward explanations you'll ever find to a musical composition. (In a later composition, Luie describes the Egyptian Pharaoh as "a great friend of mine.")

Here's Luie Luie with "El Touchy."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WeUhn7XKLs&feature=related
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 17, 2012, 10:44:05 AM
In the early 1960s, trumpeter Herb Alpert released the album Whipped Cream and Other Delights. It included some very popular instrumentals, but was best known for its cover, featuring a naked woman strategically covered in what was supposed to be whipped cream.

A few years later, somebody (I've heard it was Cliff Arquette, in his persona as country bumpkin Charley Weaver, but I can't verify that) decided to create a little send-up of it. Thus was born the Frivolous Five. On the cover of their recording, Sour Cream and Other Delights, were five old and slightly overweight ladies, similarly nude and covered in what was supposed to be sour cream.

The next entry begins benignly enough, as a straight cover of Alpert's "Tijuana Taxi." It then devolves into cacophony, missed notes and general mediocrity.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Frivolous Five with "Tijuana Taxi."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgxTKN44AII
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 18, 2012, 07:24:54 AM
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell may not be safe for all audiences.

Millie Jackson is a notorious R&B singer and comic, with a very vulgar streak. The album on which this cut was featured, Back to the S__t!, is on numerous "worst album cover" lists and includes Jackson sitting on a toilet, taking a dump.

Here's Millie Jackson with "Muffle That Fart."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20JoILLznAU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 22, 2012, 08:51:00 PM
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from Soviet Russia. I suspect you will either love it or find it totally bizarre.

This song, according to its songwriter, was composed on a bet between a composer and a lyricist. The lyricist wagered to his composer friend that a good song was nothing without lyrics and would be a dud without them. The composer set out to prove him wrong. Enter Edward Hill, who despite his very Anglophone name was indeed very much Russian. Hill was already known for using "vocalise" (melody with nonsense lyrics) on many of his songs. So, in 1976, Hill recorded the song. It has an official name, something along the lines of "I'm So Glad I'm Finally Heading Back Home," and lyrics (the lyricist still wrote words to it), but in the United States is known simply by Hill's "lyric," "Trololo."

It was a hit in Russia during its own time, but somehow exploded in popularity in 2010, when it became a viral Internet hit. Hill spent the last two years of his life relishing his newfound (or perhaps renewed) stardom (much like Betty White here in America, Hill had never really retired and was still actively performing). He died of a stroke earlier this year, aged 77.

Here's Edward Hill with "Trololo."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 23, 2012, 01:49:54 PM
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from another one of the most unusual collaborations in music history: Gregg Allman and Cher.

At the time, Cher had recently broken up with longtime husband and partner Sonny Bono. The two had professionally reconciled for a brief return of their successful variety show. In the meantime, Cher had married Allman. Allman, at the time, was in the middle of a very acrimonious breakup of his own: The Allman Brothers Band was crumbling apart, unable to handle their own success (on top of the death of the other Allman Brother, Duane, in 1971). So, once Sonny & Cher ended its TV run in 1977, Allman and Cher decided to record an album together.

The duet identified themselves as "Allman and Woman," and the album they created was Two the Hard Way, featuring the two heavily airbrushed. It was met with terrible reviews. A tour of Europe was cut short after only twelve shows and mounting expenses; Allman, who had quit drinking before the tour, fell off the wagon. All of these factors led to the two breaking up, never to reunite. Upon being asked of what it was like to be married to Cher, Allman recently set the record straight: "she was married to me."

As for the music itself, Allman's rock-tinged country-western stylings were dominant, and there are few things more awkward than an Indian (Cher) singing cowboy songs, especially with a schmaltzy voice like hers. The music never really meshed.

Here's "Allman and Woman" with one of the non-country-western songs on the album, "Move Me."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Umwxsln-Br8&feature=related
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 23, 2012, 11:07:20 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 24, 2012, 09:37:17 AM
This morning, as I promised, I present a famous backward music piece.

In the 1970s, the practice of "backmasking" became widely known. Generally it was used to thinly veil dirty words for radio airplay (thus the s-word would become "tish" and dropping the f-bomb would instead come off as "cuff"). However, there was a great deal of rumor mongering that record producers were using more subtle variations of backmasking to hide satanic messages into the records, and that these were supposedly a form of subliminal messaging-- the Satanic message would somehow get implanted in an impressionable mind without actually hearing it at a conscious level.

You can find plenty of examples of supposed Satanic backmasking on YouTube. Even Jimmy Swaggart, a notorious rock music critic, has music that sounds suspiciously like "Hail Satan" when played backward. Yet none is more famous than our next piece. Allegedly this Satanic anthem includes lyrics such as "here's to my sweet Satan / the one whose little path will make us sad whose power is Satan / he will give those with him 666 / there was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan." The supposed lyrics were supposed to make sense out of some quite esoteric poetry... but it doesn't appear to have worked.

Anyway, here's the backward version of... Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNE75XznfIE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on November 24, 2012, 07:58:00 PM
My goodness. I can't remember when I have enjoyed a thread more than this one. Thank you all so much for this. I have spent hours reading every post and reviewing the links. Hilarious. Laughed and laughed. Just wanted you to know that your work is being read and appreciated. You could start your own website with this stuff, no kidding.

Of all of them, although it was a close choice, because I have had some involvment with orchestral music this one had me falling out of my chair laughing. Cheers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=6piDRKOwh88

Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 25, 2012, 09:37:20 PM
240B, thanks a lot. (Thanks especially to Chieftain, whose idea it was to start this whole thread in the first place. It was all a ploy to come up with a ploy to annoy the overbearing neighbors.) What can I say? I have a twisted, strange taste in music, and it has been put to good use coming up with all the songs to put here. Pretty soon I'll be switching things over to Christmas music.

If you, er, "like" that song, check out some of the Portsmouth Sinfonia's other works on YouTube. (You may also find them under the title "John Williams shreds," which combines video of famed composer John Williams with Portsmouth Sinfonia recordings.) Their earlier career is full of quite amusing pieces of work like that. Their later stuff, however, just gets kind of blah (they started getting into pop music, for one, and they eventually started getting better at their instruments).
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 25, 2012, 09:52:37 PM
Time for another segue!

The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from a half-bit novelty group called Little Roger and the Goosebumps. This is their signature song; it's a cross between the theme song to Gilligan's Island and the aforementioned "Stairway to Heaven..." because everybody wondered what it would be like to cross the two.

Well, as it turns out, what the band had originally intended as a throwaway song for the end of a concert got the group in quite a bit of legal trouble: attorneys for Led Zeppelin demanded all of the band's self-released copies of the single be destroyed. (Robert Plant, Zeppelin's lead singer, would later admit that he considered the song his favorite cover of Stairway.)  It became a valuable collector's item for much of the following decades. Among the band's other credits include an unusual cover of "Fool on the Hill" as performed by Elmer Fudd.

As far as the song itself... first off, I must say the combination of the two songs is, in concept, brilliantly amusing. But then you get the tail end... and bam, you get hit with the cringe-inducingly bad falsetto.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Little Roger and the Goosebumps with "Gilligan's Island (Stairway)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTCYLbFxTpI
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 26, 2012, 07:51:58 PM
This next entry can only be described in one word: disturbing.

Well, to put it simply, this song is sung from a man who likes to do rather unsavory things with... baseball cards?!?

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present as the next entry in the Jukebox from Hell...from The Rhino Brothers Present the World's Worst Worst Records, Vol. 2, Rockin' Richie Ray with "Baseball Card Lover."

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/DP/2007/11/325_2-11_Rockin_Richie_Ray_-_Baseball_Card_Lover.mp3
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 28, 2012, 07:18:35 PM
Think of the phrase "classic beauty" and Edith Massey almost certainly doesn't come to mind. Massey was very obese, had very bad teeth and ratty hair, which of course made her a perfect fit for eccentric filmmaker John Waters's regular cast of actors, The Dreamlanders. Waters discovered Massey, who was mainly a working-class drifter throughout most of her adult life and had never acted before, while she was a barmaid in a Baltimore hotel (at the time, she was in her mid-50s). Massey appeared in major roles in five of Waters's movies.

In the late 1970s, at the height of her fame, she put together a punk-rock band known as Edie and the Eggs. The drummer was Gina Schock, who later went on to join The Go-Gos. They performed a handful of gigs and recorded one single, which is featured today in the Jukebox from Hell.

Massey died in 1984, shortly before filming of what was to be her first non-John Waters acting role (a part in Paul Bartel's Lust in the Dust, which featured several other Dreamlanders), due to complications from diabetes.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, here are Edith Massey and the Eggs with their cover of The Four Seasons' "Big Girls Don't Cry."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhIYMma-UpA
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Scottftlc on November 28, 2012, 07:30:25 PM
Edith is just fortunate that she came and went before Obamacare.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 29, 2012, 07:13:00 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 30, 2012, 07:00:07 AM
This will be the last entry in the regular Jukebox from Hell. Beginning tomorrow, I'm going to all-Christmas tunes for the month of December. I'll explain what that means a little bit later.

We turn our attention this morning to Sammy Davis, Jr.-- legendary singer, actor, and Rat Packer. Well, one time in the 1970s or so, the Alka-Seltzer company decided to put together an ad campaign capitalizing on Davis's legendary partying. So they decided to revive their famous jingle, rewritten with some new lyrics by Tom Dawes (who, as frontman for The Cyrkle, had a couple of hits in the 1960s, including the chart-topper "Red Rubber Ball"). As part of the campaign, they filmed several commercials with Davis pitching the medicine (basically aspirin and baking soda) as the ultimate hangover cure. Not only that, they released two full-length versions of the extended jingle on Davis's album, The Sound of Sammy. One was done in Davis's usual big-band style and the other was marketed as a "rock" version (it's more like a disco version).

What makes this song great is two things: 1) Alka-Seltzer was originally advertised by Speedy, a childlike character, making this decidedly adult turn all the more ironic. 2) The song's double-entendre, "plop plop fizz fizz," adds a nice layer of sophomoric humor on top of it.

If you find yourself humming and tapping your foot along with this piece, you might feel a little corrupted once you come to your senses and realize... you're listening to an advertisement.

Here's Sammy Davis, Jr. with "Plop Plop Fizz Fizz (Big Band version)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWqlws-vqjM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on November 30, 2012, 07:34:01 AM
The previous entry reminded me of this commercial released in 1972 for Alka-Seltzer about the same time. In the vein of "Please don't squeeze the Charmin" and "Where's the beef!?", this commercial was wildly popular and became a part of American vernacular. So much so that an enterprising artist named Ruby Davis decided to take advantage of the popularity of the commercial to promote her career by releasing a song of the same name. The song is a real dullard. Very simple tune and the lyrics are unimaginative. The whole song exists because of the commercial and really nothing more than that.

Today she would be sued mercilessly but in those days society was more humane and relaxed. I do not know for sure, but I doubt she paid Bayer a penny in royalties or penalties. Anyway, first the commercial, and then in honor of the thread and subject, the song. Cheers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut1jukxCwPs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBKa2pHREVA
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 30, 2012, 12:25:34 PM
Haha... nice find. Now that you mention those ad campaigns, I feel compelled to share another one before I go all-Christmas.

Let's go back to 1984. The Burger Wars were as hot as ever, and a relatively obscure hamburger joint known as Wendy's was looking to make its mark. So, they decided to poke some fun at their bigger competitors and their big-bun hamburgers. They hired three old ladies who posed as restaurant customers impressed by the "big fluffy bun" of their predecessors... until they lift it up to reveal a tiny beef patty, prompting one of the ladies, Clara Peller, to exclaim the now-famous line... "Where's the beef?"

Her exclamation became a national catchphrase, later working its way into the Presidential debates and making Peller a superstar. She starred in several more commercials for the chain, finally (in what turned out to be at least a short-term disaster for the chain) being fired in 1985. Still, during that time, she recorded this gem: an unauthorized ad (it doesn't mention Wendy's by name) capitalizing on the slogan (and making the target more specifically McDonald's) Wendy's almost sued the DJ responsible for it, but let it pass.

Peller died in 1987. After her firing, sales took a nosedive, prompting a wide reorganization within the company. Today, Wendy's is the #2 fast-food chain in America (albeit a very distant second behind dominant market leader McDonald's), having more sales than Burger King despite far fewer locations.

Here's Clara Peller with Coyote McCloud, performing "Where's the beef?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egGS8jONZ6Y
Title: The Jukebox from Hell - Christmas Style
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 01, 2012, 07:24:45 AM
Yes indeed, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the Jukebox from Hell to go all-Christmas! Over the next 25 days or so I'll be featuring some of the worst, the oddest, the strangest Christmas tunes ever recorded. (As always, other members are free to contribute their suggestions.)

Our first entry today dates to 1959. The year prior, Ross Bagdasarian (David Seville) had made a couple of major splashes on the charts with "Witch Doctor" and "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)," both of which utilized a variable-speed tape recorder that could speed up the singer's voice. Inevitably, there were knockoffs to come, including the jazz-based "Nutty Squirrels..." and then there was this.

Not much is known about the next group. They were produced by Russ Regan, an up-and-coming record producer. Their voices clearly weren't sped up to the double-speed that the Chipmunks were. Slowing the record down to about 75% speed, it sounds like at least one of them is a woman, and Regan's production style was akin to the strategies used by Mitch Miller-- big, choral renditions with concert hall-like echo and reverb. The record purports to be from three of Santa Claus's reindeer: group leader Dancer, dimwitted Prancer and a third one jokingly known as "Nervous" because of his stutter. This record, released on Capitol Records, is full of bad jokes (and overreactions of hysterical laughter) and a narrative that is difficult to follow. It nonetheless was a minor hit for Capitol, peaking at #34 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the days leading up to Christmas 1959.

Ladies and gentlemen, kicking off our Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style... "Dancer, Prancer and Nervous: The Happy Reindeer."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRKH0ii1AX4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on December 01, 2012, 08:52:44 AM
This is going to surprise so many of you in the Briefing Room. This is the original theme song from Gilligan's Island, and I'll bet no one on this forum can sing along with it. It was composed by John Williams (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Williams) who is one of the most renown composers of music in America, although you would not know it from this song. This song was used for the pilot only and never actually aired. The pilot and show, using this song, was rejected twice, until producer Sherwood Schwartz correctly decided that the show needed a new theme song. He hired the composer George Wyle to write a new theme song and the rest, as they say, is history.

