Author Topic: The Jukebox from Hell  (Read 55087 times)

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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #100 on: October 27, 2012, 10:01:41 PM »
The annals of music of history are filled with songs made to tick off the record companies, and this next one is no exception.

The story begins in the mid-1980s. Legendary country musician Johnny Cash had not had a hit in several years, and he largely blamed the decline on a lack of promotion from Columbia Records, the company that had held his contract for nearly 30 years. Well, as an act of revenge, Johnny decided to write a tune as cheesy and lousy as he could. (ADDENDUM: Those familiar with the recording industry know that there are few things the industry despises more than novelty songs. They're short-lived and don't get a lot of "recurrent" rotation when it comes to radio airplay. I suspect that's precisely why Cash decided to write a novelty song.)

The result is a satirical story about how, after two years of headaches, a doctor in Nashville declares Cash brain dead and sends him to a mad (but, oddly, highly regarded) scientist in New York City, where his brain is "transplanted" and swapped with a recently killed bank robber known as the Manhattan Flash. Apparently still cognizant of his sense of self, but now infused with the Flash's mind, he starts going on robbing sprees, including at a bank and then at the Grand Ole Opry. When Cash tries to get his old brain back, the now-rich mad scientist reveals that Cash's brain is now in a chicken. If the story seems ridiculous, it's because it is. Yet it proved to be the closest thing Cash would have for a hit for several more years; it peaked at #45 on the chart.

Here's the Man in Black with "Chicken in Black."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_uM87NTFW4" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_uM87NTFW4</a>
« Last Edit: October 28, 2012, 02:58:02 PM by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #101 on: October 28, 2012, 03:11:05 PM »
One of the bad (or, in a perverse way, great) things about the Internet is that any idiot with a modem can put out garbage and pass it off as music.

Well, recently this video has been making the rounds of the viral circuit. It purports to be from a woman named Gnesa. It is quite possibly THE most tone-deaf recording I have ever heard, and if you've followed this thread for long enough you know I've listened to a lot of crap. The lyrics are awkward. The dancing is even more awkward. Those who have reviewed the song have made references to the earlier entry in the Jukebox from Hell, Rebecca Black's "Friday--" but oh, it's so much worse than "Friday." At least Black was on pitch.

Some day the person behind this may come out and eventually explain that this was all a joke, much like Gloria Balsam or Jonathan and Darlene Edwards from previous entries. That's the only explanation I can give for any person who thought recording and releasing this song was a good idea, and you know she had to receive help for this.

Here's Gnesa with "Wilder."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF2o5RDkq9A" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF2o5RDkq9A</a>
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #102 on: October 30, 2012, 06:38:01 PM »
My next entry in the Jukebox from Hell isn't necessarily bad, it's just controversial. Given the large female contingent we have on this board, I figured it was more appropriate for here.

In 1972, at the height of the feminist movement, Jewish country singer Kinky Friedman composed a little ditty sung from the perspective of a male chauvanist. Unlike some of the other songs making fun of feminism (see Shel Silverstein's "Put Another Log on the Fire," which was clearly tongue-in-cheek), it has never been quite clear whether or not Friedman truly felt the way he sung about feminists. One day in Buffalo, New York, things boiled to a head, when a bunch of angry lesbians heard Friedman's band, the Texas Jewboys, performing this song. The women proceeded to attack the band members, forcing Friedman to cut off the set and run. He would not return for nearly 40 years, making his long-awaited return this past summer.

Here's Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys with "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO8sD81NVTg" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO8sD81NVTg</a>
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #103 on: November 04, 2012, 05:11:32 PM »
Our next entry in the Jukebox from Hell (yeah, I know it's been a while since I put one in here) was the 1982 winner of the Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Original Song.

This creepy, off-key double-entendre-laden song was sung by Kristy McNichol. She's not a singer. She was an actress... until she quit acting due to mental illness. She came out as a lesbian a couple years ago. Nobody cared.

From the movie The Pirate Movie, here's Kristy McNichol with "Pumpin' and Blowin'."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdlKXRReqNA" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdlKXRReqNA</a>
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #104 on: November 05, 2012, 02:00:35 PM »
Who wants to hear Sylvester Stallone sing? Any takers?

