Too much Tinder: Why some single people are experiencing a dating burnout

[jmyrlefuller]

The past five years have seen a boom in dating apps, transforming the once stigmatised world of online dating into a way of life - particularly for millennials.

The most popular tool in the digital singleton's arsenal is Tinder, an app that serves up a seemingly endless stream of faces, and asking us to swipe left for no and right for yes.

Convenient, yes. But there is an element which appears shallow and surprisingly time consuming.

Dating apps have become typically associated with arranging hook-ups and casual flings over meaningful, long-term relationships. While this might be fine if it’s what both people are looking for, it can be difficult for people who do want something more serious.

(excerpt)

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/tinder-too-much-single-people-dating-burnout-lifestyle-love-relationship-messaging-apps-a7670656.html

[jmyrlefuller]

I have dabbled in online dating. I will never use Tinder because 1) it has a reputation as a sex app and that's not at all what I'm looking for, and 2) it requires snap judgments that are particularly uncomfortable when dealing with total strangers. It is not the way to build a strong relationship, and it's a shame that this is what online dating has become.

[Applewood]

So glad I'm too old and decrepit for the dating scene.Too much risk and too much work. 

[roamer_1]

I have toyed a bit with dating since my divorce... But I find that the sort of woman I would need is exceedingly rare - And not likely to be found in such a manner (online dating).

I reckon if Yahweh figures I need a woman, He'll put her in my path.

[jmyrlefuller]

I reckon if Yahweh figures I need a woman, He'll put her in my path.

Well, I needed one for years, but He never even so much as pointed me in the right direction. Now it hurts to even think about it.

If the Bible is any indication of how God treats relationship needs, he waits until too late and then does it (see: Ruth/Boaz, Abraham and Sarah's child, John the Baptist) or not at all (Jeremiah). God only dropped a woman in a man's lap twice: Eve for Adam, and Rebekah for Isaac. He can, of course; He just refuses to.

[XenaLee]

Well, I needed one for years, but He never even so much as pointed me in the right direction. Now it hurts to even think about it.

If the Bible is any indication of how God treats relationship needs, he waits until too late and then does it (see: Ruth/Boaz, Abraham and Sarah's child, John the Baptist) or not at all (Jeremiah). God only dropped a woman in a man's lap twice: Eve for Adam, and Rebekah for Isaac. He can, of course; He just refuses to.

I have come to the odd conclusion that God would prefer that man and woman be focused on Him and Him only, not on each other.  It's the ultimate cosmic joke on mankind....lol.

[roamer_1]

Well, I needed one for years, but He never even so much as pointed me in the right direction. Now it hurts to even think about it.

If the Bible is any indication of how God treats relationship needs, he waits until too late and then does it (see: Ruth/Boaz, Abraham and Sarah's child, John the Baptist) or not at all (Jeremiah). God only dropped a woman in a man's lap twice: Eve for Adam, and Rebekah for Isaac. He can, of course; He just refuses to.

Not that it matters... Yahweh is sufficient. If he is not, then you're doing it wrong.

After having a woman around for twenty-five years, it was not easy for me to be without one. So I went looking, with a string of 'successes', which turned out not to be successful at all - There's tons of women out there looking for 'relationship', but damn few of them know what that means. Finding the one to ride the river with has never been an easy thing...

That does not mean that one is without hope - I will just wait until she shows up on her own... There is one such in the wings. A Salish woman that s just exactly made to order (or so it seems). With the exception of not being a southern woman, she fits my criteria. If it all works out, then I will be blessed. If it doesn't, then so be it. There's more than one fish in the sea.

[geronl]

Never thought about it. Never really paid much attention to it.

Because it seems ridiculously stupid.

[roamer_1]

I have come to the odd conclusion that God would prefer that man and woman be focused on Him and Him only, not on each other.  It's the ultimate cosmic joke on mankind....lol.

That is quintessentially correct - Even though you make light of it. A marriage without Yahweh in the center will be at a terrible disadvantage.

