Author Topic: Today's Toons 2/19/18 (Read 7785 times)

pookie18 · « **on:** February 19, 2018, 11:13:01 am »

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

The Steele Dossier is the big topic in the week's Russia probe. It comically claims Trump stood on a hotel bed in Moscow and peed on hookers, at an age when it takes most men two minutes to start peeing. Rodney Dangerfield is kicking himself in Heaven for not doing this scene in one of his movies.

President Trump said he wants the U.S. to have a military parade in Washington like the one he enjoyed seeing in person in France last Bastille Day. Liberals are terrified by the idea. Teachers fear that just one patriotic parade could undo one hundred and eighty days of public school education.

President Trump joked that Democrats committed treason by not applauding any heroes in the gallery at his State of the Union. Democrats need a good alibi for that. Let's say Republicans cut off the heating in the Democrats' side of the Chamber and they had to sit on their hands to stay warm.

Democratic House Intelligence Committee ranking member Adam Schiff fell for a prank by Russia radio DJs who called his office pretending to be Ukrainian diplomats in possession of nude photos of President Trump with hookers. Not knowing he was on the air, Adam Schiff promised to get the FBI on the case. Comedy like this is why you want never to miss today's episode of Get Trump!

An FBI informant told the Senate that Russia funneled millions into Clinton interests to help Russia get uranium when Hillary was Secretary of State. It's a silly charge. That agreement required the signature of eight cabinet members and nobody believes Hillary would agree to an eight-way split.

Omarosa Manigault vowed to spill secrets about the Trump White House on NBC's Celebrity Big Brother Friday. Republicans can't understand why she turned on her old friend and said she'd never vote for Trump again in a million years. Look, she's either working for NBC or she's not.

President Trump rolled out a blockbuster two trillion dollar budget Monday. The debt-raising budget lavishes federal money on the U.S. military, on infrastructure and on entitlement programs. Suddenly the Democrats are racking their brains trying to remember why they hate this Trump fellow.

The U.S. Senate heard testimony Tuesday detailing the threats posed by Russian interference in our democracy. The probe included the ads they bought on Facebook. We can't allow Russia to deploy misleading propaganda to unfairly influence a U.S. presidential election. That's the media's job.

President Obama's presidential portrait was unveiled in the National Gallery Monday, which everybody pretended to like. However it gives Obama six fingers on one hand and Mitt Romney's hair. It looks like he might have spent too much time inspecting Iran's nuclear plant for leaks personally.

Bill Murray praised Trump's tax cuts Monday and ripped the Democrats for playing identity politics. The funeral for his movie career will be held at Good Shepherd Church in Beverly Hills Saturday. In lieu of flowers, he asked that donations be made to the Lakeside Caddy Retirement Fund.

-- Argus Hamilton

But the real story of the Olympics surprisingly aren't athletes. The stars of the Olympics so far are the cheerleaders from North Korea. Have you seen these North Korean cheerleaders? Kim Jong Un sent a team of more than 200 women to cheer on the North Korean athletes and it doesn't seem like they know what they're cheering. The North Korean women lost to Switzerland in hockey 8-0. They cheered the Zamboni machine when it came out. Really. These women are cheering like their lives depend on it. Because they do. They literally do.

-- Jimmy Kimmel