Too much Tinder: Why some single people are experiencing a dating burnout

[Smokin Joe]

I think it's easier today to pick out a good one thanks to such things as social media. In the old day it took maybe a month of dating or longer to figure out the gal-some were pretty good actors before they shown their true colors. Today check out her facebook page photos. You can tell almost right off the bat is she is a skank or not or see who she hangs out with.

@Smokin Joe

That may be. I haven't been on the market for quite a while, and never did Facebook. 
I just went by the way they acted, how they treated the servers, whether they were down home folk or got snooty, whether they drank hard, and a half dozen other cues. Conversation told a lot. If they were moms (not necessarily a disqualifier) the way they treated their kid(s) showed a lot, too. Even good actors slip somewhere. Remarkably accurate assessments from running into most of them later.
Some were fine people, just not a good fit. Some were horror shows on feet. I remained nice, because that's what nice guys do, but didn't call back for a second date.

[mirraflake]

Facebook today makes it easy to decide.


Date and marry





RUN!!!!

[Smokin Joe]

@mirraflake  I can see eliminating a few from consideration pretty quickly, and reading what they post could be a screening device as well. So, from that aspect, I can see where that stuff would be handy. But when I was last in the 'market', there were no slut walks, pu**y hats, and a lot less man-hate out there.

So, despite the tech, I think the pool had a lot less poison in it.

[jmyrlefuller]

I think it's easier today to pick out a good one thanks to such things as social media. In the old day it took maybe a month of dating or longer to figure out the gal-some were pretty good actors before they shown their true colors. Today check out her facebook page photos. You can tell almost right off the bat is she is a skank or not or see who she hangs out with.

@Smokin Joe

To come back around to the original topic of the article (since online dating is basically a form of social media in a sense)...

The thing I found about it is that it is, indeed, fairly easy to filter out the good potential partners from the not-so-good ones (rude attitude, picky demands, people who don't reveal anything about themselves), especially if you have a good idea of what you're looking for. Perhaps too good—it's easy to set one's standards too high. That was one of my major points of frustration; I went for the best matches first, and when I didn't get any responses, I was down to the less appealing choices and I was starting to seriously question whether or not I would be settling if I kept going forward.

[roamer_1]

To come back around to the original topic of the article (since online dating is basically a form of social media in a sense)...

The thing I found about it is that it is, indeed, fairly easy to filter out the good potential partners from the not-so-good ones (rude attitude, picky demands, people who don't reveal anything about themselves), especially if you have a good idea of what you're looking for. Perhaps too good—it's easy to set one's standards too high. That was one of my major points of frustration; I went for the best matches first, and when I didn't get any responses, I was down to the less appealing choices and I was starting to seriously question whether or not I would be settling if I kept going forward.

When it comes to love, what you obsess about is exactly what you'll never find. The minute you think you see it, it vanishes.
The woman you want, you'll never see coming, unless you are really good at looking with the heart's peripheral vision.

Stop worrying about it. Live your life. Be happy without. And oddly enough, the minute you can do that, you'll find the one you've been looking for all the way along.

[Silver Pines]

When it comes to love, what you obsess about is exactly what you'll never find. The minute you think you see it, it vanishes.
The woman you want, you'll never see coming, unless you are really good at looking with the heart's peripheral vision.

Stop worrying about it. Live your life. Be happy without. And oddly enough, the minute you can do that, you'll find the one you've been looking for all the way along.

@roamer_1
@jmyrlefuller

I didn't even know exactly what I wanted before I met my husband to be.  I didn't have a list or anything.  But when he came along, he was a perfect fit. 

[Smokin Joe]

When it comes to love, what you obsess about is exactly what you'll never find. The minute you think you see it, it vanishes.
The woman you want, you'll never see coming, unless you are really good at looking with the heart's peripheral vision.

Stop worrying about it. Live your life. Be happy without. And oddly enough, the minute you can do that, you'll find the one you've been looking for all the way along.

@jmyrlefuller What he said!

[jmyrlefuller]

Stop worrying about it. Live your life. Be happy without.

:thumbsup2:

I can't say it's brought me any progress toward it, but I find I am MUCH happier when I don't think about it.

[roamer_1]

I didn't even know exactly what I wanted before I met my husband to be.  I didn't have a list or anything.  But when he came along, he was a perfect fit.

