Too much Tinder: Why some single people are experiencing a dating burnout

[Gefn]

More than that - She just walked up alongside, picked up a line, and started pullin. She showed up the other day and started handing me wrenches... After while she'd wander off for a minute or two, and come back again... But pretty much, she was there all afternoon. Pleasant conversation, good sense about tools and knowing what I'd need next...

When she seen I was wrapping it up, she disappeared long enough for it to seem like abandonment... right in the easiest part of things... But I finished cleaning up my tools and wandered on into the house to find it all cleaned up, and beef stew and bannock bread piping hot and ready to go. After supper, she thought it admirable of me that I stuck around to help her (as if it is hers to do) with the dishes.

She's made herself a nest on the couch, and again, we had pleasant conversation, as we watched a movie... She magically found one of my flannel shirts that I'd torn the shoulder out of, and she whipped a sewing kit out of her purse and busied her hands with all that while we were sitting there...

She's already measuring up the closets and the pantry... And calculating that I'll be needing more garden than  thought... To allow for her, I think... She's already met my kids and my mother and sister, being here when they wandered by... She fits right in with the women folk (and they love her)... She is already grand-mothering my grandsons (and they love her). And ol Chewy, my last defense, turned out to be no defense at all... He rolled over on the very first belly scratch. 

I haven't let her into my bed yet, but she'd sure enough go (and she's been lightly trying to get there).  I dunno how it is with the Cree, but with the old school Salish, That particular act is as good as a marriage vow. And she knows that I know it.

And so, she's told me, with mischief in her eyes, that I'd better be careful not to get myself banged up enough that'd I'd need care (overnight)... A bit confident, she is, that such a time will certainly occur not too far from now...

After all, she's got 100 acres up Fisher River (God's own front porch), with the prettiest Appaloosas I've ever seen... Four of them barely green broke and needing my attentions... And the tool shed needs a new roof, and a foundation log replaced... I could spend a month in the barn alone... and there's maybe forty miles of fence that hasn't had a man to fix it for the last twenty years... 

 

@roamer_1 if your doggy likes her you are gone..... you got yourself a girlfriend
So yeah, it might just work out.

She's already measured me out for new buckskins....

[Maj. Bill Martin]

Confident in life and your job not just asking for  date. Women hate whiners and complainers.

Yes, this.  It does not mean that you are confident you won't strike out/ be rejected.  That happens all the time.  It means being confident in yourself that you don't look like this woman's say-so will make or break your life.  It's not confidence, but rather a lack of desperation.

Now your issue may very well be that you live in an area with too few women.  But it's not going to do you any good to complain about that if you're not willing to move.

You are getting rejected for 3 reasons and only 3 reasons.

1. You are asking out girls out your league Example: You are  a 5 asking a 10 out for  date. Ain't going to happen.
2. You are saying something that creeps them out so bad they run away
3. Your personality is so bad it's cringeworthy

Just a bit harsh there, @mirraflake.  Lack of confidence can be a killer too.

I told you what I would do last year when this was brought up.  Ask a very close female friend, not male,  what you are doing to drive girls away and rejecting you.

This is true.  Also...hit the gym or take up a sport/activity that gets you in good shape.  That will impact your self-esteem/confidence with the opposite sex, and forgetting the direct effect on how you look, that additional confidence will do wonders for you.  Seriously.

Only other advice I can give is kind of based off...dating humor, but it actually works.   "Go Ugly Early" and "Big girls need lovin' too."  What I mean here is that if you're really striking out a lot, then kind of forget the whole "looking for love" thing, and just look for any girl to spend some time with you.  Just to talk, or watch movies, whatever.  Toss physical attractiveness out the window completely, and just start with companion ship.  If only to get you more confident in talking to women.

[Cripplecreek]

I'm just a sexy beast so I'm good no matter what.

[Smokin Joe]

Being 5 feet tall, I've had amazing luck in the pet food isle. My kitties favorite food has always been on the top shelf and I can never reach it.

Mrs Joe measures out at the same altitude, although you'd think she was a lot bigger by her presence. She just buttonholes some youngster (or me) with "Excuse me. I need to borrow your tallness." and folks are happily willing to help out.

[Smokin Joe]

What I mean here is that if you're really striking out a lot, then kind of forget the whole "looking for love" thing, and just look for any girl to spend some time with you.  Just to talk, or watch movies, whatever.  Toss physical attractiveness out the window completely, and just start with companion ship.  If only to get you more confident in talking to women.

@jmyrlefuller  I'll take that one farther for you. If you make friends with absolutely ineligible women, they always know someone who...

Blind dates are a hoot. Most won't work out, but at the least you will end up with some stories to tell, and maybe some completely incompatible friends.