Several changes were made to the storyline most notably the tour was 6 hours in the pilot and it was cut to 3 hours. The passengers in the pilot are the millionaires, two secretaries, and a high school teacher. The millionaires are mentioned and all the others are considered "the other tourists" in the pilot. In the new version of the song during the first season or so the song goes through "the moooovie star" (Ginger) and "the rest". As the popularity of Mary Ann and the Professor increased, they were eventually included in the song and in the opening credits from Season 2 on, and the theme song evolved into how we all know it today.

For the esteemed people of GOPBR I present the original theme song for Gilligan's Island never before heard in this forum. So, "just sit right back and you'll hear a song, a song you don't recognize..." and it certainly warrants an honored place in the much vaunted Jukebox from Hell. Enjoy.

Gilligan's Island Original Theme Song (Pilot only) 1964
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx7A4sxJi7c

Gilligans Island Theme Song Season 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfR7qxtgCgY

Gilligans Island Theme Song Season 2 (the one we all know and frequently sing when drinking)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3HFXSgWps8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell - Christmas Style
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 02, 2012, 05:24:21 PM
Day two of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style is a take on a familiar contemporary tune.

The original version of this song was originally done by Wham!, the duo of Andrew Ridgeley and George Michael. Much of their music was pretty overtly gay-- not just gay (I mean, the Village People did gay music, but they were more of the "butch" kind), but effeminately gay. That's what, I suspect, gave the original version of their Christmas tune "Last Christmas" a certain kind of charm, and that's why people seem to enjoy it this time of year. The original peaked at #2 on the UK's coveted Christmas charts, finishing behind Band Aid's anthem "Do They Know It's Christmas," which also featured Michael. (The duo didn't initially profit at all from Last Christmas, having agreed to donate their royalties to the Band Aid charities to settle a lawsuit levied by the authors of the 1970s song "Can't Smile Without You;" those authors alleged the duo had "nicked" the melody of the earlier tune. The song later became one of the most popular Christmas tunes in the UK and the US over the course of the next few decades.)

"Last Christmas" has been covered by numerous artists, men and women (mostly women, I think) over the years, none of which have been able to capture the magic of the original in all its 1980s synth-ballad glory. This entry is perhaps one of the worst covers I've heard of the song. They rearrange it to early-2000s pop rock, strip out all but one line of the second verse and all of the first, and use a voice that is so obviously disinterested that it sounds like they're mailing it in.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present... "Last Christmas" as performed by Jimmy Eat World.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvjiZPx8yA4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 03, 2012, 10:44:16 AM
Day three of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style. The next entry isn't even a Christmas tune at all-- it just got confused with one.

This song was recorded in the 1980s by PowerSource for their album Shelter from the Storm. It deals with child abuse and, might I say, in a ridiculously saccharine manner. Most of the song is sung by then-6-year-old Sharon Batts, sung from the perspective of a girl who hears a story about an abused child... and of course, it later comes out that she herself is abused by her mother. The song then ends with this screaming guy. The song was a surprise hit in 1987, after attorney Joel Steinberg beat and killed his adopted daughter Lisa while high on drugs, creating a media circus.

Fast forward to 2001. Right after 9/11 came this idea that radio stations should start playing Christmas music 24/7 beginning in mid-November. This song somehow ended up on a lot of the playlists, despite zero connection to Christmas, other than the mention of Jesus. It got rather annoying, and within about five years, most of the stations had removed it from the playlist.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present... "Dear Mr. Jesus" by PowerSource, featuring Sharon Batts.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quG-Q7iKfn0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 04, 2012, 09:06:21 PM
Day 4 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style features a take on a Christmas classic the likes of which you've probably never heard before. The artist is not particularly well known, but he's a hard bluesy rocker from England who recorded this song in 1977.

Here's "Wounded" John Scott Cree with his take on "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5HGNkq56iU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on December 05, 2012, 07:55:19 AM
In the spirit of Bad Christmas songs this one has to be included. This is a song titled "The worst Christmas song ever" and it really is. But, it is not comically bad, or cute bad, or lyrically bad, it is just BAD-BAD. In fact it is unlistenable. If you make it past the first 30 seconds, I would be impressed. And, since the song has no bridge or change-up at all, the first 30 seconds is basically the whole song anyway.

The video is what has become so common these days. It is a skinny white guy, and even worse than that he's British, "rapping" and taking on a sort of Black thug persona. The song itself is about drug abuse, drinking, arguements, family disfunction, and eventually leading to adoption or the child being taken away by child services. Nice theme right? I can only guess what kind of a childhood this person had, but the effect of it is obvious.

It is performed by guy named Lee Isserow who also goes by the moniker DrCaptain. I don't know a lot about the guy and when I researched him a little, I quickly discovered that I do not want to know very much about this guy. From what little I discovered he seems to be a somewhat demented 'freelance artist' and is obsessed with vulgarity, sexual themes, and violence. This is not someone I would wish to talk about. The song itself is not vulgar but it is still not safe for work solely because of how awful it is.

Anyway, just for the sake of thoroughness of subject matter, I present DrCaptain. In the spirit of bad music, and since this one was actually written and produced in Hell, it certainly deserves a mention in the increasingly famous GOPBR Jukebox from Hell. Enjoy?

The worst Christmas song EVER
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XERztVh-6y4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 06, 2012, 05:36:53 PM
Day 6 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style.

Several of the songs I'm going to be featuring over the next few weeks may not seem, at first glance, to be Christmas songs. Well, to be blunt, they're not, but over in the UK and in the Republic of Ireland, they have a very prominent contest to see what song can end up on the top of the charts right before Christmas-- the "Christmas number one." Although there are quite a few #1s and #2s from those charts to have become Christmas classics, most of them aren't really Christmas tunes, just pop songs (or, in many cases, novelty songs) that are propped up for the contest. Lately, it's been largely dominated by reality shows, including the British version of The X Factor, whose winner has finished at or near the top every year since 2005.

The first of the Christmas number-one contenders I'm going to feature is from 1993. Around that time, a British presenter named Noel Edmonds decided to create this fictional character, allegedly from a (nonexistent) children's show, that did nothing but run around and bump into things while repeating the word "blobby" over and over again. It quickly became one of Britain's most hated characters. Still, they recorded a theme song for the fictional show, which was released as a single-- and, amazingly, hit #1 on the Christmas charts, beating out "Babe," the entry from Britain's hottest boy band, Take That.

Ladies and gentlemen... "Mr. Blobby."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h37KQu64RY4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: andy58-in-nh on December 06, 2012, 06:45:35 PM
The worst Christmas song EVER
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XERztVh-6y4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XERztVh-6y4)

The worst part?

There are people in what today passes for the "Entertainment industry" cough!choke!retch! who thought this was a good idea. 
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 07, 2012, 06:51:38 AM
Day 7 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style features another unusual contender for the UK's Christmas number-one. (WARNING: This may be inappropriate for some audiences.)

Isaac Hayes is fairly well known in the United States, especially for his hit song "Theme from Shaft." However, in England, he was virtually unknown until the 1990s, when he took up the role of Chef on the American series South Park. Now, the British, in addition to their own shows, seem to have a real liking for American television, and South Park is no exception. Well, one day, the producers of the show decided to release a single with Hayes, in character as Chef, intoning a double-entendre-laden recipe for a certain, um, dessert. It was a dud here in America (with our relatively puritan ways and general distaste for novelty songs) but a runaway hit in England, where it peaked at #1 on the charts; on the Christmas chart it finished at #2 behind the Spice Girls (who were on a three-year streak winning the Christmas #1). It was Hayes's only hit in the UK.

Here's Isaac Hayes with "Chocolate Salty Balls."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tM9rnqdAx00
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 09, 2012, 07:42:47 AM
To Ireland we go for day 8 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style.

This song finished #2 on the Irish Christmas charts due to the record companies being conveniently one day late in delivering the song to stores. It was banned from TV for dropping the f-bomb 17 times.

Here arr The Rubberbandits with "Horse Outside."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ljPFZrRD3J8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 09, 2012, 02:45:19 PM
For day 9, here's Fred Hodson with a fittingly strange cover of Captain Beefheart's "There Ain't No Santa Claus on the Evening Stage."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=M46zl0bXNKI
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 10, 2012, 11:32:06 AM
Day 10 returns us to Ireland, where the next entry in the Jukebox from Hell hit #1 in 1990. Here are Zig & Zag with "The Christmas No. 1."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jGaoUuYN8mY
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 11, 2012, 04:50:12 PM
Day 11 of the Jukebox from Hell Christmas Style returns us stateside. To poke fun at commercialism in the holidays, in and of itself,is nothing groundbreaking. For a Jew to do it-- and open himself up to the stereotypes associated with Jews and money-- is very bold.

Tom Lehrer does just that in today's entry, "A Christmas Carol."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=DtZR3lJobjw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on December 12, 2012, 01:15:45 AM
???? ???
Nothing to say here really. I'm going to Israel to fight in the coming war. I cannot imagine a better way to die. Leheetraote, ve Kol Tov le culam.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko0883QUUHw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 13, 2012, 10:57:07 AM
I missed Day 12, but here's Day 13.

So apparently there used to be this boxer named Barry McGuigan who always used to thank his trainer, a "Mr. Eastwood" (not Clint). Well, Dermot Morgan, an Irish comedian, decided to poke some fun at him. The song mainly served as a vehicle for Morgan's various impersonations, including Ronald Reagan, Bob Geldof and Pope John Paul II.

Yeah, it doesn't have very many laughs, but it nonetheless hit Christmas #1 in Ireland in 1985.

Here's Dermot Morgan with "Thank You Very Much, Mr. Eastwood."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHxrDcAjf60

(PS: If you're wondering why the stories are shorter lately, I've loaned my main computer out to someone else and have been posting mainly on a touch-screen tablet, which isn't nearly as easy to type on as the keyboard. This entry is an exception.)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 14, 2012, 08:55:50 AM
What do you get when Lady Gaga does a Christmas carol? The travesty that marks Day 14 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style.

Here's Lady Gaga with Space Cowboy (not Steve Miller, BTW) and their 2008 collaboration, "Christmas Tree."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PolcJd2eh-w
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 15, 2012, 07:42:43 PM
Day 15 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style presents the Christmas number-two in the UK in 1997. (The race was so close that many sources had erroneously listed the song as number-one; the real winner was yet another Spice Girls tune, "Too Much.")

This is one of several Christmas contenders that were derived from, or were direct theme songs to, television shows. This one's an international hit: Teletubbies, best known for having its lead actor (Tinky Winky) supposedly outed in a Jerry Falwell publication and the subsequent outrage from the LGBT community.

Here's the theme from Teletubbies, "Teletubbies say Eh-oh!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wyW7uaXV8E
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 16, 2012, 05:55:48 PM
Day 16 brings Barbra Streisand and her inexplicably manic rendition of "Jingle Bells?"

(Fixed the link so it plays the right song this time.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2lRSk0MWAY
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 17, 2012, 06:22:45 PM
In the late 1980s began an album series known as A Very Special Christmas, which really began the big trend toward celebrities making covers of songs that should have never-- EVER-- been seriously considered, much less publicly released. Nevertheless, they produced a few gems. Run-DMC, one of the few hip-hop groups I can actually stand, had a pretty unique take with "Christmas in Hollis."

Day 17's entry in the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style isn't one of those gems. Well, basically, the Queen of Pop decided to take Eartha Kitt's 1953 classic rich-girl anthem, "Santa Baby..." and record it in baby talk. (Get it? It's called "Santa Baby," and she's singing it like a baby... oh, never mind...)

Anyway, here's Madonna with "Santa Baby."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ycWObpi73Y
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on December 19, 2012, 11:41:44 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 19, 2012, 12:14:58 PM
Day 19 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style presents another A Very Special Christmas carol.

First, a flashback to the 1950s, the golden age of novelty songs. The original version of this song, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," was performed by 13-year-old Jimmy Boyd. Boyd was one of the youngest people to ever hit #1 on the Billboard charts. It also received some harsh words from the Roman Catholic Church over the whole thing.

Well, the song doesn't really work for anyone over the age of 15 or so. But that didn't stop John Cougar-- or is it John Mellencamp? Who knows anymore-- from doing the song in his usual style. There's something creepy about a grown man in his 30s rockin' out about seeing his mother kissing Santa Claus.

Here's John Cougar Mellencamp-- or whatever-- with his version of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsat4e8jgHA
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 20, 2012, 06:16:32 PM
Day 20 of the Christmas Jukebox from Hell takes us back to England, with the Christmas number-one for 1971.

Here's the legendary Benny Hill with "Ernie, the Fastest Milkman in the West."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxY3GijCjnY
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on December 22, 2012, 09:28:03 AM
This next song is from Jocelyn Eve Stoker a.k.a. Joss Stone. She is, of course, famous for her style of 'blues' music and has made quite a fortune for herself in the U.K. at a very young age. She has sold over 10 million albums worldwide. She has had speaking and acting parts in a few movies and was Anne of Cleves in the Showtime soap opera "The Tudors".

In 2008, for whatever reason, she decided to do this "The anti-Christmas Carol". It is pretty much what we have come to expect in this genre of song with drinking and stress and disfunction throughout.

This is a really good example of a terrible song being beautifully sung. The lyrics are included because the way she sings it, it is difficult to understand in some places. The song ends at dead-end, as if it just stops. "I tell you, Jesus, just this once, as a baby anyway". What in the world could that ever mean?

Anyway, without further ado, for the esteemed patrons of GOPBR, I proudly present on the Universally Hailed and Lauded 'Jukebox from Hell', "The anti-Christmas Carol" by Joss Stone. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41bbtdqtRhs

Hmm, yeah
 Ooh, yah
 
It's that time of year
 When I set gettin' sick
 Of all the cheer
 
Every song you hear
Was a hit or a miss
From last century
 
Is it just me?
'Cos it never much seems like the movie
(Like the movie)
 
So thank God
(Thank God)
Christmas comes once a year
(Only comes once a year)
 
Just once a year
(Just once a year)
 
Only bells I hear
Is last call, one and all
 
Cryin' in their beer
'Cos it's gon' take all year
For the debts to be met
So raise a glass for Christmas cheer
 
It never snows, only rain
I don't know why we're still dreamin'
Of a white... Christmas
 
Thank God it only comes once a year
(Only comes once a year)
(Only comes once a year)
 
Thank God it only comes once
(Only comes once a year)
 
Mama's in the kitchen
She's stressin', oh no
The oven didn't work, hey
Nothing's cookin', oh no
 
Brother, sister are fightin'
She's cryin'
Boxer knocks the tree down
 
It makes me wanna shout
Hallelujah, thank God
That Christmas only comes once a year
Only comes once a year
Thank You, Jesus, for being born only once
I couldn't deal with it
 
So Christmas only comes once a year
Thank God, Hallelujah
(Hallelujah)
For Christmas only lastin' 24 hours of my life
(Hallelujah)
I tell you, Jesus, just this once
As a baby anyway
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 22, 2012, 11:39:30 AM
Day 22 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style is a fairly well-known novelty tune.

