Why The Right Should Adore Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez With Every Fiber Of Their Beings

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Why The Right Should Adore Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez With Every Fiber Of Their Beings
My adoration knows no bounds. Alexandria, you are the best thing that’s happened to the conservative movement since California politicians four times your age discovered Botox.
By George S. Bardmesser   
March 21, 2019

My dearest Alexandria,

I love you. I love you platonically, unconditionally, and without reservations. My adoration for you knows no bounds. Alexandria, you are the best thing that’s happened to us since California politicians four times your age discovered Botox.

Back in 2018, you expressed strong opinions about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. From your confused babbling about the “occupation of Palestine” and “two-state solutions,” it was fairly clear that you had no idea who was doing what to whom over there. I knew right there and then that, even though you and I will never meet, our destinies were intertwined.

Alexandria, unlike the rest of us, you already live in your own personal socialist paradise. A true socialist, you live in a high-end luxury apartment in Washington, cruise around in monster gas-guzzling SUVs, and fly on airplanes the short distance to New York instead of taking the train (because trains and small cars are for the little people).

Remember the nearly $1 million that magically vanished from your campaign coffers and ended up with some shady fly-by-night P.O. Box outfit owned by (oddly enough) you and your campaign manager?  ...

Alexandria, you are precious. You are truly a gift that keeps on giving. Silencing you would be a disaster for the GOP. You should be on every social network and mobile app known to man. Every search result from every search engine should be about you, and only you—regardless of the query.  ...

Any endangered Republican should pay you to give speeches supporting the other guy. They should lease a gulfstream jet so you and your boyfriend can travel in the ultimate socialist style. Given your already gigantic carbon footprint, it won’t make much difference to the planet.

Alexandria, you are Trump’s secret weapon. He is itching to see you out there on the campaign trail. Your stumping for the Democratic nominee will be priceless. ...

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