The Briefing Room
General Category => National/Breaking News => Topic started by: jmyrlefuller on April 09, 2017, 04:08:19 pm
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The past five years have seen a boom in dating apps, transforming the once stigmatised world of online dating into a way of life - particularly for millennials.
The most popular tool in the digital singleton's arsenal is Tinder, an app that serves up a seemingly endless stream of faces, and asking us to swipe left for no and right for yes.
Convenient, yes. But there is an element which appears shallow and surprisingly time consuming.
Dating apps have become typically associated with arranging hook-ups and casual flings over meaningful, long-term relationships. While this might be fine if it’s what both people are looking for, it can be difficult for people who do want something more serious.
(excerpt)
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/tinder-too-much-single-people-dating-burnout-lifestyle-love-relationship-messaging-apps-a7670656.html
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I have dabbled in online dating. I will never use Tinder because 1) it has a reputation as a sex app and that's not at all what I'm looking for, and 2) it requires snap judgments that are particularly uncomfortable when dealing with total strangers. It is not the way to build a strong relationship, and it's a shame that this is what online dating has become.
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So glad I'm too old and decrepit for the dating scene.Too much risk and too much work.
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I have toyed a bit with dating since my divorce... But I find that the sort of woman I would need is exceedingly rare - And not likely to be found in such a manner (online dating).
I reckon if Yahweh figures I need a woman, He'll put her in my path.
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I reckon if Yahweh figures I need a woman, He'll put her in my path.
Well, I needed one for years, but He never even so much as pointed me in the right direction. Now it hurts to even think about it.
If the Bible is any indication of how God treats relationship needs, he waits until too late and then does it (see: Ruth/Boaz, Abraham and Sarah's child, John the Baptist) or not at all (Jeremiah). God only dropped a woman in a man's lap twice: Eve for Adam, and Rebekah for Isaac. He can, of course; He just refuses to.
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Well, I needed one for years, but He never even so much as pointed me in the right direction. Now it hurts to even think about it.
If the Bible is any indication of how God treats relationship needs, he waits until too late and then does it (see: Ruth/Boaz, Abraham and Sarah's child, John the Baptist) or not at all (Jeremiah). God only dropped a woman in a man's lap twice: Eve for Adam, and Rebekah for Isaac. He can, of course; He just refuses to.
I have come to the odd conclusion that God would prefer that man and woman be focused on Him and Him only, not on each other. It's the ultimate cosmic joke on mankind....lol.
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Well, I needed one for years, but He never even so much as pointed me in the right direction. Now it hurts to even think about it.
If the Bible is any indication of how God treats relationship needs, he waits until too late and then does it (see: Ruth/Boaz, Abraham and Sarah's child, John the Baptist) or not at all (Jeremiah). God only dropped a woman in a man's lap twice: Eve for Adam, and Rebekah for Isaac. He can, of course; He just refuses to.
Not that it matters... Yahweh is sufficient. If he is not, then you're doing it wrong.
After having a woman around for twenty-five years, it was not easy for me to be without one. So I went looking, with a string of 'successes', which turned out not to be successful at all - There's tons of women out there looking for 'relationship', but damn few of them know what that means. Finding the one to ride the river with has never been an easy thing...
That does not mean that one is without hope - I will just wait until she shows up on her own... There is one such in the wings. A Salish woman that s just exactly made to order (or so it seems). With the exception of not being a southern woman, she fits my criteria. If it all works out, then I will be blessed. If it doesn't, then so be it. There's more than one fish in the sea.
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Never thought about it. Never really paid much attention to it.
Because it seems ridiculously stupid.
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I have come to the odd conclusion that God would prefer that man and woman be focused on Him and Him only, not on each other. It's the ultimate cosmic joke on mankind....lol.
That is quintessentially correct - Even though you make light of it. A marriage without Yahweh in the center will be at a terrible disadvantage.
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I have dabbled in online dating. I will never use Tinder because 1) it has a reputation as a sex app and that's not at all what I'm looking for, and 2) it requires snap judgments that are particularly uncomfortable when dealing with total strangers. It is not the way to build a strong relationship, and it's a shame that this is what online dating has become.
@jmyrlefuller
I went through dating burnout myself before I met my husband-to-be. I was sick of it. There was nothing wrong with the men I went out with, but none of them seemed right for me and I didn't really feel anything for them. I was ready to settle for the assumption that the problem was mine and my inability to attach, or something. My plan was to just take some time for myself and get a break from it all. Then, because a friend of mine wouldn't shut up, I went on a blind date.
I think you're right about Tinder...it's mainly a hook-up site.
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A friend of mine once ran an ad in the local paper after his wife had died. It took him a few years to get back in the market again but eventually felt more comfortable giving it a try. Online websites seemed creepy to him so he just ran an ad. The letters he received back were something else. I was a bit shocked quite frankly. Then he showed me a few of the pictures included with the letters and many of them left nothing to the imagination.
The entire experience was quite an eye opener. I didn't know that many people even wrote letters anymore for one thing. And many are not at all one bit shy about laying their cards on the table.
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Not that it matters... Yahweh is sufficient. If he is not, then you're doing it wrong.
After having a woman around for twenty-five years, it was not easy for me to be without one. So I went looking, with a string of 'successes', which turned out not to be successful at all - There's tons of women out there looking for 'relationship', but damn few of them know what that means. Finding the one to ride the river with has never been an easy thing...
That does not mean that one is without hope - I will just wait until she shows up on her own... There is one such in the wings. A Salish woman that s just exactly made to order (or so it seems). With the exception of not being a southern woman, she fits my criteria. If it all works out, then I will be blessed. If it doesn't, then so be it. There's more than one fish in the sea.
I recall you mentioned her before. She sounds like someone you can just sit with and be comfortable. If so, she's likely a keeper.
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People have changed in the last 10 years. 8 years of Obama in particular, and all the lefty political, social, and pop culture crap that came out during his admin I noticed have fundamentally changed both men and women. We have become a carnival society that is completely ungrounded and entirely focused on self and the social, and not in the good way. We've been a sheep culture for awhile, but now it's online and live and metastasizing.
Women being more social than men have been very affected. I like women and get along with them well, but I've met almost none since my last relationship years ago that would make me want to date again. They have made themselves adornments and arm candy that need constant entertainment and material things, and are simply not reliable if say the next recession was pretty tough to get by on. Many are imbalanced, self-absorbed, flighty, have a screwed up ideas of the right kind of man, and many have just bought into the feminist crap and are on a pretty serious power trip.
My eyes are always open, but I just live my life and don't worry about a partner anymore. It's just the times we live in and I've come to accept it.
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I recall you mentioned her before. She sounds like someone you can just sit with and be comfortable. If so, she's likely a keeper.
More than that - She just walked up alongside, picked up a line, and started pullin. She showed up the other day and started handing me wrenches... After while she'd wander off for a minute or two, and come back again... But pretty much, she was there all afternoon. Pleasant conversation, good sense about tools and knowing what I'd need next...
When she seen I was wrapping it up, she disappeared long enough for it to seem like abandonment... right in the easiest part of things... But I finished cleaning up my tools and wandered on into the house to find it all cleaned up, and beef stew and bannock bread piping hot and ready to go. After supper, she thought it admirable of me that I stuck around to help her (as if it is hers to do) with the dishes.
She's made herself a nest on the couch, and again, we had pleasant conversation, as we watched a movie... She magically found one of my flannel shirts that I'd torn the shoulder out of, and she whipped a sewing kit out of her purse and busied her hands with all that while we were sitting there...
She's already measuring up the closets and the pantry... And calculating that I'll be needing more garden than thought... To allow for her, I think... She's already met my kids and my mother and sister, being here when they wandered by... She fits right in with the women folk (and they love her)... She is already grand-mothering my grandsons (and they love her). And ol Chewy, my last defense, turned out to be no defense at all... He rolled over on the very first belly scratch. :shrug:
I haven't let her into my bed yet, but she'd sure enough go (and she's been lightly trying to get there). I dunno how it is with the Cree, but with the old school Salish, That particular act is as good as a marriage vow. And she knows that I know it.
And so, she's told me, with mischief in her eyes, that I'd better be careful not to get myself banged up enough that'd I'd need care (overnight)... A bit confident, she is, that such a time will certainly occur not too far from now...
After all, she's got 100 acres up Fisher River (God's own front porch), with the prettiest Appaloosas I've ever seen... Four of them barely green broke and needing my attentions... And the tool shed needs a new roof, and a foundation log replaced... I could spend a month in the barn alone... and there's maybe forty miles of fence that hasn't had a man to fix it for the last twenty years...
:thud:
So yeah, it might just work out.
She's already measured me out for new buckskins....
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So yeah, it might just work out.
She's already measured me out for new buckskins....
She sounds like a real good fit. Don't make her wait too long, although it sure seems her mind is made up.
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More than that - She just walked up alongside, picked up a line, and started pullin. She showed up the other day and started handing me wrenches... After while she'd wander off for a minute or two, and come back again... But pretty much, she was there all afternoon. Pleasant conversation, good sense about tools and knowing what I'd need next...
When she seen I was wrapping it up, she disappeared long enough for it to seem like abandonment... right in the easiest part of things... But I finished cleaning up my tools and wandered on into the house to find it all cleaned up, and beef stew and bannock bread piping hot and ready to go. After supper, she thought it admirable of me that I stuck around to help her (as if it is hers to do) with the dishes.
She's made herself a nest on the couch, and again, we had pleasant conversation, as we watched a movie... She magically found one of my flannel shirts that I'd torn the shoulder out of, and she whipped a sewing kit out of her purse and busied her hands with all that while we were sitting there...
She's already measuring up the closets and the pantry... And calculating that I'll be needing more garden than thought... To allow for her, I think... She's already met my kids and my mother and sister, being here when they wandered by... She fits right in with the women folk (and they love her)... She is already grand-mothering my grandsons (and they love her). And ol Chewy, my last defense, turned out to be no defense at all... He rolled over on the very first belly scratch. :shrug:
I haven't let her into my bed yet, but she'd sure enough go (and she's been lightly trying to get there). I dunno how it is with the Cree, but with the old school Salish, That particular act is as good as a marriage vow. And she knows that I know it.
And so, she's told me, with mischief in her eyes, that I'd better be careful not to get myself banged up enough that'd I'd need care (overnight)... A bit confident, she is, that such a time will certainly occur not too far from now...
After all, she's got 100 acres up Fisher River (God's own front porch), with the prettiest Appaloosas I've ever seen... Four of them barely green broke and needing my attentions... And the tool shed needs a new roof, and a foundation log replaced... I could spend a month in the barn alone... and there's maybe forty miles of fence that hasn't had a man to fix it for the last twenty years...
:thud:
So yeah, it might just work out.
She's already measured me out for new buckskins....
Only one thing can be said to that, my friend.
May the Lord bless you both with joy. :beer:
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More than that - She just walked up alongside, picked up a line, and started pullin. She showed up the other day and started handing me wrenches... After while she'd wander off for a minute or two, and come back again... But pretty much, she was there all afternoon. Pleasant conversation, good sense about tools and knowing what I'd need next...
When she seen I was wrapping it up, she disappeared long enough for it to seem like abandonment... right in the easiest part of things... But I finished cleaning up my tools and wandered on into the house to find it all cleaned up, and beef stew and bannock bread piping hot and ready to go. After supper, she thought it admirable of me that I stuck around to help her (as if it is hers to do) with the dishes.
She's made herself a nest on the couch, and again, we had pleasant conversation, as we watched a movie... She magically found one of my flannel shirts that I'd torn the shoulder out of, and she whipped a sewing kit out of her purse and busied her hands with all that while we were sitting there...
She's already measuring up the closets and the pantry... And calculating that I'll be needing more garden than thought... To allow for her, I think... She's already met my kids and my mother and sister, being here when they wandered by... She fits right in with the women folk (and they love her)... She is already grand-mothering my grandsons (and they love her). And ol Chewy, my last defense, turned out to be no defense at all... He rolled over on the very first belly scratch. :shrug:
I haven't let her into my bed yet, but she'd sure enough go (and she's been lightly trying to get there). I dunno how it is with the Cree, but with the old school Salish, That particular act is as good as a marriage vow. And she knows that I know it.
And so, she's told me, with mischief in her eyes, that I'd better be careful not to get myself banged up enough that'd I'd need care (overnight)... A bit confident, she is, that such a time will certainly occur not too far from now...
After all, she's got 100 acres up Fisher River (God's own front porch), with the prettiest Appaloosas I've ever seen... Four of them barely green broke and needing my attentions... And the tool shed needs a new roof, and a foundation log replaced... I could spend a month in the barn alone... and there's maybe forty miles of fence that hasn't had a man to fix it for the last twenty years...
:thud:
So yeah, it might just work out.
She's already measured me out for new buckskins....
Better than any Penthouse story I ever read, Certainly sounds like a Keeper to me.
Even though I have a New Washer/Dryer I find myself hanging at the local laudrymat on the wrong side of town, when I'm not sitting in the parking lot of the Local Lockup with a six pack of Miller Lite and a pack of Marlboro Reds.
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More than that - She just walked up alongside, picked up a line, and started pullin. She showed up the other day and started handing me wrenches... After while she'd wander off for a minute or two, and come back again... But pretty much, she was there all afternoon. Pleasant conversation, good sense about tools and knowing what I'd need next...
When she seen I was wrapping it up, she disappeared long enough for it to seem like abandonment... right in the easiest part of things... But I finished cleaning up my tools and wandered on into the house to find it all cleaned up, and beef stew and bannock bread piping hot and ready to go. After supper, she thought it admirable of me that I stuck around to help her (as if it is hers to do) with the dishes.
She's made herself a nest on the couch, and again, we had pleasant conversation, as we watched a movie... She magically found one of my flannel shirts that I'd torn the shoulder out of, and she whipped a sewing kit out of her purse and busied her hands with all that while we were sitting there...
She's already measuring up the closets and the pantry... And calculating that I'll be needing more garden than thought... To allow for her, I think... She's already met my kids and my mother and sister, being here when they wandered by... She fits right in with the women folk (and they love her)... She is already grand-mothering my grandsons (and they love her). And ol Chewy, my last defense, turned out to be no defense at all... He rolled over on the very first belly scratch. :shrug:
I haven't let her into my bed yet, but she'd sure enough go (and she's been lightly trying to get there). I dunno how it is with the Cree, but with the old school Salish, That particular act is as good as a marriage vow. And she knows that I know it.
And so, she's told me, with mischief in her eyes, that I'd better be careful not to get myself banged up enough that'd I'd need care (overnight)... A bit confident, she is, that such a time will certainly occur not too far from now...
After all, she's got 100 acres up Fisher River (God's own front porch), with the prettiest Appaloosas I've ever seen... Four of them barely green broke and needing my attentions... And the tool shed needs a new roof, and a foundation log replaced... I could spend a month in the barn alone... and there's maybe forty miles of fence that hasn't had a man to fix it for the last twenty years...
:thud:
So yeah, it might just work out.
She's already measured me out for new buckskins....