Well, too bad. From the 1984 movie Rhinestone, here's Sly with another Razzie Worst Song winner, "Drinkenstein."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1WSPAvT7qE" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1WSPAvT7qE</a>
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Offline andy58-in-nh

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #105 on: November 05, 2012, 02:10:53 PM »
Re: Kristy McNichol/"Pumpin' and Blowin'" -

Socialism is like the monster in "It" - every thirty years or so it returns to devour the young.

Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #106 on: November 07, 2012, 05:23:48 PM »
Yeah, I remember seeing that video/hearing that song for the first time and was astounded at how bad it was. McNichol was not a singer and it showed. It's a really underrated lousy song.
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #107 on: November 07, 2012, 05:31:19 PM »
The next entry finished #3 in Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs and #1 in a VERY crowded, open-ended CNN.com poll of the worst pop songs of all time.

This song is about a woman who is pregnant, and it perhaps has some of the hammiest lyrics ever written in a pop song. Among the examples: "you're having my baby, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me," "the seed inside you, baby, do you feel it growing?," "I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doing to me," and more. There was also a fairly controversial lyric: "you could've swept it from your life but you wouldn't do it." The song was released in 1974, just a year after Roe v. Wade declared abortion a constitutional right in the United States. It was still a very raw issue at the time. Nevertheless, it proved to be Paul Anka's first major hit since his teen idol days in the 1950s.

Here's Paul Anka and Odia Coates with "(You're) Having My Baby."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZYNA6qUNTE" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZYNA6qUNTE</a>
« Last Edit: November 07, 2012, 05:31:49 PM by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #108 on: November 15, 2012, 10:00:59 PM »
Willie Nelson has done a large number of collaborations. Most of them have turned out great: his collaborations with Waylon Jennings became legendary. His duet with Ray Charles, "Seven Spanish Angels," is a beautiful tune. He's also, more recently, collaborated with Toby Keith.

Others, not so much. Recently he released an album along with Snoop Dogg-- I haven't had a chance to hear any of it. (They do have something in common.) This next entry in the Jukebox from Hell perhaps was his most ill-advised. At the time of this song's release, Julio Iglesias II was this Spaniard singer who, while big in his home country, had minimal exposure to the English language. Why he teamed up with Willie, the world will never know, but the cover of the album pretty clearly shows Nelson forcing an uncomfortable smile. The song itself, which talks about the singer's (it was originally written for one person) numerous ex-lovers and how he was happy they were in his life even though all the parties have moved on to other lovers, spawned a few jokes. One of the most famous was popular among shock jocks: "To all the girls I've loved before, please call Dr. (blank)."

Here's Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson with "To All the Girls I've Loved Before."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sV5u_B2-6_k" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sV5u_B2-6_k</a>
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #109 on: November 16, 2012, 07:00:24 PM »
Here's another cut from Irwin Chusid's Songs in the Key of Z album.

The author of this next piece identifies himself only as "Luie Luie." He's a multi-instrumentalist, and in a rather impressive feat, he plays numerous lead instruments on this signature track of his. That's about the only good thing I can mention about this piece.

Apparently this is supposed to be a dance piece. Unfortunately, he is hopelessly vague as to how you're supposed to dance to it (he does mention "foot to nose" so I imagine this Luie Luie character is one kinky fellow). What makes this song a real gem, though, is his frequent use of the word "touch." The result is perhaps one of the most awkward explanations you'll ever find to a musical composition. (In a later composition, Luie describes the Egyptian Pharaoh as "a great friend of mine.")

Here's Luie Luie with "El Touchy."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WeUhn7XKLs&amp;feature=related" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WeUhn7XKLs&amp;feature=related</a>
« Last Edit: November 17, 2012, 10:27:59 AM by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #110 on: November 17, 2012, 10:44:05 AM »
In the early 1960s, trumpeter Herb Alpert released the album Whipped Cream and Other Delights. It included some very popular instrumentals, but was best known for its cover, featuring a naked woman strategically covered in what was supposed to be whipped cream.