[Silver Pines]

I have dabbled in online dating. I will never use Tinder because 1) it has a reputation as a sex app and that's not at all what I'm looking for, and 2) it requires snap judgments that are particularly uncomfortable when dealing with total strangers. It is not the way to build a strong relationship, and it's a shame that this is what online dating has become.

@jmyrlefuller

I went through dating burnout myself before I met my husband-to-be.  I was sick of it.  There was nothing wrong with the men I went out with, but none of them seemed right for me and I didn't really feel anything for them.  I was ready to settle for the assumption that the problem was mine and my inability to attach, or something.  My plan was to just take some time for myself and get a break from it all.  Then, because a friend of mine wouldn't shut up, I went on a blind date.

I think you're right about Tinder...it's mainly a hook-up site.

[Hondo69]

A friend of mine once ran an ad in the local paper after his wife had died.  It took him a few years to get back in the market again but eventually felt more comfortable giving it a try.  Online websites seemed creepy to him so he just ran an ad.  The letters he received back were something else.  I was a bit shocked quite frankly.  Then he showed me a few of the pictures included with the letters and many of them left nothing to the imagination.

The entire experience was quite an eye opener.  I didn't know that many people even wrote letters anymore for one thing.  And many are not at all one bit shy about laying their cards on the table.

[Smokin Joe]

Not that it matters... Yahweh is sufficient. If he is not, then you're doing it wrong.

After having a woman around for twenty-five years, it was not easy for me to be without one. So I went looking, with a string of 'successes', which turned out not to be successful at all - There's tons of women out there looking for 'relationship', but damn few of them know what that means. Finding the one to ride the river with has never been an easy thing...

That does not mean that one is without hope - I will just wait until she shows up on her own... There is one such in the wings. A Salish woman that s just exactly made to order (or so it seems). With the exception of not being a southern woman, she fits my criteria. If it all works out, then I will be blessed. If it doesn't, then so be it. There's more than one fish in the sea.

I recall you mentioned her before. She sounds like someone you can just sit with and be comfortable. If so, she's likely a keeper.

[Free Vulcan]

People have changed in the last 10 years. 8 years of Obama in particular, and all the lefty political, social, and pop culture crap that came out during his admin I noticed have fundamentally changed both men and women. We have become a carnival society that is completely ungrounded and entirely focused on self and the social, and not in the good way. We've been a sheep culture for awhile, but now it's online and live and metastasizing.

Women being more social than men have been very affected. I like women and get along with them well, but I've met almost none since my last relationship years ago that would make me want to date again. They have made themselves adornments and arm candy that need constant entertainment and material things, and are simply not reliable if say the next recession was pretty tough to get by on. Many are imbalanced, self-absorbed, flighty, have a screwed up ideas of the right kind of man,  and many have just bought into the feminist crap and are on a pretty serious power trip.

My eyes are always open, but I just live my life and don't worry about a partner anymore. It's just the times we live in and I've come to accept it.

[roamer_1]

I recall you mentioned her before. She sounds like someone you can just sit with and be comfortable. If so, she's likely a keeper.

More than that - She just walked up alongside, picked up a line, and started pullin. She showed up the other day and started handing me wrenches... After while she'd wander off for a minute or two, and come back again... But pretty much, she was there all afternoon. Pleasant conversation, good sense about tools and knowing what I'd need next...

When she seen I was wrapping it up, she disappeared long enough for it to seem like abandonment... right in the easiest part of things... But I finished cleaning up my tools and wandered on into the house to find it all cleaned up, and beef stew and bannock bread piping hot and ready to go. After supper, she thought it admirable of me that I stuck around to help her (as if it is hers to do) with the dishes.

She's made herself a nest on the couch, and again, we had pleasant conversation, as we watched a movie... She magically found one of my flannel shirts that I'd torn the shoulder out of, and she whipped a sewing kit out of her purse and busied her hands with all that while we were sitting there...

She's already measuring up the closets and the pantry... And calculating that I'll be needing more garden than  thought... To allow for her, I think... She's already met my kids and my mother and sister, being here when they wandered by... She fits right in with the women folk (and they love her)... She is already grand-mothering my grandsons (and they love her). And ol Chewy, my last defense, turned out to be no defense at all... He rolled over on the very first belly scratch. 