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
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People have changed in the last 10 years. 8 years of Obama in particular, and all the lefty political, social, and pop culture crap that came out during his admin I noticed have fundamentally changed both men and women. We have become a carnival society that is completely ungrounded and entirely focused on self and the social, and not in the good way. We've been a sheep culture for awhile, but now it's online and live and metastasizing.
Women being more social than men have been very affected. I like women and get along with them well, but I've met almost none since my last relationship years ago that would make me want to date again. They have made themselves adornments and arm candy that need constant entertainment and material things, and are simply not reliable if say the next recession was pretty tough to get by on. Many are imbalanced, self-absorbed, flighty, have a screwed up ideas of the right kind of man, and many have just bought into the feminist crap and are on a pretty serious power trip.
My eyes are always open, but I just live my life and don't worry about a partner anymore. It's just the times we live in and I've come to accept it.
I've got a fairly normal 20 year old daughter who fits right into this target group. She and her friends are attractive and generally don't hurt for male attention. But those girls don't sit around and talk about Tinder -- they talk about their boyfriends and guys the same way girls did 10, 20, even 40 years ago.
Most people, overall, still want genuine relationships. You've still got the wilder guys and women who are more promiscuous, but they've always been there. This is just making them more visible, and the media runs with it because it's a story.
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She sounds like a real good fit. Don't make her wait too long, although it sure seems her mind is made up.
It ain't the woman that's the problem... It's the whole kit and kaboodle. That ranch means everything to her, and she's desperately held on to it against all odds, to have a legacy to hand down to a family she doesn't have (she lost her husband early on, and later her son). I have everything she needs... Mainly a big, well adjusted, non-alcoholic family, with strong sons, and grandchildren. It was her father's ranch, and she's seeing the need to pass it down...
But I'll tell you what, Joe, If I sign on, that ranch will likely drive me right into the ground. Just to get ready to start fixin what needs to be fixed to start actually fixin will take a couple years. YEARS, dude. The hay truck needs an engine, the 1T needs a tranny... the 4-horse needs a new deck, brakes, and an axle... The tractor has been broke for better than 15 years, which means all the implements have been sitting still all that time... The saw mill hasn't turned since her old man died... Everything needs paint. Shoot, the driveway is bad enough you dang near need 4wd to get up it... She wants it all back. She needs it set right.
I never thought I'd see the day I could go cowboying again. I gave up all thought of having a ranch nigh on thirty years ago... But this is almost worse than starting from scratch, as she sets store by every single thing... and as gimped up as I am, I don't know that I am up to the task, I really don't.
I'd surely hate to let her down, and that just might kill me. :)
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Only one thing can be said to that, my friend.
May the Lord bless you both with joy. :beer:
Heh... yeah... she's got her cap set, alright.
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Better than any Penthouse story I ever read, Certainly sounds like a Keeper to me.
Even though I have a New Washer/Dryer I find myself hanging at the local laudrymat on the wrong side of town, when I'm not sitting in the parking lot of the Local Lockup with a six pack of Miller Lite and a pack of Marlboro Reds.
I dunno... Maybe you're doing it wrong... :shrug:
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Better than any Penthouse story I ever read, Certainly sounds like a Keeper to me.
Even though I have a New Washer/Dryer I find myself hanging at the local laudrymat on the wrong side of town, when I'm not sitting in the parking lot of the Local Lockup with a six pack of Miller Lite and a pack of Marlboro Reds.
LOL. How's that working out for you, Corbe?
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It ain't the woman that's the problem... It's the whole kit and kaboodle. That ranch means everything to her, and she's desperately held on to it against all odds, to have a legacy to hand down to a family she doesn't have (she lost her husband early on, and later her son). I have everything she needs... Mainly a big, well adjusted, non-alcoholic family, with strong sons, and grandchildren. It was her father's ranch, and she's seeing the need to pass it down...
But I'll tell you what, Joe, If I sign on, that ranch will likely drive me right into the ground. Just to get ready to start fixin what needs to be fixed to start actually fixin will take a couple years. YEARS, dude. The hay truck needs an engine, the 1T needs a tranny... the 4-horse needs a new deck, brakes, and an axle... The tractor has been broke for better than 15 years, which means all the implements have been sitting still all that time... The saw mill hasn't turned since her old man died... Everything needs paint. Shoot, the driveway is bad enough you dang near need 4wd to get up it... She wants it all back. She needs it set right.
I never thought I'd see the day I could go cowboying again. I gave up all thought of having a ranch nigh on thirty years ago... But this is almost worse than starting from scratch, as she sets store by every single thing... and as gimped up as I am, I don't know that I am up to the task, I really don't.
I'd surely hate to let her down, and that just might kill me. :)
I'm curious -- Have you tried telling her all that? Because it sure would be a shame to have something like your inability to work like you're 20 years younger ruin what could otherwise be a great relationships.
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Amateurs 22222frying pan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlRXQEA0yj0
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I'm curious -- Have you tried telling her all that? Because it sure would be a shame to have something like your inability to work like you're 20 years younger ruin what could otherwise be a great relationships.
Well, sure I have... She says I'm a straight shooter, and stubborn has hell... and that will get me through just on damn meanness. Other than that, let God have his way.
And in part, she'll be right - I don't have a reason to, and she's giving me one, and anyone that has had to recover from a major trouble will tell you that's half of it... And just maybe having a woman around to kick me in the ass might just make up for the other half. But that's a touchy business.
Looking at it without love in my eyes, that's a whole lot more than I can chew, if I let her under the bearskin. I'd sure hate it if I couldn't measure up.
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LOL. How's that working out for you, Corbe?
As @roamer_1 suggests and My Family agrees, I'm doing it wrong.
After I get them out of the Mandatory Shower, 3 hours later, I want to burn my House down to get rid of them.
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As @roamer_1 suggests and My Family agrees, I'm doing it wrong.
After I get them out of the Mandatory Shower, 3 hours later, I want to burn my House down to get rid of them.
Definitely sounds like there's a flaw in the plan somewhere. :nometalk:
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If my wife ever croaked not sure what I would do.
CDC just announced last week 1/2 the adult population (age 20 to 59)in the US has genital HPV.. .now that makes you feel good doesn't it?
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My eyes are always open, but I just live my life and don't worry about a partner anymore. It's just the times we live in and I've come to accept it.
Part of me wishes I could just go all Apostle Paul on the world and say I don't need it... but I'm flesh and blood. My reason for living is, essentially, to reproduce. If I die without doing that, biologically speaking, my whole life has been wasted. Furthermore I want to make sure that the offspring I do create is healthy and a net plus (or, at the very least, not a burden) to society, as I'd like to think I am, but the longer I wait, the higher that child's risk is of having serious problems, not the least of which is autism.
As a society, we can't keep going down this road of having fewer and fewer children at older and older ages. We can cut back on child-bearing if there are too many, but if too few are born to sustain it, you end up in a death spiral. I don't want a huge family by any means but I would like at least one healthy offspring to outlive me. To that end I'm seriously considering becoming a sperm donor at this point.
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Well, sure I have... She says I'm a straight shooter, and stubborn has hell... and that will get me through just on damn meanness. Other than that, let God have his way.
And in part, she'll be right - I don't have a reason to, and she's giving me one, and anyone that has had to recover from a major trouble will tell you that's half of it... And just maybe having a woman around to kick me in the ass might just make up for the other half. But that's a touchy business.
Looking at it without love in my eyes, that's a whole lot more than I can chew, if I let her under the bearskin. I'd sure hate it if I couldn't measure up.
Well...if the price you'd pay for some lovin' is to be a hired hand when you're past that age...I wouldn't do it either.
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Part of me wishes I could just go all Apostle Paul on the world and say I don't need it... but I'm flesh and blood. My reason for living is, essentially, to reproduce. If I die without doing that, biologically speaking, my whole life has been wasted. Furthermore I want to make sure that the offspring I do create is healthy and a net plus (or, at the very least, not a burden) to society, as I'd like to think I am, but the longer I wait, the higher that child's risk is of having serious problems, not the least of which is autism.
As a society, we can't keep going down this road of having fewer and fewer children at older and older ages. We can cut back on child-bearing if there are too many, but if too few are born to sustain it, you end up in a death spiral. I don't want a huge family by any means but I would like at least one healthy offspring to outlive me. To that end I'm seriously considering becoming a sperm donor at this point.
After reading some of your post on other dating threads and now this one I can see why you are still single.
@jmyrlefuller
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After reading some of your post on other dating threads and now this one I can see why you are still single.
@jmyrlefuller
Life is so much easier if we don't spend too much time worrying about these things.
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That is quintessentially correct - Even though you make light of it. A marriage without Yahweh in the center will be at a terrible disadvantage.
There's tons of women out there looking for 'relationship', but damn few of them know what that means. Finding the one to ride the river with...
@roamer_1
@jmyrlefuller
My son wanted me to try a dating website. I read men's "wantings" "requirements" regarding a mate. What most of them wanted was a "guy", although they said "woman", who would go fishing, live in a tent, go hunting, and cook. I crossed them out. If one had a picture of himself and second, a picture of his motorcycle, I crossed him out.
I had messages with some of them to help them find a mate. Told them to write what they had to offer the woman, not just their wants. Told them to include their religion and their political views. Living with someone is more than "I like chocolate ice cream, do you?"
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Well...if the price you'd pay for some lovin' is to be a hired hand when you're past that age...I wouldn't do it either.
Aw, it ain't like that. She honors me. She makes it a point to honor me, in every way. She has a place at the head of her table, and she wants me there.
But with that comes expectations, made in good faith, that I will honor her. Which I would, to the best of my ability. It is my ability, in my mind, that is in question, or I think I'd be all in. I'm not doing right by her to commit to something I can't do.
We'll see what this year brings.
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Aw, it ain't like that. She honors me. She makes it a point to honor me, in every way. She has a place at the head of her table, and she wants me there.
But with that comes expectations, made in good faith, that I will honor her. Which I would, to the best of my ability. It is my ability, in my mind, that is in question, or I think I'd be all in. I'm not doing right by her to commit to something I can't do.
We'll see what this year brings.
Seems to me you could teach a lot of these folks doing the online shopping routine a thing or two about what being a man really means.
I Hope it works out for you, however it plays out.
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@roamer_1
@jmyrlefuller
I read men's "wantings" "requirements" regarding a mate. What most of them wanted was a "guy", although they said "woman", who would go fishing, live in a tent, go hunting, and cook. I crossed them out. If one had a picture of himself and second, a picture of his motorcycle, I crossed him out.
I had messages with some of them to help them find a mate. Told them to write what they had to offer the woman, not just their wants.
I see nothing wrong is saying what you want. Better than beating around the bush and wasting time. If a woman did not want my hobbies as part of her life don't waste my time and vica versa. I know plenty of women who love motorcycles, own them and love to ride. having a pic of your motorcycle is a eye catcher and instant possible bond if she likes them as well.
Why in today's societies articles are written everywhere what men need to do at work, in the bedroom and life to please a woman and make them happy? You never see artickles written what women need to do today to make men happy.
@Victoria33
P.S. My wife has an incredibly expensive horse hobby. She told me on our first date within 10 minutes she goes to horse shows all summer and spends an ungodly amount on them and if I did not like that well that was the end of that.
I told her I had an incredibly expensive antique car hobby and I went to car shows all summer and we both laughed and said we can pool are money to buy a pickup to pull our respective trailers.
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It may seem kind of cliche but its entirely possible that I could end up marrying a lifelong female friend who has joked with me many times over the years of getting married later in life if we were alone.
We're very comfortable together and our trust is near absolute. Our families are almost family now from all the years we spent together in an isolated rural town. 90% of our friends are mutual friends so there are no jealousies, suspicions or defensiveness.
Hell, I held hands with her dad and skipped around the yard singing "We're gonna get some bee-er" after winning a game of horseshoes against her brothers.
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It may seem kind of cliche but its entirely possible that I could end up marrying a lifelong female friend who has joked with me many times over the years of getting married later in life if we were alone.
We're very comfortable together and our trust is near absolute. Our families are almost family now from all the years we spent together in an isolated rural town. 90% of our friends are mutual friends so there are no jealousies, suspicions or defensiveness.
Sounds like you would be marrying as friends and not romantic partners with physical chemistry. I think it would be doomed.
@Cripplecreek
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Sounds like you would be marrying as friends and not romantic partners with physical chemistry. I think it would be doomed.
@Cripplecreek
That's an interesting thought, @mirraflake. I think marrying clearmindedly might work out just fine, especially for more....um, mature people. They're probably way ahead of the game if they are are already good friends with their spouse-to-be.
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That's an interesting thought, @mirraflake. I think marrying clearmindedly might work out just fine, especially for more....um, mature people. They're probably way ahead of the game if they are are already good friends with their spouse-to-be.
I was best/good friends with my wife for the 2 years we dated but I also was huugley physically attracted as was she.
Cripplecreeks situation me thinks would quickly turn into the proverbial lesbian bed of death. if you are not sure what that means look it up.
Why be married if there is no physical attraction and ROMANCE??
@Sanguine
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@roamer_1
@jmyrlefuller
My son wanted me to try a dating website. I read men's "wantings" "requirements" regarding a mate. What most of them wanted was a "guy", although they said "woman", who would go fishing, live in a tent, go hunting, and cook. I crossed them out. If one had a picture of himself and second, a picture of his motorcycle, I crossed him out.
I had messages with some of them to help them find a mate. Told them to write what they had to offer the woman, not just their wants. Told them to include their religion and their political views. Living with someone is more than "I like chocolate ice cream, do you?"
@Victoria33
I gave up on dating sites a long time ago. believe me, what you describe seems exactly the same from the other way around. All these women trying to recapture their youth... I don't need a grandma dressed in a miniskirt and fishnet stockings ready for a night on the town.... *SHUDDER*
I need a woman capable of stepping into the role that is vacant - Not only a wife and a lover, but a matriarch, a mother, and a grandmother...
Those are huge shoes to fill.
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I was best/good friends with my wife for the 2 years we dated but I also was huugley physically attracted as was she.
Cripplecreeks situation me thinks would quickly turn into the proverbial lesbian bed of death. if you are not sure what that means look it up.
@Sanguine
I've never heard that term before! Not sure I should look it up. But, I probably will.
Edited to add - Got it: http://youtu.be/3L8eZ-xUaXw
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I've never heard that term before! Not sure I should look it up. But, I probably will.
Edited to add - Got it: http://youtu.be/3L8eZ-xUaXw
See my modified remark above about a relationship with no physical attraction or romance. Heck they would be living as brother and sister. If cripplecreeks "friend" was interested in him romantically she would have made the move by now.
@Sanguine
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I've never heard that term before! Not sure I should look it up. But, I probably will.
Edited to add - Got it: http://youtu.be/3L8eZ-xUaXw
That's not it lol. Lesbian death bed refers to lesbiians who have no romantic interest, stop having sex and just live together very common in lesbian relationships.
@Sanguine
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Free Vulcan wrote:
"People have changed in the last 10 years. 8 years of Obama in particular, and all the lefty political, social, and pop culture crap that came out during his admin I noticed have fundamentally changed both men and women. We have become a carnival society that is completely ungrounded and entirely focused on self and the social, and not in the good way. We've been a sheep culture for awhile, but now it's online and live and metastasizing."