A few years later, somebody (I've heard it was Cliff Arquette, in his persona as country bumpkin Charley Weaver, but I can't verify that) decided to create a little send-up of it. Thus was born the Frivolous Five. On the cover of their recording, Sour Cream and Other Delights, were five old and slightly overweight ladies, similarly nude and covered in what was supposed to be sour cream.

The next entry begins benignly enough, as a straight cover of Alpert's "Tijuana Taxi." It then devolves into cacophony, missed notes and general mediocrity.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Frivolous Five with "Tijuana Taxi."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgxTKN44AII" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgxTKN44AII</a>
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #111 on: November 18, 2012, 07:24:54 AM »
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell may not be safe for all audiences.

Millie Jackson is a notorious R&B singer and comic, with a very vulgar streak. The album on which this cut was featured, Back to the S__t!, is on numerous "worst album cover" lists and includes Jackson sitting on a toilet, taking a dump.

Here's Millie Jackson with "Muffle That Fart."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20JoILLznAU" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20JoILLznAU</a>
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #112 on: November 22, 2012, 08:51:00 PM »
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from Soviet Russia. I suspect you will either love it or find it totally bizarre.

This song, according to its songwriter, was composed on a bet between a composer and a lyricist. The lyricist wagered to his composer friend that a good song was nothing without lyrics and would be a dud without them. The composer set out to prove him wrong. Enter Edward Hill, who despite his very Anglophone name was indeed very much Russian. Hill was already known for using "vocalise" (melody with nonsense lyrics) on many of his songs. So, in 1976, Hill recorded the song. It has an official name, something along the lines of "I'm So Glad I'm Finally Heading Back Home," and lyrics (the lyricist still wrote words to it), but in the United States is known simply by Hill's "lyric," "Trololo."

It was a hit in Russia during its own time, but somehow exploded in popularity in 2010, when it became a viral Internet hit. Hill spent the last two years of his life relishing his newfound (or perhaps renewed) stardom (much like Betty White here in America, Hill had never really retired and was still actively performing). He died of a stroke earlier this year, aged 77.

Here's Edward Hill with "Trololo."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM</a>
« Last Edit: November 22, 2012, 08:52:28 PM by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #113 on: November 23, 2012, 01:49:54 PM »
The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from another one of the most unusual collaborations in music history: Gregg Allman and Cher.

At the time, Cher had recently broken up with longtime husband and partner Sonny Bono. The two had professionally reconciled for a brief return of their successful variety show. In the meantime, Cher had married Allman. Allman, at the time, was in the middle of a very acrimonious breakup of his own: The Allman Brothers Band was crumbling apart, unable to handle their own success (on top of the death of the other Allman Brother, Duane, in 1971). So, once Sonny & Cher ended its TV run in 1977, Allman and Cher decided to record an album together.

The duet identified themselves as "Allman and Woman," and the album they created was Two the Hard Way, featuring the two heavily airbrushed. It was met with terrible reviews. A tour of Europe was cut short after only twelve shows and mounting expenses; Allman, who had quit drinking before the tour, fell off the wagon. All of these factors led to the two breaking up, never to reunite. Upon being asked of what it was like to be married to Cher, Allman recently set the record straight: "she was married to me."

As for the music itself, Allman's rock-tinged country-western stylings were dominant, and there are few things more awkward than an Indian (Cher) singing cowboy songs, especially with a schmaltzy voice like hers. The music never really meshed.

Here's "Allman and Woman" with one of the non-country-western songs on the album, "Move Me."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Umwxsln-Br8&amp;feature=related" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Umwxsln-Br8&amp;feature=related</a>
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #114 on: November 23, 2012, 11:07:20 PM »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #115 on: November 24, 2012, 09:37:17 AM »
This morning, as I promised, I present a famous backward music piece.

In the 1970s, the practice of "backmasking" became widely known. Generally it was used to thinly veil dirty words for radio airplay (thus the s-word would become "tish" and dropping the f-bomb would instead come off as "cuff"). However, there was a great deal of rumor mongering that record producers were using more subtle variations of backmasking to hide satanic messages into the records, and that these were supposedly a form of subliminal messaging-- the Satanic message would somehow get implanted in an impressionable mind without actually hearing it at a conscious level.