@CatherineofAragon

Lilly came to me out of my past, and completely out of the blue.
She made my mocs for me for years and years... I'd come see her at the rondy and get two pair every season
But I hadn't been for at least 15 years.

I ran into her by chance in a store... we caught up right there for probably 45 minutes, and then I took her to lunch and we talked another hour and a half. Been going at it ever since.
Never seen it coming.

@jmyrlefuller

[Maj. Bill Martin]

I went for the best matches first, and when I didn't get any responses, I was down to the less appealing choices and I was starting to seriously question whether or not I would be settling if I kept going forward.

If you're light on dating experience for your age, then stop viewing every potential match as a potential life partner.  View it as a chance to get to know someone and to develop some dating experience.  To be honest, it is very likely that you don't even know enough right now to pick out the right girl for a long-term relationship, and even if you could recognize her, you'd want more experience so you don't blow it.

View potential dates as just someone with whom to spend time and not be alone. That's a pretty low bar, but there's nothing wrong with that.  The way you're looking sounds like you're putting a ton of pressure on yourself, and perhaps unintentionally on the women you're attempting to date.

Every guy on here will tell you that when you're really desperate and striking out, it becomes self-reinforcing.  We've all been there.

But once you find someone you really like, something happens and other women start coming out of the woodwork.  It's just that you're giving off a different vibe when you're even casually dating someone else.  So better to temporarily "settle", than to be permanently striking out.

[Maj. Bill Martin]

Facebook today makes it easy to decide.

RUN!!!!

Well, yes.  Eventually, anyway....   I mean, the one of the left looks like she might be fun for awhile.  One of the right looks too crazy, and the whole multiple piercings thing is scary.

Not everyone I even, uh, "dated" was marriageable material.  Seems most of the folks here are (or at least claim to be) probably more upstanding than I was in my younger days. 

I hope this doesn't get kicked me out of the club.

[DB]

Well, yes.  Eventually, anyway....   I mean, the one of the left looks like she might be fun for awhile.  One of the right looks too crazy, and the whole multiple piercings thing is scary.

Not everyone I even, uh, "dated" was marriageable material.  Seems most of the folks here are (or at least claim to be) probably more upstanding than I was in my younger days. 

I hope this doesn't get kicked me out of the club.

No comment ;-).

[Hondo69]

Not everyone I even, uh, "dated" was marriageable material.  Seems most of the folks here are (or at least claim to be) probably more upstanding than I was in my younger days.

Oh, I don't think our younger days count.  What's that saying about being young and stupid?   

[Smokin Joe]

Oh, I don't think our younger days count.  What's that saying about being young and stupid?   

Which one?

[Cripplecreek]

Oh, I don't think our younger days count.  What's that saying about being young and stupid?   

Another advantage of marrying a lifelong friend. They already know all the stupid crap and have remained a friend despite it.

[mirraflake]

Well, yes.  Eventually, anyway....   I mean, the one of the left looks like she might be fun for awhile.  One of the right looks too crazy, and the whole multiple piercings thing is scary.

Not everyone I even, uh, "dated" was marriageable material.  Seems most of the folks here are (or at least claim to be) probably more upstanding than I was in my younger days. 

I hope this doesn't get kicked me out of the club.

You don't want to know my history and numbers before I started to settle down in my early 30's pre marriage. My wife knows I was not a saint and never asked, she knows not to ask but if she knew my history she would 1) Faint, 2.) Never touch me again 3) Divorce

Everything except kids and animals. I do have some sexual morals.

@Maj. Bill Martin


 

[Gefn]

I just saw this on Drudge.

Could online dating be behind the rise of STD's among milenials?

http://www.metro.us/mind-and-body/stds-rise-online-dating

Interesting article

[Idaho_Cowboy]

@roamer_1
@jmyrlefuller

I didn't even know exactly what I wanted before I met my husband to be.  I didn't have a list or anything.  But when he came along, he was a perfect fit.

Funny story. Before I met my wife she had a list of what she wanted in a boyfriend: Height, curly hair, interests, play a musical interest, ect. I fit the list to a T. That one can definitely be filed under divine intervention.

[Silver Pines]

@CatherineofAragon

Lilly came to me out of my past, and completely out of the blue.
She made my mocs for me for years and years... I'd come see her at the rondy and get two pair every season
But I hadn't been for at least 15 years.

I ran into her by chance in a store... we caught up right there for probably 45 minutes, and then I took her to lunch and we talked another hour and a half. Been going at it ever since.
Never seen it coming.