Had lunch with a long-time friend a few days' back.
We were talking about islam. He said that he thought America would be a muslim nation in fifty years.
My friend is quite the thoughtful guy (having written a couple of small books after being a railroad engineer for 34 years). I remember saying to him that I didn't think that could happen here in only fifty years, that it would take longer, say 75-100.
But after considering your remarks above, I'm almost re-thinking that.
islam stands ready to rush into the vacuum left by a rapidly degenerating "West".
The amount of time it will take to accomplish this may be less than we think...
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roamer_1 wrote:
"She's already measured me out for new buckskins...."
Heh.
Does this gal have a sister ??
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Seems to me you could teach a lot of these folks doing the online shopping routine a thing or two about what being a man really means.
I Hope it works out for you, however it plays out.
Thanks for that @Idaho_Cowboy !
High praise, coming from you. I am glad someone else gets what I mean.
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It may seem kind of cliche but its entirely possible that I could end up marrying a lifelong female friend who has joked with me many times over the years of getting married later in life if we were alone.
We're very comfortable together and our trust is near absolute. Our families are almost family now from all the years we spent together in an isolated rural town. 90% of our friends are mutual friends so there are no jealousies, suspicions or defensiveness.
Hell, I held hands with her dad and skipped around the yard singing "We're gonna get some bee-er" after winning a game of horseshoes against her brothers.
Not cliche at all... That's better than anything elsewhere. There's more to it at our age than what folks are looking for. That she has long standing with yourself and especially your family makes for a pretty good pick, in my mind.
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That's an interesting thought, @mirraflake. I think marrying clearmindedly might work out just fine, especially for more....um, mature people. They're probably way ahead of the game if they are are already good friends with their spouse-to-be.
That's my thinking too, @Sanguine .
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That's an interesting thought, @mirraflake. I think marrying clearmindedly might work out just fine, especially for more....um, mature people. They're probably way ahead of the game if they are are already good friends with their spouse-to-be.
Exactly. We've already seen each other at our best and at our worst. There really aren't many secrets or surprises. We have a near 50 year relationship behind us and already have a solid loving bond between us built over years. I'm not talking about years of seeing each other occasionally, I'm talking about years of seeing each other every day often multiple times per day.
After my grandfather died in 2000 my grandmother developed a much closer relationship with "norm" a man she had known since childhood. Norm's wife was still living but was in the late stages of Alzheimer's disease and there was no point in hovering at her bedside for the rest of his life. Their relationship consisted of shopping together, going to church together, Norm spending holidays with our family.
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roamer_1 wrote:
"She's already measured me out for new buckskins...."
Heh.
Does this gal have a sister ??
Nope. Last of her immediate line. Keep on looking...
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I don't go near sites like Tinder or Craigslist for a dozen different reasons.
The kind of people on those sites are not people who i want to know or be associated with. And I damn sure don't want them to know where I live.
Even if you meet them at a neutral place, you can't be sure if it is a setup for a mugging. I know that may seem paranoid and cynical, but that simply how I think based on my life experience.
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Not cliche at all... That's better than anything elsewhere. There's more to it at our age than what folks are looking for. That she has long standing with yourself and especially your family makes for a pretty good pick, in my mind.
Exactly. Some folks are just too fixated on the idea of marriage for reproduction or sex. I've never seen anything in the bible prohibiting marriage among older people.
Marriage for companionship and economic advantage makes perfect sense to me.
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Exactly. Some folks are just too fixated on the idea of marriage for reproduction or sex. I've never seen anything in the bible prohibiting marriage among older people.
Marriage for companionship and economic advantage makes perfect sense to me.
YUP... And if there's sex along with all that, more's the better :)
I refuse to put my family through the trauma involved in a rotating door where the grandma ought to be. If there ever is gonna be one there, it will be THE one, and only that if she fits with the rest.
It's tough to be that way for me - I would much rather get all twitterpated and run off to Vegas, like I would have in my youth... But that ain't what love is about anyway, and I am damn well old enough to know it.
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It ain't the woman that's the problem... It's the whole kit and kaboodle. That ranch means everything to her, and she's desperately held on to it against all odds, to have a legacy to hand down to a family she doesn't have (she lost her husband early on, and later her son). I have everything she needs... Mainly a big, well adjusted, non-alcoholic family, with strong sons, and grandchildren. It was her father's ranch, and she's seeing the need to pass it down...
But I'll tell you what, Joe, If I sign on, that ranch will likely drive me right into the ground. Just to get ready to start fixin what needs to be fixed to start actually fixin will take a couple years. YEARS, dude. The hay truck needs an engine, the 1T needs a tranny... the 4-horse needs a new deck, brakes, and an axle... The tractor has been broke for better than 15 years, which means all the implements have been sitting still all that time... The saw mill hasn't turned since her old man died... Everything needs paint. Shoot, the driveway is bad enough you dang near need 4wd to get up it... She wants it all back. She needs it set right.
I never thought I'd see the day I could go cowboying again. I gave up all thought of having a ranch nigh on thirty years ago... But this is almost worse than starting from scratch, as she sets store by every single thing... and as gimped up as I am, I don't know that I am up to the task, I really don't.
I'd surely hate to let her down, and that just might kill me. :)
Well, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. :laugh:
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Well, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. :laugh:
Stronger smellin, maybe :shrug:
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I see nothing wrong is saying what you want. Better than beating around the bush and wasting time. If a woman did not want my hobbies as part of her life don't waste my time and vica versa. I know plenty of women who love motorcycles, own them and love to ride. having a pic of your motorcycle is a eye catcher and instant possible bond if she likes them as well.
Why in today's societies articles are written everywhere what men need to do at work, in the bedroom and life to please a woman and make them happy? You never see artickles written what women need to do today to make men happy.
It goes both ways. Men AND women should consider the needs of the other when on a single's site. That is where Bob and I found each other. It was a meeting of the minds.
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It goes both ways. Men AND women should consider the needs of the other when on a single's site. That is where Bob and I found each other. It was a meeting of the minds.
Indeed, and whenever possible, that's how it should be.
I've been trying to find someone who's close to my level. Interests don't really matter too much to me, since I have my own and I really don't feel a need to force a potential partner into doing everything together. The travel-the-world types tend to get me a little uncomfortable since it sends the signal that they're really not ready to settle into things, but other than that, it's pretty much you do you, and I'll do me.
The problem I've run into is that, much like what I've run into trying to expand my social life in the "real world," there are indeed very few women around here, and even fewer that fit what I'm looking for. When I try to expand my radius, I sometimes find a few more, but then I run into the problem of them living in cities—I might be willing to date someone 50 miles away and do most of the traveling, but they won't consider anyone outside 10 miles and I simply don't have that luxury.
I've tried looking for good matches, but every time I send a message (usually along the lines of "we seem to have a lot in common; it'd be nice to get to know you a little better"), even if the person seems like a near perfect match, she ignores me. With so few people to consider, the options are quickly exhausted and after only a few weeks I'm burnt out, much like the article says—and being where I'm at, I don't seem to get noticed and I rarely get any messages from anyone. I don't want to feel like I'm settling.
So, short of basically uprooting my whole life and starting over somewhere else, I don't have much hope.
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Indeed, and whenever possible, that's how it should be.
I've been trying to find someone who's close to my level. Interests don't really matter too much to me, since I have my own and I really don't feel a need to force a potential partner into doing everything together. The travel-the-world types tend to get me a little uncomfortable since it sends the signal that they're really not ready to settle into things, but other than that, it's pretty much you do you, and I'll do me.
The problem I've run into is that, much like what I've run into trying to expand my social life in the "real world," there are indeed very few women around here, and even fewer that fit what I'm looking for. When I try to expand my radius, I sometimes find a few more, but then I run into the problem of them living in cities—I might be willing to date someone 50 miles away and do most of the traveling, but they won't consider anyone outside 10 miles and I simply don't have that luxury.
I've tried looking for good matches, but every time I send a message (usually along the lines of "we seem to have a lot in common; it'd be nice to get to know you a little better"), even if the person seems like a near perfect match, she ignores me. With so few people to consider, the options are quickly exhausted and after only a few weeks I'm burnt out, much like the article says—and being where I'm at, I don't seem to get noticed and I rarely get any messages from anyone. I don't want to feel like I'm settling.
So, short of basically uprooting my whole life and starting over somewhere else, I don't have much hope.
Sure you have hope buddy....
Pray for a mate....God will provide...He always does. Just be a prayer warrior about it.
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So, short of basically uprooting my whole life and starting over somewhere else, I don't have much hope.
Not a bad idea - temporarily.
Take a holiday. Get away from home for a couple weeks. Not for a holiday fling (they happen, sure, but that's not what you're out for) but to refresh yourself. When you get back home, the old, familiar, boring crap is new again. So are the old, familiar, boring faces.
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Exactly. Some folks are just too fixated on the idea of marriage for reproduction or sex. I've never seen anything in the bible prohibiting marriage among older people.
Marriage for companionship and economic advantage makes perfect sense to me.
Just move in together for companionship and economic advantage then. For a marriage to work there has to be romance and attraction and love but not in the sense of loving ,my sister or woman friends.. What you would have is not a marriage in any sense.
Again if you friend was the interested in you she would have made her intentions clear years ago. Move on and find a woman who loves you as a lover and is physically attracted to you and stop wasting each others times on something that will never happen.
@Cripplecreek
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Again if you friend was the interested in you she would have made her intentions clear years ago. Move on and find a woman who loves you as a lover and is physically attracted to you and stop wasting each others times on something that will never happen.
You make the faulty assumption that someone like that is guaranteed to exist. It's not.
As the old Stephen Stills song goes, "if you can't be with...one you love, love the one you're with."
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Indeed, and whenever possible, that's how it should be.
I've been trying to find someone who's close to my level. Interests don't really matter too much to me, since I have my own and I really don't feel a need to force a potential partner into doing everything together. The travel-the-world types tend to get me a little uncomfortable since it sends the signal that they're really not ready to settle into things, but other than that, it's pretty much you do you, and I'll do me.
The problem I've run into is that, much like what I've run into trying to expand my social life in the "real world," there are indeed very few women around here, and even fewer that fit what I'm looking for. When I try to expand my radius, I sometimes find a few more, but then I run into the problem of them living in cities—I might be willing to date someone 50 miles away and do most of the traveling, but they won't consider anyone outside 10 miles and I simply don't have that luxury.
I've tried looking for good matches, but every time I send a message (usually along the lines of "we seem to have a lot in common; it'd be nice to get to know you a little better"), even if the person seems like a near perfect match, she ignores me. With so few people to consider, the options are quickly exhausted and after only a few weeks I'm burnt out, much like the article says—and being where I'm at, I don't seem to get noticed and I rarely get any messages from anyone. I don't want to feel like I'm settling.
So, short of basically uprooting my whole life and starting over somewhere else, I don't have much hope.
Meh... I love my wife and I enjoy married life. That being said, i miss some things about the single life too.
I think you're looking at things from a glass half empty perspective.
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Take a holiday. Get away from home for a couple weeks. Not for a holiday fling (they happen, sure, but that's not what you're out for) but to refresh yourself. When you get back home, the old, familiar, boring crap is new again. So are the old, familiar, boring faces.
That's probably what I would do - hope I never have to find out.
I imagine I'd go to the Riviera Maya, lots of bang for the buck. Half the people don't speak English, the jungle the beach and sand, plus a friendly bartender all have a way of freeing the mind.
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Just move in together for companionship and economic advantage then. For a marriage to work there has to be romance and attraction and love but not in the sense of loving ,my sister or woman friends.. What you would have is not a marriage in any sense.
Again if you friend was the interested in you she would have made her intentions clear years ago. Move on and find a woman who loves you as a lover and is physically attracted to you and stop wasting each others times on something that will never happen.
@Cripplecreek
The best advice of all is to never take advice from someone on the internet.
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The best advice of all is to never take advice from someone on the internet.
I wonder how some would have survived the most of civilized history, where the fathers arranged the marriages?
What is called 'love' these days is overrated. Love is grown. Cultivated. And it can easily be found realized in folks that started out as friends.
More power to ya, @Cripplecreek
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I wonder how some would have survived the most of civilized history, where the fathers arranged the marriages?
What is called 'love' these days is overrated. Love is grown. Cultivated. And it can easily be found realized in folks that started out as friends.
More power to ya, @Cripplecreek
I can't even imagine having a mate chosen for you. I kind of know how my luck of the draw would have worked out...lol.
Heck...I don't even buy lottery tickets...lol.
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I can't even imagine having a mate chosen for you. I kind of know how my luck of the draw would have worked out...lol.
Got a couple really good friends who are both in arranged marriages. It's worked out for them, despite some initial misgivings.
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Part of me wishes I could just go all Apostle Paul on the world and say I don't need it... but I'm flesh and blood. My reason for living is, essentially, to reproduce. If I die without doing that, biologically speaking, my whole life has been wasted. Furthermore I want to make sure that the offspring I do create is healthy and a net plus (or, at the very least, not a burden) to society, as I'd like to think I am, but the longer I wait, the higher that child's risk is of having serious problems, not the least of which is autism.
As a society, we can't keep going down this road of having fewer and fewer children at older and older ages. We can cut back on child-bearing if there are too many, but if too few are born to sustain it, you end up in a death spiral. I don't want a huge family by any means but I would like at least one healthy offspring to outlive me. To that end I'm seriously considering becoming a sperm donor at this point.
Have you considered joining an organization like Big Brother? Taking your focus off finding a "life partner" and focusing on expanding those you interact with for your life goals may bring you in contact with those suitable for the former.
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I can't even imagine having a mate chosen for you. I kind of know how my luck of the draw would have worked out...lol.
Heck...I don't even buy lottery tickets...lol.
I dunno.. there's something to it... Especially when one considers that divorce was nearly non-existent. Folks had to just work it out... and they did. Turns out that most loved each other in the end. It's a whole nuther thing today, where folks 'love' each other in the beginning, but most bail out when the going gets tough...
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I wonder how some would have survived the most of civilized history, where the fathers arranged the marriages?
What is called 'love' these days is overrated. Love is grown. Cultivated. And it can easily be found realized in folks that started out as friends.
More power to ya, @Cripplecreek
My great grandmother was never one for sugar coating things so she never hid the fact that her first husband ran off on her during the depression leaving her with 5 kids. She also didn't sugar coat the fact that the man I knew as my great grandfather she married out of necessity and grew to love him later.
As she said, it took a strong man to take on a woman and 5 kids in the depression.
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My great grandmother was never one for sugar coating things so she never hid the fact that her first husband ran off on her during the depression leaving her with 5 kids. She also didn't sugar coat the fact that the man I knew as my great grandfather she married out of necessity and grew to love him later.
As she said, it took a strong man to take on a woman and 5 kids in the depression.
It never ceases to amaze me how adversity can show the true colors of a hoomin bean. And it is in adversity (I think) that true love grows.