It's a funny thing about married women, too--and no, I am definitely not suggesting any impropriety, here--but they can't stand to see their friends unattached. So, if you end up in a situation where there are lots of married women around be kind, courteous, and well, just a great all around guy, and the word will spread. You never know where that will lead.

[mirraflake]

Being 5 feet tall, I've had amazing luck in the pet food isle. My kitties favorite food has always been on the top shelf and I can never reach it.

A  GREAT pu spot for men is having your hair cut at a   woman's salon(who also cut men's hair) with all women staff.

As long as you act decently, friendly and can hold a conversation, usually after 2-3 haircuts and they get to know you  and deem you safe they will try to set you up  with either their friends or their daughters.

@Freya

[EC]

A  GREAT pu spot for men is having your hair cut at a   woman's salon(who also cut men's hair) with all women staff.

As long as you act decently and can hold a conversation, usually after 2-3 haircuts and they get to know you  and deem you safe they will try to set you up  with either their friends or their daughters.

@Freya

Toilet roll aisle in the supermarket works well too. (You knock some of the display off the shelves accidentally. The lady in the aisle will nearly always help you pick up and talk to you to cover your embarrassment).

[Smokin Joe]

Toilet roll aisle in the supermarket works well too. (You knock some of the display off the shelves accidentally. The lady in the aisle will nearly always help you pick up and talk to you to cover your embarrassment).

The thought occurs to me that you could also meet the lady watching the security cameras after the third or fourth time you knocked the TP down....Curiosity would demand someone find out what you were up to.

[Sanguine]

Toilet roll aisle in the supermarket works well too. (You knock some of the display off the shelves accidentally. The lady in the aisle will nearly always help you pick up and talk to you to cover your embarrassment).

That's a remarkably devious one.

[EC]

Hey - it worked for my missus ....

[Silver Pines]

Toilet roll aisle in the supermarket works well too. (You knock some of the display off the shelves accidentally. The lady in the aisle will nearly always help you pick up and talk to you to cover your embarrassment).

@EC

True story. 

I had broken up with a guy I was dating...well, I guess it was mutual because we would have killed each other, otherwise.  Anyway, late one night I ran by the grocery store, and there he was in the produce section.  I looked at him, he looked at me...then he turned away, trying to look cool, and picked an apple out of a big pile.

That entire heap of apples collapsed and rolled onto the floor, and he jumped backward. I walked away laughing.   

[Cripplecreek]

Toilet roll aisle in the supermarket works well too. (You knock some of the display off the shelves accidentally. The lady in the aisle will nearly always help you pick up and talk to you to cover your embarrassment).

Works better than hanging out in the condom aisle asking passing women if these really increase your pleasure.

[thackney]

It's a funny thing about married women, too--and no, I am definitely not suggesting any impropriety, here--but they can't stand to see their friends unattached. So, if you end up in a situation where there are lots of married women around be kind, courteous, and well, just a great all around guy, and the word will spread. You never know where that will lead.

Sometimes I think they are less concerned with their unattached friends as they are dismayed by seeing a man not placed under control...

Just kidding, I think, let me ask my wife...

[Smokin Joe]

Sometimes I think they are less concerned with their unattached friends as they are dismayed by seeing a man not placed under control...

Just kidding, I think, let me ask my wife...

(I always thought that, too. Quietly. In the garage. When I was sure she was shopping...) :nometalk:

[EC]

Sometimes I think they are less concerned with their unattached friends as they are dismayed by seeing a man not placed under control...

Just kidding, I think, let me ask my wife...

Actually, forget about hanging round with married women. Hang around with married guys. Their wives will set you up with someone sharpish, before you can undo all the careful training they've put in.

[roamer_1]

roamer_1 if your doggy likes her you are gone..... you got yourself a girlfriend
So yeah, it might just work out.

@Freya
Yeah, see... shes done it about right... She knows I'm jumpy... skittish... Been out of the corral and out on the range too long...
So she's going about it another way... No doubt she's giving me sugar cubes... What I want and need... Not only will she get what she wants, but I'll like it by the time she's done... But that's beside the point.

She went after the womenfolk and the grandchildren... She's plugging into my family. If I let her go by, I'll catch all kinds of hell from the wimmenz, and especially, importantly, my mother... And the grandkids.

She's just about got me hog-tied that way, whether I like her or not...

That's what I get for letting a horse woman in the door... She's got that horse-whisperer juju. I see her eyein' me up, just that same way as she eyes a wild horse...


Friggin man-whisperer. I am screwed. I just don't know it yet.
And I ain't hardly more than kissed her. 


Nice to see you back btw... Hope all is well.

[Sanguine]

@Freya
Yeah, see... shes done it about right... She knows I'm jumpy... skittish... Been out of the corral and out on the range too long...
So she's going about it another way... No doubt she's giving me sugar cubes... What I want and need... Not only will she get what she wants, but I'll like it by the time she's done... But that's beside the point.

