Author Topic: Today's Toons 3/7/11  (Read 5341 times)

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Offline pookie18

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Today's Toons 3/7/11
« on: March 07, 2011, 11:28:38 am »

 


 


 


 


 


 

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:
 

 
 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said that despite clandestine meetings with lobbyists, the White House is showing "unprecedented levels of transparency." Yeah. High or low?
 

According to NASA scientists, a limited nuclear war could bring about a 3 degree drop in global temperature. Great. Expect Obama to give aid money to Iran and call it a green jobs program.
 

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said that if the Democrats don't come back and vote on his budget, he'll have no choice but to start firing public workers. Well, they can always get jobs in the booming Illinois hotel industry.
 

During a speech in Chicago, Louis Farrakhan said that America will soon face uprisings like in the Middle East. Try to keep up, Louis. It happened last November.
 

As part of a new marketing campaign, Planter's Peanuts unveiled a new eco-friendly peanut-shaped NutMobile. I don't know about this one. I mean, who would ever associate environmentalism with nuts?
 

A new report on federal government waste revealed 82 federal programs to improve teacher quality. Considering what's going on in Wisconsin, I'm guessing most of them involve sign-making, marching, chanting, and getting fake sick-notes.
 

Democrat Congressman Charlie Rangel said that attacking collective bargaining rights was "close to slavery". But forcing you to buy health insurance is freedom?
 

  -- Fred Thompson
 

George Clooney told Democrats Friday he can't run for political office. He explained he couldn't get elected because he slept with so many women and did way too many drugs. Thirty minutes a week is all the American public will stand for this kind of behavior.
 

Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah tried to forestall revolt Thursday by giving his subjects thirty-seven billion dollars in direct payments. It worked. He spent days handing out cash to everybody and by Wednesday morning he was the mayor of Chicago.
 

White House former Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel was elected mayor of Chicago last week after a coalition of unions, women and businessmen joined to support his election. The win could bring some major changes to his life. He'll probably have to move to Chicago.
 

The King's Speech captured the Oscar for Best Picture Sunday. It's about how King George VI worked with a speech therapist to cure his impediment and give a great wartime speech. The same therapist is working with Obama to get him say that we must cut spending.
 

Great Britain began planning a no-fly zone over Moammar Kadaffi-controlled areas of Libya to stop him from killing his own people. Germany proposed an economic sea blockade and France vowed to support an arms embargo. The Obama Administration offered to handle refreshments.
 

NASA scientists released research Monday showing a small nuclear war would help reverse global warming because the five million tons of carbon in the atmosphere would cool the earth. Al Gore is jumping all over this story. Iran just lost its last friend.
 

IBM said Tuesday its Jeopardy-champion computer Watson is not going to be used to replace an IBM scientist or IBM engineer. A company spokesman said that although Watson knows almost everything, he can't think. So they're going to run him for Congress.
 

Ted Kennedy was revealed in FBI files Monday to have rented out an entire brothel in Santiago fifty years ago while touring Chile for President Kennedy. After Teddy's week-long stay, the Chileans knew one thing. Of the three Kennedy brothers, two of them were Johns. 
 

Britain threatened Moammar Khadaffi with a no-fly zone Monday and France threatened him with an arms embargo, while Germany threatened him with an economic blockade. The U.S. delivered the haymaker. President Obama threatened to nationalize his health insurance.
 

President Obama offered to let states opt out of health insurance requirements in his health care reform law if they design their own universal coverage. That's generous of him to settle for his original goal of universal coverage if someone else wants to achieve it for him. Great comedians don't care who wrote the joke as long as it gets a laugh.
 

Libya's Moammar Khadaffi went on a two-hour televised rant Wednesday. He announced that all Libyans love him and that he will fight them all to the death. He's a bit unhinged because last weekend Arab television canceled his hit sitcom Two and a Half Personalities.
 

Mike Huckabee said he misspoke Tuesday when he told WOR listeners that Barack Obama was raised in Kenya. He meant to say Indonesia. It's an honest mistake because Obama's father was a Kenyan and the Marine Corps Band plays Born Free instead of Hail to the Chief whenever he walks into the room.
 

Attorney General Eric Holder told Congress Tuesday he won't prosecute the Black Panthers for voter intimidation in Philly, which was caught on videotape during the last presidential election. He said it demeans his people. The administration that came in promising to bring us all together will be going out as the world's biggest Civil War re-enactment.
 

Congress funded the government for two weeks Tuesday as they negotiate budget cuts with the White House. One congressman proposed cutting funds for the president's Teleprompter. When President Obama finds about about this, he's going to be speechless.
 

