Author Topic: Today's Toons 5/9/11  (Read 7240 times)

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Offline pookie18

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Today's Toons 5/9/11
« on: May 09, 2011, 08:35:37 am »
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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:
 

 

In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 
 
 
Osama bin Laden was shot & killed by American forces in Pakistan. NOW you can give Obama a Nobel Peace Prize. And the triggerman a Medal of Honor.  
 
 
 
Oil production in Texas may be in jeopardy because the government is considering listing a tiny lizard as an endangered species. Unless someone's invented a lizard-powered engine, maybe the feds should pass on this one.  
 
 
 
A new study shows that the average California prison guard with no college education actually makes more money than the average Harvard graduate. And when they talk politics, they usually make more sense, too.  
 
 
 
Obama told a Detroit TV station that he's having "conversations" with the Saudis to boost oil production. Instead of talking to the Saudis, maybe he should get out of the way of the Texans.  
 
 
 
Michael Bloomberg said that we should let illegal immigrants in, as long as they agree to live in Detroit. That won't work. If they wanted to live in a blighted community with a shattered economy, why would they leave Mexico?  
 
 
 
The FDA concluded a year-long sting operation - against Amish farmers selling unpasteurized milk. I can't believe they wasted their time on this when there are so many unlicensed lemonade stands in this country.  
 
 
 
A new report shows that gas prices in Chicago have set a new record high. If this keeps up, even dead voters will have to start carpooling.  
 
 
 
U.S. Senate Armed Services Committee Chairman Carl Levin (D-MI) said Pakistan's intelligence and army have "got a lot of explaining to do." Really? What part of "we can't trust them" needs clarification?  
 
 
 
At JFK airport, a drunk passenger told a ticket agent "I am bin Laden and I have a bomb". Apparently he's also a good swimmer.  
 
 
 
A new video shows a University of Missouri - Kansas City "Labor Studies" professor teaching students how to shut down non-union companies. A whole class for this? It only takes 2 words: "vote Obama".  
 
 
 
Former President George W. Bush declined an invitation to attend Obama's speech at Ground Zero today. Guess he remembers how Paul Ryan got treated at Obama's budget speech.  
 
 
 
Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano told Congress that since she can't get "operational control" of the border, she wants new border security standards. So... she wants to get an A+ for shaking her fist & yelling "get off my lawn"?  
 
 
 
During a press conference, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said that "Osama bin Laden was not a Muslim leader". Ok... has anyone told his Muslim followers that?  
 
 
 
  -- Fred Thompson
 

Superman renounced his U.S. citizenship in Action Comics to pander to Iran's ruling regime. He wants to be seen as a global superhero. If Jimmy Carter couldn't rescue U.S. hostages from Teheran, Barack Obama will never get them out of the Fortress of Solitude.  
 

Osama bin Laden was tracked down and killed in a firefight with U.S. Navy seals at his hideout in Pakistan on Sunday. It just wasn't his day. First he gets killed here on earth and then the next thing he knows he's being greeted in Paradise by seventy-two Virginians.  
 
 
 
President Obama announced that U.S. forces killed Osama bin Laden Sunday, then he gave himself credit for analyzing intelligence, organizing the mission and giving the kill order. The play didn't quite go as the president diagrammed. The intended target was Donald Trump.  
 
 
 
President Obama watched the bin Laden raid from the White House on a live TV feed transmitted through helmet cams worn by the Navy Seals. He witnessed the entire firefight in real time. Everyone in Oslo's mortified to realize they gave the Nobel Peace Prize to Jack Bauer.  
 
 
 
Osama bin Laden was found in a home a mile from a golf club and Pakistan's military academy. Nice digs. When President Obama heard that bin Laden was near a golf course, it took the Secret Service to prevent him from getting on the helicopter with the Navy Seals.  
 
 
 
The Pentagon conducted identity tests on Osama bin Laden's corpse before burying him at sea Sunday. They went over him from head to toe. They knew it was him but they just had to make sure there was no oil in him before they dumped him into the ocean.  
 