She went after the womenfolk and the grandchildren... She's plugging into my family. If I let her go by, I'll catch all kinds of hell from the wimmenz, and especially, importantly, my mother... And the grandkids.

She's just about got me hog-tied that way, whether I like her or not...

That's what I get for letting a horse woman in the door... She's got that horse-whisperer juju. I see her eyein' me up, just that same way as she eyes a wild horse...


Friggin man-whisperer. I am screwed. I just don't know it yet.
And I ain't hardly more than kissed her. 


Nice to see you back btw... Hope all is well.

For some reason Clayton Williams comes to mind....

[roamer_1]

For some reason Clayton Williams comes to mind....

Sorry... must be a Texas thing. The reference went right over my head. 

[mirraflake]

@jmyrlefuller 

Blind dates are a hoot. Most won't work out, but at the least you will end up with some stories to tell, and maybe some completely incompatible friends.

I went on 2 in my life.

 One was with a very pretty in the face women but she weighed 300 lbs-I had zero interest.  Took her back to her place and she stuck her tongue down my throat and was all over me,  no pun intended.  She was horny as heck and in the next second she said to me, you can stay the night if you like.

I was in a dry spell and you now what they say about fat women and mopeds but I just knew she was going to be trouble after her chemicals go haywire after sex what do they call that ocitin the bonding chemical in women or something like that and walked out.

Never saw her again until about 3 years later when I called on the business where she worked at the time. Even heavier and starting to age badly.

I made plenty of bad decisions in my life trust me,  thank God I had some sense that night.

@Smokin Joe

[Sanguine]

Sorry... must be a Texas thing. The reference went right over my head. 

It's a bad joke.  Williams shouldn't have said it and I probable shouldn't have referenced it.

He ran for Texas governor in 1990, and: "During the campaign, Williams publicly made a joke likening the crime of rape to bad weather, having stated: "If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it""

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clayton_Williams

[Gefn]

@jmyrlefuller

Blind dates are a hoot. Most won't work out, but at the least you will end up with some stories to tell, and maybe some completely incompatible friends.

I was once set up on a blind date. We had a nice time despite the fact he brought his seeing eye dog with him. Seriously, he really was blind.

[Cripplecreek]

It's a bad joke.  Williams shouldn't have said it and I probable shouldn't have referenced it.

He ran for Texas governor in 1990, and: "During the campaign, Williams publicly made a joke likening the crime of rape to bad weather, having stated: "If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it""

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clayton_Williams

So he said almost exactly the same thing as Bobby Knight.

[roamer_1]

Williams [...] stated: "If it's inevitable, just relax and enjoy it""

LOL! OK, I get it...

Believe me, I'm relaxed, and enjoying it way too much... That's the problem. :)
I'm supposed to go up there in the next couple weeks to get the tractor figured out... First step to getting the road into her place straightened out... That's going to be at least an over-nighter... Dangerous business. If I get back from that with my top-knot it'll be a miracle.

[Smokin Joe]

I went on 2 in my life.

 One was with a very pretty in the face women but she weighed 300 lbs-I had zero interest.  Took her back to her place and she stuck her tongue down my throat and was all over me,  no pun intended.  She was horny as heck and in the next second she said to me, you can stay the night if you like.

I was in a dry spell and you now what they say about fat women and mopeds but I just knew she was going to be trouble after her chemicals go haywire after sex what do they call that ocitin the bonding chemical in women or something like that and walked out.

Never saw her again until about 3 years later when I called on the business where she worked at the time. Even heavier and starting to age badly.

I made plenty of bad decisions in my life trust me,  thank God I had some sense that night.

@Smokin Joe

Oh, I went on quite a few. Most of 'em never got past the first date, I kept it a bit formal, and I knew I wasn't interested. Most of that was behavioural on their part.
As for the rest of the evening, I'm an old fireman from way back and I know better than to light fires I'm going to have to put out. This town is too small for that.
I have had the occasion of shutting down two gals who were fighting over me, when neither of them had any claim nor was ever going to. That was different, but it had to be done, because their bickering was messing up other prospects. Eventually, though, my opinion of the 'dating scene' is that it is a wasteland. The good ones aren't all taken, but a fellow has to have either luck or determination or maybe divine intervention to find a decent gal any more.

[mirraflake]

Eventually, though, my opinion of the 'dating scene' is that it is a wasteland. The good ones aren't all taken, but a fellow has to have either luck or determination or maybe divine intervention to find a decent gal any more.

I think it's easier today to pick out a good one thanks to such things as social media. In the old day it took maybe a month of dating or longer to figure out the gal-some were pretty good actors before they shown their true colors. Today check out her facebook page photos. You can tell almost right off the bat is she is a skank or not or see who she hangs out with.

@Smokin Joe