The White House minimized the Islamist training of the Muslim who killed two GIs in Germany last week. They downplayed the shooting at Fort Hood the same way. We knew it was a problem during the NFL playoffs when President Obama shouted Allah Akbar every time the Bears scored.
 

President Obama was quoted Thursday saying race was behind the Tea Party anger at him. He can't think of any other reason why people don't like him. When he got a look at the books at General Motors the first thing he checked was how many black cars they sold.
 

Michael Moore said Thursday the nation's wealth belongs to everybody. He thinks if you divide up all our wealth you could feed all the world's hungry people. That's not going to happen, but if you divided up Michael Moore you could feed at least five hundred of them.
 

Saudi Arabia sent tanks into Bahrain to help their king put down pro-democracy demonstrations Wednesday. The members of the royal family feel persecuted and they fear for their safety. So now they know what it's like to be a woman in their country.
 

-- Argus Hamilton
 

On a rambling call to a TV station, Gadhafi ranted about his enemies and blamed others for his problems. He said he feels fine and is ready to go back to work. He’s now the Charlie Sheen of Libya.
 

The price of gas here was up to $4.50. When I started pumping, it was only $3.85.
 

Everyone is saying we have to take control of Moammar Gadhafi. We can’t even control Charlie Sheen.
 

A federal watchdog agency says that overlapping and duplicate programs waste billions of dollars each year. Congress is taking this study so seriously that they’re ordering a second study to look into it.
 

Mexico’s president arrived in Washington. He’s here to do the work that American presidents won’t do. 
 

Charlie Sheen said that he’s now more popular than President Obama, at which point Mike Huckabee accused him of growing up in Kenya.
 

  -- Leno
 

People complained that the Oscars were too dull. They’ve already named the hosts for next year: Charlie Sheen and Moammar Gadhafi.
 

The Middle East has their own Charlie Sheen right now: Moammar Gadhafi.
 

They’re saying Gadhafi is “disconnected from reality.” According to the State Department, Gadhafi thought this year’s Oscars were fantastic.
 

  -- Conan
 

Charlie Sheen’s two sons are now in the care of their mother in a safer place: Libya.
 

  -- Jimmy Kimmel
 

A new study found that a small nuclear war could actually reverse the effects of global warming. I don’t want to sound selfish, but that sounds easier than going through my garbage.
 

A new report found that the U.S. spends more than $5 billion on redundant government programs. Another report found that the U.S. spends more than $5 billion on redundant government programs.

 

  -- Jimmy Fallon
 

---------------------------------------
 

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
 

When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this a union house?"
 

"No, I'm sorry it isn't."
 

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
 

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."
 

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.
 

His search continued as long as you want to draw things out, until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."
 

"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
 

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
 

"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her for the night."
 

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the madame, gesturing to a fat fifty-year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."
 
 
 

(Thank you, New Cruelty)

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2011, 11:59:46 am »
Yeah pookie!

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #2 on: March 07, 2011, 12:05:42 pm »

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #3 on: March 07, 2011, 12:13:42 pm »


What a smug little b**ch.  Do you know if anyone's revised her smarmy little chart and, more importantly, sent a 2' by 4' copy to her office?  Or better yet, hung it up outside the White House where all the protestors get to have their little venue?

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2011, 12:18:44 pm »


What a smug little b**ch.  Do you know if anyone's revised her smarmy little chart and, more importantly, sent a 2' by 4' copy to her office?  Or better yet, hung it up outside the White House where all the protestors get to have their little venue?

Well, I know of one House Minority Leader who won't want to do a revision...

Offline Davidfxs

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2011, 12:25:52 pm »
Morning Pookie, have a great day and a great week
Liberals are like Slinkies, Good for nothing really. But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of Stairs.

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2011, 12:28:03 pm »
Morning Pookie, have a great day and a great week

Mornin' & the same to you, David!

Oceander

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2011, 12:38:54 pm »
Well, I know of one House Minority Leader who won't want to do a revision...


Yeah, but I know a p.o.ed conservative-leaning amateur (with all the connations that word carries) image-maker would would love to make the appropriate revisions and, possibly, mail a supersized version to the bee-itch.  So long as it hasn't already been done (the only thing that's worse than being bad, is being bad second).

Offline ricebug

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #8 on: March 07, 2011, 07:23:39 pm »
G'day, Pookie!!!

Offline illeagle

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #9 on: March 07, 2011, 07:26:24 pm »
Thank you Pookie....It's super sized Monday! Lots of Toons! Whoa....My new secret is :taz:.
“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
Edmund Burke

 “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2011, 07:31:43 pm »

Offline pookie18

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Re: Today's Toons 3/7/11
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2011, 07:33:03 pm »
Thank you Pookie....It's super sized Monday! Lots of Toons! Whoa....My new secret is :taz:.

You're welcome, Illeagle & Taz!