You can find plenty of examples of supposed Satanic backmasking on YouTube. Even Jimmy Swaggart, a notorious rock music critic, has music that sounds suspiciously like "Hail Satan" when played backward. Yet none is more famous than our next piece. Allegedly this Satanic anthem includes lyrics such as "here's to my sweet Satan / the one whose little path will make us sad whose power is Satan / he will give those with him 666 / there was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan." The supposed lyrics were supposed to make sense out of some quite esoteric poetry... but it doesn't appear to have worked.

Anyway, here's the backward version of... Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNE75XznfIE" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNE75XznfIE</a>
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Offline 240B

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #116 on: November 24, 2012, 07:58:00 PM »
My goodness. I can't remember when I have enjoyed a thread more than this one. Thank you all so much for this. I have spent hours reading every post and reviewing the links. Hilarious. Laughed and laughed. Just wanted you to know that your work is being read and appreciated. You could start your own website with this stuff, no kidding.

Of all of them, although it was a close choice, because I have had some involvment with orchestral music this one had me falling out of my chair laughing. Cheers.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&amp;v=6piDRKOwh88" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&amp;v=6piDRKOwh88</a>


« Last Edit: November 25, 2012, 08:21:29 AM by 240B »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #117 on: November 25, 2012, 09:37:20 PM »
240B, thanks a lot. (Thanks especially to Chieftain, whose idea it was to start this whole thread in the first place. It was all a ploy to come up with a ploy to annoy the overbearing neighbors.) What can I say? I have a twisted, strange taste in music, and it has been put to good use coming up with all the songs to put here. Pretty soon I'll be switching things over to Christmas music.

If you, er, "like" that song, check out some of the Portsmouth Sinfonia's other works on YouTube. (You may also find them under the title "John Williams shreds," which combines video of famed composer John Williams with Portsmouth Sinfonia recordings.) Their earlier career is full of quite amusing pieces of work like that. Their later stuff, however, just gets kind of blah (they started getting into pop music, for one, and they eventually started getting better at their instruments).
« Last Edit: November 25, 2012, 09:56:41 PM by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #118 on: November 25, 2012, 09:52:37 PM »
Time for another segue!

The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from a half-bit novelty group called Little Roger and the Goosebumps. This is their signature song; it's a cross between the theme song to Gilligan's Island and the aforementioned "Stairway to Heaven..." because everybody wondered what it would be like to cross the two.

Well, as it turns out, what the band had originally intended as a throwaway song for the end of a concert got the group in quite a bit of legal trouble: attorneys for Led Zeppelin demanded all of the band's self-released copies of the single be destroyed. (Robert Plant, Zeppelin's lead singer, would later admit that he considered the song his favorite cover of Stairway.)  It became a valuable collector's item for much of the following decades. Among the band's other credits include an unusual cover of "Fool on the Hill" as performed by Elmer Fudd.

As far as the song itself... first off, I must say the combination of the two songs is, in concept, brilliantly amusing. But then you get the tail end... and bam, you get hit with the cringe-inducingly bad falsetto.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Little Roger and the Goosebumps with "Gilligan's Island (Stairway)."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTCYLbFxTpI" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTCYLbFxTpI</a>
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #119 on: November 26, 2012, 07:51:58 PM »
This next entry can only be described in one word: disturbing.

Well, to put it simply, this song is sung from a man who likes to do rather unsavory things with... baseball cards?!?

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present as the next entry in the Jukebox from Hell...from The Rhino Brothers Present the World's Worst Worst Records, Vol. 2, Rockin' Richie Ray with "Baseball Card Lover."