The artist in today's entry was born Harry Skarbo in Tacoma, Washington. (He was later adopted and took the legal name Harry Stewart.) He emerged as a radio host in the late 1920s, where he took on the odd persona of Swedish Hindu swami Yogi Yorgesson. Eventually this became too gimmicky to maintain, so Yogi became the stereotypical "yooper"-- an American of Scandinavian descent.

Under that persona, he recorded several songs, including today's entry; in the song, he goes out for a few too many drinks on Christmas Eve, making the subsequent family dinner a night to forget. The best line of the song: "Peace on Earth, everybody, and good will toward men... and yust at that moment, someone slugs Uncle Ben." Harry died in 1956.

Here's Harry Stewart, also known as Yogi Yorgesson, with "I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4uW2PT-190
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on December 23, 2012, 04:24:54 PM
"Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues (1987) is a depressing song about Irish immigrants full of hope and wonder coming to America only to have their dreams and spirits crushed. The Pogues are a Celtic punk band from London, formed in 1982. It is difficult to label this song 'bad' since so many people seem to love it. In fact, it was voted 'Best Christmas Song Ever' by VH1 in 2004.

I will let you be the judge but certainly no list of Christmas music in the internationally acclaimed and world renown 'Jukebox from Hell' would be complete without it. And therefore, I present the Pogues (which is a shortened version of the term 'kiss my arse' in Celtic) and their hit about coming to New York. Enjoy!

Fairytale of New York by the pogues with lyrics
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pv0hlbWpa1w
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 23, 2012, 07:34:12 PM
By the way that was Christmas number two in 1987. They were beat by the Pet Shop Boys. Weak year I guess.

There are quite a few people who love that tune, so I was hesitant to include it.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on December 23, 2012, 10:11:22 PM
By the way that was Christmas number two in 1987. They were beat by the Pet Shop Boys. Weak year I guess.

There are quite a few people who love that tune, so I was hesitant to include it.

Yeah, I know. I was really surprised at how much people like it. I personally think it is a terrible song. I mean the Irish lilt is catchy and all, but the subject matter and lyrics are definitely dark.

That is why I presented it as, 'to each his own'. But, I thought it belongs here, if for nothing more than thoroughness.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 24, 2012, 07:33:24 AM
It's Christmas Eve, in other words, Day 24 in the Jukebox from Hell Christmas Style. The penultimate song I feature is a viral hit from Youtube with several million views. The tune is a parody of one of the most popular Christmas pop songs in modern times, Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You," and the artist to her credit does a great job looking and sounding like the real Carey. However, it's one of those songs that makes you go "what the...?!"

Here is "All I Want for Christmas Is... Jews."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=z8LmMtScH3g
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on December 24, 2012, 08:41:11 AM
UUUUUUuuugggh. This was the number one Christmas song in the U.K. in 1973. It is by a British rock group called Slade which dominated pop (glam rock) music from 1971-1973 with 17 consecutive Top 20 hits and six number ones in the U.K. This song and the band's popularity, proves beyond doubt that the 70s were a different dimension in time, a rift so to speak, and heavy drugs must have been involved.

Everyone involved in the making of this song and video should be shot. From the hairdresser (beard with no mustache, ouch), to the tailor (cyan leisure suit with no shirt? red vest, yellow shirt, pink sport jacket?), to the writer (the whole song is a series of questions and the music is banal and inane), and on and on.

Everything about this song is BAD, and the video is worse! This is my second attempt to submit this video to the tempermental 'GOPBR Jukebox from Hell'. The first time it puked it back up and slapped me. Anyway, anyone wishing a ride in Mr. Peabody's way-back machine to the early 70s, I present for your amusement SLADE with Merry Christmas Everybody.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0A8KT365wlA
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 25, 2012, 10:17:22 AM
Oh, so many bad Christmas tunes. We wrap things up for the bad Christmas tunes today, Day 25 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style.

According to surveys, the most hated Christmas song is usually Don Charles's Singing Dogs' version of "Jingle Bells." (That is, the barking dogs version.) I featured that act a couple months ago, and I generally have a policy against repeating artists here if I can avoid it (I was going to break that deal for the Christmas stuff, but it turns out I haven't needed to.)

In a close second is this tune. From the TV series South Park, here's Eric Cartman (Trey Parker) performing "O Holy Night."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NHFuZxxghs

I now return you to your regularly scheduled bad music.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on December 25, 2012, 10:57:50 AM
No explanations. No dissertations. No nothing at all. In the broader spirit of the Jukebox from Hell, here it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_prEUsYkYo
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on December 30, 2012, 08:25:13 PM
TV's most annoying theme song is, of course, the theme from the origional Star Trek. Star Trek was not taken seriously when it debuted in 1966. And Desilu productions was a small and struggling production company. This combination caused many composers of the time to turn down the opportunity to write the theme song for the Star Trek series. However, Alexander Courage lived up to his name and created the now famous theme song sung by soprano Loulie Jean Norman.

Unknown to Courage at the time, he was on his way to a fortune in royalties from his creation. He was paid every time the Star Trek theme was played. His windfall lasted only one year. Gene Roddenberry, an iconic hero to many, screwed Courage out of half the royalties by writing lyrics to the opening theme song. The lyrics were never recorded, and never used. Nonetheless, Roddenberry claimed credit to half of the theme song royalties merely because lyrics had been written. Courage quit the show after this stunt by Roddenberry. Whether they were used or not, the fact remains that the lyrics exist and could be used was Roddenberry's position and Courage did not challenge him legally. He simply walked away. Here are the 'lost' lyrics to the original Star Trek theme song.

Beyond
The rim of the star-light
My love
Is wand'ring in star-flight
I know
He'll find in star-clustered reaches
Love,
Strange love a star woman teaches.
I know
His journey ends never
His star trek
Will go on forever.
But tell him
While he wanders his starry sea
Remember, remember me

Numerous versions of the Star Trek theme song were released in the following years including a disco version and a version by Uhura in her own release of a Star Trek themed album.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrckNMfQj6c

Anyway, no Jukebox from Hell would be complete without the screaming theme song of the original Star Trek that many consider to be the worst TV theme song ever. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdjL8WXjlGI
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 04, 2013, 05:02:35 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 12, 2013, 11:34:11 AM
Today's entry is one that was long overdue.

Herbert "Tiny Tim" Khaury was a musician who rocketed to fame in the 1960s with his ukulele and falsetto voice. Although his 15 minutes of fame were mostly done by 1970, he had one more moment in the limelight: the disco era. He recorded the next entry at least twice: once in its original disco and the other in his more usual Tin Pan Alley arrangement. This entry is much more of a fit for this collection... especially since he isn't nearly as "tiny" as his stage name implies.

From The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I present Tiny Tim with a cover of Rod Stewart's "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBhkvlTcAag
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 13, 2013, 07:16:04 PM
The next entry is a cautionary tale about the dangers of psychedelic drug abuse.

Roger "Syd" Barrett was a founding member of the band Pink Floyd and wrote virtually all of the band's first album, The Piper at the Gates of Dawn. However, the sudden success of the album proved to be too much to handle for Barrett. As the band promoted Piper, Barrett's behavior became increasingly erratic: freezing in the middle of concerts, greeting questions with nonsensical responses and blank stares, and the like.

Eventually, David Gilmour was brought in, Barrett was thrown out, and the rest was history. Barrett's decline impacted the band profoundly, and its influence can be found in many of its best known works. Barrett tried to stay in music for a few more years, but his attempts at solo albums and a brief second band project, Stars, failed to pan out. He went into seclusion for the rest of his life. He died in 2006.

Here's a song that is indicative of Barrett's mind, "Bike."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9U-Rzd7Lqs
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 15, 2013, 10:40:46 PM
WARNING: This next entry features extreme and pervasive adult content.

The next band made its name in shock rock and made the rounds on the talk show circuit in the 1990s. The song is so offensive that I can't even mention the name here. I will allude to its content with an old Johnny Carson joke:

What to Iranian men do when their wives refuse them by night? Ghotzbadeh.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present GWAR.


http://youtube.com/watch?v=vCNYK_9hKDk
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 24, 2013, 06:25:55 PM
AC/DC's fifth major album, Back in Black, is considered a legendary rock album. It proved to the world that the band could survive the loss of original lead singer Bon Scott and brought the band from Scott's style of humorous, rebellious rhythm-and-blues to smooth, hard-driving stadium rock under new lead singer Brian Johnson. One of the best known singles from that album was a perfect mix between the two: "You Shook Me All Night Long," which combines the wry sexual humor of the Scott era with the power vocals of Johnson.

Then Celine Dion decided to cover it. Yes, Celine Dion, the queen of schmaltzy love songs, decided to absolutely butcher it. OK, she also had Anastacia (a funky blue-eyed soul-rock singer who MIGHT, in her own right, pull it off) to help, but she still looks ridiculous. So ridiculous, in fact, that a poll by Total Guitar ranked this tune as the worst cover song of all time.

Here's Celine Dion with "You Shook Me All Night Long."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULmC8JTTVy0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 30, 2013, 03:49:53 PM
Meet Lucia Pamela Irwin. Lucia, a resident of St. Louis, Missouri, spent some time as a big-band leader in the early to mid-20th century. She has one recorded album to her credit, Into Outer Space with Lucia Pamela. Part concept album, part novelty, part kiddie fare, and part totally bizarre strangeness, the album capitalized on the moon landing and the country's fascination with the space race at the time. The album was mostly a flop, although it was discovered by a handful of DJs, including "outsider music" aficionado Irwin Chusid, who arrnged for a re-release in 1992.

Lucia's daughter ended up doing much better for herself. Georgia Frontiere ended up marrying Los Angeles Rams owner Carroll Rosenbloom, and as a result, she ended up a billionaire when Rosenbloom died and she inherited the team  (which she promptly moved back to St. Louis). As for Lucia herself, she died in 2002, age 98.

Here's a cut from Into Outer Space with Lucia Pamela. It's called "Walking on the Moon." (And no, ladies and gentlemen, there are no cows on the moon.)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Rqm4BVFYHd8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: andy58-in-nh on January 30, 2013, 04:32:55 PM
WARNING: This next entry features extreme and pervasive adult content.

The next band made its name in shock rock and made the rounds on the talk show circuit in the 1990s. The song is so offensive that I can't even mention the name here. I will allude to its content with an old Johnny Carson joke:

What to Iranian men do when their wives refuse them by night? Ghotzbadeh.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present GWAR.


http://youtube.com/watch?v=vCNYK_9hKDk (http://youtube.com/watch?v=vCNYK_9hKDk)

Okay, it was almost as disgusting as Obama's inaugural address, but admittedly, that's a low standard.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on February 12, 2013, 08:07:46 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on February 12, 2013, 08:27:54 PM
My computer is disfunctional. It is an old computer, almost two years old. It has lost the ability to play any audio. I'll buy another one soon and be back with you directly.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on February 22, 2013, 04:33:18 PM
One of the most notorious British musicians of the 1960s, and one that didn't really make it here across the pond (thank God!), was David "Screaming Lord" Sutch. Sutch was a pioneer in the creation of "shock rock," with his injection of horror themes into his stage shows. His most famous tune was a tune called "Jack the Ripper." He also was marked by his almost complete lack of singing ability.

In 1970, Sutch managed to land some session time with some serious names: Jimmy Page and John Bonham (Led Zeppelin), Jeff Beck (The Yardbirds), Noel Redding (The Jimi Hendrix Experience), and Nicky Hopkins (session organist to the stars), among others. The end result, Lord Sutch and Heavy Friends, was such a disaster that Sutch's collaborators disowned it. Page swore the sessions were only intended to be demo-quality and were not meant to be released to the public. It ranks among one of the worst records ever made in Colin Larkin's book The Top 1000 Albums of All Time and a 1998 BBC poll of the worst records ever made.

Sutch, both before and after he had made his mark in music, would become better known for his perennial candidacies in British politics, eventually leading to the formation of Sutch's "Official Monster Raving Loony Party." The description fit Sutch's personality pretty well: his manic-depressive tendencies led to him committing suicide in 1998.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present to the Jukebox from Hell a cut from Lord Sutch and Heavy Friends, "Thumping Beat."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1x6fkK4lKE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on February 27, 2013, 06:16:27 PM
Those of you who know me know that I have a certain fondness for good old-fashioned country western music. Within that genre are some powerful anthems that espouse the small-town life: faith in God, hard work, modest living, raising a family, and yes, a few beers at the end of the week. It's not always pretty, but the good country western musician embraces it.

Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell does the exact opposite. The singer is an atheist and fits the archetype: she's miserable, resents everyone around her from the church she's forced to attend to her family (which apparently is filled with drug-addled cheaters), and blames the small-town life for the reason she, who is apparently too bourgeois for kids, is constantly "bored" and has signed up for welfare to constantly buy distractions for herself. Now, I'm not saying it's a crime to shed light on the less flattering aspects of rural life, but this way manages to insult pretty much everyone who has ever lived it.Appallingly, this song is currently a hit on the country charts.

Here's Kacey Musgraves with "Merry Go 'Round."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJjeWDvh6J0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 10, 2013, 10:57:38 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, the ultimate waste of 1960s British rock talent. John Lennon on rhythm guitar, Eric Clapton on lead guitar, Mitch Mitchell on drums, Keith Richards on bass... and Yoko Ono screeching nonsense beginning about a minute into the record. No Jukebox from Hell would be complete without Yoko.

Here's The Dirty Mac with "Whole Lotta Yoko."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIzJON-teng
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 13, 2013, 06:37:21 PM
Time for another awkward example of celebrities narrating the lyrics to a song instead of singing them.

Today's entry is Liberace, pianist extraordinaire. The recording dates to no earlier than the late 1970s, when the song was a hit. Now, something to keep in mind is that although Liberace was extremely talented in terms of showmanship and pure ability to play the instrument, 1) he wasn't much for keeping a steady beat and was prone to frequent speed-ups and slow-downs, which fit his dramatic style; 2) he wasn't much of a singer, letting his piano do most of the music; and 3) Liberace was almost certainly gay, even though he never admitted as much and, being relatively conservative in values, was certainly not proud of it. (Liberace would be diagnosed with HIV in the late 1980s, eventually leading to his death.)

