Author Topic: Today's Toons 8/1/11  (Read 5237 times)

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Online pookie18

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Today's Toons 8/1/11
« on: August 01, 2011, 08:40:13 am »

 


 


 


 


 


 


 

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:
 

 

In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

A California man was rescued after he dropped his wallet down a storm drain and got stuck while trying to crawl down the manhole after it. Money down a sewer and government bailing someone out... so what's the news here?   
 
 
 
A new study shows that going without internet access was as difficult for people as quitting smoking. I'm sure New York City is already eyeballing a new law to make you go outside to check your email.  
 
 
 
After a fundraiser in Connecticut, Nancy Pelosi said, "President Obama has a vision to work for the little guy." Mostly by trying to make more of 'em.  
 
 
 
Democrat Congressman David Wu announced he would resign following allegations he engaged in "sexual behavior" with a young woman. It was bound to happen. Say the man's last name twice and you've got a party going.  
 

Democrat Congresswoman Barbara Lee said the "debt crisis" has been "manufactured by House Republicans." If that were true, it'd be the first increase in manufacturing since Obama took over.  
 
 
 
A new report shows that some banks repaid their government TARP loans using money borrowed from another government program. Huh. Deja revenue.  
 
 
 
In Obama's speech last night, he finally came up with a solution to our debt problemn: tax increases for both billionares making $200,000/yr and unicorns.  
 
 
 
A California man is in stable condition after he attempted hernia surgery on himself with a butter knife. That's absurd and dangerous. Thankfully, under Obamacare he'll be required to use a scapel.  
 
 
 
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney refused to release Obama's debt plan, saying they've already "shown a lot of leg". Really? That looks more like a finger.  
 
 
 
Democrat Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz said that Republicans in debt ceiling talks were acting like a "dictatorship". If that were true, Obama would be working a lot harder at trying to appease them.  
 

South Korean genetic scientists said that they have created a dog that glows green. Well, at least now we finally have an alternative to those goofy curly light bulbs.  
 
 
 
Hollywood celebrity George Lopez said that if Sarah Palin is elected president, he's moving to Canada. If we don't get someone in the White House who'll repeal Obamacare, he won't have to.  
 
 
 
During his debt speech, President Obama said that because less money was "coming in" during the recession, the federal government had to "spend even more." Yeah, because nothing fixes a sinking boat like more water.  
 
 
 
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney described the House Republicans as "incredibly juvenile". This from a guy who barely looks old enough to shave.  
 
 
 
The TSA is planning to implement new "behavior detection" terrorist-spotting techniques, which involve having longer conversations with passengers. If they're planning to pat me down, that conversation better involve offering to buy me dinner first.  
 
 
 
Democrat Congressman Jerrold Nadler said "the real crisis is the unemployment, not the deficit". True. Right now there simply too many Republicans who don't have a job as President.  
 
 
 
  -- Fred Thompson
 

The White House disclosed that President Obama will vacation on Martha's Vineyard next week at the twenty-eight acre Blue Heron Farm in Massachusetts. It's where the Kennedys and the Clintons always vacationed. The island's main road is dotted with marriage repair shops.  
 

Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel ripped ABC News for asking him about why he put his kids in private school. They go to the University of Chicago's Laboratory School. Just the school's name makes it sound like he'd rather trust his kids to Dr. Frankenstein than the teachers union.  
 
 
 
China's scientists finished a study on time travel Monday and stated it's impossible because nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. They had to try. China realized their only way of dumping U.S. Treasury bonds was to go back in time and never buy them in the first place.  
 

John Boehner halted debt and budget talks with President Obama Monday and decided to work with Senate Democrats. He said under the Constitution, Congress writes the laws and the president decides what he wants to sign. Ever since the Tea Party gave everyone on Capitol Hill a copy of the U.S. Constitution we don't have to call tech support in India to fix every problem.  
 

President Obama complained about John Boehner's negotiation tactics Saturday. He said he'd been left at the altar twice and that Boehner was refusing to answer his phone calls. He had said his position of gay marriage was evolving but we didn't think this is what he meant.  
 

White House officials were reported Tuesday privately assuring banks there will be no U.S. government debt default. They're just trying to scare the country into supporting President Obama's policies. What they didn't count on was the tune-out factor due to Armageddon fatigue.  
 
 
 
NAACP president Benjamin Todd Jealous ripped new state laws requiring voters to produce a photo ID in a speech to the NAACP Convention Monday. Hispanics don't like it either. No matter how many riots there are in Los Angeles high schools everyone agrees on the necessity of vote fraud.  
 
 
 
The White House press briefing erupted in chaos Tuesday when President Obama refused to offer a debt ceiling solution. The argument has split the GOP and divided Democrats. No one wants to say the debt ceiling debate has been a total disaster, but al-Qaeda just took credit for it.  
 
 
 
President Obama tried to scare Republicans into raising the debt ceiling Monday. He told the nation the debt crisis will force him to stop sending out Social Security checks so he can pay the bills. Baby Boomers always solve their problems by asking their parents for the money.  
 
 
 
Capitol Hill was flooded by angry calls Tuesday demanding spending cuts. The president's hoped-for phone pressure for a compromise with tax hikes never materialized. People do not punch redial for an hour just to finally get through and demand that we split the difference.  
 