 
 
Osama bin Laden was buried at sea in a solemn ceremony Sunday after he was killed by U.S. Navy Seals in a CIA-planned raid. For our intelligence services it was a mixed bag. They placed his body on a board and lowered it into the water, but he still isn't talking.   
 
 
 
Osama bin Laden left behind a martyr's audiotape to be played in case he was killed. He was relieved to die. His lifelong dream was to destroy the United States but in the end, seventy million Baby Boomers proved to be just too much competition for him.   
 
 
 
The White House changed its story Tuesday on how Osama bin laden was killed after the first story sounded over the top. They had said he was armed and firing and holding a woman as a human shield. In case that wasn't enough they planted a bag of cocaine on him.  
 
 
 
Osama bin Laden's mansion drew tourists Monday to see where Osama's family and the courier families lived and died. The neighbors were thrilled they're gone. They know from reading about Los Angeles how multi-family dwellings drive down everybody's property values.  
 
 
 
The White House hesitated Tuesday to release photos of Osama bin Laden. They said they didn't want kids to see it in newspapers. The chance that anyone under forty will ever see a newspaper is so remote and so slim that it really shouldn't factor into the decision.  
 
 
 
The White House said Monday President Obama decided to bury Osama bin Laden at sea. They didn't want pilgrimages to a gravesite. As if five-dollar gasoline wasn't enough, leave it to the Obama administration to find one more way to just kill the tourism business.  
 
 
 
CNN's Nic Robertson gave a tour of Osama bin Laden's mansion garden in Pakistan. It was full of cabbages, potatoes and marijuana plants. The White House can't release the photographs of Osama bin Laden until they're absolutely sure they didn't kill Willie Nelson.  
 
 
 
CIA Director Leon Panetta's advice to release the bin Laden photos was rejected by President Obama Wednesday. The act was deemed too provocative. The reason Leon Panetta was brought into the Obama administration is because he's old enough to buy beer.  
 
 
 
President Obama's speech reporting bin Laden's death was seen by seventy million viewers Sunday. He waited until it would pre-empt Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice. President Obama's doctrine of pre-emptive war is a lot more personal than George Bush's.  
 
 
 
President Obama rose in approval ratings following the raid which killed bin Laden at his hideout in Pakistan after years of intelligence gathering. The terrorist was brought to justice thanks to waterboarding, wiretapping, and targeted assassination. It's funny how the one time President Obama should have blamed something on George W. Bush, he didn't.  
 
 
 
Afghan women demanded U.S. guarantees Tuesday that newly-built women's schools in Afghanistan remain after U.S. troops pull out. The entire region is undergoing major social changes. Just last week Mrs. Osama bin Laden updated her Facebook status to single.   
 
 
 
President Obama went to Ground Zero in New York City Thursday to mark Osama bin Laden's death. So much has changed in the past ten years. Bush said we will get whoever did this, and Obama said we will give whoever did this a culturally sensitive funeral.  
 
 
 
The CIA analyzed the intelligence retrieved from bin Laden's house Wednesday. The terrorist lived inside a compound with nine women and twenty-three kids. President Obama said that we aren't at war with Islam, however we might be at war with Mormonism.  
 
 
 
The U.S. Navy SEALs Team Six returned to their base following their raid on Osama bin Laden's compound. Their next mission is even more dangerous. Assassinating Donald Trump in the middle of a television show could expose their faces to Pakistani intelligence.  
 
 
 
 
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 

President Obama said he will not release the photo of Osama bin Laden’s dead body. Well, there goes my Christmas card idea. 
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 

I would like us to kill bin Laden every Sunday night. It makes for a much brighter start to the week. 
 
 
 
I just want to point out that “buried at sea” means “dumped in the ocean.” This could be the best Shark Week ever.  
 
 
 
The CIA says bin Laden’s last words were, “Are you guys here about the dishwasher?”   
 
 
 
There’s one thing we should thank bin Laden for. Because of his death, for one whole day, we didn’t talk about Charlie Sheen.  
 