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It never ceases to amaze me how adversity can show the true colors of a hoomin bean. And it is in adversity (I think) that true love grows.
And yet, to start a relationship these days, you need to show all the signs of material wealth. Money, big truck, house, etc.
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And yet, to start a relationship these days, you need to show all the signs of material wealth. Money, big truck, house, etc.
I am poor as a church mouse, yet I am doing alright. Any woman that is looking for those things ain't worth going after.
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You make the faulty assumption that someone like that is guaranteed to exist. It's not.
As the old Stephen Stills song goes, "if you can't be with...one you love, love the one you're with."
If you're living in an area with too few single women...then move. I'm sure that would be a huge hassle and inconvenience, and you'd have to find a job and everything, but...
You keep talking about how unhappy you are at being unable to find a woman, and how you feel it is an important part of existence. I agree with what others have said about finding other outlets, but if it is really that important to you, then quit complaining, and make the change.
I was on active duty, in my late 20's, and single. I was going to be sent to a duty station for 3 years where my chances of meeting a woman would have been very low (Adak, Alaska), so I turned it down and took another assignment that put me in a different location near D.C.. I probably would have liked that other assignment better except for the lack of women, but as it turned out, I ended up meeting someone and getting married. So it worked out because I made a change that emphasized something important to me.
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If you're living in an area with too few single women...then move. I'm sure that would be a huge hassle and inconvenience, and you'd have to find a job and everything, but...
You keep talking about how unhappy you are at being unable to find a woman, and how you feel it is an important part of existence. I agree with what others have said about finding other outlets, but if it is really that important to you, then quit complaining, and make the change.
I was on active duty, in my late 20's, and single. I was going to be sent to a duty station for 3 years where my chances of meeting a woman would have been very low (Adak, Alaska), so I turned it down and took another assignment that put me in a different location near D.C.. I probably would have liked that other assignment better except for the lack of women, but as it turned out, I ended up meeting someone and getting married. So it worked out because I made a change that emphasized something important to me.
I agree. And, most people can sense when your priorities are confused; when you say X is important but you do Y. Makes people nervous about you.
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And yet, to start a relationship these days, you need to show all the signs of material wealth. Money, big truck, house, etc.
Funny, but I know plenty of guys without any of that, who find someone. Now if someone is a Sleestak-looking guy and wants someone who looks like Jennifer Lawrence, then yes, you're probably going to need a lot of money, multiple big trucks, and houses. But if you're an ordinary guy not trying to punch out of your weight class, you can find someone who doesn't demand all that.
The one piece of advice I can give for guys that haven't dated much is that it is easy to undervalue certain women. If you haven't dated much, then looks matter more. Once you've been around the block a few times, you start to learn how to spot the other qualities that really matter more. I can absolutely guarantee you that there are women out there in their 20's and 30's absolutely desperate to find a decent guy, and they're not looking for someone with a lot of money, or who that looks like Brat Pitt. I know some myself who fit into that category. But you have to get to place where the numbers are greater, the opportunities to mingle are better, so you can start getting good at finding them.
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I am poor as a church mouse, yet I am doing alright. Any woman that is looking for those things ain't worth going after.
Truer words never spoken.....
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And yet, to start a relationship these days, you need to show all the signs of material wealth. Money, big truck, house, etc.
Not with the good ones. Do not believe country music.
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I agree. And, most people can sense when your priorities are confused; when you say X is important but you do Y. Makes people nervous about you.
Yup. And an attitude of "my life is worthless if I can't reproduce" is going to (rightfully) send a lot of women running for the hills, even if it isn't stated openly. The clear suggestion is that life -- just living itself -- can't be enjoyable, fun or worthwhile. And who wants to be with someone who has that dark a view of life? Women want a guy who will listen to them, enjoy being with them, and (big bonus here) can make them laugh if possible. You have to want a girl for her, not just because of her ability to bear children. And if you married someone, and something happened so that you couldn't have children...do you simply toss her aside?
Heck, even dirty 'ol lust has its place. And a good thing, too!
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And yet, to start a relationship these days, you need to show all the signs of material wealth. Money, big truck, house, etc.
@jmyrlefuller
Generally speaking, if you can support yourself, not be a drain on the woman to support you, that is all that is necessary to the perspective companion.
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And yet, to start a relationship these days, you need to show all the signs of material wealth. Money, big truck, house, etc.
Change your attitude. Be absolutely grateful those that value material wealth over a good companion are up front about it. You don't end up wasting dollars and most importantly, time, on them.
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So, short of basically uprooting my whole life and starting over somewhere else, I don't have much hope.
Upstate small town New York has got to be a tough place to find someone. If it's anything like most rural small towns, you're locked into a caste from birth, then there's the cliques within that caste, and it's not exactly a free pool swim. Few will marry outside their familiarity circle. Let's not forget this is the northeast, where people are colder to begin with.
The ones that don't play that game generally leave. You may have to seriously look at uprooting and moving to a larger city. Maybe down South. That sucks yes, but in the long run it may be worth it as the quantity and even quality may rise.
And while children are important, marry for companionship and certainly love. The kids will follow, most women want them. Marry the person, not the goals, dreams, agenda, or wishlist.
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We married as teenagers, because we were engaged and she got pregnant.
Everybody was skeptical, and the odds were it would soon fail. Got married, baby born, six months later drafted. Lived in Germany, drove all over Europe including a visit to her family in Italy.
Came back, finished college, had a separation for just a few weeks around 4 years of marriage. My fault.
God willing next January will celebrate 50 years of marriage. Just about to leave the house together and take a 4 mile walk together. We both have our own lives, and we do things together too.
We will probably go to the movies tomorrow night, to see "Going in Style."
Won't volunteer much advice, since there is already plenty of that on the interwebs. But look to the family of your prospect. That is where they got genes and more. Drug and alcohol abuse runs in families, for example.
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You make the faulty assumption that someone like that is guaranteed to exist. It's not.
Finding a lover is guaranteed. If Honey Bo Bo' mom can find a guy, anyone can find a mate. I have seen numerous mug ugly people-truly hideous in the face find love and marriage. You mentioned no gal responds to your ping on dating sites. Stop going after 9's and 10's get realistic based upon your looks.
Mostly what it comes down to is laziness if people cannot find a romance-you have to put major, major effort into finding a mate and not waiting for GOD to send you one. God wants you to get off your a** and get out and meet people.
All the men/women I have known over the years who have lost a mate due to death or divorce and then found someone else put major effort into it. It is the equivelant of hunting for a job. A male friend of mine was divorced few years back. He joined a gym, did volunteer work, went to numerous social functions, made it known he was looking for a new lover, anything he could to get his face out there and he eventually found a new squeeze.
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The best advice of all is to never take advice from someone on the internet.
I have been married 20 years, never divorced, still have a great marriage yet single people on the internet who are middle aged listen to other single, never married people for advice.
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And yet, to start a relationship these days, you need to show all the signs of material wealth. Money, big truck, house, etc.
LOL half the women in my town are married or living with unemployed loser men. My wife just SHH when her female friends who are educated, nice job, lot going for them starts dating losers.
@jmyrlefuller
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Finding a lover is guaranteed. If Honey Bo Bo' mom can find a guy, anyone can find a mate.
No, the real miracle is that the guy she found, managed to find a woman.
(http://www.939thebeat.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/398/2016/01/sugarbear.png)
And real eye-opener is that she left him because he was cheating on her with someone else.
Mostly what it comes down to is laziness if people cannot find a romance-you have to put effort into finding a mate and not waiting for GOD to send you one. God wants you to get off your a** and get out and meet people. All the men/women I have known over the years who have lost a mate due to death or divorce and then found someone else put major effort into it. It is the equivelant of hunting for a job. A male friend of mine was divorced few years back. He joined a gym, did volunteer work, went to numerous social functions, made it known he was looking for a new lover and he found a new squeeze.
:amen:
They're not just going to fall into your lap without effort. It's like anything else -- you have to put the effort into making yourself as marketable as possible.
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. I can absolutely guarantee you that there are women out there in their 20's and 30's absolutely desperate to find a decent guy, and they're not looking for someone with a lot of money, or who that looks like Brat Pitt.
A+++
Here is the simple facts what women looking for, it's not a major secret.
Ambition, confidence, takes care of their body-good grooming, humor and reasonable looks-don't have to be Brad Pitt.
Every women I know said a guy with no confidence and ambition is a ovary shrinker and dead in the water even if they look like Brad Pitt.
@Maj. Bill Martin
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They're not just going to fall into your lap without effort. It's like anything else -- you have to put the effort into making yourself as marketable as possible.
The guy I said who was divorced would tell women he knew socially who were married or just friends he was looking for a relationship. Numerous ones would say, "You know I have a friend you should meet". Sometimes it worked out sometimes it didn't.
As you said you have to market yourself.
@Maj. Bill Martin
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We used to have an expression regarding how to get new clients -- "play in traffic." Which meant you have to get out into the community, get involved, meet people, etc.. Even developing more social relationships can eventually lead to new business that you did not foresee.
As you point out, it's the same with dating. If you're just sitting at home by yourself, your odds stink. Get out, join a club, volunteer, do something. It is amazing how often other people will try to hook up a single person they believe is worthwhile. But you've got to get out and mingle with other people as a human being, and it takes time. Results are never instantaneous, and the mere fact that you are getting out and doing more things socially will actually make you a more interesting person for someone else to meet.
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A+++
Here is the simple facts what women looking for, it's not a major secret.
Ambition, confidence, takes care of their body-good grooming, humor and reasonable looks-don't have to be Brad Pitt.
Every women I know said a guy with no confidence and ambition is a ovary shrinker and dead in the water even if they look like Brad Pitt.
@Maj. Bill Martin
What a hoot. What reason do I have to be confident when I'm constantly getting rejected?
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The guy I said who was divorced would tell women he knew socially who were married or just friends he was looking for a relationship. Numerous ones would say, "You know I have a friend you should meet". Sometimes it worked out sometimes it didn't.
As you said you have to market yourself.
I'm seriously trying, yet not one of my friends has recommended anyone, and I go out, and there's no one, literally, out there.
I'm sorry. This is why I don't like talking or thinking about this topic, because it just sends me into this extreme spiral of frustration, and I know no one wants to date someone who thinks like this. But my experience tells me that's just how it is, until someone has the fortitude to willingly come into my life and prove me wrong (and believe me, I'd LOVE to be proven wrong). Unless that happens, it's probably better that I just stay single and try to find peace.
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And yet, to start a relationship these days, you need to show all the signs of material wealth. Money, big truck, house, etc.
If that's the case, you're looking in the wrong places.
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I'm seriously trying, yet not one of my friends has recommended anyone, and I go out, and there's no one, literally, out there.
I'm sorry. This is why I don't like talking or thinking about this topic, because it just sends me into this extreme spiral of frustration, and I know no one wants to date someone who thinks like this. But my experience tells me that's just how it is, until someone has the fortitude to willingly come into my life and prove me wrong (and believe me, I'd LOVE to be proven wrong). Unless that happens, it's probably better that I just stay single and try to find peace.
@jmyrlefuller, there's been some good and consistent advice on this thread and you chose to disregard it. Again - you chose.
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What a hoot. What reason do I have to be confident when I'm constantly getting rejected?
Confident in life and your job not just asking for date. Women hate whiners and complainers.
You are getting rejected for 3 reasons and only 3 reasons.
1. You are asking out girls out your league Example: You are a 5 asking a 10 out for date. Ain't going to happen.
2. You are saying something that creeps them out so bad they run away
3. Your personality is so bad it's cringeworthy
I told you what I would do last year when this was brought up. Ask a very close female friend, not male, what you are doing to drive girls away and rejecting you.
@jmyrlefuller
@Sanguine
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I'm seriously trying, yet not one of my friends has recommended anyone, and I go out, and there's no one, literally, out there.
I'm sorry. This is why I don't like talking or thinking about this topic, because it just sends me into this extreme spiral of frustration, and I know no one wants to date someone who thinks like this. But my experience tells me that's just how it is, until someone has the fortitude to willingly come into my life and prove me wrong (and believe me, I'd LOVE to be proven wrong). Unless that happens, it's probably better that I just stay single and try to find peace.
@jmyrlefuller
You're catching it from all sides and I don't want to pile on. And I don't want to minimize your frustration. Like I said upthread, I remember feeling the same way, even though I was seeing two guys, neither seriously. I wanted something deeper, and I came close to taking a break from dating entirely.
But I didn't. I went on one last date. And that one turned out to be the charm. It's never too late, and your person could come along at any time, when you least expect it. Sounds trite, but it's true.
I don't personally agree that you're striking out because you're going after women that are too good-looking. Look, your pic is your icon, and you're a good-looking guy. But even if you weren't, have you noticed couples lately? If you're judging on appearance, mismatched ones are all over the place...really handsome guys with plainer women, and pretty women with less attractive men.
My husband's sister is a gorgeous woman, and after her divorce from her abusive husband, she got into a relationship with a man who wasn't exactly a beauty himself. But she adored him. She asked me what I thought of him, and said a friend told her they didn't "match." "He might not be pretty, but he's such a MAN," she told me.
You can't let a dark or negative state of mind come across to women you meet...and desperation is deadly. Maybe you could work on relaxing, on pulling back a bit from being so grimly invested in meeting someone right now. If you can get into a more peaceful mindset, relax, and keep yourself out there, I really think things might change.
It is absolutely not too late.
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I'm seriously trying, yet not one of my friends has recommended anyone, and I go out, and there's no one, literally, out there.
I'm sorry. This is why I don't like talking or thinking about this topic, because it just sends me into this extreme spiral of frustration, and I know no one wants to date someone who thinks like this. But my experience tells me that's just how it is, until someone has the fortitude to willingly come into my life and prove me wrong (and believe me, I'd LOVE to be proven wrong). Unless that happens, it's probably better that I just stay single and try to find peace.
The other thing I would add, if you are a Christian - be where God wants you to be and doing whats He wants you to do. If that means where you are at, or moving, then be there. Don't be focused on getting the woman or not, be where you're supposed to be. If you are in the right place, then relationship status becomes secondary. If it happens it happens, if it don't it don't, but you are at least in the right place. If you aren't in the right place, that person will never come along. If you are, then you know that they won't be. Makes it a little easier to know it's not something you're doing.
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Being 5 feet tall, I've had amazing luck in the pet food isle. My kitties favorite food has always been on the top shelf and I can never reach it.
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More than that - She just walked up alongside, picked up a line, and started pullin. She showed up the other day and started handing me wrenches... After while she'd wander off for a minute or two, and come back again... But pretty much, she was there all afternoon. Pleasant conversation, good sense about tools and knowing what I'd need next...
When she seen I was wrapping it up, she disappeared long enough for it to seem like abandonment... right in the easiest part of things... But I finished cleaning up my tools and wandered on into the house to find it all cleaned up, and beef stew and bannock bread piping hot and ready to go. After supper, she thought it admirable of me that I stuck around to help her (as if it is hers to do) with the dishes.