The song itself was written by ASCAP heads Alan and Marilyn Bergman as the potential theme song for Norman Lear's sitcom All That Glitters; it was never used, because Lear had revamped the concept and it no longer fit. It was later popularized in a duet by Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond, which hit number 1. If you want an idea of how this song turns out, think of a gay man sniping to his male lover about how he doesn't feel appreciated. Awkward.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is Liberace with his version of "You Don't Bring Me Flowers."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJUZag13xdE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 20, 2013, 07:20:20 PM
Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell features, for what I believe is the first time, a television theme song. (EDIT: As originally seen on TV, this is true, although I played a variant of a TV theme a few months back.)
 
The 1970s produced a number of iconic theme songs to TV shows. The themes to Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, Soul Train and The Young and the Restless all became top-40 hits, as did (improbably) David Naughton's theme to the flop Makin' It. Catchy, inspirational and ubiquitous; these songs were pop gold.

Not this one. Now, to be clear here, in no way am I critiquing the actual show itself. From what little I remember of the show, it was great. But the theme song, a series of off-key "la's" apparently done in character, can pretty easily get on one's nerves if, say, you play it enough to qualify as heavy rotation on a radio station. For that reason, a couple seasons later, an all-instrumental arrangement replaced this version.

Here's Valerie Harper (I think) with the theme from Rhoda.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eZgKXt7si4g
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 23, 2013, 10:21:08 AM
Last night I happened to stumble on VH1's airing of the 100 Best Songs of the 2000s. The decade, to be quite frank, was terrible for music.

Case in point: today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell. This is Ashlee Simpson. She's an actress. She's better known as the younger sister of singer Jessica Simpson, and unfortunately, Jessica got the singing voice (even if, in my opinion, she doesn't use it consistently enough) and Ashlee didn't. That, of course, didn't stop her. She released a couple of songs in fall 2004, which were relatively successful, and the record company decided to promote them on Saturday Night Live. Unfortunately, she developed what she called "acid reflux" the week of the show and couldn't sing... but instead of canceling, she decided to fake it: lip sync to a pre-recorded studio backing track. It worked fine for song one, but then on live TV, instead of playing song two, the backing track repeated... exposing the fraud.

Her reputation severely damaged, Simpson nonetheless decided she would go forward with a performance at the 2005 Orange Bowl a few months later. In order to restore her reputation, she decided to pick one of the hardest driving songs in her repertoire and overcompensate. The resulting off-key, off-beat screaming-- well, let's just say the subsequent boos were legendary.

Simpson's career never recovered. She eventually married Pete Wentz, frontman for another 2000s drop-in-the-bucket band, Fall Out Boy (and coincidentally, the host of the special I was watching yesterday). Amazingly, Simpson still has a recording contract and was last heard working on her fourth album.

Here's Ashlee Simpson with her live performance at the 2005 Orange Bowl, "La La."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amrbR68A260
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 03, 2013, 09:12:01 PM
To this day, I still believe country music has a bad reputation because of this song, an icon of the new style of country music that exploded in popularity in the early 1990s. The lyrics are ridiculously cheesy, and the artist has a style that can be best described as a cheap Elvis impersonation. This was his only top 40 pop hit, although he had some (slightly better) songs that charted on the country charts. Oh, and he also has a daughter who became a pop star.

Among its, er, accolades: #2 in a poll from Blender Magazine, #2 in a poll from VH1, #6 in Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs, and the subject of a less than flattering parody from Weird Al Yankovic.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, here's Billy Ray Cyrus with "Achy Breaky Heart."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=byQIPdHMpjc
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 05, 2013, 06:47:59 PM
Nineteen years ago today, the music industry lost one of its most infamous malcontents. Kurt Cobain, who as frontman for Nirvana probably contributed far more to the death of rock music in this country than most will give him credit for doing, committed suicide and joined the "27 club" of musicians who died at that age.

Here's Nirvana with "Breed."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=tGc8jL4dzao
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 07, 2013, 04:27:07 PM
I don't know anyone in their right mind who thought writing this song was a good idea. The song was originally recorded (as a single, anyway; the original songwriter released it on his one and only album the year before) by America, whose version was a flop but nonetheless caught the attention of the Captain and Tennille, who thought that it was the most ridiculous song they had ever heard... so they decided to record it, complete with synthesizer sound effects meant to simulate the two muskrats doin' the nasty.

Somehow, it became a hit for them, one of their biggest. They even played it at the national bicentennial in 1976, with the queen of England and a not-too-pleased Henry Kissinger among the audience (Toni Tennille explains the story in the video).

Here are the Captain and Tennille with "Muskrat Love."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBYV_7a0FQs
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 10, 2013, 12:45:00 PM
Note to self: when attempting to write music for a foreign language market, please make sure you have a grasp of the language first. Otherwise you end up with today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell.

Here's the Italian eurodisco group Eiffel 65 with one of the most infamous hits of the lat e 1990s, "Blue (Da Ba Dee)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68ugkg9RePc
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 11, 2013, 07:59:00 AM
One of the reviews for the previous entry here described Eiffel 65's "Blue" as a never-ending ringtone. That brings me to my next entry in the Jukebox from Hell.

This one actually WAS a ringtone at first. The recording that inspired it was recorded back in the 1990s; that was an onomatopoeic impersonation of a race car, which was one of the early "viral" media bits on the World Wide Web. In 2004, some producer decided to remix the recording and set it to the late 1980s synth-pop instrumental, "Axel F." The result was something that even the producers thought was "the most annoying thing in the world," and they designed a frog character to match.

Here's Crazy Frog with "Axel F."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=k85mRPqvMbE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 12, 2013, 06:29:36 PM
Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from the man who is perhaps one of the most despised artists in the genre of smooth jazz.

Here's Kenny G with what arguably is his signature tune, "Songbird."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QN2RnjFHmNY
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 14, 2013, 09:09:00 PM
Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell was originally popularized after it was used in commercials advertising Michael J. Fox's last episode of the sitcom Spin City (Fox left that show due to worsening Parkinson's disease). The song was primarily chosen for its lyrical content, and probably not for the vocal talents of the lead singer. Now, pardon me if this seems insensitive, but this woman doesn't simply have a bad voice... she has NO voice. What little she does have sounds like it's withered away after several decades of chain-smoking Newports. This was pretty much her only hit.

A little side note: not only am I featuring this in the Jukebox from Hell, but this past December, the singer performed it herself on KDOC First Night 2013, a New Year special widely considered to be a New Year's Eve special from Hell. Her performance and bizarre antics made many suspect that she was drunk, an allegation host Jamie Kennedy denied.

Here's Macy Gray with "I Try."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Hq6RGIIdTQE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 17, 2013, 06:38:59 PM
WARNING: Profane language alert.

Most of us have had bad days at work. However, if you feel the need to go on an obscene rant, you might want to wait until you are out of the studio, lest you experience what happened to top-40 countdown host Casey Kasem. On at least two occasions, Kasem (thinking he was not recording at the time), after making bloopers that he eventually cut from his show, American Top 40, went ballistic on his producers and lambasted his material. One of them became infamously known as the Dead Dog tape, for his ranting on going out of an upbeat song and following it up with a melancholy Long Distance Dedication to, of course, a dead dog named Snuggles. The other concerned the band U2, with whom Kasem wasn't all that impressed.

Both tapes ended up in the hands of Negativland, an experimental band that could have only come out of San Francisco. They edited the tapes and set them to a kazoo cover of U2's "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," calling the finished sound collage "U2." U2's record label (without U2's consent, mind you) sued Negativland for violating intellectual property rights; the suit was later dropped.

Here's Negativland (featuring Casey Kasem) with "U2."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Z6gPSSYxex0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 18, 2013, 06:07:58 PM
Ah, shock rock. I could fill this thread from the genre alone.

Today's entry is known for short as AxCx, which is short for an extremely obscene phrase. Obscenity was this band's specialty, and they usually named their songs with sentences that (much like the Westboro Baptist Church) were designed to be as ridiculously provocative as possible. As far as musical talent... well... it's here, isn't it? The band admitted sending its music to critics specifically to get bad reviews.

The lead singer died in 2011. In keeping with the band's ethos, I will assume there was much rejoicing.

Here's one of their tamer songs... "Beat Les."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=g2qmdXDG9wc
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 19, 2013, 01:24:50 PM
A few days ago, I featured a song that combined admirable songwriting with extremely poor execution (Macy Gray's "I Try"). Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell is the exact opposite-- great production on a lousy song.

The Turtles were one of the big American bands of the mid-to-late 1960s, buoyed in part by the huge success of their sunshine pop single, "Happy Together." The record company, for the next several years, pressured the band to follow up that hit with another, similar tune. The Turtles, however, were somewhat irked, and wanted to be more experimental. They decided to record a concept album, The Turtles Present the Battle of the Bands, in which the band would pose as many different acts performing a wide variety of genera, ranging from hard rock to psychedelic to surfer music. One of the acts was Howie, Mark, Johnny, Jim and Al (the names of the band members), which served the record company with their reply: a follow-up sunshine pop tune with the hammiest, cheesiest lyrics they could come up with. They had a blast recording it (as this clip shows) and produced it so slickly that it eventually became a hit anyway, one of The Turtles' last.

Two of the Turtles ended up joining Frank Zappa and took on the name Flo and Eddie. They're still performing today.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present for your listening pleasure The Turtles with "Elenore" (sic).

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8O4TqdhtDJQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 01, 2013, 08:00:16 PM
For hundreds of years, classical music composers strove to make music that you wanted to listen to. Whether it was the interweaving fugues of Baroque music, the simple compositions of the Classic, the dramatic and powerful tunes of the Romantic, or even the delightfully complex Impressionist era, there were certain expectations to be made when you composed music.

For some odd reason, in the 20th century, all of that went out the window. All of a sudden, the rage among highbrow music composers was to be as experimental and as bizarre as humanly possible. It didn't need to even sound right-- in fact, the more of an affront it was to the senses, the better. Deconstruction became the norm: anything that could be changed from perceived norms, from instrumentation, to tuning, to timing, became fair game. The result was a lot of crap.

Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell is perhaps one of the most notorious pieces to come out of contemporary classical music. It was composed by the late John Cage. In a move sure to have made Jerry Seinfeld proud many years later, this composition is composed entirely of... nothing. Well, not precisely nothing, but as little sound as humanly possible. You see, Cage composed it solely to prove a point: we are surrounded by sound, and the piece is designed to bring attention to that background noise.

It's also quite possibly the laziest composition imaginable, which is why I feature it here. In yet another one of those bizarre Christmas number-one campaigns, this piece finished at #21 on the UK Singles Chart back in 2011, a position much lower than originally anticipated. So, ladies and gentlemen, here is John Cage with 4'33".

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gN2zcLBr_VM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 01, 2013, 09:33:18 PM
Because I missed a few days (I was looking for a song called "Do It Like a Dog" by Dean Milan that has apparently been completely scrubbed off the World Wide Web, believe it or not) and I'm not sure I will remember this one tomorrow, I'm going to double up tonight.

The artist in tomorrow's entry began her career as a member of the folk group The New Christy Minstrels. She also had an extensive career as a songwriter and, although her Wikipedia bio doesn't seem to mention it, I believe she also did some novelty songs. However, this song (which she didn't even write; it was originally done by Jackie DeShannon) is the one that has made her the most famous. Like the aforementioned Macy Gray, she doesn't have much of a voice, and she's even worse at staying on pitch than Gray is. Her arrangement of this song is strange to put it mildly (she and the producers didn't even understand some of the words), and the result of this giant train wreck still managed to top the charts in several countries. At least Bette Davis, the indirect subject of the song, was flattered by the piece.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, here is tomorrow's entry in the Jukebox from Hell... Kim Carnes with "Bette Davis Eyes."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=EPOIS5taqA8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 69FenderStrat on May 02, 2013, 07:42:59 PM
worst cover ever! *the final count down*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjeMDvCdrtc&feature=youtu.be
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 06, 2013, 06:30:31 PM
It's my intention this week to do another theme week. This one is Television Musicals week. Over the past five decades, many have tried, usually unsuccessfully, to combine theatrical musicals with the medium of television. It turns out that television audiences have never really cared for people breaking out into song in the middle of a dialogue.

The first entry in TV Musicals Week comes from a very short-lived musical series known as Viva Laughlin. It lasted all of two episodes. Perhaps that's because not only was it a cheesy show, but the popular music tracks the show used still had the original artists' vocal tracks intact. The end result was that the actors were singing over-top of the original singers as if they were singing along with their car stereo.

Anyway, here is one of the songs from Viva Laughlin... Lloyd Owen singing and dancing along, an octave low, to Elton John's "I'm Still Standing." (The clip is from The Soup, hence the interruptions and snarky comments.)

http://youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwrel&v=eNmgOIjZJXQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on May 06, 2013, 07:33:58 PM
Three entries in this category from the hit series Scrubs. Scrubs frequently included and wove music, both from the staff and as a background, into the plot of an episode as an indispensable part of the show. No discussion of modern musicals in terms of television episodes would be complete without a mention of this ground breaking show.
 
I enjoyed the series very much until the writers strike cause it to take a 90 degree turn into mediocrity. The series had just about run out of steam by then anyway.
 
The first entry outlines the overt and intentionally ambiguous relationship between J.D. and Turk. The second is an homage to musical artcraft. While it is technically well done, in my humble opinion, I didn't quite care for it so much. It lacked the scathing, sort of, deeply personal comedy which really marked the series and which I had become accustomed. The third demostrates a background singer enhancing the mood of the episode.

Anyway, if you enjoy musicals, you will more than likely like these two tidbits. Enjoy.
 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxbROMQTjKg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxbROMQTjKg)
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1cWzosA218 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1cWzosA218)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHTJMBbxGTU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 07, 2013, 10:16:28 PM
You would think a man with a pedigree like Steven Bochco would know better than to produce a show like the one I am going to feature in Day 2 of TV Musicals Week. After all, he is the man responsible for the hits Hill Street Blues and later NYPD Blue. Alas, that does not seem to be the case. This 1990 stinker was called Cop Rock. It lasted 11 episodes, and its main characteristic was that its cast of characters had a notorious habit of breaking out into, often inappropriate, song and dance in the middle of dialogue. For instance, a courtroom scene would have a jury foreman transforming the jury into a gospel choir in a rendition of a song called "He's Guilty," or a police lineup would bust out into a hip-hop piece crying racist.