 
 
Osama Bin Laden’s up to 2,000 friends on Shot-in-the-Facebook.   
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Kimmel
 

Osama bin Laden was apparently shot twice in the face. It looks like Dick Cheney may have been involved.  
 

For their honeymoon, the royal couple wants to go somewhere they can have complete privacy and no one in the country will give away their location. I think they’re going to Pakistan.  
 
 
 
Saddam Hussein is dead, and Osama bin Laden is dead. If you’re Moammar Gadhafi, living in exile is starting to sound really good.  
 
 
 
Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he left for summer camp.  
 
 
 
Bin Laden was buried at sea. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, “the ultimate waterboarding.”  
 
 
 
In a stunning flip-flop, the White House says it will not release the photo of bin Laden. Now we have to wait for Donald Trump to force them to release it.  
 
 
 
They say bin Laden lived in his compound with nine women and 23 children. I’m surprised the guy didn’t shoot himself in the head.  
 
 
 
The White House is releasing more information on the details of that attack on Osama bin Laden. They said the helicopters were able to fly in undetected because it was 1:00 a.m. and the Pakistan air traffic controller was sound asleep.  
 
 
 
They said bin Laden's wife tried to shield bin Laden with her body. And today Moammar Gadhafi said to his wife, "Hey honey, did you see what bin Laden's wife Susan did? It was pretty cool, don't you think honey?"  
 
 
 
-- Leno
 

Bin Laden was living in a house with no Internet access, which explains why there were all those bin Laden sightings at the Islamabad Kinko’s. 
 

-- Conan
 

Apparently, members of al-Qaida are online slamming the U.S. I don’t understand why they’re so upset. Everyone in al-Qaida just got a promotion. 
 

It’s another bad day for Osama bin Laden. He’s not only dead, but now his computer has been confiscated.  
 
 
 
The doctor is always giving me advice to cut down stress. He said I should go somewhere peaceful where no one will bother me. I said, “How about a walled compound in Pakistan?”  
 
 
 
-- Craig Ferguson
 

Did everyone enjoy the Osama bin Laden season finale? 
 
 
 
There’s already been some trouble for Osama bin Laden in the afterlife. There was a mix up and he was greeted by 72 vegans.  
 

Osama bin Laden lived in a compound with all of his wives for the last few years. So I guess he did suffer.  
 

Osama bin Laden was growing marijuana in his compound. He’s in real trouble now. 
 

Katie Couric is leaving CBS. I watched her show a couple of times this week, and I think it’s time. Katie will be replaced by the show’s No. 2, Ayman al-Zawahiri.  
 

-- Letterman
 


Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 5/9/11
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2011, 10:55:27 am »
Thank you Pookie have a great week
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Offline illeagle

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Re: Today's Toons 5/9/11
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2011, 10:57:23 am »
TGIM and Pookie Super Sized the Toons today. Thanks pookie! 10294
“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
Edmund Burke

 “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 5/9/11
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2011, 11:01:00 am »
yeah pookie!

Offline massadvj

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Re: Today's Toons 5/9/11
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2011, 12:39:34 pm »
Wow.  Some really good ones today, Pookie.  Thank you!

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/9/11
« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2011, 02:30:08 pm »
Thank you Pookie have a great week

You're welcome & the same to you, David!

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/9/11
« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2011, 02:31:06 pm »
TGIM and Pookie Super Sized the Toons today. Thanks pookie! 10294

My pleasure, Illeagle!

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/9/11
« Reply #7 on: May 09, 2011, 02:31:54 pm »

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/9/11
« Reply #8 on: May 09, 2011, 02:32:44 pm »
Wow.  Some really good ones today, Pookie.  Thank you!

You're welcome, as always, massadvj!

Offline ricebug

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Re: Today's Toons 5/9/11
« Reply #9 on: May 09, 2011, 09:59:55 pm »
G'day Poookie!!

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 5/9/11
« Reply #10 on: May 09, 2011, 10:42:26 pm »