She's made herself a nest on the couch, and again, we had pleasant conversation, as we watched a movie... She magically found one of my flannel shirts that I'd torn the shoulder out of, and she whipped a sewing kit out of her purse and busied her hands with all that while we were sitting there...
She's already measuring up the closets and the pantry... And calculating that I'll be needing more garden than thought... To allow for her, I think... She's already met my kids and my mother and sister, being here when they wandered by... She fits right in with the women folk (and they love her)... She is already grand-mothering my grandsons (and they love her). And ol Chewy, my last defense, turned out to be no defense at all... He rolled over on the very first belly scratch. :shrug:
I haven't let her into my bed yet, but she'd sure enough go (and she's been lightly trying to get there). I dunno how it is with the Cree, but with the old school Salish, That particular act is as good as a marriage vow. And she knows that I know it.
And so, she's told me, with mischief in her eyes, that I'd better be careful not to get myself banged up enough that'd I'd need care (overnight)... A bit confident, she is, that such a time will certainly occur not too far from now...
After all, she's got 100 acres up Fisher River (God's own front porch), with the prettiest Appaloosas I've ever seen... Four of them barely green broke and needing my attentions... And the tool shed needs a new roof, and a foundation log replaced... I could spend a month in the barn alone... and there's maybe forty miles of fence that hasn't had a man to fix it for the last twenty years...
:thud:
@roamer_1 if your doggy likes her you are gone..... you got yourself a girlfriend
So yeah, it might just work out.
She's already measured me out for new buckskins....
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Confident in life and your job not just asking for date. Women hate whiners and complainers.
Yes, this. It does not mean that you are confident you won't strike out/ be rejected. That happens all the time. It means being confident in yourself that you don't look like this woman's say-so will make or break your life. It's not confidence, but rather a lack of desperation.
Now your issue may very well be that you live in an area with too few women. But it's not going to do you any good to complain about that if you're not willing to move.
You are getting rejected for 3 reasons and only 3 reasons.
1. You are asking out girls out your league Example: You are a 5 asking a 10 out for date. Ain't going to happen.
2. You are saying something that creeps them out so bad they run away
3. Your personality is so bad it's cringeworthy
Just a bit harsh there, @mirraflake. Lack of confidence can be a killer too.
I told you what I would do last year when this was brought up. Ask a very close female friend, not male, what you are doing to drive girls away and rejecting you.
This is true. Also...hit the gym or take up a sport/activity that gets you in good shape. That will impact your self-esteem/confidence with the opposite sex, and forgetting the direct effect on how you look, that additional confidence will do wonders for you. Seriously.
Only other advice I can give is kind of based off...dating humor, but it actually works. "Go Ugly Early" and "Big girls need lovin' too." What I mean here is that if you're really striking out a lot, then kind of forget the whole "looking for love" thing, and just look for any girl to spend some time with you. Just to talk, or watch movies, whatever. Toss physical attractiveness out the window completely, and just start with companion ship. If only to get you more confident in talking to women.
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I'm just a sexy beast so I'm good no matter what.
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Being 5 feet tall, I've had amazing luck in the pet food isle. My kitties favorite food has always been on the top shelf and I can never reach it.
Mrs Joe measures out at the same altitude, although you'd think she was a lot bigger by her presence. She just buttonholes some youngster (or me) with "Excuse me. I need to borrow your tallness." and folks are happily willing to help out.
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What I mean here is that if you're really striking out a lot, then kind of forget the whole "looking for love" thing, and just look for any girl to spend some time with you. Just to talk, or watch movies, whatever. Toss physical attractiveness out the window completely, and just start with companion ship. If only to get you more confident in talking to women.
@jmyrlefuller I'll take that one farther for you. If you make friends with absolutely ineligible women, they always know someone who...
Blind dates are a hoot. Most won't work out, but at the least you will end up with some stories to tell, and maybe some completely incompatible friends.
It's a funny thing about married women, too--and no, I am definitely not suggesting any impropriety, here--but they can't stand to see their friends unattached. So, if you end up in a situation where there are lots of married women around be kind, courteous, and well, just a great all around guy, and the word will spread. You never know where that will lead.
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Being 5 feet tall, I've had amazing luck in the pet food isle. My kitties favorite food has always been on the top shelf and I can never reach it.
A GREAT pu spot for men is having your hair cut at a woman's salon(who also cut men's hair) with all women staff.
As long as you act decently, friendly and can hold a conversation, usually after 2-3 haircuts and they get to know you and deem you safe they will try to set you up with either their friends or their daughters.
@Freya
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A GREAT pu spot for men is having your hair cut at a woman's salon(who also cut men's hair) with all women staff.
As long as you act decently and can hold a conversation, usually after 2-3 haircuts and they get to know you and deem you safe they will try to set you up with either their friends or their daughters.
@Freya
Toilet roll aisle in the supermarket works well too. (You knock some of the display off the shelves accidentally. The lady in the aisle will nearly always help you pick up and talk to you to cover your embarrassment).
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Toilet roll aisle in the supermarket works well too. (You knock some of the display off the shelves accidentally. The lady in the aisle will nearly always help you pick up and talk to you to cover your embarrassment).
The thought occurs to me that you could also meet the lady watching the security cameras after the third or fourth time you knocked the TP down....Curiosity would demand someone find out what you were up to.
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Toilet roll aisle in the supermarket works well too. (You knock some of the display off the shelves accidentally. The lady in the aisle will nearly always help you pick up and talk to you to cover your embarrassment).
That's a remarkably devious one.
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Hey - it worked for my missus ....
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Toilet roll aisle in the supermarket works well too. (You knock some of the display off the shelves accidentally. The lady in the aisle will nearly always help you pick up and talk to you to cover your embarrassment).
@EC
True story.
I had broken up with a guy I was dating...well, I guess it was mutual because we would have killed each other, otherwise. Anyway, late one night I ran by the grocery store, and there he was in the produce section. I looked at him, he looked at me...then he turned away, trying to look cool, and picked an apple out of a big pile.
That entire heap of apples collapsed and rolled onto the floor, and he jumped backward. I walked away laughing. :silly:
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Toilet roll aisle in the supermarket works well too. (You knock some of the display off the shelves accidentally. The lady in the aisle will nearly always help you pick up and talk to you to cover your embarrassment).
Works better than hanging out in the condom aisle asking passing women if these really increase your pleasure.
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It's a funny thing about married women, too--and no, I am definitely not suggesting any impropriety, here--but they can't stand to see their friends unattached. So, if you end up in a situation where there are lots of married women around be kind, courteous, and well, just a great all around guy, and the word will spread. You never know where that will lead.
Sometimes I think they are less concerned with their unattached friends as they are dismayed by seeing a man not placed under control...
Just kidding, I think, let me ask my wife...
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Sometimes I think they are less concerned with their unattached friends as they are dismayed by seeing a man not placed under control...
Just kidding, I think, let me ask my wife...
:silly:
(I always thought that, too. Quietly. In the garage. When I was sure she was shopping...) :nometalk:
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Sometimes I think they are less concerned with their unattached friends as they are dismayed by seeing a man not placed under control...
Just kidding, I think, let me ask my wife...
Actually, forget about hanging round with married women. Hang around with married guys. Their wives will set you up with someone sharpish, before you can undo all the careful training they've put in.
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roamer_1 if your doggy likes her you are gone..... you got yourself a girlfriend
So yeah, it might just work out.
@Freya
Yeah, see... shes done it about right... She knows I'm jumpy... skittish... Been out of the corral and out on the range too long...
So she's going about it another way... No doubt she's giving me sugar cubes... What I want and need... Not only will she get what she wants, but I'll like it by the time she's done... But that's beside the point.
She went after the womenfolk and the grandchildren... She's plugging into my family. If I let her go by, I'll catch all kinds of hell from the wimmenz, and especially, importantly, my mother... And the grandkids.
She's just about got me hog-tied that way, whether I like her or not...
That's what I get for letting a horse woman in the door... She's got that horse-whisperer juju. I see her eyein' me up, just that same way as she eyes a wild horse...
Friggin man-whisperer. I am screwed. I just don't know it yet.
And I ain't hardly more than kissed her. :shrug:
Nice to see you back btw... Hope all is well.
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@Freya
Yeah, see... shes done it about right... She knows I'm jumpy... skittish... Been out of the corral and out on the range too long...
So she's going about it another way... No doubt she's giving me sugar cubes... What I want and need... Not only will she get what she wants, but I'll like it by the time she's done... But that's beside the point.
She went after the womenfolk and the grandchildren... She's plugging into my family. If I let her go by, I'll catch all kinds of hell from the wimmenz, and especially, importantly, my mother... And the grandkids.
She's just about got me hog-tied that way, whether I like her or not...
That's what I get for letting a horse woman in the door... She's got that horse-whisperer juju. I see her eyein' me up, just that same way as she eyes a wild horse...
Friggin man-whisperer. I am screwed. I just don't know it yet.
And I ain't hardly more than kissed her. :shrug:
Nice to see you back btw... Hope all is well.
For some reason Clayton Williams comes to mind....
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For some reason Clayton Williams comes to mind....
Sorry... must be a Texas thing. The reference went right over my head. :shrug:
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@jmyrlefuller
Blind dates are a hoot. Most won't work out, but at the least you will end up with some stories to tell, and maybe some completely incompatible friends.
I went on 2 in my life.
One was with a very pretty in the face women but she weighed 300 lbs-I had zero interest. Took her back to her place and she stuck her tongue down my throat and was all over me, no pun intended. She was horny as heck and in the next second she said to me, you can stay the night if you like.
I was in a dry spell and you now what they say about fat women and mopeds but I just knew she was going to be trouble after her chemicals go haywire after sex what do they call that ocitin the bonding chemical in women or something like that and walked out.
Never saw her again until about 3 years later when I called on the business where she worked at the time. Even heavier and starting to age badly.
I made plenty of bad decisions in my life trust me, thank God I had some sense that night.
@Smokin Joe
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Sorry... must be a Texas thing. The reference went right over my head. :shrug:
It's a bad joke. Williams shouldn't have said it and I probable shouldn't have referenced it.
He ran for Texas governor in 1990, and: "During the campaign, Williams publicly made a joke likening the crime of rape to bad weather, having stated: "If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it""
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clayton_Williams
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@jmyrlefuller
Blind dates are a hoot. Most won't work out, but at the least you will end up with some stories to tell, and maybe some completely incompatible friends.
I was once set up on a blind date. We had a nice time despite the fact he brought his seeing eye dog with him. Seriously, he really was blind.
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It's a bad joke. Williams shouldn't have said it and I probable shouldn't have referenced it.
He ran for Texas governor in 1990, and: "During the campaign, Williams publicly made a joke likening the crime of rape to bad weather, having stated: "If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it""
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clayton_Williams
So he said almost exactly the same thing as Bobby Knight.
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Williams [...] stated: "If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it""
LOL! OK, I get it...
Believe me, I'm relaxed, and enjoying it way too much... That's the problem. :)
I'm supposed to go up there in the next couple weeks to get the tractor figured out... First step to getting the road into her place straightened out... That's going to be at least an over-nighter... Dangerous business. If I get back from that with my top-knot it'll be a miracle.
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I went on 2 in my life.
One was with a very pretty in the face women but she weighed 300 lbs-I had zero interest. Took her back to her place and she stuck her tongue down my throat and was all over me, no pun intended. She was horny as heck and in the next second she said to me, you can stay the night if you like.
I was in a dry spell and you now what they say about fat women and mopeds but I just knew she was going to be trouble after her chemicals go haywire after sex what do they call that ocitin the bonding chemical in women or something like that and walked out.
Never saw her again until about 3 years later when I called on the business where she worked at the time. Even heavier and starting to age badly.
I made plenty of bad decisions in my life trust me, thank God I had some sense that night.
@Smokin Joe
Oh, I went on quite a few. Most of 'em never got past the first date, I kept it a bit formal, and I knew I wasn't interested. Most of that was behavioural on their part.
As for the rest of the evening, I'm an old fireman from way back and I know better than to light fires I'm going to have to put out. This town is too small for that.
I have had the occasion of shutting down two gals who were fighting over me, when neither of them had any claim nor was ever going to. That was different, but it had to be done, because their bickering was messing up other prospects. Eventually, though, my opinion of the 'dating scene' is that it is a wasteland. The good ones aren't all taken, but a fellow has to have either luck or determination or maybe divine intervention to find a decent gal any more.
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Eventually, though, my opinion of the 'dating scene' is that it is a wasteland. The good ones aren't all taken, but a fellow has to have either luck or determination or maybe divine intervention to find a decent gal any more.
I think it's easier today to pick out a good one thanks to such things as social media. In the old day it took maybe a month of dating or longer to figure out the gal-some were pretty good actors before they shown their true colors. Today check out her facebook page photos. You can tell almost right off the bat is she is a skank or not or see who she hangs out with.
@Smokin Joe
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I think it's easier today to pick out a good one thanks to such things as social media. In the old day it took maybe a month of dating or longer to figure out the gal-some were pretty good actors before they shown their true colors. Today check out her facebook page photos. You can tell almost right off the bat is she is a skank or not or see who she hangs out with.
@Smokin Joe
That may be. I haven't been on the market for quite a while, and never did Facebook.
I just went by the way they acted, how they treated the servers, whether they were down home folk or got snooty, whether they drank hard, and a half dozen other cues. Conversation told a lot. If they were moms (not necessarily a disqualifier) the way they treated their kid(s) showed a lot, too. Even good actors slip somewhere. Remarkably accurate assessments from running into most of them later.
Some were fine people, just not a good fit. Some were horror shows on feet. I remained nice, because that's what nice guys do, but didn't call back for a second date.
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Facebook today makes it easy to decide.
Date and marry
(https://itzlinz.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/girls-1.jpg)
RUN!!!!
(http://www.acceler8or.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Slut-Walk-5.jpg)
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@mirraflake I can see eliminating a few from consideration pretty quickly, and reading what they post could be a screening device as well. So, from that aspect, I can see where that stuff would be handy. But when I was last in the 'market', there were no slut walks, pu**y hats, and a lot less man-hate out there.
So, despite the tech, I think the pool had a lot less poison in it.
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I think it's easier today to pick out a good one thanks to such things as social media. In the old day it took maybe a month of dating or longer to figure out the gal-some were pretty good actors before they shown their true colors. Today check out her facebook page photos. You can tell almost right off the bat is she is a skank or not or see who she hangs out with.
@Smokin Joe
To come back around to the original topic of the article (since online dating is basically a form of social media in a sense)...
The thing I found about it is that it is, indeed, fairly easy to filter out the good potential partners from the not-so-good ones (rude attitude, picky demands, people who don't reveal anything about themselves), especially if you have a good idea of what you're looking for. Perhaps too good—it's easy to set one's standards too high. That was one of my major points of frustration; I went for the best matches first, and when I didn't get any responses, I was down to the less appealing choices and I was starting to seriously question whether or not I would be settling if I kept going forward.
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To come back around to the original topic of the article (since online dating is basically a form of social media in a sense)...
