It has been said that humor, in order to be funny, must contain some truth. Well, I don't find any truth in these jokes but they do make me laugh. Yes, I'm aware that Slavs were portrayed as subhuman in Nazi propaganda. However, regarding Poland: It would indeed be difficult to persuade a sane person that a culture that produced Chopin, Paderewski, Pope John Paul II, Copernicus, Walesa, Szymanowski, and many others, is one of "inferior" people. Moreover, both my late wife and I are 1/4 Polish (in the case of my wife, make that Polish-Jewish) and most likely lost relatives in the Camps.
Have you heard of Alexander Graham Grabowski?
He was the first Telephone Pole.
How can you tell if a Polak has been in your back yard?
Your garbage can is empty and your dog is pregnant.
Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?
God couldn't find three wise men or a virgin there.
The Polish kid walks into the kitchen where his mom is baking a cake. He asks, "Mom, can I lick the bowl?"
She yells, "No! Flush it like everyone else!"
A Polak walks into a doctor's office with a parrot on his head. The doctor asks the Polak, "What can I do for you?"
The parrot speaks up, "Could you please remove this growth from my feet?"
Did you hear about the Polish coyote?
He chewed 3 legs off and was still caught in the trap.
How many pall bearers at a Polish funeral?
Well, how many handles does a garbage can have, anyway?
When a Polak dies, don't look for the announcement in the obituary section. Look for it in the improvement section.
In 1969, after the US successfully landed men on the moon, a group of Polish scientists convened to determine how to outdo the Americans. After considerable discussion and argument, one of the scientists finally yelled, "I've got a great idea! We'll send a man to the Sun!"
Another scientist yelled back, "The Sun? Are you crazy? He'll burn up!"
"No! No!" responded the first scientist. "He'll go at night!"
What's the difference between a Polak and a bucket of sh!t?
A bucket has a handle.
Who are the three most dangerous people in the world?
- A Jew with money.
- A Greek wearing tennis shoes.
- A Polak with brains.
Short books:
- Korean Business Ethics
- Italian and French War Heroes
- Negroes I Have Known While Yachting
- The Polish Book of Knowledge
How about that team of Polish surgeons! They just performed the first appendix transplant!
Did you hear about the Polak girl who said she'd do anything for a fur coat?
Now she can't button it.
Did you hear about the Polish prostitute who didn't vote?
She didn't care who got in.
The socialite wants twenty Marines as escorts for her debutante ball so she calls the local Marine base and speaks to one of the sergeants. She gives him the particulars - time, place, etc. Then she says, "...and Sergeant? One more thing! Don't send any Polaks!"
The sergeant replies, "I'll take care of it, ma'am."
The day and time for the ball arrives. The doorbell to the mansion rings. The socialite opens the door and outside stand twenty of the blackest Marines you ever saw!
She sputters, "Th-th-there must be some mistake!"
"No, ma'am." replies one of the black Marines. "Sergeant Dubrowski never makes a mistake!"
The Polak calls the travel agent and asks how long a flight from LA to NYC will take. The agent says, "just a moment", so the Polak hangs up.
Why did the Polak climb onto the roof of the saloon?
He heard drinks were on the house.
Did you hear about the blind Polish prostitute?
You really had to hand it to her.
What is gross ignorance?
144 Polaks.
Did you hear about the Polish couple who got married in a bathtub?
It was a double ring ceremony.
How do you recognize the groom at a Polish wedding?
He's the one wearing the clean white t-shirt.
How do you recognize the bride at a Polish wedding?
She's the one with the braided armpits.
A Polak and a Mexican get married and have a son. They decide to give the son a name that reflects both their heritages, so they call him Retardo.
A Polak and a Greek get married and have a son. They decide to give the son a name that reflects both their heritages, so they call him Zorba the Dumbsh!t.
Of course, this is all in fun, folks. I don't believe any of this. If you want me to remove it, I will.
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