Today's Toons 2/3/20

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & W:


In Case You Missed It Dept.:

The Iowa debate was enlivened over a woman's electability when Elizabeth Warren charged across the stage and she confronted Bernie and asked why he called her a liar on national TV. Bernie denied telling Liz that a woman can't get elected president. He meant just Hillary Clinton.

The Senate impeachment trial of Trump is scheduled to start Tuesday. Testimony will reprise back-channel complaints to House Democrats about Trump's way of conducting foreign policy lodged by D.C. bureaucrats. Bureaucracy is a method of transforming human energy into solid waste.

Mitch McConnell received the Articles of Impeachment delivered across the Capitol by seven lawmakers representing the House Democrats. Americans have endured months of impeachment hearings and four weeks of delay and all we've learned is one thing. Ukraine has good phone service.

Nancy Pelosi signed the Articles of Impeachment with a great flourish and high ceremony and had the document marched over to the Senate Chamber. Pelosi also selected her impeachment case managers. They're Jack Daniels, Jim Beam and Johnny Walker, two cases of each.

Senator Bernie Sanders denied during the presidential debate in Iowa that he had ever told Elizabeth Warren that a woman could get elected president as she's claiming. After the debate, Warren refused to shake Bernie's hand. To be fair, she also refused to pull Joe Biden's finger.

Democratic candidate Mike Bloomberg spoke at a Texas rally and was introduced to the crowd by Judge Judy. What a poignant pairing they made. It shows how a man worth fifty-five billion dollars is still able to connect with someone who makes only forty-seven million dollars a year.

Congressman Adam Schiff will lead the prosecution of Trump in the Senate trial. Democrats have drawn up two articles of impeachment. The first article is, Donald Trump beat them three years ago and the second article is, if they don't remove him from office, he'll beat them again in November.

Nancy Pelosi declared if Senate Republicans refuse to allow more witnesses they'll be aiding and abetting Trump in a cover-up. She never blinked once. Whenever I see Nancy on TV, I am so grateful Botox was not around in the Sixties and Seventies, because I really liked Bewitched.

The GAO issued an opinion that Trump's delay of armed aid to Ukraine was illegal. The GAO also said in 2016 that Obama broke the law when he traded five Taliban prisoners for U.S. hostage Bo Bergdahl without consulting Congress. Obama offered to throw in Biden, but the Taliban said no.

Elizabeth Warren charged up to Bernie Sanders after the Iowa debate and angrily demanded to know if he'd called her a liar on TV. The next day, Bernie faced reporters who asked about the bandage over the left side of his forehead. Seems when they got backstage Elizabeth tried to scalp him.

The Wall Street Journal reports that the Justice Department is investigating possible criminal conduct by James Comey in the leaking of classified information to the New York Times. James Comey insists everything he did as FBI Director was strictly by the book. But unfortunately, that book is 1984.

Iowa polls looked uncertain as four candidates must sit as jurors in the impeachment trial and Iowa support for Biden and Buttigieg is tepid at best. They're missing the one issue everyone's angry about. The Democratic nomination will go to the first candidate who stops demanding we reverse the results of the 2016 election and starts demanding that we reverse the results of the 2017 World Series.

Senator Elizabeth Warren refused to speak to Bernie Sanders after the Iowa debate and now they're stuck in the Senate together. She said they used to be old chums. But if that fin sticking out of the water in Long Island is Hillary Clinton, they could all be chum by Super Tuesday.

Nancy Pelosi signed her name to the articles of impeachment in an elaborate ceremony Friday morning. She then handed out the nine pens she used to spell out Nancy Pelosi on the document. Leave it to Congress to spend a bazillion dollars on pens that only have enough ink to write one letter.

The DNC will reschedule the debates around the Senate trial. We're in the home stretch. The following months will see Bernie, Biden, Liz and Pete take to the stage and, over the course of multiple debates, convince the American people that four more years of Donald might not be so bad.

President Trump returned to Washington D.C. after two days in Davos, Switzerland where he attended the World Economic Forum at the ski resort. Pledging to aid the environment, Trump promised the forum he'll plant a trillion trees. CNN heard that and accused Trump of treeson.

House prosecution trial managers delivered the same points to the Senate for three days before the defense lawyers do the same thing. Is there a mercy rule in politics? The Senate trial is only a few days old, and already Americans feel like we know what it must have been like to be a hostage in Iran.

House Democratic case managers wrapped up twenty-four hours of impeachment case presentation against President Trump. Yet even when he's likely acquitted, we haven't heard the last of these guys. Adam Schiff has got evidence against Trump so secret he hasn't even made up yet.

-- Argus Hamilton

[Cyber Liberty]

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[pookie18]

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[ricebug]

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[conservativevoter]

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