Here's a piece of music from the series that fairly accurately portrays how absurd the series was. From the series Cop Rock, here's "Baby Merchant."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=bk5MM9BjYuw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 08, 2013, 06:50:44 PM
Day 3 of Television Musicals Week brings us to perhaps one of the most bizarre combinations of genera imaginable.

In this clip, from late 1977, you have Donny Osmond as Luke Skywalker... Marie Osmond as Princess Leia... Kris Kristofferson as Han Solo... and a group of Song-and-Dance Storm Troupe-rs singing Motown. It is apparently an adaptation of the film Star Wars. Donny and Marie were, at the time, hosts of a variety show on ABC. Although it was a major hit, it was also produced by Sid and Marty Krofft, two of the most infamous producers in children's television, and the show featured much of the bizarre absurdity that the Kroffts, along with then-ABC president Fred Silverman, would try to replicate. (It was that replication that turned Silverman into a laughingstock, with flops such as The Brady Bunch Hour and Pink Lady and Jeff built heavily on the Krofft formula.)

Ladies and gentlemen, from the TV show Donny & Marie, here is a Star Wars-inspired version of the Temptations/Rare Earth hit, "Get Ready."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=pLTI3lejhGg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 09, 2013, 10:44:15 PM
There were two segues I could have chosen for Day 4 of Television Musicals Week, The Star Wars Holiday Special or The Brady Bunch Hour. I chose the latter.

Yesterday I mentioned that Fred Silverman and Sid and Marty Krofft used the template from their hit variety show Donny & Marie to produce a number of lousy imitators. The Brady Bunch Hour was perhaps one of the most infamous. Silverman had never even asked permission from the copyright owners of The Brady Bunch before putting this limited-run series of variety specials into production. (They later consented anyway.) The Brady kids had now aged seven years since the debut of the original sitcom. At least one of them, Eve Plumb (Jan), refused to participate and was recast; also added to the cast was Rip Taylor, who played a manager and (along with Ann Davis, who reprised her Alice role) served as comic relief.

Each episode ended with a huge finale. Now, the Brady Bunch had a little bit of experience in music (a couple episodes of the original sitcom have them as a band, in an attempt to capitalize on The Partridge Family's multimedia success) but were not professional musicians. They weren't at fault in tonight's entry. This medley includes people in duck suits and covers of covers of songs (at one point, they sing la-las to the aforementioned Disco Lucy, see "Disco Week"  a few months back). Needless to say, it is truly bizarre television and equally bizarre music.

Here is the Brady Bunch with a disco medley.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gR9u9efiNvg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 17, 2013, 05:52:49 PM
Day 5 of Television Musicals Week (let's just pretend I hopped in a TARDIS and skipped a week ahead) is going overseas.

This past week was the Eurovision Song Contest, a contest where all of the countries in Europe nominate a musical act (either a singer or a band), send them to one place, and have them sing in a contest for all of Europe to see on TV; then they choose a winner. Since the late 1990s, bands have been free to choose whatever language they want to sing (although they must sing; that's what differentiates a "song" from a "composition"). Most choose English. However, the often strange nature of European music combined with many performers' poor grasp of the language has proven itself a fitting target for satire.

This piece illustrates that pretty well. I have been looking for months to find a way to fit this parody into this thread, and now here is my excuse. Nul points for this entry in the Jukebox from Hell... "Supersonik Elektronik" by Zlad.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=kKO9h-gG4Qg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 20, 2013, 09:02:56 PM
Here is the Star Wars Holiday Special...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=MmpJ9zQvEVA
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 09, 2013, 04:40:36 PM
Today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell is, perhaps somewhat surprisingly, the only top-40 hit that country superstar Garth Brooks has ever had in his entire career.

The story behind it is that Brooks, at the time near the height of his popularity, had been cast as the lead in a movie named The Lamb, which would have chronicled a fictional pop-rock star by the name of Chris Gaines. As a tie-in to the film, Brooks recorded an album purporting to be Gaines's greatest hits. He appears on the album and in the music video in a black emo wig and Nehru jacket with strategic lighting to make Gaines look as little like Garth as possible.

The film ended up never being made, so the album ended up a concept album, with Brooks appearing in a couple TV shows "with" Gaines to promote the album.

(If you want another Garth Brooks candidate for the Jukebox from Hell, look up "That Summer," a song about an old lady, um, taking advantage, if you know what I mean, of the teenage help she takes in for the summer. The local country station plays it pretty often and it always creeped me out.)

Here is Chris Gaines with "Lost in You."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=CObmRzakik8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 19, 2013, 02:49:13 PM
There are few greater indictments of one's musical talents than the next entry in the Jukebox from Hell. In the 1996 movie Mars Attacks!, this song was used to kill off invading Martians by, quite literally, making their heads explode into blobs of green goo.

The performer of this song, Slim Whitman, died yesterday at the age of 89.

Here is the late Slim Whitman with "Indian Love Call."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD77Pd_5-vo
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 21, 2013, 10:34:16 AM
I only found out about this band from their incessant efforts to spam Wikipedia.

Ladies and gentlemen, on the eve of the one-year anniversary of the Jukebox from Hell, I present Grand Reefer with a take on Yip Harburg and Harold Arlen's "Ding! Dong! The Witch Is Dead!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smYhMkqV3DY
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 22, 2013, 10:00:58 AM
Today marks the one-year anniversary of the Jukebox from Hell, a thread started by Chieftain back before he (EDIT: fixed) stormed off in a fury over posting Tweets on the threads.

The first song Chieftain featured on the Jukebox from Hell was from a guy named Klaus Nomi, a gay German countertenor with a wicked falsetto. He achieved underground fame in the New York City area in the late 1970s and early 1980s, even producing a couple of music videos, including today's entry. His performances range from Renaissance opera to totally bizarre covers of music ranging from the 1930s to 1960s and a few original compositions by his (business) partner, Kristian Hoffman. Nomi died of AIDS related illness in 1983.

If you ever want to tick off a redneck, offer to play "Simple Man." He will think it is Skynyrd... and be sorely disappointed.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gFaZyHxQGYQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: DCPatriot on June 22, 2013, 11:02:35 AM
Today marks the one-year anniversary of the Jukebox from Hell, a thread started by Chieftain back before she stormed off in a fury over posting Tweets on the threads.



Wasn't Chiefain a male....who liked to piss off neighbors and build sheds? :whistle:
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 23, 2013, 07:19:45 AM

Wasn't Chiefain a male....who liked to piss off neighbors and build sheds? :whistle:
I thought there had been some sort indication that Chieftain was a "she" (but I could be wrong)... and yes, he did like to piss off neighbors and build sheds, in fact, I believe that was the inspiration for this thread.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 24, 2013, 02:22:16 PM
Nothing good can come from a guy whose best-known nickname is Parrotface.

OK, that's not quite true... British comic Freddie Davies, the performer of today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell, actually recorded a couple of decent ballads, and although they were never hits in any English-speaking country, much less his own, they were fairly popular in South America. (I'll feature those in The Juke Box.) This is not one of those ballads.

Once again, I won't spoil too much about this song because an element of surprise is part of its appeal, but I present today Freddie "Parrotface" Davies with "Sentimental Songs."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=cBMTW7HS6i8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 28, 2013, 05:53:23 PM
Back in the late 1990s, there was a little show called Blue's Clues. It was an annoying show, compounded by the fact they would repeat every episode five times in a week in the same time slot. About the only thing entertaining about it, at least for anyone older than about four, was making fun of how much of a moron the host, Steve Burns, must have been.

Well, after about five years, Steve got sick of the gig... so he quit, shaved his head, and started to record some music. Fortunately, he knew some members of the Flaming Lips, who were more than willing to help him out. The end result, Songs for Dustmites, actually got a number of very good reviews, even though I don't think it charted any hits anywhere.

Still, the fairly abrupt transition from kiddie host to singing some decidedly adult material is jarring enough, hence why I present tonight in the Jukebox from Hell, Steve Burns with "What I Do on Saturday."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IDSEJ1_SQG4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 08, 2013, 09:23:36 PM
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from the legendary Screamin' Jay Hawkins. After the success of Hawkins's "I Put a Spell on You," he was at somewhat of a loss to replicate that success. So he decided, as he states in the beginning of this record, to do away with the "silly love songs" (as a certain Mr. McCartney once mused) and write a song about "real pain."

The result was a record described by the Allmusic Record Guide as, simply, "gross." Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present... the Constipation Blues.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3hks_t-HzSc
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 09, 2013, 10:08:43 PM
Of all the musical instruments in the universe... this guy chooses a toaster as the one, and only, instrument to accompany this next piece. Fittingly, it's called "Toast." Here's Heywood Banks.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=c7NqSu1Wk0Y
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 17, 2013, 01:08:22 PM
Even the legendary Frank Sinatra lays an egg every once in a while, as is clearly demonstrated in today's entry. At a nadir in his career in the early 1950s, Mitch Miller, legendary producer who later became known for his sing-along TV show, persuaded Sinatra to record this novelty piece (Miller had become notorious for his frequent use of novelty music). To make matters worse (and what makes this record particularly bad) was Sinatra's duet partner: Dagmar, a bimbo whose only talent was not having any talent.

After the debacle, Sinatra and Miller each blamed each other for the recording: Sinatra claimed Miller made him record it, but Miller responded that Sinatra could have always refused and that "you don't get him into the studio to do what he doesn't want to do" (paraphrase). Sinatra's career later picked up again once the Rat Pack started picking up steam in the 1960s. Dagmar, a 1950s icon, faded into obscurity.

Here is Frank Sinatra with Dagmar and their single, "Mama will Bark."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=mHfycHpzCgE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 28, 2013, 08:58:37 PM
One of the great travesties in rock music history is the story of Creedence Clearwater Revival. Officially, the band consisted of John Fogerty, his brother Tom, Doug Clifford and Stu Cook. Practically, however, it was all John.

In the early 1970s, Tom  (who had long tried to get out of the band) quit for good, and John, sick of carrying the band on his back, demanded that Cook and Clifford start carrying their own weight with regard to songwriting and lead vocals. The result was the mostly disastrous album Mardi Gras, a hodgepodge of songs written and performed by each member of the band. It charted two hit singles-- both of them Fogerty compositions-- but the rest of the album was treated quite savagely in the press. The band broke up shortly thereafter.

John Fogerty launched a solo career in the 1980s, most famously performing the baseball-themed hit "Centerfield." However, despite Fogerty's efforts to stop them, it was Cook and Clifford, the glorified rhythm section that contributed almost nothing to the band during its existence, that got to use the CCR name. They now tour under the name "Creedence Clearwater Revisited."

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present the last B-side ever released by CCR: a Doug Clifford composition known as "Tearin' Up the Country."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=CAAqLnuuKFw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 11, 2013, 07:59:55 PM
Considering this thread got bumped down to page 2, I figured it's time to put a new song on it.

No big story behind this one... EDIT: There actually is a little backstory. This guy came out of Alberta in the 1980s, and although his name indicates he was a one-song novelty act, he did record a whole album, Ropin' the Wind, with numerous other songs. The backing band is Garry Lee and the Showdown, another Albertan country band best known for their X-rated songs such as the Rodeo Song. Listen closely to this guy's lyrics and you will hear the vulgar influences. Here is Doctor Badbreath with "Stinky Breath."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gHaWh3iimSA
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 16, 2013, 07:56:47 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 24, 2013, 10:17:31 AM
Today's entry features The Beatles. Wait, what? THE BEATLES? Seriously?

Well, yes... but with a twist. This cut was back from 1962, the first track they ever attempted to cut in the studio. By this point, the band was John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison... and Pete Best on drums. John, Paul and George would turn out to be extremely talented musicians. Pete Best... not so much. He was a mediocre drummer at best, brought in as a stop-gap drummer since the band had originally played skiffle without drums; he was particularly popular as a heartthrob during the band's early live gigs in Europe, but he wasn't particularly fond of the spotlight.

Best's poor drumming cost the band a chance at a record gig with Decca, and numerous other labels also passed. Eventually, EMI gave them a chance. The first track they decided to cut was a little ditty known as "Love Me Do." It was a cheap Everly Brothers ripoff that only had three chords. The problem was that the song had a shuffle beat, and Best, although he could rock out on 4/4 with the best of them, couldn't handle shuffle... as this recording clearly demonstrates. So, they cut the recording off and decided to bring in a session drummer (Andy White), whose version is the one most commonly heard today. George Harrison convinced John and Paul to get their manager, Brian Epstein, to fire Pete Best and replace him with fellow Liverpudlian Ringo Starr. For the first few years, Starr lived in perpetual fear that he could, like Best, be replaced on a whim (they never did, even when given the opportunity when Starr got sick and Jimmie Nicol was called in to substitute for him).

Best revived his original band in 1980 (originally the Black Jacks in the early 1960s, now known as the Pete Best Band) and his drumming has improved.

Here are The Beatles, with Pete Best on drums, with "Love Me Do."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=OwzY0XYVyTk
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 25, 2013, 09:42:01 PM
Richard Simmons in drag. Enough said.

Here's "Hair Do."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=XEbVq8pb3QE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 31, 2013, 09:55:24 AM
Meet Murray Wachs. Wachs was an obscure poet from New York City who, in the 1990s (by which point he was already in his 70s) he was discovered by radio station WFMU. With the help of WFMU's staff, Wachs took on the stage name "Bingo Gazingo" and became known for his often absurd, sometimes obscene, but always stream-of-consciousness poems (or perhaps rants). In good health even at his old age, Wachs died on New Year's Day 2010 after being struck by a car. He was 85.

Here is Bingo Gazingo with a live rendition of his tribute to Jennifer Lopez, "J.Lo."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=H4uYqzGDW7s
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 04, 2013, 10:33:58 PM
Do you really want to annoy your neighbor? Start playing a genre of music known as the "porn groove." It's a type of music that got its name from its use in 1970s pornographic films. One of the most prolific producers of porn groove music was Pornosonic, a session group founded and produced by Ron Jeremy (who also had more than his fair share of, um, on-camera time as well).

An entire album of Pornosonic's music can be found on Youtube. Being a decent man I will spare you the whole record and instead include just one track... the theme from a 1973 porno, "Cramming for College." WARNING: Some NSFW dialog is at the beginning of this track.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=S6kxau0ePlg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 17, 2013, 09:58:22 PM
You have (probably) heard of Dueling Banjos, but how about Dueling Tubas?

Well, the performer of this entry in the Jukebox from Hell talks a little in the beginning of this clip about how he is convinced that this song is headed for the charts. Surprisingly, he was right: this ditty peaked at #92 on the Billboard Hot 100 to become his only chart hit.