@jmyrlefuller

@roamer_1

I think that's how it happens a lot, if not most of the time...you never see it coming.

[Silver Pines]

Just going to drop this right here...


Guy Writes Column Titled ‘Why I Won’t Date Hot Women Anymore.’ Then The Internet Destroys Him.


http://www.dailywire.com/news/15364/guy-writes-column-titled-why-i-wont-date-hot-women-ben-shapiro

[mirraflake]

Just going to drop this right here...


Guy Writes Column Titled ‘Why I Won’t Date Hot Women Anymore.’ Then The Internet Destroys Him.

Nearly every guy I know who married a super hot woman are now mostly either divorced or unhappy. Not all but most.

A car buddy of mine has a wife who is breathtaking stunning and he is unhappy. Other men constantly flirt with her or put the moves on her everywhere they go even though they know she is married. Back of his mind he wonders if she will get bored one day and move on and get an upgrade as she has options. He said it get's old to have to be on your game 24/7. What happens if h does not get that promotion? What happens if he ages badly? He is exhausted.

@CatherineofAragon

[Smokin Joe]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NF5XU-k2Vk

[jmyrlefuller]

Nearly every guy I know who married a super hot woman are now mostly either divorced or unhappy. Not all but most.

A car buddy of mine has a wife who is breathtaking stunning and he is unhappy. Other men constantly flirt with her or put the moves on her everywhere they go even though they know she is married. Back of his mind he wonders if she will get bored one day and move on and get an upgrade as she has options. He said it get's old to have to be on your game 24/7. What happens if h does not get that promotion? What happens if he ages badly? He is exhausted.

@CatherineofAragon

Maybe it's a product of where I live, but in general, the "hottest women" I know are all happily married or engaged and have been with their husband/fiance since high school or, at the very latest, college. The relationships are generally very long-lived and, in the rare case one of them ended up breaking up, they were usually in another relationship within a few weeks.

The beautiful women I know, I'll admit, are also generally good people on the inside as well, so they're mature enough to handle that kind of situation. Does that apply to every single beautiful woman in America? Probably not, but I don't really see "hotness" as something totally disqualifying or scary. You just have to make sure she loves you for you, and not your material stuff.

(That's part of the reason I want to get started now, while I'm not quite as well-to-do. That way, if I do have a girlfriend and then get successful, then it's a bonus, not the Sword of Damocles. The last thing anyone needs is to be single, prosperous and surrounded by a bunch of gold-diggers.)

[Maj. Bill Martin]

Maybe it's a product of where I live, but in general, the "hottest women" I know are all happily married or engaged and have been with their husband/fiance since high school or, at the very latest, college. The relationships are generally very long-lived and, in the rare case one of them ended up breaking up, they were usually in another relationship within a few weeks.

The beautiful women I know, I'll admit, are also generally good people on the inside as well, so they're mature enough to handle that kind of situation. Does that apply to every single beautiful woman in America? Probably not, but I don't really see "hotness" as something totally disqualifying or scary. You just have to make sure she loves you for you, and not your material stuff.

What you see may not be what her husband sees.  And that goes both ways.  People who are thought to be wonderful by outsiders may be entirely different to their spouse in the privacy of their own home.  It's easy to be nice to the outside world when the outside world treats you better because you're attractive.  It's a mistake to idealize someone else's marriage/spouse, because you can be pretty certain there is a lot of stuff you don't know.

(That's part of the reason I want to get started now, while I'm not quite as well-to-do. That way, if I do have a girlfriend and then get successful, then it's a bonus, not the Sword of Damocles. The last thing anyone needs is to be single, prosperous and surrounded by a bunch of gold-diggers.)

That can be a lot of fun if you play your cards right.

Just date, dude, and don't be worried about dating marriageable prospects right now.   

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

Nearly every guy I know who married a super hot woman are now mostly either divorced or unhappy. Not all but most.

A car buddy of mine has a wife who is breathtaking stunning and he is unhappy. Other men constantly flirt with her or put the moves on her everywhere they go even though they know she is married. Back of his mind he wonders if she will get bored one day and move on and get an upgrade as she has options. He said it get's old to have to be on your game 24/7. What happens if h does not get that promotion? What happens if he ages badly? He is exhausted.

@CatherineofAragon

The real problem is he married a woman he doesn't trust. Big mistake IMO.