The thing I found about it is that it is, indeed, fairly easy to filter out the good potential partners from the not-so-good ones (rude attitude, picky demands, people who don't reveal anything about themselves), especially if you have a good idea of what you're looking for. Perhaps too good—it's easy to set one's standards too high. That was one of my major points of frustration; I went for the best matches first, and when I didn't get any responses, I was down to the less appealing choices and I was starting to seriously question whether or not I would be settling if I kept going forward.
When it comes to love, what you obsess about is exactly what you'll never find. The minute you think you see it, it vanishes.
The woman you want, you'll never see coming, unless you are really good at looking with the heart's peripheral vision.
Stop worrying about it. Live your life. Be happy without. And oddly enough, the minute you can do that, you'll find the one you've been looking for all the way along.
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When it comes to love, what you obsess about is exactly what you'll never find. The minute you think you see it, it vanishes.
The woman you want, you'll never see coming, unless you are really good at looking with the heart's peripheral vision.
Stop worrying about it. Live your life. Be happy without. And oddly enough, the minute you can do that, you'll find the one you've been looking for all the way along.
@roamer_1
@jmyrlefuller
I didn't even know exactly what I wanted before I met my husband to be. I didn't have a list or anything. But when he came along, he was a perfect fit.
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When it comes to love, what you obsess about is exactly what you'll never find. The minute you think you see it, it vanishes.
The woman you want, you'll never see coming, unless you are really good at looking with the heart's peripheral vision.
Stop worrying about it. Live your life. Be happy without. And oddly enough, the minute you can do that, you'll find the one you've been looking for all the way along.
@jmyrlefuller What he said!
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Stop worrying about it. Live your life. Be happy without.
:thumbsup2:
I can't say it's brought me any progress toward it, but I find I am MUCH happier when I don't think about it.
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I didn't even know exactly what I wanted before I met my husband to be. I didn't have a list or anything. But when he came along, he was a perfect fit.
@CatherineofAragon
Lilly came to me out of my past, and completely out of the blue.
She made my mocs for me for years and years... I'd come see her at the rondy and get two pair every season
But I hadn't been for at least 15 years.
I ran into her by chance in a store... we caught up right there for probably 45 minutes, and then I took her to lunch and we talked another hour and a half. Been going at it ever since.
Never seen it coming.
@jmyrlefuller
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I went for the best matches first, and when I didn't get any responses, I was down to the less appealing choices and I was starting to seriously question whether or not I would be settling if I kept going forward.
If you're light on dating experience for your age, then stop viewing every potential match as a potential life partner. View it as a chance to get to know someone and to develop some dating experience. To be honest, it is very likely that you don't even know enough right now to pick out the right girl for a long-term relationship, and even if you could recognize her, you'd want more experience so you don't blow it.
View potential dates as just someone with whom to spend time and not be alone. That's a pretty low bar, but there's nothing wrong with that. The way you're looking sounds like you're putting a ton of pressure on yourself, and perhaps unintentionally on the women you're attempting to date.
Every guy on here will tell you that when you're really desperate and striking out, it becomes self-reinforcing. We've all been there.
But once you find someone you really like, something happens and other women start coming out of the woodwork. It's just that you're giving off a different vibe when you're even casually dating someone else. So better to temporarily "settle", than to be permanently striking out.
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Facebook today makes it easy to decide.
RUN!!!!
(http://www.acceler8or.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Slut-Walk-5.jpg)
Well, yes. Eventually, anyway.... I mean, the one of the left looks like she might be fun for awhile. One of the right looks too crazy, and the whole multiple piercings thing is scary.
Not everyone I even, uh, "dated" was marriageable material. Seems most of the folks here are (or at least claim to be) probably more upstanding than I was in my younger days.
I hope this doesn't get kicked me out of the club.
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Well, yes. Eventually, anyway.... I mean, the one of the left looks like she might be fun for awhile. One of the right looks too crazy, and the whole multiple piercings thing is scary.
Not everyone I even, uh, "dated" was marriageable material. Seems most of the folks here are (or at least claim to be) probably more upstanding than I was in my younger days.
I hope this doesn't get kicked me out of the club.
No comment ;-).
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Not everyone I even, uh, "dated" was marriageable material. Seems most of the folks here are (or at least claim to be) probably more upstanding than I was in my younger days.
Oh, I don't think our younger days count. What's that saying about being young and stupid? :whistle:
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Oh, I don't think our younger days count. What's that saying about being young and stupid? :whistle:
Which one? :smokin:
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Oh, I don't think our younger days count. What's that saying about being young and stupid? :whistle:
Another advantage of marrying a lifelong friend. They already know all the stupid crap and have remained a friend despite it.
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Well, yes. Eventually, anyway.... I mean, the one of the left looks like she might be fun for awhile. One of the right looks too crazy, and the whole multiple piercings thing is scary.
Not everyone I even, uh, "dated" was marriageable material. Seems most of the folks here are (or at least claim to be) probably more upstanding than I was in my younger days.
I hope this doesn't get kicked me out of the club.
You don't want to know my history and numbers before I started to settle down in my early 30's pre marriage. My wife knows I was not a saint and never asked, she knows not to ask but if she knew my history she would 1) Faint, 2.) Never touch me again 3) Divorce
Everything except kids and animals. I do have some sexual morals.
@Maj. Bill Martin
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I just saw this on Drudge.
Could online dating be behind the rise of STD's among milenials?
http://www.metro.us/mind-and-body/stds-rise-online-dating
Interesting article
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@roamer_1
@jmyrlefuller
I didn't even know exactly what I wanted before I met my husband to be. I didn't have a list or anything. But when he came along, he was a perfect fit.
Funny story. Before I met my wife she had a list of what she wanted in a boyfriend: Height, curly hair, interests, play a musical interest, ect. I fit the list to a T. That one can definitely be filed under divine intervention.
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@CatherineofAragon
Lilly came to me out of my past, and completely out of the blue.
She made my mocs for me for years and years... I'd come see her at the rondy and get two pair every season
But I hadn't been for at least 15 years.
I ran into her by chance in a store... we caught up right there for probably 45 minutes, and then I took her to lunch and we talked another hour and a half. Been going at it ever since.
Never seen it coming.
@jmyrlefuller
@roamer_1
I think that's how it happens a lot, if not most of the time...you never see it coming.
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Just going to drop this right here...
Guy Writes Column Titled ‘Why I Won’t Date Hot Women Anymore.’ Then The Internet Destroys Him.
http://www.dailywire.com/news/15364/guy-writes-column-titled-why-i-wont-date-hot-women-ben-shapiro (http://www.dailywire.com/news/15364/guy-writes-column-titled-why-i-wont-date-hot-women-ben-shapiro)
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Just going to drop this right here...
Guy Writes Column Titled ‘Why I Won’t Date Hot Women Anymore.’ Then The Internet Destroys Him.
Nearly every guy I know who married a super hot woman are now mostly either divorced or unhappy. Not all but most.
A car buddy of mine has a wife who is breathtaking stunning and he is unhappy. Other men constantly flirt with her or put the moves on her everywhere they go even though they know she is married. Back of his mind he wonders if she will get bored one day and move on and get an upgrade as she has options. He said it get's old to have to be on your game 24/7. What happens if h does not get that promotion? What happens if he ages badly? He is exhausted.
@CatherineofAragon
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NF5XU-k2Vk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NF5XU-k2Vk)
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Nearly every guy I know who married a super hot woman are now mostly either divorced or unhappy. Not all but most.
A car buddy of mine has a wife who is breathtaking stunning and he is unhappy. Other men constantly flirt with her or put the moves on her everywhere they go even though they know she is married. Back of his mind he wonders if she will get bored one day and move on and get an upgrade as she has options. He said it get's old to have to be on your game 24/7. What happens if h does not get that promotion? What happens if he ages badly? He is exhausted.
@CatherineofAragon
Maybe it's a product of where I live, but in general, the "hottest women" I know are all happily married or engaged and have been with their husband/fiance since high school or, at the very latest, college. The relationships are generally very long-lived and, in the rare case one of them ended up breaking up, they were usually in another relationship within a few weeks.
The beautiful women I know, I'll admit, are also generally good people on the inside as well, so they're mature enough to handle that kind of situation. Does that apply to every single beautiful woman in America? Probably not, but I don't really see "hotness" as something totally disqualifying or scary. You just have to make sure she loves you for you, and not your material stuff.
(That's part of the reason I want to get started now, while I'm not quite as well-to-do. That way, if I do have a girlfriend and then get successful, then it's a bonus, not the Sword of Damocles. The last thing anyone needs is to be single, prosperous and surrounded by a bunch of gold-diggers.)
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Maybe it's a product of where I live, but in general, the "hottest women" I know are all happily married or engaged and have been with their husband/fiance since high school or, at the very latest, college. The relationships are generally very long-lived and, in the rare case one of them ended up breaking up, they were usually in another relationship within a few weeks.
The beautiful women I know, I'll admit, are also generally good people on the inside as well, so they're mature enough to handle that kind of situation. Does that apply to every single beautiful woman in America? Probably not, but I don't really see "hotness" as something totally disqualifying or scary. You just have to make sure she loves you for you, and not your material stuff.
What you see may not be what her husband sees. And that goes both ways. People who are thought to be wonderful by outsiders may be entirely different to their spouse in the privacy of their own home. It's easy to be nice to the outside world when the outside world treats you better because you're attractive. It's a mistake to idealize someone else's marriage/spouse, because you can be pretty certain there is a lot of stuff you don't know.
(That's part of the reason I want to get started now, while I'm not quite as well-to-do. That way, if I do have a girlfriend and then get successful, then it's a bonus, not the Sword of Damocles. The last thing anyone needs is to be single, prosperous and surrounded by a bunch of gold-diggers.)
That can be a lot of fun if you play your cards right.
Just date, dude, and don't be worried about dating marriageable prospects right now.
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Nearly every guy I know who married a super hot woman are now mostly either divorced or unhappy. Not all but most.
A car buddy of mine has a wife who is breathtaking stunning and he is unhappy. Other men constantly flirt with her or put the moves on her everywhere they go even though they know she is married. Back of his mind he wonders if she will get bored one day and move on and get an upgrade as she has options. He said it get's old to have to be on your game 24/7. What happens if h does not get that promotion? What happens if he ages badly? He is exhausted.
@CatherineofAragon
The real problem is he married a woman he doesn't trust. Big mistake IMO.
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The real problem is he married a woman he doesn't trust. Big mistake IMO.
Alternatively, the real problem is his insecurity. Unless she's actually done something to make him not trust her, that's all on him.
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I thought some of us may find this interesting:
The real reason some people end up with partners who are way more attractive
You’ve probably come across those couples where one partner is significantly more attractive than the other. It’s often fodder for fictional comedy – think of oafish Homer and demure Marge in "The Simpsons," Peter and Lois Griffin in "Family Guy," or this fake article in the Onion. In real life, of course, it’s also a source of pain for some couples, who may be hurt and embarrassed to hear that their partner “could do so much better than you.”
While there are all kinds of variations within partners, mixed-attractiveness couples do go somewhat against the grain. We're often cautioned that real beauty is found within, but good looks are among the more highly rated characteristics in what people say they want in a romantic partner. And in general, couples tend to be more similar in many respects — including their genetics, physical attractiveness and cultural characteristics such as religion, politics and socioeconomic status — than two randomly selected people would be. Scientists call this “assortative mating,” and it’s a principle that has been studied for over a century: As early as 1903, scientists reported similarities in the height and arm length of couples.
There are various theories for why people sort themselves out into similar pairs...
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/05/03/the-real-reason-some-people-end-up-with-partners-who-are-way-more-attractive/?utm_term=.77e31bfceb35
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The real reason a homely guy winds up with a stunning woman is simple - he asked her. :tongue2:
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The real reason a homely guy winds up with a stunning woman is simple - he asked her. :tongue2:
Eventually. At first he may have not held much for his prospects, and was just her friend, someone she could rely on. Not the "friend' some dating relationships degrade to (as in don't call me I'll cal you), but from the ground up. Sooner or later some jackwagon she's dating will attack him or be jealous of him or denigrate him, and she will defend him, if she's worth having. That can lead to a breakup with the jackwagon real quick, and the realization she has deeper feelings for the one she defended.
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I thought some of us may find this interesting:
All I'll say is I got everything I ever wanted in the woman I married. She's much more than I deserve and I was never much to look at. I wouldn't trade her for anything, not even my life.
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All I'll say is I got everything I ever wanted in the woman I married. She's much more than I deserve and I was never much to look at. I wouldn't trade her for anything, not even my life.
She's a lucky woman, DB.
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Maybe it's a product of where I live, but in general, the "hottest women" I know are all happily married or engaged and have been with their husband/fiance since high school or, at the very latest, college. The relationships are generally very long-lived and, in the rare case one of them ended up breaking up, they were usually in another relationship within a few weeks.
You are a younger guy so I presume your friends are younger. Wait until those "hottest women" you know start with the mid life crisis, feel unfullfilled or some other reason.
I like the latest "Our Time" dating service ad.
Hot looking 50 year old woman say she owns her own home and is fincially secure and looking for a new relationship. I'll translate the ad for you. She is getting alimony and the house was awarded to her in the divorce settlement
Sorry if I sound jaded but my wifes horse riding friend was divorced 3 years ago at age early fiftyish and she was hottie. never worked a day in her life other than kids. Their estate was worth $5 million she got part of that and she got the horse farm. I have many more that I now of.
Ok I might have exaggerated that every hot women get's divorced..but the percentage is high..they are high maintenace.
@jmyrlefuller
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Your observations assume a standard that isn't real. 'Hot' ain't the same for everyone... At least not for me.
Ok I might have exaggerated that every hot women get's divorced..but the percentage is high..they are high maintenace.
High maintenance is not hot. I wouldn't touch such a woman with a 10' pole.
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Your observations assume a standard that isn't real. 'Hot' ain't the same for everyone... At least not for me.
High maintenance is not hot. I wouldn't touch such a woman with a 10' pole.
Yep.
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Your observations assume a standard that isn't real. 'Hot' ain't the same for everyone... At least not for me.
High maintenance is not hot. I wouldn't touch such a woman with a 10' pole.
Double yep.
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Funny story. Before I met my wife she had a list of what she wanted in a boyfriend: Height, curly hair, interests, play a musical interest, ect. I fit the list to a T. That one can definitely be filed under divine intervention.
@Idaho_Cowboy
That's pretty amazing, lol. I bet she made a beeline straight for you.
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Nearly every guy I know who married a super hot woman are now mostly either divorced or unhappy. Not all but most.
A car buddy of mine has a wife who is breathtaking stunning and he is unhappy. Other men constantly flirt with her or put the moves on her everywhere they go even though they know she is married. Back of his mind he wonders if she will get bored one day and move on and get an upgrade as she has options. He said it get's old to have to be on your game 24/7. What happens if h does not get that promotion? What happens if he ages badly? He is exhausted.
@CatherineofAragon
@mirraflake
If he and his wife have a good marriage and he trusts her, he should relax. As long as she isn't flirting in return, he doesn't have anything to worry about. He should consider it a compliment to his taste.