A couple notes on this clip: technically, what he is "playing" is not a tuba, it's a sousaphone, and I suspect that he is lip-synching (if you can call it that) to the original record.

Here is Martin Mull (yes, that Martin Mull) with "Dueling Tubas."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojqrd7FeXmg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 18, 2013, 10:18:34 AM
Peter Frampton, 1970s glam rocker, is best known for his famous live album, Frampton Comes Alive! As a live musician, Frampton is a phenomenal musician. Put him in a studio, however, and his weaknesses begin to glare, particularly his bizarre, throaty accent. His follow-up to Frampton Comes Alive! was I'm in You, which would later be savaged by Frank Zappa.

This clip is from the soundtrack to the 1978 film Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. It's named, of course, after the Beatles album of the same name, and features Beatles music, mostly from that album through to their breakup. The star-studded soundtrack included Steve Martin ("Maxwell's Silver Hammer"), Earth, Wind & Fire ("Got to Get You into My Life"), former Beatles collaborator Billy Preston ("Get Back"), and most prominently alongside Frampton, The Bee Gees. Most of the performers did a very good job with the tunes, but the movie stunk, and I'd venture to say that Frampton probably helped bring the rest of the movie down. Maxim named the soundtrack the worst album of all time in April 2000.

Here's Peter Frampton with "The Long and Winding Road."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=oUk3eY3xEHc
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 19, 2013, 09:16:30 AM
You may recognize this guy. He's been in the news. I'll let his musical talents speak for themselves.

Here's Russian Premier Vladimir Putin with his take on the Fats Domino classic "Blueberry Hill."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IV4IjHz2yIo
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 21, 2013, 11:27:58 AM
I debated for months on whether or not to include this next song in the Jukebox from Hell. The main reason is that, unlike every other song I have posted so far, I don't absolutely hate it or consider it patently ridiculous. It seems, however, that almost everyone else does.

This song was originally written in early 1968 by Bobby Russell. Within three years, this song was recorded almost 20 times, the most famous version being the one by Bobby Goldsboro. It's a classic tale of regret: a man treats his wife with disregard and neglect for so long, but when she finally leaves him (and, shortly thereafter, dies), he mournfully realizes the error of his ways. It hit #1 on the charts shortly after Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated.

Maudlin? Absolutely. The worst of all time? Well, a lot of people seem to think so, even though I don't.

Here's Bobby Goldsboro with "Honey."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59BZxgohr9g
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 02, 2013, 05:44:32 PM
This is Crispin Hellion Glover. He's a character actor, typically known for his eccentric and villainous bit roles in film. He also, in 1989, recorded an album of, um, music. To call it that is a bit of a stretch; it was bizarre to say the least. In all fairness, Glover has the capability to sing well; he has a cover of "Ben" that he performed for his remake of the film Willard that can be found on YouTube. For this project, however, he refused.

This album is far more abstract. This video, I believe, is the only single from the album The Big Problem is Not the Solution. The Solution - Let It Be. Another cut from the album has Glover sobbing through a cover of Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made for Walking." This song is original, and perhaps involving some of the sloppiest songwriting imaginable.

Here's Crispin Glover with "Clowny Clown Clown."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rH6b_lSQst0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 05, 2013, 10:47:26 AM
Back in the 1980s, Jimmy Hart, up to that time known as the frontman for The Gentrys (a one-hit wonder group best known for the ironically short "Keep on Dancin'"), wound up in what was then known as the World Wrestling Federation. Because Hart had a number of musical connections, he and WWF chairman Vince McMahon developed the Rock 'n' Wrestling Connection, in which top musicians would cross over into WWF shows. As a marketing ploy, it was pure genius: the WWF soon came to dominate pro wrestling by the early 1990s, challenged only by Ted Turner's WCW. Other circuits ended up collapsing right around that time.

However, the Rock 'n' Wrestling Connection also had a number of side effects-- namely, pro wrestlers decided to get in on the action and start recording albums, with Hart's help. The first was a compilation album, The Wrestling Album, which did not feature WWF's biggest star, Hulk Hogan (himself a competent bass guitarist), but did feature most everyone else. Hogan got his own album instead, The Wrestling Boot Band: Hulk Rules. According to him, he hired his then-wife Linda to do backup vocals because she sounded better than the rest of the crap.

Rock 'n' Wrestling, much like rock music in general, died out in the mid-1990s with the rise of the Attitude Era; WWF bought WCW and became World Wrestling Entertainment, WWE, in 2001. As for Hogan, he's mostly retired, but I did see him pop up this morning doing a spoof video of Miley Cyrus's "Wrecking Ball," wearing a thong and spanking his almost-70-year-old self. It's pretty traumatic stuff.

Here's Hulk Hogan and his Wrestling Boot Band with "Beach Patrol."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLykknlM7Ls
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 14, 2013, 09:59:27 PM
Tony Clifton was one of many creations from comedian Andy Kaufman. Clifton was a parody of lounge singers: he had an annoying, nasally voice, forgot lyrics in the middle of songs, abused his audience, and his idea of entertainment was taking words and rhyming them (with no coherent direction) in the middle of a song. For a time, Kaufman played Clifton (and even charged a lower rate for Clifton than he did for himself); he also had a couple of understudies who played the character to play up the possibility that Clifton, just maybe, could have been real. Clifton opened for Rodney Dangerfield at the Fillmore East twice, eventually getting (literally) peppered with rotten vegetables.

Eventually, even after Kaufman's death, the Tony Clifton character continued. He still makes occasional appearances, even today.

Here's Tony Clifton, as he appeared on a Muppets TV special.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2wDAA7O0ho
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 21, 2013, 05:02:17 PM
I don't particularly like punk.

I do, however, have a soft spot for the Dead Kennedys. Yes, they were lefties (like most punks), but they reserved most of their vitriol for fellow liberals. "Holiday in Cambodia" skewers the liberal, self-important view of the world. "California Uber Alles" is great listening for those who want to poke at Governor Moonbeam.

But this piece... um... it can only be explained as satire, since it makes no sense for Jello Biafra and company to be performing a song about glamorous excess made popular by a man (Elvis) who exemplified it.

Here are the Dead Kennedys with their version of "Viva Las Vegas."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XT72CgEJQNQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 06, 2013, 12:05:06 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 20, 2013, 12:05:34 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 19, 2014, 09:42:30 AM
Dusting off the old Jukebox from Hell to introduce this gem too bad to pass up.

This is Farrah Abraham. She's best known for her appearance on "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom." But oh, no. She's not content with showing the world how much of a mistake it is doin' the nasty at age 16. No, she must also show us she can also do the nasty in front of a camera... and show us how bad of a  singer she is. Here is her ear-bleeding new single, "Blowin'."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h53AzPEdku0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 23, 2014, 06:17:29 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, I present a record cut out of Mad magazine in 1963. This little piece of musical brilliance is credited to Alfred E. Neuman... here is "It's a Gas."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J-LvMxKvFY
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 28, 2014, 03:39:16 PM
Today's entry was the work of Billy Joel. Yes, that Billy Joel, beloved pianist and singer-songwriter who lit up the charts throughout the 1970s and 1980s.

Well, before his career took off, and just after he ended up finishing his stint in the piano bars (an experience he describes in his signature song, "Piano Man"), he decided to try his hand at metal (mind you, this is the late 60s/early 70s, just as the genre was still forming). He didn't have a guitarist, or a bassist. He had a drummer, Jon Small, and Joel figured that and his organ work would be more than enough. Thus Attila was born.

More than enough was right. As Joel recounts: "End of the sixties, I was in a two-man group. We were heavy metal, we were going to destroy the world with amplification, we had titles like 'Godzilla', 'March of the Huns', 'Brain Invasion'... I did a lot of heavy metal for a while. We had about a dozen gigs and nobody could stay in the room when we were playing. It was too loud. We drove people literally out of clubs."

Here is Attila with "Brain Invasion."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLuiVJBZyVM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 04, 2014, 08:15:32 PM
In 1995, Duran Duran, of course best known for their work in 1980s pop, decided to record a cover album. The album was called Thank You and featured a wide variety of songs, ranging from Bob Dylan to the Doors... to Public Enemy, a notorious hardcore rap group. Rightfully, Thank You got a lot of scorn and helped to end the band's heyday.

The band is still together.

Here is Duran Duran with their awkward cover of Public Enemy's "911 is a Joke."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3EGljZ-N_Y
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 07, 2014, 09:26:47 AM
April Winchell, the daughter of voice-actor Paul Winchell (but no relation to gossip columnist Walter Winchell), recently restored her massive audio archive of strange and awkward musical pieces to her Web site. (The archive, which was part of the inspiration behind my fascination with bad music, disappeared for a few years after she decided to focus her site on bad Etsy projects.) I'm thrilled, and this means there is a treasure trove of countless other pieces I can post here.

This piece is Eminem's (uncensored, so standard warning: NSFW disclaimer) hit composition "Without Me" set... to a Scott Joplinesque ragtime accompaniment.

http://www.aprilwinchell.com/h/mp3/Mrag.mp3
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Chieftain on April 07, 2014, 10:21:54 AM
April Winchell, the daughter of voice-actor Paul Winchell (but no relation to gossip columnist Walter Winchell), recently restored her massive audio archive of strange and awkward musical pieces to her Web site. (The archive, which was part of the inspiration behind my fascination with bad music, disappeared for a few years after she decided to focus her site on bad Etsy projects.) I'm thrilled, and this means there is a treasure trove of countless other pieces I can post here.

This piece is Eminem's (uncensored, so standard warning: NSFW disclaimer) hit composition "Without Me" set... to a Scott Joplinesque ragtime accompaniment.

http://www.aprilwinchell.com/h/mp3/Mrag.mp3

That is a frickin' goldmine!  Bookmarked....

 :beer:
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 08, 2014, 09:03:52 PM
According to April Winchell, the original version of this piece, by Alan Copeland, actually won a Grammy.

Here are the Unisounds (a group from Australia) with their version, a cross between the theme from Mission: Impossible and The Beatles' "Norwegian Wood."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8XnGKTaeiI
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 09, 2014, 09:40:36 AM
Another disclaimer: I cannot overemphasize how NSFW this next piece is.

This is Jeff Stryker, a 1980s and 1990s bisexual porn star. Some time in the early 1990s he recorded this piece for the limited-release album Wild Buck. All I will say of it any further is that I am surprised that this piece didn't make the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack. (For the record, if you believe Christopher Hitchens or understand basic anatomy, the act described in this song is nowhere near as enjoyable for the person on the receiving end as Stryker makes it sound.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96NelAjjH4U
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 10, 2014, 09:23:59 AM
From Sonny Bono's ill-fated solo album, Inner Views... here's "Pammie's on a Bummer." (Note: the instrumental introduction is about 3 minutes long.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiZd7JqKNsw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 11, 2014, 09:35:53 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 14, 2014, 09:07:47 AM
Admittedly, this could have turned out a lot worse than it actually did.

Here are Jackie Chan (yes, THAT Jackie Chan) with Ani DiFranco (of 10,000 Maniacs fame) with their rendition of "Unforgettable."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYlB6sZs3pA
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 14, 2014, 09:19:37 AM
Here's to make up for taking the weekend off.

Uri Geller was this illusionist/magician whose signature schtick was allegedly bending spoons. At the behest of militant atheist James Randi, Geller ended up getting exposed as a con in the 1970s on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. He also fashioned himself as some sort of avant-garde poet, and he compiled some of his poetry into an album in 1977.

For another level of strangeness, I note that this song is also available in Japanese.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present to the Jukebox from Hell Uri Geller's "I Cannot Answer You."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XJUtH0A-QQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 15, 2014, 09:34:39 AM
I have no idea what this is supposed to be, but here is actor Tony Randall (of The Odd Couple fame) with "Nature Boy."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cynCYtznJ8M
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 16, 2014, 01:23:24 PM
Here's probably the best piece of music Joe Pesci released, and he's released quite a bit (sadly).

Standard warning: NSFW disclaimer for a few droppings of the F-bomb and low-budget cartoon nudity.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is "Take Your Love and Shove It (Up Your Big Fat ***)".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0sq8Bbhw1c
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 17, 2014, 09:17:47 PM
This tune is creepy enough as it is. Ed McMahon, of course best known as Johnny Carson's on-air sidekick, the host of Star Search, and the guy who duped more than his fair share of people into thinking they'd won ten million dollars, manages to make it even creepier.

Here's his rendition of "Thank Heaven for Little Girls."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEvu7JhXqTU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 19, 2014, 10:06:59 AM
Meet Roger Voudouris. Roger was a one-hit wonder in 1979 with this song, which was inexplicably an international hit. He died in 2003, only 48 years old, from liver failure.

Watch and cringe as Roger sings "Get Used to It."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AhkpOf6nSo
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 22, 2014, 07:58:53 PM
A while back I posted a male chauvinist anthem. Today, I finally get around to equal time.

This piece was made famous by liberal-talk host Randi Rhodes, who plays the song on her show regularly. It was originally performed by Rusty Warren, a feminist cabaret performer, and much like the earlier "Having Fun with Elvis On Stage," this piece relies on some visual gags that are impossible to convey on a solely aural medium.

Here is "Bounce Your Boobies."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgY8cWbjkKw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 23, 2014, 06:39:26 AM
When the only lyrics to your song are "My washing machine does not work... someone (warning: NSFW) my washing machine!" you know that it's an entry fit for the Jukebox from Hell.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is Sikk with "My Washing Machine."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bffHSQy4hmw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 24, 2014, 06:14:10 PM
Racist? Or just plain stupid? I'll let you be the judge.

Here's Avril Lavigne with a video generating quite a bit of controversy... it's called "Hello Kitty."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiaYDPRedWQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: EC on April 24, 2014, 10:25:11 PM
Where is the controversy? It's a pretty standard Jpop beat and lyric. She was way better as a punk though.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 25, 2014, 06:02:14 AM
Where is the controversy? It's a pretty standard Jpop beat and lyric. She was way better as a punk though.
The controversy apparently stems from the fact that she's a white Canadian and that it comes off more as racist satire than genuine homage.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 25, 2014, 10:13:57 PM
Most of y'all know Mr. Blackwell as the now-deceased man who used to snark about other people's fashion choices. Well, he also performed in this sort of quasi-musical stage show in Las Vegas back in the late 1960s. Some of the pieces (spoken-word pieces set to music) from those shows were assembled into an album.

