Too much Tinder: Why some single people are experiencing a dating burnout

[Maj. Bill Martin]

The real problem is he married a woman he doesn't trust. Big mistake IMO.

Alternatively, the real problem is his insecurity.  Unless she's actually done something to make him not trust her, that's all on him.

[Sanguine]

I thought some of us may find this interesting:

The real reason some people end up with partners who are way more attractive

You’ve probably come across those couples where one partner is significantly more attractive than the other. It’s often fodder for fictional comedy – think of oafish Homer and demure Marge in "The Simpsons," Peter and Lois Griffin in "Family Guy," or this fake article in the Onion. In real life, of course, it’s also a source of pain for some couples, who may be hurt and embarrassed to hear that their partner “could do so much better than you.”

While there are all kinds of variations within partners, mixed-attractiveness couples do go somewhat against the grain. We're often cautioned that real beauty is found within, but good looks are among the more highly rated characteristics in what people say they want in a romantic partner. And in general, couples tend to be more similar in many respects — including their genetics, physical attractiveness and cultural characteristics such as religion, politics and socioeconomic status — than two randomly selected people would be. Scientists call this “assortative mating,” and it’s a principle that has been studied for over a century: As early as 1903, scientists reported similarities in the height and arm length of couples.

There are various theories for why people sort themselves out into similar pairs...

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/05/03/the-real-reason-some-people-end-up-with-partners-who-are-way-more-attractive/?utm_term=.77e31bfceb35

[EC]

The real reason a homely guy winds up with a stunning woman is simple - he asked her. 

[Smokin Joe]

The real reason a homely guy winds up with a stunning woman is simple - he asked her. 

Eventually. At first he may have not held much for his prospects, and was just her friend, someone she could rely on. Not the "friend' some dating relationships degrade to (as in don't call me I'll cal you), but from the ground up. Sooner or later some jackwagon she's dating will attack him or be jealous of him or denigrate him, and she will defend him, if she's worth having. That can lead to a breakup with the jackwagon real quick, and the realization she has deeper feelings for the one she defended.

[DB]

I thought some of us may find this interesting:

All I'll say is I got everything I ever wanted in the woman I married. She's much more than I deserve and I was never much to look at. I wouldn't trade her for anything, not even my life.

[Sanguine]

All I'll say is I got everything I ever wanted in the woman I married. She's much more than I deserve and I was never much to look at. I wouldn't trade her for anything, not even my life.

She's a lucky woman, DB.

[mirraflake]

Maybe it's a product of where I live, but in general, the "hottest women" I know are all happily married or engaged and have been with their husband/fiance since high school or, at the very latest, college. The relationships are generally very long-lived and, in the rare case one of them ended up breaking up, they were usually in another relationship within a few weeks.

You are a younger guy so I presume your friends are younger. Wait until those "hottest women" you know start with the mid life crisis, feel unfullfilled or some other reason.

I like the latest "Our Time" dating service ad.

Hot looking 50 year old woman say she owns her own home  and is fincially secure and looking for a new relationship.    I'll translate the ad for you. She is getting alimony and the house was awarded to her in the divorce settlement


Sorry if I sound jaded but my wifes horse riding friend was divorced 3 years ago at age early fiftyish and she was  hottie. never worked a day in her life other than kids. Their estate was worth $5 million she got part of that and she got the horse farm. I have many more that I now of.

Ok I might have exaggerated that every hot women get's divorced..but the percentage is high..they are high maintenace.

@jmyrlefuller

[roamer_1]

Your observations assume a standard that isn't real. 'Hot' ain't the same for everyone... At least not for me.

Ok I might have exaggerated that every hot women get's divorced..but the percentage is high..they are high maintenace.

High maintenance is not hot. I wouldn't touch such a woman with a 10' pole.

[Smokin Joe]

Your observations assume a standard that isn't real. 'Hot' ain't the same for everyone... At least not for me.

High maintenance is not hot. I wouldn't touch such a woman with a 10' pole.

Yep.

[Idaho_Cowboy]

Your observations assume a standard that isn't real. 'Hot' ain't the same for everyone... At least not for me.

High maintenance is not hot. I wouldn't touch such a woman with a 10' pole.

Double yep.

[Silver Pines]

Funny story. Before I met my wife she had a list of what she wanted in a boyfriend: Height, curly hair, interests, play a musical interest, ect. I fit the list to a T. That one can definitely be filed under divine intervention.

@Idaho_Cowboy

That's pretty amazing, lol.  I bet she made a beeline straight for you.

[Silver Pines]

Nearly every guy I know who married a super hot woman are now mostly either divorced or unhappy. Not all but most.