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I thought some of us may find this interesting:
@Sanguine
So it seems appearance-based relationships are on the rise due to internet dating. Doesn't sound very good.
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@Sanguine
So it seems appearance-based relationships are on the rise due to internet dating. Doesn't sound very good.
Makes sense though. We know we live in an age of extreme narcissism and superficiality.
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You are a younger guy so I presume your friends are younger. Wait until those "hottest women" you know start with the mid life crisis, feel unfullfilled or some other reason.
I like the latest "Our Time" dating service ad.
Hot looking 50 year old woman say she owns her own home and is fincially secure and looking for a new relationship. I'll translate the ad for you. She is getting alimony and the house was awarded to her in the divorce settlement
Sorry if I sound jaded but my wifes horse riding friend was divorced 3 years ago at age early fiftyish and she was hottie. never worked a day in her life other than kids. Their estate was worth $5 million she got part of that and she got the horse farm. I have many more that I now of.
Ok I might have exaggerated that every hot women get's divorced..but the percentage is high..they are high maintenace.
@jmyrlefuller
@mirraflake
Only if they have expensive tastes. Not all good-looking women do.
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Makes sense though. We know we live in an age of extreme narcissism and superficiality.
@Sanguine
That's true. The divorce rate will probably continue to increase.
If I could give couples considering marriage one piece of advice, I would say get to know each other through and through before you get married.
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Okay, I laughed.
(Response to the guy who stopped dating model-beautiful women to marry a less-beautiful one).
http://jezebel.com/as-a-hot-woman-im-heartbroken-1794300499 (http://jezebel.com/as-a-hot-woman-im-heartbroken-1794300499)
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@Sanguine
That's true. The divorce rate will probably continue to increase.
If I could give couples considering marriage one piece of advice, I would say get to know each other through and through before you get married.
I'd ask them, if they were in an accident and not so pretty after, would you still love them? Anything less than a definite "Yes." does not bode well.
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Okay, I laughed.
(Response to the guy who stopped dating model-beautiful women to marry a less-beautiful one).
http://jezebel.com/as-a-hot-woman-im-heartbroken-1794300499 (http://jezebel.com/as-a-hot-woman-im-heartbroken-1794300499)
Cracking up here myself. Jezebel is one of the most anti male, radical feminist sites on the interwebs.
The guy in question does speak the truth and the Harvard survey he sited backs him up. Yes, that liberal Harvard. Beautiful women tend to be high maintenance and from what I have seen higher if not highest rates of divorce as they tend to have more options to leave or upgrade their choice in mates based upon their looks.
The Daily mail comments mostly agreed with him because you get a cross section of people.
@CatherineofAragon
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Cracking up here myself. Jezebel is one of the most anti male, radical feminist sites on the interwebs.
The guy in question does speak the truth and the Harvard survey he sited backs him up. Yes, that liberal Harvard. Beautiful women tend to be high maintenance and from what I have seen higher if not highest rates of divorce as they tend to have more options to leave or upgrade their choice in mates based upon their looks.
The Daily mail comments mostly agreed with him because you get a cross section of people.
@CatherineofAragon
@mirraflake
Yeah, not a fan of Jezebel myself, but like the conservative said who posted this on his Twitter (Shapiro or Goldberg, can't recall which), this was the only funny thing J ever produced. I enjoyed it.
Rochkind is nothing but a jerk, and, I might add, one of very mediocre appearance, so his standards are kind of ironic, but whatever. I hope his wife made his life hell for disparaging her appearance as less than model material, like his previous women.
The Harvard survey is flawed, as Shapiro pointed out:
"Both of these studies are flawed. Maybe the problem with actresses isn't that they're beautiful, it's that they're actresses. And perhaps the good-looking guys in high school were treated like gods, and just turned into Rochkind.
The answer to shallowness isn’t more shallowness; the reaction to bad dating experiences with beautiful people isn’t dating non-beautiful people. It’s to hold physical beauty as one portion of the dating calculus, but not the whole equation."
I would bet money that this guy will end up divorced at some point. Some chick will catch his eye and that will be that for the "softer" wife.
Options to upgrade, huh? You haven't met enough good-looking women. You should expand your circle.
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Beautiful women tend to be high maintenance and from what I have seen higher if not highest rates of divorce as they tend to have more options to leave or upgrade their choice in mates based upon their looks.
Or they tend to choose people who are superficial enough in their tastes to trade them in for a newer model down the road.
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I wouldn't touch such a woman with a 10' pole.
Dream on, buddy!
I'm going to stick up for hot women. Yeah, some are high maintenance. And some of the ones who aren't hot have plenty of issues of their own. My wife is -- objectively -- extremely attractive. Years before I actually met her, I saw her at an event, and one of my buddies commented to me that she was the best looking woman he'd ever seen in person.
She works her toukas off, not only at the house but at her job. I landed her only because we shared some weird quirks and interests, and a sense of humor. Point is, she'd be great even if she wasn't good looking. I just got a bonus.
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Dream on, buddy!
I'm going to stick up for hot women. Yeah, some are high maintenance. And some of the ones who aren't hot have plenty of issues of their own. My wife is -- objectively -- extremely attractive. Years before I actually met her, I saw her at an event, and one of my buddies commented to me that she was the best looking woman he'd ever seen in person.
She works her toukas off, not only at the house but at her job. I landed her only because we shared some weird quirks and interests, and a sense of humor. Point is, she'd be great even if she wasn't good looking. I just got a bonus.
Everyone's tastes are different, which cuts down on the line and the number of wallflowers. That said, some of the nicest women I have met are naturally drop-dead gorgeous, look great with no make-up, and are stunning wearing an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
The thing is, they don't know they are 'hot' on the level of the gals who work hard to look that way, and for them it isn't a commodity to be traded or an element of their status in their peer group. They are who they are, and looks are incidental, an accident of genetics. That doesn't mean they don't take care of themselves, but that is just part of their nature, and they can be stunning when they pull out the stops, but the personality that shines through is the real light from within that makes them beautiful.
Contrast them with those who carefully and cunningly craft a glamorous look, whose raison d'etre is to look good to parlay that into whatever they can get, going well beyond just looking nice as a part of their self respect, to looking 'hot' as a means to a calculated end. They 'got this thing, and they aren't going to let it go cheap'. Such people are often conniving and manipulative, and bring little else to the table other than looks that isn't toxic.
True beauty is more a personality thing, anyway, the rest is just packaging.
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Everyone's tastes are different, which cuts down on the line and the number of wallflowers. That said, some of the nicest women I have met are naturally drop-dead gorgeous, look great with no make-up, and are stunning wearing an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
The thing is, they don't know they are 'hot' on the level of the gals who work hard to look that way, and for them it isn't a commodity to be traded or an element of their status in their peer group.
Well...she does know it. Can't deny that. But she also uses very little makeup, which is a biggie for me, and she does have a sense of humor about her looks.
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Dream on, buddy!
I'm going to stick up for hot women. Yeah, some are high maintenance. And some of the ones who aren't hot have plenty of issues of their own. My wife is -- objectively -- extremely attractive. Years before I actually met her, I saw her at an event, and one of my buddies commented to me that she was the best looking woman he'd ever seen in person.
She works her toukas off, not only at the house but at her job. I landed her only because we shared some weird quirks and interests, and a sense of humor. Point is, she'd be great even if she wasn't good looking. I just got a bonus.
@Maj. Bill Martin
My point is that attractiveness is subjective, and to make your argument, one must be able to describe some sort of universal standard, which does not hold up to scrutiny.
When I was a young man, I was with a friend at the local county fair... He said something like (sans expletives): "Well will you look at that..." And I did... and man, she was hot. Only he was looking at a redhead in a short miniskirt with a bucket load of makeup on her face that my radar didn't even pick up. I was looking right past her to a blonde cowgirl in wore out bluejeans and sh*tkickers.
That native gal I am courting probably wouldn't meet the standard you set forth... She is more athletic looking than curvy.. And the weather on her face comes naturally with age when a woman doesn't think much about retaining her youth - Still less weather than what's on me, but she's got some wear. But that's what turns me on. The callouses on her hands turn me on. The wisdom that's in her noggin turns me on.
She's beautiful to me, and that high maintenance form factor that you espouse doesn't even register. It looks phony to me. Plastic. Lacking in authenticity.
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Everyone's tastes are different, which cuts down on the line and the number of wallflowers. That said, some of the nicest women I have met are naturally drop-dead gorgeous, look great with no make-up, and are stunning wearing an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt. [...] That doesn't mean they don't take care of themselves, but that is just part of their nature, and they can be stunning when they pull out the stops, but the personality that shines through is the real light from within that makes them beautiful.
@Smokin Joe
Exactly right. Beauty is within... All the rest doesn't really matter.
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Everyone's tastes are different, which cuts down on the line and the number of wallflowers. That said, some of the nicest women I have met are naturally drop-dead gorgeous, look great with no make-up, and are stunning wearing an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
The thing is, they don't know they are 'hot' on the level of the gals who work hard to look that way, and for them it isn't a commodity to be traded or an element of their status in their peer group. They are who they are, and looks are incidental, an accident of genetics. That doesn't mean they don't take care of themselves, but that is just part of their nature, and they can be stunning when they pull out the stops, but the personality that shines through is the real light from within that makes them beautiful.
Contrast them with those who carefully and cunningly craft a glamorous look, whose raison d'etre is to look good to parlay that into whatever they can get, going well beyond just looking nice as a part of their self respect, to looking 'hot' as a means to a calculated end. They 'got this thing, and they aren't going to let it go cheap'. Such people are often conniving and manipulative, and bring little else to the table other than looks that isn't toxic.
True beauty is more a personality thing, anyway, the rest is just packaging.
@Smokin Joe, you make some good points, but I would respectfully disagree with your characterization of women fixing themselves up with makeup and clothing as cunning, crafty, and calculated, which are negative connotations. Women like makeup; it's a feminine thing. I love it. Put me in a Sephora store and I can get lost. There's nothing wrong with that.
I'm almost always in jeans, and I prefer it that way. But when the occasion calls for it, oh heck yes, I can pull out the stops....shop for the dress or whatever, the shoes, etc. I don't have expensive tastes, so I don't spend huge amounts of money. But though I'm in jeans day to day, I always wear makeup, take care with my hair, have a manicure and pedicure, etc.
Now there are some women who don't care about any of that, which is fine, too. But their preferences are not morally superior, IMO.
Now, it may be that I misunderstood you and that you're talking about a certain type of woman. If that's so, you'll correct me.
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@Maj. Bill Martin
She's beautiful to me, and that high maintenance form factor that you espouse doesn't even register. It looks phony to me. Plastic. Lacking in authenticity.
Attractiveness is not necessarily high maintenance, nor does it equate to wearing makeup. That is kind of my point -- I tend to abhor women (aesthetically) who wear a lot of makeup. My wife wears little -- none most of the time. She was raised hunting rabbits, running dogs, and is a very good athlete. But she's still someone that most men would look at (we're a bit older now) and say "wow".
And of course different guys have different types. But let's face it, there are good looking country women, and others...less so. My only point is that attractive women are not necessarily "high maintenance", and not necessarily more likely to be possessed of a rotten personality than anyone else.
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@Smokin Joe, you make some good points, but I would respectfully disagree with your characterization of women fixing themselves up with makeup and clothing as cunning, crafty, and calculated, which are negative connotations. Women like makeup; it's a feminine thing. I love it. Put me in a Sephora store and I can get lost. There's nothing wrong with that.
I'm almost always in jeans, and I prefer it that way. But when the occasion calls for it, oh heck yes, I can pull out the stops....shop for the dress or whatever, the shoes, etc. I don't have expensive tastes, so I don't spend huge amounts of money. But though I'm in jeans day to day, I always wear makeup, take care with my hair, have a manicure and pedicure, etc.
Now there are some women who don't care about any of that, which is fine, too. But their preferences are not morally superior, IMO.
Now, it may be that I misunderstood you and that you're talking about a certain type of woman. If that's so, you'll correct me.
Yep. You misunderstood. Looking nice to look nice is one thing, and to be commended, whether or not that takes make-up.
But there are those for whom the looks are part and parcel of their reason to exist, who use them as trading stock, not because they are a model or actress, but to parlay those looks into something. I have seen that at every level, from strippers to 'trophy brides', and it is all the same calculating game.
Re-read this, and you will get a look at the type: ...whose raison d'etre is to look good to parlay that into whatever they can get, going well beyond just looking nice as a part of their self respect, to looking 'hot' as a means to a calculated end. They 'got this thing, and they aren't going to let it go cheap'. Such people are often conniving and manipulative, and bring little else to the table other than looks that isn't toxic.
Every woman with any self-respect will do her best with what she has in terms of looks and I applaud that. But that is an expression of her self-respect, wanting to look her best, and not just a means to an end.
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And of course different guys have different types.
And in that, the entirety of your argument is lost.
But let's face it, there are good looking country women, and others...less so.
Barring defect or disfigurement, I think not.
My only point is that attractive women are not necessarily "high maintenance", and not necessarily more likely to be possessed of a rotten personality than anyone else.
Without the 'high maintenance' factor, we are back to defining a standard of 'attractiveness', which your own words deny.
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My wife's brother thinks I'm an oddball because I do not twist my head off my neck to oogle an attractive bouncy woman. Given his infidelities, he thinks it's normal to chase after hot chicks while married. He is divorced of course and remarried of course. But he wondered how and why it was that in 30 years of marriage I do not ever 'check out' other women when walking/driving around as he took notice one day. I told him there are two formulas that always work in my mind when it comes to women:
Number One: the more curvy, attractive and made-up they are - the more nuts they are. Big eyes, large untethered breasts in skimpy revealing clothing automatically translates in my mind to: "Looking for a man to blame the rest of my entire life on".
Number Two: I love my wife. We're a perfect fit. And - most importantly - My wife knows where I sleep and if I was ever dumb enough to cheat on her - she will tell me that I can run, but I will just die tired.
Number Three: One woman is more than enough for one mortal man to handle. Complicating things further with MORE insanity of multiple women is beyond my capacity to grasp.
I guess some men like torture.
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@mirraflake
Options to upgrade, huh? You haven't met enough good-looking women. You should expand your circle.
I know plenty of beautiful women. Many are very friendly and make great wives. From my personal experience of 50+ years of friends, clients marriage history, the very hottest-most beautiful women tend to have a higher than normal divorce rates and the divorce is rarely brought on by the guy.
What I meant by upgrade is a very beautiful women can always find a better guy (more money, looks , social status) and upgrade-move up the social ladder via divorce route. The average women not so much. A wealthy guy with status is not going to marry a average women when hotties are tugging at his pants zipper and wallet.
I was in a fraternity at a Big 10 school for almost 4 years The stereotype about sorority girls(stuck up, high maintence, better than everyone else), is true because stereotypes usually come from facts. Not all are like this I dated many and still have many of FB as friends from 35 years ago.
@CatherineofAragon
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But he wondered how and why it was that in 30 years of marriage I do not ever 'check out' other women when walking/driving around as he took notice one day.
I check out, not leer, at hot women and my wife checks out hot guys. She told me not long ago one guy walking toward us was "easy on the eyes".