Here's a selection from the album - "That's Camp."

http://www.aprilwinchell.com/media/audio/Thats_Camp.mp3
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 28, 2014, 09:13:03 AM
Ah, corporations trying to be hip. Here's an ill-fated hip hop advertisement for National Fuel natural gas... "Rappin' with Gas."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=751hUX_q0Do
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 29, 2014, 07:08:07 PM
Darth Vader's Imperial March is not nearly as intimidating using a ukulele, tuba and a whistle as your instrumentation. (artist unknown)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecogJ6HIPVQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 30, 2014, 07:07:28 PM
Actor Vincent Price, years ago (while he was still alive, of course), recorded a series of cooking records. They make for amusing mash-ups.

Here's a piece set to a recording of "Wabash Cannonball..." it's called "Pork Chops."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybXYchgBOkQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on April 30, 2014, 07:14:42 PM
Well, that is a minute of life that I will never get back.
 
I'll top you, with 12 minutes of time which will be unrecoverable. If you can afford it, here it is. It is a little long. But, technically, in my humble opinion, it is in fact clever.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHnTocdD7sk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHnTocdD7sk)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 07, 2014, 09:19:23 PM
Well, that is a minute of life that I will never get back.
 
I'll top you, with 12 minutes of time which will be unrecoverable. If you can afford it, here it is. It is a little long. But, technically, in my humble opinion, it is in fact clever.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHnTocdD7sk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHnTocdD7sk)
I'm not sure if you're familiar with the 22-chapter epic that that song is based on... look up R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet." It's way too long to put here but it is something truly strange.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 07, 2014, 09:23:23 PM
For a time in the 1990s this song was constantly being parodied. It was originally done by Latin musician extraordinaire Perez Prado back in the 1940s, but then Lou Bega (who, despite his Hispanic-styled name and wardrobe, actually was from Germany-- his mother was Italian and his father Ugandan) came around and remixed the whole thing with a list of ladies' names for lyrics.

Ladies and gentlemen, bringing back something that probably never should have been brought back, here is Lou Bega's Mambo No. 5.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeqOLxRDsV8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 12, 2014, 07:53:01 PM
Here's an excerpt from the 1962 film The World's Greatest Sinner... it's Timothy Carey performing, um, something.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glWCXY-fo8M
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 21, 2014, 10:22:02 AM
Yes, this next entry in the Jukebox from Hell features the late and legendary Andy Williams singing in Japanese.

Do you know what's even more bizarre? This entire suite of songs is an advertisement for Aji-No-Moto, a brand of MSG seasoning.

Click on the image to listen to this picture album.

(http://www.aprilwinchell.com/images/aji1.jpg) (http://www.aprilwinchell.com/h/mp3/Andy_Williams_Ajinomoto.mp3)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 22, 2014, 06:44:22 PM
From the archives of the infamous Camp Records... here's "Homer the Happy Little Homo."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgGpmwyD8mU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 23, 2014, 07:01:29 PM
This song was a major hit for both The Left Banke (its original artists, whose version is by far the more popular today) and the Four Tops.

The latter band decided to record it in Italian... with an extra-heavy dose of schmaltz.

Here are Levi Stubbs and the Four Tops with "L'Arcobaleno," also known as the Italian version of "Walk Away Renee."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HxkZa8tsEQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 02, 2014, 06:09:24 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 03, 2014, 07:51:05 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 04, 2014, 02:34:04 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 12, 2014, 11:01:50 PM
The subject of this song, a major hit for the group The Divinyls, is pretty self-evident by its title. Thus, a standard warning: NSFW disclaimer applies.

The artist here is Rolf Harris. Harris, who hails from Australia, is best known as a novelty musician; you may recognize his piece "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport," which dates to the early 1960s. Well, Harris manages to take this song and turn it from something titillating to something so over-the-top that it becomes outright disturbing. Harris himself could not keep a straight face, as evidenced during the recording of this piece, which consists only of him and a homemade instrument known as a "wobble-board".

Harris is currently facing accusations of sexual assault and child pornography against teenagers, charges he vehemently denies. His trial started in May.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Rolf Harris with "I Touch Myself."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0rlYSJQkyw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on June 12, 2014, 11:50:31 PM
Our favorite singer of all time William Shatner, with his inimitable interpretation of music. Enough said.
 
Anyone who actually manages to listen to the whole thing without skipping is a better man than me. I couldn't do it.
 
Oh one point, he seems to say in the song "Bis allah" when the correct term in Arabic is 'Bismillah'. Just a note.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmPOWJtsEGc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmPOWJtsEGc)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 16, 2014, 07:06:30 PM
If you've never heard of Bob and Ray, here's a little refresher: they're a duo of comedians who got their start in the 1940s doing fake newscasts featuring totally bizarre characters, done in straight deadpan. Their career lasted right up until the early 1980s.

This next recording features "Mary Margarent McGoon," one of their characters, who served as the in-house cooking expert.

Here is Ray Goulding, as Mary Margaret McGoon, with "I'd Like to Be a Cow in Switzerland."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBLRLWzRdgQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 20, 2014, 10:27:11 PM
I remember my first year of college, my roommate often played his music collection on his laptop speakers. He had an eclectic and unusual taste in music.

Here was one of the songs in his playlist. Ladies and gentlemen, I present The Mountain Goats with "No Children."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRP6egIEABk
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 29, 2014, 07:23:38 PM
Not sure which is worse, the recording or the video. (OK, the video is worse.)

Here's Mark Gormley with "Without You."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87nkJquHnAU
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on June 29, 2014, 07:46:20 PM
Wow Jimmy, that truely awful.
 
First you have to get past the creepy Grampa lusting after his niece (who is not really all that good looking), then you have to wade through the incredibly repetitive 1 2 3, 1 2 3, riff, then you have to endure the super cheesy backdrops and images.
 
There is nothing at all even remotely good about this project. I give it a 10 out of 10 on the really, really, bad scale. Good job.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 02, 2014, 07:12:52 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 09, 2014, 12:20:57 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 14, 2014, 11:19:19 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 13, 2014, 04:56:31 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 18, 2014, 03:24:34 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 20, 2014, 03:47:06 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 31, 2014, 08:34:04 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 01, 2014, 08:52:08 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 02, 2014, 06:42:54 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 03, 2014, 12:12:56 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 06, 2014, 08:48:13 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 12, 2014, 01:12:34 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 15, 2014, 08:37:59 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 17, 2014, 10:49:56 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 18, 2014, 09:11:47 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 22, 2014, 01:04:12 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on September 22, 2014, 08:28:56 PM
The title of the last post reminded me of South Park. The show did a spoof on Christian music with the 'joke' being that Christian Rock songs are just simple pop love songs with Jesus put in the place of a lover. A song called 'Jesus Use Me' would fit in to the South Park idea of Christian music.
 
No intent to be sacrilegious, however this is fairly strong. Anyone easily offended should not click. It was pretty funny.
 
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU1taFr17QU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU1taFr17QU)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 22, 2014, 08:39:53 PM
The title of the last post reminded me of South Park. The show did a spoof on Christian music with the 'joke' being that Christian Rock songs are just simple pop love songs with Jesus put in the place of a lover. A song called 'Jesus Use Me' would fit in to the South Park idea of Christian music.
 
No intent to be sacrilegious, however this is fairly strong. Anyone easily offended should not click. It was pretty funny.
 
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU1taFr17QU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU1taFr17QU)
No offense taken here! I have a lot of the same issues with modern Christian music; hence, even though I do quite a bit of it as a church musician, I almost never listen to it outside of church. There's a church in my town (not surprisingly, they also happen to be a King James Only church) that ONLY does hymns because of that very phenomenon, and although I won't go THAT far, I definitely prefer some of the older stuff that's a little bit deeper than a cookie sheet.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 28, 2014, 06:14:37 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 01, 2014, 01:25:18 PM
From the Ultra-Lounge album... here is a cover of The Who's "I Can See for Miles..." as covered by a big band and a lead SITAR. That's not a typo, I said a sitar. The artist is Big Jim Sullivan, recording under the alias Lord Sitar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySCDljCE9Qw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: 240B on October 01, 2014, 09:44:25 PM
That was, like, groovy man...
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 02, 2014, 08:19:25 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 08, 2014, 06:05:48 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 17, 2014, 06:57:13 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 20, 2014, 08:06:26 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 27, 2014, 03:13:32 PM
Author: unknown. Here's a classic 1-minute stop-motion commercial for Levi's with a guy who's trying a LITTLE too hard on his drawl.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBYgbeT6ciI
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 07, 2014, 02:41:35 PM
Say no to drugs, or else you might get a visit from Devastatin' Dave, the Turntable Slave. Here's his signature tune, the ZIP ZAP RAP.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clg9AziTfI4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 13, 2014, 08:46:23 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 24, 2014, 08:04:22 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 03, 2014, 09:15:55 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 03, 2014, 09:24:16 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 09, 2014, 08:21:34 PM
Christopher Lee, age 92. Metal. Christmas carols. You do the math.

Literally from Hell, I present a sampler of Lee's metal Christmas releases.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TnFIDKyX50
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 14, 2014, 01:56:36 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 15, 2014, 09:16:21 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 01, 2015, 09:04:06 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 16, 2015, 06:18:16 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 23, 2015, 11:52:08 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 04, 2015, 09:59:42 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 06, 2015, 04:22:03 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 17, 2015, 10:34:47 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 24, 2015, 10:00:42 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 29, 2015, 05:46:48 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 30, 2015, 06:47:15 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 05, 2015, 09:46:21 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 17, 2015, 11:36:42 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 19, 2015, 08:55:27 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 20, 2015, 06:57:33 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 27, 2015, 05:23:14 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 06, 2015, 04:46:10 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 02, 2015, 10:08:00 PM
From an infamous commercial for Enzyte, a "male enhancement" supplement, here is "Smilin' Bob's Theme." (I apologize in advance for getting this tune stuck in your head.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyXMO0uBHjM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on June 28, 2015, 05:57:18 PM
From the Oingo Boingo film Forbidden Zone, here is a warning: NSFW version of the Three Stooges classic "Swinging the Alphabet."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5OoEm2PG9U
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 06, 2015, 05:41:02 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 28, 2015, 09:11:40 PM
A depressing load of bollocks from the UK. Here is Orville the Duck, a ventriloquist dummy created by the recently deceased Keith Harris. It reached the top 5 of the UK charts in early 1983. Ladies and gentlemen, here is "Orville's Song (I Wish I Could Fly)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGnuMxFnc1k
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 31, 2015, 08:11:41 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 13, 2015, 06:45:57 PM
Burt Reynolds sings! (Drunken country songs, to boot.)

Here's a piece from the Smokey and the Bandit II soundtrack, "Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial." It was a minor hit on the Billboard charts and, according to a line in the movie, was available free at K-Mart with any purchase over 30-something cents.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNKwX8DpDiw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 25, 2015, 09:44:37 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 30, 2015, 09:48:01 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 21, 2015, 09:23:54 AM
When I first saw this, I didn't know who did this song. I didn't know the song's name. All I knew is that it belongs here.

Apparently the piece is called "Go Bananas." It is posted on Youtube as "Dr. Jean's Banana Dance."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFmr_TZLpS0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 22, 2015, 04:51:58 PM
Another very annoying, and pointless, piece from the early days of the Internet. This might make you dumber just by watching it, fair warning.

Here is Group X with "Schfifty Five."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XccUMOQ978
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 23, 2015, 09:17:35 PM
This is another one that gets batted about on "worst album cover" lists. Her name's Joyce Drake, and she's excited about the Gospel. And her audience is excited about making crude jokes, so please pardon the (deliberate) crude transcription.

Here is "I Get All Excited."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-B-dvIlNN8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Sanguine on September 23, 2015, 09:49:23 PM
What an amazing collection!
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 28, 2015, 09:55:14 AM
Here are Mr. Miller and the Blue Notes (according to Wikipedia, supposedly a knockoff of the then-contemporary "Mrs. Miller" previously featured on the Jukebox from Hell), with a cover of the Herman's Hermits hits "Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Daughter."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0wRrB5bNeQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 29, 2015, 12:34:15 AM
Before Kim Kardashian (and no, I don't have any recordings of her so don't ask) there were quite a few others who were "famous for being famous."

Case in point, today's entry, Tryphosa Bates. Armed with nothing but an unusual first name, a large inheritance and a notorious ability to climb the social ladder, Bates married industrialist Francis Batcheller and set out to become a famous singer. The problem was, despite access to some of the world's best music teachers, Tryphosa could not sing. Yet her friends and family never let her on to this fact. Despite her shortcomings, she earned a great deal of celebrity, even appearing on the cover Musical Courier magazine twice.

While most of her career predated widespread recording, she did record a couple of tracks. Here is one of them. Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present for your consideration into the Jukebox from Hell, Tryphosa Bates-Batcheller.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BefZDJLTi24
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 30, 2015, 09:46:03 PM
Hot off the presses today (perhaps a year or so too late): Honey Boo Boo "sings." Or yells, anyway.

Here is "Movin' Up."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqvgoPMd7d8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 12, 2015, 07:36:59 AM
I have no explanation for this.

The song is a cover of 4 Non Blondes' "What's Up?" The artist? I have no idea, nor do I want to know. (EDIT: Found out. It's Tommy Gnall... and apparently this is a live-action re-enactment of a version of this song set to clips from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_1TDrwaMOc
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 26, 2015, 11:06:13 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 06, 2015, 09:03:57 PM
Here's infamous Nation of Islam founder Louis Farrakhan singing about a sex change.

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/DP/2003/04/365-Days-Project-04-01-farrakhan-louis-is-she-is-or-is-she-aint.mp3
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 22, 2015, 06:57:12 PM
Back about a decade ago when I started getting into this kind of music, this guy had a NSFW piece named "Do It like a Dog." He then had all copies of it scrubbed from the Internet. Then he had a bit of a change of heart recently and started putting some of his songs on the Internet himself. (The version of "Do It like a Dog," alas, is not the same one he originally recorded.) Much of the rest of his music, fortunately for all of us, lives up to the same standard of weirdness.