A car buddy of mine has a wife who is breathtaking stunning and he is unhappy. Other men constantly flirt with her or put the moves on her everywhere they go even though they know she is married. Back of his mind he wonders if she will get bored one day and move on and get an upgrade as she has options. He said it get's old to have to be on your game 24/7. What happens if h does not get that promotion? What happens if he ages badly? He is exhausted.

@CatherineofAragon

@mirraflake

If he and his wife have a good marriage and he trusts her, he should relax.  As long as she isn't flirting in return, he doesn't have anything to worry about.  He should consider it a compliment to his taste.

[Silver Pines]

I thought some of us may find this interesting:

@Sanguine

So it seems appearance-based relationships are on the rise due to internet dating.  Doesn't sound very good.

[Sanguine]

@Sanguine

So it seems appearance-based relationships are on the rise due to internet dating.  Doesn't sound very good.

Makes sense though.  We know we live in an age of extreme narcissism and superficiality. 

[Silver Pines]

You are a younger guy so I presume your friends are younger. Wait until those "hottest women" you know start with the mid life crisis, feel unfullfilled or some other reason.

I like the latest "Our Time" dating service ad.

Hot looking 50 year old woman say she owns her own home  and is fincially secure and looking for a new relationship.    I'll translate the ad for you. She is getting alimony and the house was awarded to her in the divorce settlement


Sorry if I sound jaded but my wifes horse riding friend was divorced 3 years ago at age early fiftyish and she was  hottie. never worked a day in her life other than kids. Their estate was worth $5 million she got part of that and she got the horse farm. I have many more that I now of.

Ok I might have exaggerated that every hot women get's divorced..but the percentage is high..they are high maintenace.

@jmyrlefuller

@mirraflake

Only if they have expensive tastes.  Not all good-looking women do.

[Silver Pines]

Makes sense though.  We know we live in an age of extreme narcissism and superficiality.

@Sanguine

That's true.  The divorce rate will probably continue to increase.

If I could give couples considering marriage one piece of advice, I would say get to know each other through and through before you get married. 

[Silver Pines]

Okay, I laughed.

(Response to the guy who stopped dating model-beautiful women to marry a less-beautiful one).


http://jezebel.com/as-a-hot-woman-im-heartbroken-1794300499

[Smokin Joe]

@Sanguine

That's true.  The divorce rate will probably continue to increase.

If I could give couples considering marriage one piece of advice, I would say get to know each other through and through before you get married.

I'd ask them, if they were in an accident and not so pretty after, would you still love them? Anything less than a definite "Yes." does not bode well.

[mirraflake]

Okay, I laughed.

(Response to the guy who stopped dating model-beautiful women to marry a less-beautiful one).


http://jezebel.com/as-a-hot-woman-im-heartbroken-1794300499

Cracking up here myself.   Jezebel is one of  the  most anti male, radical feminist sites on the interwebs.

The guy in question does speak the truth and the Harvard survey he sited backs him up.  Yes, that liberal Harvard. Beautiful women tend to be high maintenance and from what I have seen higher if not highest rates of divorce as they tend to have more options to leave or upgrade their choice in mates based upon their looks.


The Daily mail comments mostly agreed with him because you get a cross section of people.

@CatherineofAragon

[Silver Pines]

Cracking up here myself.   Jezebel is one of  the  most anti male, radical feminist sites on the interwebs.

The guy in question does speak the truth and the Harvard survey he sited backs him up.  Yes, that liberal Harvard. Beautiful women tend to be high maintenance and from what I have seen higher if not highest rates of divorce as they tend to have more options to leave or upgrade their choice in mates based upon their looks.


The Daily mail comments mostly agreed with him because you get a cross section of people.

@CatherineofAragon

@mirraflake

Yeah, not a fan of Jezebel myself, but like the conservative said who posted this on his Twitter (Shapiro or Goldberg, can't recall which), this was the only funny thing J ever produced.  I enjoyed it.

Rochkind is nothing but a jerk, and, I might add, one of very mediocre appearance, so his standards are kind of ironic, but whatever.  I hope his wife made his life hell for disparaging her appearance as less than model material, like his previous women.

The Harvard survey is flawed, as Shapiro pointed out:

"Both of these studies are flawed. Maybe the problem with actresses isn't that they're beautiful, it's that they're actresses. And perhaps the good-looking guys in high school were treated like gods, and just turned into Rochkind.

The answer to shallowness isn’t more shallowness; the reaction to bad dating experiences with beautiful people isn’t dating non-beautiful people. It’s to hold physical beauty as one portion of the dating calculus, but not the whole equation."