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/DP/2007/11/325_2-11_Rockin_Richie_Ray_-_Baseball_Card_Lover.mp3
« Last Edit: November 26, 2012, 07:55:11 PM by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #120 on: November 28, 2012, 07:18:35 PM »
Think of the phrase "classic beauty" and Edith Massey almost certainly doesn't come to mind. Massey was very obese, had very bad teeth and ratty hair, which of course made her a perfect fit for eccentric filmmaker John Waters's regular cast of actors, The Dreamlanders. Waters discovered Massey, who was mainly a working-class drifter throughout most of her adult life and had never acted before, while she was a barmaid in a Baltimore hotel (at the time, she was in her mid-50s). Massey appeared in major roles in five of Waters's movies.

In the late 1970s, at the height of her fame, she put together a punk-rock band known as Edie and the Eggs. The drummer was Gina Schock, who later went on to join The Go-Gos. They performed a handful of gigs and recorded one single, which is featured today in the Jukebox from Hell.

Massey died in 1984, shortly before filming of what was to be her first non-John Waters acting role (a part in Paul Bartel's Lust in the Dust, which featured several other Dreamlanders), due to complications from diabetes.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, here are Edith Massey and the Eggs with their cover of The Four Seasons' "Big Girls Don't Cry."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhIYMma-UpA" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhIYMma-UpA</a>
« Last Edit: November 28, 2012, 08:21:52 PM by jmyrlefuller »
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Offline Scottftlc

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #121 on: November 28, 2012, 07:30:25 PM »
Edith is just fortunate that she came and went before Obamacare.
Well, George Lewis told the Englishman, the Italian and the Jew
You can't open your mind, boys, to every conceivable point of view

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Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #122 on: November 29, 2012, 07:13:00 PM »
The enemy of my enemy is not necessarily my friend. It may just be that I have two enemies.

Offline jmyrlefuller

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #123 on: November 30, 2012, 07:00:07 AM »
This will be the last entry in the regular Jukebox from Hell. Beginning tomorrow, I'm going to all-Christmas tunes for the month of December. I'll explain what that means a little bit later.

We turn our attention this morning to Sammy Davis, Jr.-- legendary singer, actor, and Rat Packer. Well, one time in the 1970s or so, the Alka-Seltzer company decided to put together an ad campaign capitalizing on Davis's legendary partying. So they decided to revive their famous jingle, rewritten with some new lyrics by Tom Dawes (who, as frontman for The Cyrkle, had a couple of hits in the 1960s, including the chart-topper "Red Rubber Ball"). As part of the campaign, they filmed several commercials with Davis pitching the medicine (basically aspirin and baking soda) as the ultimate hangover cure. Not only that, they released two full-length versions of the extended jingle on Davis's album, The Sound of Sammy. One was done in Davis's usual big-band style and the other was marketed as a "rock" version (it's more like a disco version).

What makes this song great is two things: 1) Alka-Seltzer was originally advertised by Speedy, a childlike character, making this decidedly adult turn all the more ironic. 2) The song's double-entendre, "plop plop fizz fizz," adds a nice layer of sophomoric humor on top of it.

If you find yourself humming and tapping your foot along with this piece, you might feel a little corrupted once you come to your senses and realize... you're listening to an advertisement.

Here's Sammy Davis, Jr. with "Plop Plop Fizz Fizz (Big Band version)."

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWqlws-vqjM" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWqlws-vqjM</a>
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Offline 240B

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Re: The Jukebox from Hell
« Reply #124 on: November 30, 2012, 07:34:01 AM »
The previous entry reminded me of this commercial released in 1972 for Alka-Seltzer about the same time. In the vein of "Please don't squeeze the Charmin" and "Where's the beef!?", this commercial was wildly popular and became a part of American vernacular. So much so that an enterprising artist named Ruby Davis decided to take advantage of the popularity of the commercial to promote her career by releasing a song of the same name. The song is a real dullard. Very simple tune and the lyrics are unimaginative. The whole song exists because of the commercial and really nothing more than that.

Today she would be sued mercilessly but in those days society was more humane and relaxed. I do not know for sure, but I doubt she paid Bayer a penny in royalties or penalties. Anyway, first the commercial, and then in honor of the thread and subject, the song. Cheers.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut1jukxCwPs" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut1jukxCwPs</a>


<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBKa2pHREVA" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBKa2pHREVA</a>
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