Here's Dean Milan with a cover of the old song "That's Amore!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usTWFyrJGcg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 26, 2015, 10:53:13 AM
I have no words.

https://www.facebook.com/Itjustgetsworse/videos/vb.410205179172213/419640088228722/?type=2&theater
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 13, 2015, 07:29:36 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be Rickrolled by the one and only Barry Manilow!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx6w3j7cWa0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on December 21, 2015, 07:29:00 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 18, 2016, 08:05:47 PM
You know the TV show The Price Is Right? Of course, when a contestant loses, they run a soundbite called the "losing horns" playing the first four notes of the show's theme on a tuba and a sad trombone sound effect. Well, this guy decided to use some sound editing software and extrapolate the entire theme to The Price Is Right: Loser Horns edition. Perfect for when you REALLY feel like a loser.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSgOx83Fn6I
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Sanguine on January 18, 2016, 08:16:06 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 30, 2016, 10:39:20 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 30, 2016, 10:40:08 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on February 01, 2016, 06:58:13 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on February 08, 2016, 10:56:13 PM
The next presentation is a musical instrument originally conceived by Peter Schickele: the reed of a bassoon (a woodwind instrument) attached to a trombone's body. While attaching reeds to brass has been done before (the saxophone is the best example), in this case, Schickele ended up creating a device that combines the worst qualities of both instruments.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present a demonstration of... the tromboon.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=e4x7xZO4YUE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on February 22, 2016, 10:48:37 AM
Here's country singer John Anderson with "Somebody Slap Me!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QzqV28LdJ8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Wingnut on February 22, 2016, 10:58:06 AM
Here's country singer John Anderson with "Somebody Slap Me!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QzqV28LdJ8

Man oh man There ain't no lint in her belly button....
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Wingnut on February 23, 2016, 01:54:33 PM
I could jump on top of the backboard, take off a quarter, leave fifteen cents change

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1er9jyCJI_E&list=RDhxl7-HNDaeg&index=26
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 02, 2016, 10:20:16 PM
Here's another one from the April Winchell library.

This piece was composed by the Evolution Control Committee, whose main claim to fame is basically stealing other people's copyrighted work without permission (the ECC opposes copyright law outright) and mashing it up to create weird combinations. This piece is pretty typical of their approach: the tune from our national anthem, set to the jingle from Oscar Meyer hot dogs.

Here is "Star Spangled Bologna."

http://www.aprilwinchell.com/h/mp3/StarSpangledBlogna.mp3
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 25, 2016, 07:31:23 PM
The bathroom is so liberating in today's entry in the Jukebox from Hell.

http://www.aprilwinchell.com/h/mp3/bathroom.mp3
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Sanguine on April 25, 2016, 07:39:21 PM
Here's another one from the April Winchell library.

This piece was composed by the Evolution Control Committee, whose main claim to fame is basically stealing other people's copyrighted work without permission (the ECC opposes copyright law outright) and mashing it up to create weird combinations. This piece is pretty typical of their approach: the tune from our national anthem, set to the jingle from Oscar Meyer hot dogs.

Here is "Star Spangled Bologna."

http://www.aprilwinchell.com/h/mp3/StarSpangledBlogna.mp3

Oh, that's painful....
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: geronl on April 25, 2016, 07:46:27 PM
I'd rather listen to Weird Al backwards than hear that again.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: geronl on April 25, 2016, 07:49:39 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 25, 2016, 08:13:53 PM
I'd rather listen to Weird Al backwards than hear that again.
Look a little further up in the thread and you'll find a couple backward tunes. Actually, this whole thread is a goldmine for ear-grating noise... and a few bizarre but awesome-in-their-own-special-way pieces to boot.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: geronl on May 10, 2016, 11:10:05 PM
These 6 country songs sound like the same song. Music by formula.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY8SwIvxj8o
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: massadvj on May 11, 2016, 10:03:33 AM
These 6 country songs sound like the same song. Music by formula.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY8SwIvxj8o

Cool.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 11, 2016, 08:47:58 PM
I'm not sure if this is trying to be funny or just plain tasteless. Even the author and singer of this song doesn't do it anymore.

Here's Julie Brown with "The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xG3yGdQYwqg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on May 13, 2016, 08:37:28 PM
Here's what Bill Gaither, legendary Southern gospel songwriter, describes as the worst song he has ever written.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3gBlOcvmrI
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: EasyAce on July 31, 2016, 09:11:44 PM
Since this is the jukebox from hell, I figure a little of my own music might fit in.

First, a homemade demo of a song I wrote in honour of my favourite aunt, at the time her husband
(my favourite uncle, like a second father to me) died. (She's since passed away herself, alas.) I named
it for the nickname her grandchildren gave her:

Margerina (http://soundcloud.com/easyace/margerina)

Second, another homemade demo of another song of mine---this one named for my maternal grandmother,
who bought me my first cheap electric guitar for my 12th birthday:

Diana (http://soundcloud.com/easyace/diana)

(I'm a guitarist with a little keyboard knowledge, enough to be able to simulate the other instruments on a special
electronic keyboard I have. The guitars were: Les Paul 1959 reissue for "Margerina" and a Les Paul Classic Antique
model for "Diana.")

Finally, three recorded during rehearsals with my new band; the first two are original numbers I wrote, and the third
is our jam on a jazz vintage:

The Last Man Standing (http://soundcloud.com/easyace/the-last-man-standing-live)

Houseboat (http://soundcloud.com/easyace/houseboat-live)

My Favourite Things (http://soundcloud.com/easyace/my-favourite-things-live)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Sanguine on July 31, 2016, 09:24:25 PM
Sorry, Ace, that doesn't fit.  It's really good!
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Cripplecreek on July 31, 2016, 09:30:28 PM
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn73Wtem0No
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 01, 2016, 09:07:56 AM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on August 13, 2016, 05:07:22 PM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Cripplecreek on August 13, 2016, 05:11:10 PM
www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: dfwgator on August 13, 2016, 05:14:33 PM
"Paralyzed" by The Legendary Stardust Cowboy
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Cripplecreek on August 13, 2016, 05:18:41 PM
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaUqpnHvua8
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: TomSea on August 13, 2016, 05:19:24 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viK3i0fRDRs

(remove "s" from https),  I don't know if this works with other sites like Daily Motion, I saw the song there too.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Cripplecreek on August 13, 2016, 05:22:56 PM
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvfxKbpoxRE
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Cripplecreek on August 13, 2016, 05:28:53 PM
Some of these even went mainstream.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvcohzJvviQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Cripplecreek on August 13, 2016, 08:19:54 PM
These guys are bizarre but very solid musicians.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5GRpA5H3CI
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 16, 2016, 05:55:02 PM
Hey, what's Corey Feldman up to these days? (Said no one, ever.)

For the record, this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqIv2tc9BCI
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: EasyAce on September 16, 2016, 07:13:27 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viK3i0fRDRs

Don't you know there's still such a thing as the Eighth Amendment?  8888crybaby

Just for that . . .

The Residents, The Residents Present the Third Reich and Roll (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLOKmaFlysM)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: sneakypete on September 16, 2016, 08:41:15 PM
'I am going to save you all from the horrors of a 60's song where the atonal "singer" (?) mindlessly repeats "The bird,bird bird,the bird is the word". It should actually be a crime to ever play that for any unsuspecting innocent that may end up flushing their ears out with acid.

I had the bad luck to witness something almost as bad,live on NBC's "The Toady Show" this morning.

Anyone remember a skinny Jewish kid named Corey Feldman that proved beyond all doubt he couldn't act on a sitcom?

Well,he's back,and now he is a rapper/dancer,and now he has proved he is so lacking in talent that he can't dance and can't even rap. Had to have some black guy named "Ice" come out and speak a few lines to bail him out.

Oh,he is a total failure at posing as a tough guy,also.Even the hoodie and the hair dyed jet black with a 50's female length and style didn't help. His dancing looked more like mini-strokes than dance steps.

I'm guessing someone in NBC management owed his agent a favor. The ONLY good thing about it was his agent was smart enough to have a whole hot girl band backing him up.

I am sure someone has posted this on youtube by now for those of you who are looking for a good laugh mixed with horror,but I ain't going to spring that on any innocents.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: sneakypete on September 16, 2016, 08:44:12 PM
Hey, what's Corey Feldman up to these days? (Said no one, ever.)

For the record, this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqIv2tc9BCI

You just had to "go there",didn't you?

He started out going for the "watch me girls,I am a thoroughly dangerous thug" look,and morphed in some sort of Gay Caballero look.

That boy ain't NEVER working again. 
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on September 16, 2016, 09:42:52 PM
You just had to "go there",didn't you?
Of course I did. This is, after all, the Jukebox from Hell.
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: EasyAce on September 17, 2016, 03:03:01 AM
'I am going to save you all from the horrors of a 60's song where the atonal "singer" (?) mindlessly repeats "The bird,bird bird,the bird is the word". It should actually be a crime to ever play that for any unsuspecting innocent that may end up flushing their ears out with acid.

The Trashmen, "Surfin' Bird" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXLqMB6vBic)

The Ramones, "Surfin' Bird" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVQfVtzFd4U)

The Cramps, "Surfin' Bird" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Enj5Eo3cdEE)

On the other hand, the Trashmen did once beat the West Coast surfers at their own game . . .

The Trashmen, "Bad News" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcPQz9qsWeQ)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: EasyAce on September 17, 2016, 03:08:09 AM
Now, to atone for the foregoing assault with dead weapons, I give you . . . Meshuggena Beach Party . . .

Dick Dale and the Del Tones, "Hava Nagila" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30_nVjO--Ps)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 07, 2016, 10:09:48 AM
Submitting without context. Not sure how much context would help in this case.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs1CA5hFdd4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on October 24, 2016, 08:42:19 PM
In honor of the late Pete Burns... here is their cover of KC and the Sunshine Band's "That's the Way I Like It."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llHhiiNnIjY
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on November 04, 2016, 06:56:18 PM
Dread Zeppelin: reggae covers of Zeppelin, with a fat Elvis impersonator twist.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5bY4YNJJUc
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: EasyAce on November 18, 2016, 02:51:59 PM
I'm not sure if this is "hell" . . . this was one of my birthday presents this morning . . .

(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/5170DVUk7QL._SY300_.jpg)

A couple of choice selections:

The 5 Royales, "Thirty Second Lover" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4dHj9lGnSg)

The 5 Royales, "Mine Forever More" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgJ8joBjw1E)

The 5 Royales, "Think" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdiARqPMCec)

The 5 Royales, "Laundromat Blues" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-J3GuUvJeU)

Baby, that was rhythm and blues!
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 12, 2017, 07:16:30 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pu3VMqgx2MQ
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: kevindavis on January 12, 2017, 09:06:00 PM
Here is some Hank 3:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Js-1qRKNHw


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlhZpaCZXJY


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfHdrX0e5mg


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GP3-jHZF2Q


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZROMhXR0DQ


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Jyfh2hdAJI
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: EasyAce on January 15, 2017, 01:37:05 AM
Well, to me country music is music from hell. (Except for Johnny Cash, early George Jones, Patsy Cline, and earliest Willie Nelson . . .)

But back in jukebox hell . . .

Charlie Drake, "My Boomerang Won't Come Back" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6jjuuHaLRg)

This is the one I'd throw in my parents' and grandparents' faces whenever they zapped the Beatles---I'd tell them, "Any
people who could have made a big hit out of this has no business lecturing to me about music!" . . .

The Merry Macs, "Mairzy Doats" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fla3vNWKzc)

. . . and no song deserved more to be murdered by Spike Jones than that . . .

Spike Jones, "Mairzy Doats" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtkeJdNtmkM)

Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 16, 2017, 08:23:56 AM
If you're going to throw Mairzy Doats onto the pile, i can only respond with:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kKU1S0lWxo
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: EasyAce on January 16, 2017, 08:35:50 PM
If you're going to throw Mairzy Doats onto the pile, i can only respond with:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kKU1S0lWxo

I'll see your "Hut Hut" and raise you a . . .

The Shaggs, "My Pal Foot Foot" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d71b7P3SxyM)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 29, 2017, 06:27:15 PM
WARNING: NSFW for profanity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnPATelZJ9E
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on January 30, 2017, 03:47:41 PM
No profanity here, just the song that ruined rock and roll, reimagined as a Tijuana Brass piece.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzJzy4Ircq0
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on February 07, 2017, 08:16:52 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2D5148rRIkw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on February 10, 2017, 07:36:49 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCnMs_-GcNM
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 06, 2017, 05:57:04 PM
From the annals of manufactured superstardom comes this, er, talent from Philadelphia.

Back in the late 1950s, a guy named Bob Marcucci discovered Frankie Avalon and turned him into a teen pop star. When Avalon's stardom proved to be short-lived, Marcucci went on a search for the next big thing. His search took him to his next-door neighbor, and while the neighbor was having a heart attack (I kid thee not), Marcucci spotted the guy's 14-year-old son. The problem was that this teenage boy had no singing experience and little natural talent, but Marcucci reasoned that the boy had enough good looks and charm to be a teen idol. The boy, wanting to raise money for his family, reluctantly went along.

Fabian, as the boy became known, had a string of top-40 hits (aided in large part by Marcucci's very aggressive marketing) before quitting the gig. While he could not sing very well, he was a natural as an actor, and had a 13-year career in the movies. To this day, Fabian still performs with Avalon and Bobby Rydell under the banner "Dick Fox's Golden Boys." For his part of the act, Fabian tells most of the jokes.

Here's Fabian's "Turn Me Loose."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdaZ7N-W9vw
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on March 17, 2017, 08:30:46 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2IeYyYYe1U
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: skeeter on March 17, 2017, 08:33:12 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZvl2aqIyNg
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: Machiavelli on April 03, 2017, 05:56:51 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jEllSHWAsU

You can find it on this CD: Symphonic Music of the Rolling Stones (https://www.amazon.com/Symphonic-Music-Rolling-Stones-Jagger/dp/B000003FOM)

Jerry Hadley (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Hadley)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: EasyAce on April 05, 2017, 12:10:49 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jEllSHWAsU

You can find it on this CD: Symphonic Music of the Rolling Stones (https://www.amazon.com/Symphonic-Music-Rolling-Stones-Jagger/dp/B000003FOM)

Jerry Hadley (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Hadley)

It could be worse . . .

Kiss, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV (with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAb6YQP6q18)
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 06, 2017, 07:49:19 AM
Have any of you ever heard of the Orchestral Game Concerts?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBmZAg8HxfY
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on April 16, 2017, 03:54:37 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RBRJVUsI48
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: jmyrlefuller on July 13, 2017, 07:35:04 PM
Just when you thought this tread was dead, here's Engelbert Humperdinck with  "Lesbian Seagull."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPTXVqETBM4
Title: Re: The Jukebox from Hell
Post by: andy58-in-nh on July 13, 2017, 08:27:41 PM
Just when you thought this tread was dead, here's Engelbert Humperdinck with  "Lesbian Seagull."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPTXVqETBM4 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPTXVqETBM4)
I can't put my finger on it, but there's something fishy about this song.