I would bet money that this guy will end up divorced at some point.  Some chick will catch his eye and that will be that for the "softer" wife.

Options to upgrade, huh?  You haven't met enough good-looking women.  You should expand your circle. 

[Smokin Joe]

Beautiful women tend to be high maintenance and from what I have seen higher if not highest rates of divorce as they tend to have more options to leave or upgrade their choice in mates based upon their looks.

Or they tend to choose people who are superficial enough in their tastes to trade them in for a newer model down the road.

[Maj. Bill Martin]

I wouldn't touch such a woman with a 10' pole.

Dream on, buddy!

I'm going to stick up for hot women.  Yeah, some are high maintenance.  And some of the ones who aren't hot have plenty of issues of their own.  My wife is -- objectively -- extremely attractive.  Years before I actually met her, I saw her at an event, and one of my buddies commented to me that she was the best looking woman he'd ever seen in person.

She works her toukas off, not only at the house but at her job.  I landed her only because we shared some weird quirks and interests, and a sense of humor.  Point is, she'd be great even if she wasn't good looking.  I just got a bonus.

[Smokin Joe]

Dream on, buddy!

I'm going to stick up for hot women.  Yeah, some are high maintenance.  And some of the ones who aren't hot have plenty of issues of their own.  My wife is -- objectively -- extremely attractive.  Years before I actually met her, I saw her at an event, and one of my buddies commented to me that she was the best looking woman he'd ever seen in person.

She works her toukas off, not only at the house but at her job.  I landed her only because we shared some weird quirks and interests, and a sense of humor.  Point is, she'd be great even if she wasn't good looking.  I just got a bonus.

Everyone's tastes are different, which cuts down on the line and the number of wallflowers. That said, some of the nicest women I have met are naturally drop-dead gorgeous, look great with no make-up, and are stunning wearing an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
The thing is, they don't know they are 'hot' on the level of the gals who work hard to look that way, and for them it isn't a commodity to be traded or an element of their status in their peer group. They are who they are, and looks are incidental, an accident of genetics. That doesn't mean they don't take care of themselves, but that is just part of their nature, and they can be stunning when they pull out the stops, but the personality that shines through is the real light from within that makes them beautiful.
 
Contrast them with those who carefully and cunningly craft a glamorous look, whose raison d'etre is to look good to parlay that into whatever they can get, going well beyond just looking nice as a part of their self respect, to looking 'hot' as a means to a calculated end. They 'got this thing, and they aren't going to let it go cheap'. Such people are often conniving and manipulative, and bring little else to the table other than looks that isn't toxic. 

True beauty is more a personality thing, anyway, the rest is just packaging.

[Maj. Bill Martin]

Everyone's tastes are different, which cuts down on the line and the number of wallflowers. That said, some of the nicest women I have met are naturally drop-dead gorgeous, look great with no make-up, and are stunning wearing an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
The thing is, they don't know they are 'hot' on the level of the gals who work hard to look that way, and for them it isn't a commodity to be traded or an element of their status in their peer group.

Well...she does know it.  Can't deny that.  But she also uses very little makeup, which is a biggie for me, and she does have a sense of humor about her looks.

[roamer_1]

Dream on, buddy!

I'm going to stick up for hot women.  Yeah, some are high maintenance.  And some of the ones who aren't hot have plenty of issues of their own.  My wife is -- objectively -- extremely attractive.  Years before I actually met her, I saw her at an event, and one of my buddies commented to me that she was the best looking woman he'd ever seen in person.

She works her toukas off, not only at the house but at her job.  I landed her only because we shared some weird quirks and interests, and a sense of humor.  Point is, she'd be great even if she wasn't good looking.  I just got a bonus.

@Maj. Bill Martin

My point is that attractiveness is subjective, and to make your argument, one must be able to describe some sort of universal standard, which does not hold up to scrutiny.

When I was a young man, I was with a friend at the local county fair... He said something like (sans expletives): "Well will you look at that..."  And I did... and man, she was hot. Only he was looking at a redhead in a short miniskirt with a bucket load of makeup on her face that my radar didn't even pick up. I was looking right past her to a blonde cowgirl in wore out bluejeans and sh*tkickers.

That native gal I am courting probably wouldn't meet the standard you set forth... She is more athletic looking than curvy.. And the weather on her face comes naturally with age when a woman doesn't think much about retaining her youth - Still less weather than what's on me, but she's got some wear. But that's what turns me on. The callouses on her hands turn me on. The wisdom that's in her noggin turns me on.

She's beautiful to me, and that high maintenance form factor that you espouse doesn't even register. It looks phony to me. Plastic. Lacking in authenticity.