I haven't let her into my bed yet, but she'd sure enough go (and she's been lightly trying to get there).  I dunno how it is with the Cree, but with the old school Salish, That particular act is as good as a marriage vow. And she knows that I know it.

And so, she's told me, with mischief in her eyes, that I'd better be careful not to get myself banged up enough that'd I'd need care (overnight)... A bit confident, she is, that such a time will certainly occur not too far from now...

After all, she's got 100 acres up Fisher River (God's own front porch), with the prettiest Appaloosas I've ever seen... Four of them barely green broke and needing my attentions... And the tool shed needs a new roof, and a foundation log replaced... I could spend a month in the barn alone... and there's maybe forty miles of fence that hasn't had a man to fix it for the last twenty years... 

 
So yeah, it might just work out.

She's already measured me out for new buckskins....

[Smokin Joe]

So yeah, it might just work out.

She's already measured me out for new buckskins....

She sounds like a real good fit. Don't make her wait too long, although it sure seems her mind is made up.

[EC]

More than that - She just walked up alongside, picked up a line, and started pullin. She showed up the other day and started handing me wrenches... After while she'd wander off for a minute or two, and come back again... But pretty much, she was there all afternoon. Pleasant conversation, good sense about tools and knowing what I'd need next...

When she seen I was wrapping it up, she disappeared long enough for it to seem like abandonment... right in the easiest part of things... But I finished cleaning up my tools and wandered on into the house to find it all cleaned up, and beef stew and bannock bread piping hot and ready to go. After supper, she thought it admirable of me that I stuck around to help her (as if it is hers to do) with the dishes.

She's made herself a nest on the couch, and again, we had pleasant conversation, as we watched a movie... She magically found one of my flannel shirts that I'd torn the shoulder out of, and she whipped a sewing kit out of her purse and busied her hands with all that while we were sitting there...

She's already measuring up the closets and the pantry... And calculating that I'll be needing more garden than  thought... To allow for her, I think... She's already met my kids and my mother and sister, being here when they wandered by... She fits right in with the women folk (and they love her)... She is already grand-mothering my grandsons (and they love her). And ol Chewy, my last defense, turned out to be no defense at all... He rolled over on the very first belly scratch. 

I haven't let her into my bed yet, but she'd sure enough go (and she's been lightly trying to get there).  I dunno how it is with the Cree, but with the old school Salish, That particular act is as good as a marriage vow. And she knows that I know it.

And so, she's told me, with mischief in her eyes, that I'd better be careful not to get myself banged up enough that'd I'd need care (overnight)... A bit confident, she is, that such a time will certainly occur not too far from now...

After all, she's got 100 acres up Fisher River (God's own front porch), with the prettiest Appaloosas I've ever seen... Four of them barely green broke and needing my attentions... And the tool shed needs a new roof, and a foundation log replaced... I could spend a month in the barn alone... and there's maybe forty miles of fence that hasn't had a man to fix it for the last twenty years... 

 
So yeah, it might just work out.

She's already measured me out for new buckskins....

Only one thing can be said to that, my friend.

May the Lord bless you both with joy. 

[corbe]

More than that - She just walked up alongside, picked up a line, and started pullin. She showed up the other day and started handing me wrenches... After while she'd wander off for a minute or two, and come back again... But pretty much, she was there all afternoon. Pleasant conversation, good sense about tools and knowing what I'd need next...

When she seen I was wrapping it up, she disappeared long enough for it to seem like abandonment... right in the easiest part of things... But I finished cleaning up my tools and wandered on into the house to find it all cleaned up, and beef stew and bannock bread piping hot and ready to go. After supper, she thought it admirable of me that I stuck around to help her (as if it is hers to do) with the dishes.

She's made herself a nest on the couch, and again, we had pleasant conversation, as we watched a movie... She magically found one of my flannel shirts that I'd torn the shoulder out of, and she whipped a sewing kit out of her purse and busied her hands with all that while we were sitting there...

