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Author Topic: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly  (Read 1678 times)

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Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« on: March 20, 2020, 10:18:41 pm »
No matter what I do, I can't seem to insert an image in any post. So I'll attach it below.
If some charitable soul would PM me how to do it, I will reward you generosityably.

What did Winnie the Pooh say to Tigger?
You scratch my back and I'll scratch Eeyore's.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2022, 07:13:22 pm by ChemEngrMBA »
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Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
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Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2020, 01:54:36 pm »
Game warden boarded a fishing boat off the coast of California.  After inspecting their catch of squid, he announced to the captain:  "I can write you a ticket that will cost you $5,000 for catching over your limit of squid, or you can give the excess of just two hundred pounds to me and we'll both go our ways.  Do we have a deal?"


It was a squid pro quo.

_________________________________

I invented a new knot which I call the probably  knot.


Question:  Is it good for anything?


Answer:  Probably not.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2020, 02:51:54 pm by DeerSlayer »
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2020, 01:57:26 pm »
Paraprosdokian - Greek word meaning unexpected turn of events

______________________

Not all who wander are lost, but I am.




No man is an island, but I am a remote peninsula.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2020, 02:53:11 pm by DeerSlayer »
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2020, 08:47:37 pm »
He's got face on his egg.
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2020, 08:48:55 pm »
What's a single word for Ana's grandmothers?
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2020, 08:52:26 pm »
Barnum & Bailey's Big Top had a wickedly punny ringmaster.  When any of the performers did a knockout show, he would exclaim, "That was under the top!"

(For Leftists,  Once-Ler and MusicLady, that is a pun on "Over the top.")
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2022, 04:23:58 pm »
His metaphors were always like close proxsimilies.


He couldn’t find it.  The phlebotomist searched for a blood vessel in vain.

Jose, a new man was hired for the road crew doing repairs on I-5 in central California. After work, the crew would have a beer together at Sam’s bar.
At quitting time, Joe asked, “Do you know the way to Sam’s, Jose?”

Johann Sebastian Bach’s father wanted him to be a banker, but instead he decided to go for baroque.

When my daughters were young, they liked to tear things up.  They were tearers.

At the 9 AM memorial service, the mortuary director greeted friends and family of the dearly departed:  “Good mourning!”

Albert Kristow,  an officer with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, had a fearsome reputation among criminals throughout Saskatchewan. When bad guys would try his patience, Officer Albert would famously give them to ten to hightail it out of town and never return, or else!  Albert seldom got beyond six, before the bad guys would vamoose:  “One, two, three, four, five…..”
Thus did all criminals fear….. the count of Mounty Kristow.

Orville, the herpetologist, moved from Arizona to Cuba. Of course he took his pet poisonous lizard with him.
But Orville DID rename his pet.
What did he rename the reptile, you may ask.
Havana Gila



« Last Edit: December 08, 2022, 04:27:54 pm by ChemEngrMBA »
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2022, 04:51:26 pm »
:happyhappy:
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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2022, 05:02:10 pm »
I'm a fan of Bennett Cerf....
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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2022, 05:16:54 pm »
Quote from: ChemEngrMBA on April 02, 2020, 08:52:26 pm

(For Leftists,  Once-Ler and MusicLady, that is a pun on "Over the top.")

 :silly: :silly:
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I am just a Technicolor Dream Cat riding this kaleidoscope of life.

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2022, 02:24:22 am »
What did one three-toed sloth say to the other three-toed sloth?




/
/
/
Gimme three.
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2022, 09:47:52 pm »
Vladimir Horowitz was preparing for a concert in the Metropolitan Opera and he called the most famous piano tuner in New York to come to his apartment.  Horowitz was shocked to see how old and frail the tuner was but let him in to do his magic.  “I’m having more trouble hearing now,” said the tuner.   After many hours of work, he got up and called in Horowitz to sit down and test his work.  After a few notes, Horowitz said, “This is awful!  I thought you said it was finely tuned!”

“No,” said the old man. I told you it is FINALLY tuned.”
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2022, 05:03:22 pm »
One hot summer in Iowa, temperatures reached 100 degrees and hogs were dying because they can’t sweat.  The farmers brought the hogs into the barn and turned the fan on to cool them.  Of course hogs eat constantly and as a result, are pooping all over the floor.  So when the farmer and his helper were doing work inside the barn they heard a loud crash and a “splat.”

The helper said, “What was that?”  Farmer replied, “That was the fan hitting the shit.”
« Last Edit: December 22, 2022, 07:43:27 pm by ChemEngrMBA »
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2022, 05:27:27 pm »
Quote from: ChemEngrMBA on December 22, 2022, 05:03:22 pm
One hot summer in Iowa, temperatures reached 100 degrees and hogs were dying because they can’t sweat.  The farmers brought the hogs into the barn and turned the fan on to cool them.  Of course hogs eat constantly and as a result, are pooping all over the floor constantly.  So when the farmer and his helper were doing work inside the barn they heard a loud crash and a “splat.”

The helper said, “What was that?”  Farmer replied, “That was the fan hitting the shit.”

:happyhappy:
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Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #14 on: December 24, 2022, 07:51:52 pm »
A small group of wealthy nobles of Europe hired brilliant tutors to educate them.  Afterward they collaborated to write a science book, hoping to enlighten the nobles who had not been tutored. 
After careful consideration, they titled their book
It's the Counts That Thought.
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #15 on: March 05, 2023, 09:33:48 pm »
Quote from: Wingnut on December 08, 2022, 05:16:54 pm
:silly: :silly:

I am just a Technicolor Dream Cat riding this kaleidoscope of life.

Oh yeah? Well not all who wander are lost, but I am.
« Last Edit: March 05, 2023, 09:50:27 pm by ChemEngrMBA »
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #16 on: March 05, 2023, 09:36:01 pm »
Composers of their era agreed to sit for a painting to be hung in the
Herzog Anton Ulrich Museum.

The famous painter of Blue Boy, Thomas Gainsborough, was preparing to start and he looked at the subjects of his work and said, “Wolfgang and Ludwig are here but where is Franz?”
Mozart answered, “He’s not on our list.”
Thomas: “I beg your pardon, I meant Franz Joseph”?
Luldwig replied, “Franz Joseph is hidin’.
“Well then what about Johann Sebastian?”
Wolfgang:  “He’ll be right back.
Oh and George Frideric couldn’t handle the wait.”
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #17 on: March 12, 2023, 01:46:45 am »
My apologetics to won and awl. 
I did a search with the "Search" link for "puns" and this thread did not come up.
The search engine here is not very good, sorry to say.
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The Book Commentary: "The book (Brilliant Creations - The Wonder of Nature and Life) is pure genius."
Review by John Orosz, M.D. "It is beyond outstanding. Please send me twenty signed copies for colleagues, family, and libraries."
"I was running every morning for twenty years with a genius." - Mike McCartney, D.D.S.
"You have the most agile mind of anyone I know." -
Avice Marie Griffin, PhD, Clinical Psychologist

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Re: Original Puns by Eeyores Truly
« Reply #18 on: March 12, 2023, 06:19:45 am »
Quote from: ChemEngrMBA on March 12, 2023, 01:46:45 am
My apologetics to won and awl. 
I did a search with the "Search" link for "puns" and this thread did not come up.
The search engine here is not very good, sorry to say.

It always sucked, sorry to say.....
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I will NOT comply.
 
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