General Electric CEO Jeff Immelt announced plans Tuesday to move its X-ray factory from New York to China. He's Barack Obama's adviser on U.S. job creation. Last year he advised the president to encourage the unemployed to move to China so they can work for General Electric.  
 
 
 
The White House claimed Thursday that John Boehner's budget bill would ruin Christmas this year. They say it'll re-ignite the budget debate in December. There's nothing Democrats love more than playing Santa Claus and then sending the bill to the people who got the presents.  
 
 
 
The White House urged Congress to compromise and reach a debt deal Thursday. There's no shortage of great ideas. The president thought of a perfectly American way to solve the crisis, but the Navy SEALs can't break into the Treasury Building and eliminate the national debt.  
 
 
 
President Obama was asked by Democrats to raise the debt ceiling using his power under the Fourteenth Amendment. That's odd. The amendment says that anyone born in the U.S. is a U.S. citizen but why would Democrats, of all people, want to bring up the birth certificate issue?  
 

-- Argus Hamilton
 

On CNN, Tim Pawlenty accused President Obama of “hiding in the basement” during debt ceiling talks. While Joe Biden accused President Obama of “locking him in the basement” during debt ceiling talks.   
 
 
 
This debt crisis still isn’t solved, but yesterday, the White House said it’s working on a “plan B.” Unfortunately, the B stands for “bake sale.” 
 
 
 
Rumor has it that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are friends again. There you have it. Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton are now more mature than President Obama and John Boehner. 
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 

The debt ceiling debate is such a mess right now, al-Qaida is desperately trying to find a way to take credit for it.  
 

President Obama urged the American people to call Congress and demand that both parties work together on a compromise. The calls are 99 cents for the first minute, and a trillion dollars for each additional minute.  
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Kimmel
 

They say “Captain America” is successful because it takes place in a time when America could fight a war and get out of a depression at the same time. A whole different thing from today. 
 
 
 
President Obama is losing support from his own party. In fact Jimmy Carter just compared him to Jimmy Carter.  
 

-- Leno
 

In his speech, President Obama said that “compromise” has become a dirty word. Then he told Republicans to go compromise themselves. 
 

Thirty-three soldiers from the Mexican army were allowed to return home after accidentally crossing the border into the United States. That’s how bad things are. People are only crossing the border accidentally. 
 

-- Conan
 

--------------------------------------------
 

Is there logic in this statement?  
 

Quote by President Obama, "I won't allow the half of Americans who pay no taxes to bear the burden of the other half who aren't paying their fair share".    
 

Which are you?  The 50% that don't pay taxes, or the the other 50% not paying your fair share?  
 

--------------------------------------------
 

"Fathom the hypocrisy of a Government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured...but not everyone must prove they are a citizen." 
 

--------------------------------------------
 

Math Trick  
 

First - Get the complete text of President Obama's budget/debt-extention plan. Then the text of Harry Reid's plan as well. 
 

Then - Assign every letter a number A=1, B=2, C=3, etc. and add all the numbers in each plan.  
 

Finally - Add Obama's total and Reid's total.  
 

Then ask someone to think of a number between one and ten. They will always pick a number greater than the final Obama/Reid total. 
 

Nobody is sure why this works. The magic of math I guess. 
 

--------------------------------------------
 

Political Cryptogram
 

XUF VNLHP UFKNP XUQC ULHYFN
 
 
 
KC KJ LFWJQJZ YQJF ELN K
 
 
 
UKWYFCC WLYQXQVQKJ: "Q'R
 
 
 
CLNND Q KR YKXF. Q EFYY KCYFFW.
 
 
 
WNLLENFKPQJZ RD CWFFVU!"
 
 
 
 

Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #1 on: August 01, 2011, 10:03:18 am »
Thank you Pookie have a great week
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Offline illeagle

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2011, 10:45:38 am »
Good Monday Morning to ya Pookie. Have a great day! :seeya:
“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
Edmund Burke

 “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2011, 11:04:12 am »
yeah pookie!

Offline massadvj

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2011, 12:03:05 pm »
Thanks, Pookie!  Here's my latest video.  I released it Friday but it's already dated.

http://blip.tv/play/AYLLizcA

Offline niobe527

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2011, 12:49:19 pm »
good morning pookie

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2011, 03:05:53 pm »
Thank you Pookie have a great week

You're welcome & the same to you, David!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2011, 03:06:57 pm »
Good Monday Morning to ya Pookie. Have a great day! :seeya:

Mornin', Illeagle!

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2011, 03:08:13 pm »

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2011, 03:25:48 pm »
Thanks, Pookie!  Here's my latest video.  I released it Friday but it's already dated.

http://blip.tv/play/AYLLizcA


My pleasure, massadvj! It'll be even more dated as I had it set to run tom'w...


Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #10 on: August 01, 2011, 03:26:22 pm »

Offline massadvj

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #11 on: August 01, 2011, 03:57:36 pm »
My pleasure, massadvj! It'll be even more dated as I had it set to run tom'w...



Well, at least you'll put an "in case you missed it" in front of it.

Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #12 on: August 01, 2011, 04:03:35 pm »
Well, at least you'll put an "in case you missed it" in front of it.

:-)

Offline ricebug

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2011, 08:15:32 pm »
G'day, Pookie!!!!


Online pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 8/1/11
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2011, 08:26:24 pm »