The Briefing Room
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: EasyAce on December 11, 2018, 09:56:07 pm
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By Charles M. Sevilla
From Disorder in the Courts (https://www.amazon.com/Disorder-Court-Fractured-Moments-Courtroom/dp/0393319288/ref=asc_df_0393319288/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312151229432&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15265954846396779168&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9030803&hvtargid=pla-645738406312&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=61316180639&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312151229432&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15265954846396779168&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9030803&hvtargid=pla-645738406312)
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
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And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Personally, I'm now convinced Yogi Berra missed his calling---he should have been a lawyer. Even if he would have made more sense than those attorneys!--EA.
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That's an insult to a great Baseball Catcher! Yogi was good at blending metaphors, but he wasn't stupid!
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That's an insult to a great Baseball Catcher! Yogi was good at blending metaphors, but he wasn't stupid!
And he'd have been better at landing real justice with his malaprops. wink777
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And he'd have been better at landing real justice with his malaprops. wink777
Yes! 888high58888 :tree3:
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That's an insult to a great Baseball Catcher!
The stats I've seen suggest that he was one of the all-time best hitting catchers. Am I right about that?
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The stats I've seen suggest that he was one of the all-time best hitting catchers. Am I right about that?
@the_doc
He was actually the best all-around catcher (Johnny Bench is his oh-so-close near-equal) who ever played the game.