The Briefing Room
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: flowers on November 15, 2013, 07:38:30 pm
-
1.Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5.Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
6.Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics -The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13.Murphy's Law of Lockers- If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces- The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15.Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16.Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
-
20. Murphy's Law. Anything that can possibly go wrong will, at the worst possible moment.
21. Mitchell's Law. Murphy was an optimist.
22. The Law of Buses. The time spent waiting for a bus is inversely related to how many arrive at the same time.
23. Garage Law. The knocking noise from your engine will stop the instant a mechanic listens to it.
24. Market Law. It doesn't matter how long you wait before you pounce. You will always get the shopping trolley with the wonky wheel.
25. Law of Jeans. Looks good. Inexpensive. Pick one.
26. Gym Law. The cost of your gym membership is inversely related to the time you spend there.
27. Sales Law. The store running the sale will inevitably run out of the item the instant you walk through the door.
28. Rule 34 Law. Any internet search, no matter how innocent, will give you porn on the first page of results.
29. The Forum Law. The more wrong you are, the harder you will argue.
30. The Poltergeist Law. Any tool desperately needed for an urgent repair will, on being put down for two seconds, immediately be relocated to any other room in the house.
-
Excellent!
I will add these corollaries:
3. Law of Probability- No one will have driven or walked by your house for hours... until the moment you decide to step outside in your pajamas to get the newspaper.
5.Supermarket Law - Whatever line you are in, the person in front of you will not only insist on paying with an unprepared personal check, but will be unable to locate a functional pen.
-
Screwdriver law. When reaching for a screwdriver you always get the one you don't need, such as you need a flat head you get a phillips.
-
Smokers Law. The more desperate you are for a cigarette, the less likely your lighter is to work. After a stressful 12 hour flight, the probability of it not working is 100%.
Trilogy Law. The first movie is good. The second movie is better. The third movie sucks. The fourth is a gritty reboot of the entire franchise. Unless you are George Lucas.
The Lucas Effect. Sometimes having someone slap your face and say "No!" is a good thing.
-
Smokers Law. The more desperate you are for a cigarette, the less likely your lighter is to work. After a stressful 12 hour flight, the probability of it not working is 100%.
That is so true. I used to be a smoker...so believe me when I tell you it is true!
-
The more ridiculous the act, the larger the audience.
The greater the possibility for failure, the greater the audience.