Both of us know this is as far as it would ever go and trust each other. I know what I have and vica versa.
@INVAR
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WONDERFULLY put.
And CONGRATS to both you and your wife.
Thanks.
My wife's brother thinks I'm an oddball because I do not twist my head off my neck to oogle an attractive bouncy woman. Given his infidelities, he thinks it's normal to chase after hot chicks while married. He is divorced of course and remarried of course. But he wondered how and why it was that in 30 years of marriage I do not ever 'check out' other women when walking/driving around as he took notice one day. I told him there are two formulas that always work in my mind when it comes to women:
Number One: the more curvy, attractive and made-up they are - the more nuts they are. Big eyes, large untethered breasts in skimpy revealing clothing automatically translates in my mind to: "Looking for a man to blame the rest of my entire life on".
Number Two: I love my wife. We're a perfect fit. And - most importantly - My wife knows where I sleep and if I was ever dumb enough to cheat on her - she will tell me that I can run, but I will just die tired.
Number Three: One woman is more than enough for one mortal man to handle. Complicating things further with MORE insanity of multiple women is beyond my capacity to grasp.
I guess some men like torture.
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My wife's brother thinks I'm an oddball because I do not twist my head off my neck to oogle an attractive bouncy woman.
Meh, I'll still check out the scenery. I'm old, not dead.
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Meh, I'll still check out the scenery. I'm old, not dead.
Yup, I know my limitations.
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Meh, I'll still check out the scenery. I'm old, not dead.
Late night drunken conversations with my neighbor are typically pretty entertaining and one such conversation came up the other weekend. What is the proper response when a woman in a low cut top flaunts her assets within a few feet of your nose?
I wouldn't exactly call it a scientific breakdown of the whole scenario because we feel smarter than we really are when tipping a few, but we gave it the good old college try. Though I'm a bit foggy on the whole conversation the long and short of it was a guy almost needs a flow chart these days to plot the proper reaction.
Staring at the ceiling is childish unless at work, then stare at the ceiling. It's not 1986 anymore and counting freckles can land you in big trouble. The grocery store is another trouble spot. She doesn't really need to bend over that far to read the labels on the soup cans, it's for your benefit. Smile, move on quickly and leave those comments about "the twins" in your head.
Way down the flow chart somewhere the silicon factor comes into play. And then you also have to toss age into the equation as well. When in doubt concerning age counting ceiling tiles is the default option. There are 42 ceiling tiles in my store. And if you've ever wondered, "is it cold in here", it's probably not.
All in all the flow chart can get quite complex as you can see. These are only a few factors in the equation. I'm just glad I'm not the one programming robots for artificial intelligence, there are some sticky situations where I wouldn't even know where to start.
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:laugh: So true.
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If You Want To Be Successful, Marry Your Best Friend
Published on April 11, 2017Featured in: Careers: The Next Level, Student Voices, Your Career
LinkedIn Top Voice | Writer | Interested In Spreading Good Ideas
“For all the productivity and success advice I’ve read, shaped and marketed for dozens of authors in the last decade, I’ve never really seen someone come out and say: find yourself a spouse who complements and supports you and makes you better.” - Ryan Holiday
When it comes to success, we live in a very individualized culture that likes to emphasize the importance of being independent and self-reliant.
These beliefs are especially very common within relationships. You grow up hearing all the time that you’re in charge of your future, that you shouldn’t depend on other people, and that you’re in charge of your happiness.
If you depend on your partner, then you’re told you’re needy and that you should learn to develop yourself to be a more independent person.
However...
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/you-want-successful-marry-your-best-friend-vincent-carlos
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Internet advice is like manure: everyone has some, and it usually stinks.
Yeah, marrying your best friend is nice, if she doesn't put you in the friendzone. The fact is, it's more complicated than that. There has to be some sort of chemistry, some sort of attraction (a seemingly inherent quality that I must lack, hence my current state).
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Internet advice is like manure: everyone has some, and it usually stinks.
Yeah, marrying your best friend is nice, if she doesn't put you in the friendzone. The fact is, it's more complicated than that. There has to be some sort of chemistry, some sort of attraction (a seemingly inherent quality that I must lack, hence my current state).
Jmyrle, you're usually such a clear thinker; this one seems to have you bumfuzzled.
So - 1) the internet is just a medium. You can find pretty much anything on it. To refer to "internet advice" is similar to saying "ballpoint advice" or "fountain pen advice".
2) Friendzone - no, that's not what this article is talking about. The friendzone is where he/she is not interested in you sexually but wants to keep you around (and in spite of knowing that that's not a fair thing to do).
3) Take in a lot of information, sort through it, throw out the definitively bad and see what you can glean from what is left over.
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Internet advice is like manure: everyone has some, and it usually stinks.
Yeah, marrying your best friend is nice, if she doesn't put you in the friendzone. The fact is, it's more complicated than that. There has to be some sort of chemistry, some sort of attraction (a seemingly inherent quality that I must lack, hence my current state).
@jmyrlefuller
@Sanguine
I don't think the author is saying marry someone with whom you have an entirely platonic relationship, though. It seems to me---and I could be wrong---that he advocates marrying someone you can develop a real, close, solid bond with, and someone who understands you, as opposed to marrying for sexual attraction alone.
I get that. If my husband and I weren't married, we'd be best friends.
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Internet advice is like manure: everyone has some, and it usually stinks.
Yeah, marrying your best friend is nice, if she doesn't put you in the friendzone. The fact is, it's more complicated than that. There has to be some sort of chemistry, some sort of attraction (a seemingly inherent quality that I must lack, hence my current state).
Ahh... I see where you're going with this.
No farting on dates... They all seem to frown upon it. :shrug:
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Yeah, marrying your best friend is nice, if she doesn't put you in the friendzone. The fact is, it's more complicated than that. There has to be some sort of chemistry, some sort of attraction (a seemingly inherent quality that I must lack, hence my current state).
It is not as much an "inherent" quality as you might think. It can be developed and change significantly over time. Not only do each one of us change, but the qualities that many in the opposite sex are seeking change over time as well.
If there is anything about yourself that you don't like, or think may be less than appealing to the other sex, work on that first.
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@jmyrlefuller
@Sanguine
I don't think the author is saying marry someone with whom you have an entirely platonic relationship, though. It seems to me---and I could be wrong---that he advocates marrying someone you can develop a real, close, solid bond with, and someone who understands you, as opposed to marrying for sexual attraction alone.
I get that. If my husband and I weren't married, we'd be best friends.
In my case I have a close 40+ year relationship with my friend. Its not that there is no sexual attraction, only that after all of these years its not an end all be all part of a relationship. We've got a deeper relationship than many married couples will ever have. We've had our fights over the years and seen each other at our best and worst but still remain close.
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Internet advice is like manure: everyone has some, and it usually stinks.
Yeah, marrying your best friend is nice, if she doesn't put you in the friendzone. The fact is, it's more complicated than that. There has to be some sort of chemistry, some sort of attraction (a seemingly inherent quality that I must lack, hence my current state).
I'd saying the liking and the ability to work together rates higher than romance in the long run; at least from a guy's perspective. All the components are already there, they just haven't been assembled. My wife and I were friends at work before we started dating. Romance between folks that don't like each other is great till it runs out of gas.
Women are not joking when they say they want a guy with a sense of humor. Just my observation, but the ability to have humor when things aren't going right is a yuge part of that. They don't mean they want a guy who always yucks it up, but lighthearted and willing to roll with the punches. Think Dirk Pitt, or James Bond.
P.S. Liking and enjoying working with the person you marry is invaluable when you have kids. It just makes life a lot more enjoyable.
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Jmyrle, you're usually such a clear thinker; this one seems to have you bumfuzzled.
So - 1) the internet is just a medium. You can find pretty much anything on it. To refer to "internet advice" is similar to saying "ballpoint advice" or "fountain pen advice".
2) Friendzone - no, that's not what this article is talking about. The friendzone is where he/she is not interested in you sexually but wants to keep you around (and in spite of knowing that that's not a fair thing to do).
3) Take in a lot of information, sort through it, throw out the definitively bad and see what you can glean from what is left over.
Bumfuzzled. I've never heard that before. I'll have to remember it. :laugh:
More general advice for those still chasing a woman:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBQ01X-1AlI
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The fact is, it's more complicated than that. There has to be some sort of chemistry, some sort of attraction (a seemingly inherent quality that I must lack, hence my current state).
True, but after the lust of early romance and looks fade being best friends is what keeps the marriage together. . I met my wife 3-4 days before our first date so i did not know her at all. We were best friend before marriage, our friendship having developed during two years of dating
Even if she drags me to an event I have no interest in I just get a kick out of being with her...that is true friends.
@jmyrlefuller
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In my case I have a close 40+ year relationship with my friend. Its not that there is no sexual attraction, only that after all of these years its not an end all be all part of a relationship. We've got a deeper relationship than many married couples will ever have. We've had our fights over the years and seen each other at our best and worst but still remain close.
@Cripplecreek
I think you'd make a great couple, from the sound of it.
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@Cripplecreek
I think you'd make a great couple, from the sound of it.
We drove to Texas together when I was 21 and she was 18. We went and stayed at her older brother's house for a few weeks.
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@Cripplecreek
I think you'd make a great couple, from the sound of it.
Yep, too bad his woman friend only looks upon him as a platonic friend though. Yeah tough talk, maybe too harsh but he really needs to go out and find someone else instead of just talking about it for 40+ years and thinking it will happen. She will never marry him. Sometimes the truth needs to be told.
You are in the mother of all friend zones my friend.
Time to find a woman CC who is attracted to you and wants a romantic relationship.
@Cripplecreek
@CatherineofAragon
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Yep, too bad his woman friend only looks upon him as a platonic friend though. Yeah tough talk, maybe too harsh but he really needs to go out and find someone else instead of just talking about it for 40+ years and thinking it will happen. She will never marry him. Sometimes the truth needs to be told.
You are in the mother of all freind zones my friend.
Time to find a woman CC who is attracted to you and wants a romantic relationship.
@Cripplecreek
@CatherineofAragon
Hey why don't you bleep off you piece of lying liberal shit.
I'll get my advice from someone who doesn't think gays are superior to straight people.
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Hey why don't you bleep off you piece of lying liberal shit.
I'll get my advice from someone who doesn't think gays are superior to straight people.
I never said gays are superior. But after 40+ years I think you would get the message. She has zero interest in you other than a platonic friend.
Time to crap and get off the pot and find a woman who actually wants to be with you and loves you and desires romance.
@Cripplecreek
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We drove to Texas together when I was 21 and she was 18. We went and stayed at her older brother's house for a few weeks.
So you know y'all can stand each other long term, lol.
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I never said gays are superior. But after 40+ years I think you would get the message. She has zero interest in you other than a platonic friend.
Time to crap and get off the pot and find a woman who actually wants to be with you and loves you and desires romance.
@Cripplecreek
And you should quit fantasizing about little boys.
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@mirraflake That was completely uncalled for.
@Cripplecreek Be nice
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Yep, too bad his woman friend only looks upon him as a platonic friend though. Yeah tough talk, maybe too harsh but he really needs to go out and find someone else instead of just talking about it for 40+ years and thinking it will happen. She will never marry him. Sometimes the truth needs to be told.
You are in the mother of all friend zones my friend.
Time to find a woman CC who is attracted to you and wants a romantic relationship.
@Cripplecreek
@CatherineofAragon
@mirraflake,you're really so damn tiresome. I know you see yourself as one of the few hip and cool Republicans in a sea full of dull conservatives. Your posts are completely transparent. You try to provoke, hoping someone will bite.
But for some reason you feel you have a lot to prove, too, judging by some of the personal information you've divulged. Which is odd...I don't understand people who feel they have to prove themselves on the internet.
You're right, the truth needs to be told sometimes. And you're just an abrasive braggart who's desperate to impress a bunch of people on a forum.
You're a bore.
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And you should quit fantasizing about little boys.
Really? I'm just telling you advice your best friends should have told you years ago.
It's been 40+ fricken years get a clue.
@Cripplecreek
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So you know y'all can stand each other long term, lol.
Oh yeah. We've taken a few long rides together over the years and we've had a few big fights too. I didn't speak to her for several months once when I thought she was interfering between my girlfriend and I. No easy feat in a town of less than 300 people. :silly:
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Oh yeah. We've taken a few long rides together over the years and we've had a few big fights too. I didn't speak to her for several months once when I thought she was interfering between my girlfriend and I. No easy feat in a town of less than 300 people. :silly:
I thought I lived in a small place, lol. You've got me beat.
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Stop wasting both her time and yours and ask her.
Yeah... That's the ticket. More power to ya @Cripplecreek . Don't pay no mind to flapping lips.
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@mirraflake,you're really so damn tiresome. I know you see yourself as one of the few hip and cool Republicans in a sea full of dull conservatives. Your posts are completely transparent. You try to provoke, hoping someone will bite.
But for some reason you feel you have a lot to prove, too, judging by some of the personal information you've divulged. Which is odd...I don't understand people who feel they have to prove themselves on the internet.
You're right, the truth needs to be told sometimes. And you're just an abrasive braggart who's desperate to impress a bunch of people on a forum.
You're a bore.
I admit I speak too much, say the wrong things, can be a a%%hole at times, can't keep my mouth shut, as for proving I have something to prove that comes from not being able to articulate myself well so I have to give extra info to make my point.
@CatherineofAragon
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Yeah... That's the ticket. More power to ya @Cripplecreek . Don't pay no mind to flapping lips.
Actually she's the one who brought it up again recently but its something we've talked about for years. No big deal one way or the other.
The opinions of degenerate pro gay liberal outsiders are meaningless
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Actually she's the one who brought it up again recently but its something we've talked about for years. No big deal one way or the other.
The only way to find out is to give it a whirl, I guess... Roll out the red carpet for her.
The opinions of degenerate pro gay liberal outsiders are meaningless
It's almost like you can read my mind ;)
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Actually she's the one who brought it up again recently but its something we've talked about for years. No big deal one way or the other.
The opinions of degenerate pro gay liberal outsiders are meaningless
Well, any outsiders opinions are meaningless, for that matter, especially some folks'.
That is between the two of you, and I pray whatever course you take leads you both to fulfillment and happiness.
As for the rest, you were given free advice, and sometimes you get what you paid for. :laugh:
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Well I'm burned out with too much of this stupid tinder thread. How many GD pages can you fill with talk about a website where users get the clap?
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Well I'm burned out with too much of this stupid tinder thread. How many GD pages can you fill with talk about a website where users get the clap?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxAKFlpdcfc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxAKFlpdcfc)
Oh, I dunno.... :silly:
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Well I'm burned out with too much of this stupid tinder thread. How many GD pages can you fill with talk about a website where users get the clap?
Cannon wins the internets!
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Well I'm burned out with too much of this stupid tinder thread. How many GD pages can you fill with talk about a website where users get the clap?
LMAO
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Well I'm burned out with too much of this stupid tinder thread. How many GD pages can you fill with talk about a website where users get the clap?
Yeah!...finally!!!!!