She's already measuring up the closets and the pantry... And calculating that I'll be needing more garden than  thought... To allow for her, I think... She's already met my kids and my mother and sister, being here when they wandered by... She fits right in with the women folk (and they love her)... She is already grand-mothering my grandsons (and they love her). And ol Chewy, my last defense, turned out to be no defense at all... He rolled over on the very first belly scratch. 

I haven't let her into my bed yet, but she'd sure enough go (and she's been lightly trying to get there).  I dunno how it is with the Cree, but with the old school Salish, That particular act is as good as a marriage vow. And she knows that I know it.

And so, she's told me, with mischief in her eyes, that I'd better be careful not to get myself banged up enough that'd I'd need care (overnight)... A bit confident, she is, that such a time will certainly occur not too far from now...

After all, she's got 100 acres up Fisher River (God's own front porch), with the prettiest Appaloosas I've ever seen... Four of them barely green broke and needing my attentions... And the tool shed needs a new roof, and a foundation log replaced... I could spend a month in the barn alone... and there's maybe forty miles of fence that hasn't had a man to fix it for the last twenty years... 

 
So yeah, it might just work out.

She's already measured me out for new buckskins....

   Better than any Penthouse story I ever read, Certainly sounds like a Keeper to me.
   Even though I have a New Washer/Dryer I find myself hanging at the local laudrymat on the wrong side of town, when I'm not sitting in the parking lot of the Local Lockup with a six pack of Miller Lite and a pack of Marlboro Reds.

[Free Vulcan]

More than that - She just walked up alongside, picked up a line, and started pullin. She showed up the other day and started handing me wrenches... After while she'd wander off for a minute or two, and come back again... But pretty much, she was there all afternoon. Pleasant conversation, good sense about tools and knowing what I'd need next...

When she seen I was wrapping it up, she disappeared long enough for it to seem like abandonment... right in the easiest part of things... But I finished cleaning up my tools and wandered on into the house to find it all cleaned up, and beef stew and bannock bread piping hot and ready to go. After supper, she thought it admirable of me that I stuck around to help her (as if it is hers to do) with the dishes.

She's made herself a nest on the couch, and again, we had pleasant conversation, as we watched a movie... She magically found one of my flannel shirts that I'd torn the shoulder out of, and she whipped a sewing kit out of her purse and busied her hands with all that while we were sitting there...

She's already measuring up the closets and the pantry... And calculating that I'll be needing more garden than  thought... To allow for her, I think... She's already met my kids and my mother and sister, being here when they wandered by... She fits right in with the women folk (and they love her)... She is already grand-mothering my grandsons (and they love her). And ol Chewy, my last defense, turned out to be no defense at all... He rolled over on the very first belly scratch. 

I haven't let her into my bed yet, but she'd sure enough go (and she's been lightly trying to get there).  I dunno how it is with the Cree, but with the old school Salish, That particular act is as good as a marriage vow. And she knows that I know it.

And so, she's told me, with mischief in her eyes, that I'd better be careful not to get myself banged up enough that'd I'd need care (overnight)... A bit confident, she is, that such a time will certainly occur not too far from now...

After all, she's got 100 acres up Fisher River (God's own front porch), with the prettiest Appaloosas I've ever seen... Four of them barely green broke and needing my attentions... And the tool shed needs a new roof, and a foundation log replaced... I could spend a month in the barn alone... and there's maybe forty miles of fence that hasn't had a man to fix it for the last twenty years... 

 
So yeah, it might just work out.

She's already measured me out for new buckskins....

 

[Maj. Bill Martin]

People have changed in the last 10 years. 8 years of Obama in particular, and all the lefty political, social, and pop culture crap that came out during his admin I noticed have fundamentally changed both men and women. We have become a carnival society that is completely ungrounded and entirely focused on self and the social, and not in the good way. We've been a sheep culture for awhile, but now it's online and live and metastasizing.

Women being more social than men have been very affected. I like women and get along with them well, but I've met almost none since my last relationship years ago that would make me want to date again. They have made themselves adornments and arm candy that need constant entertainment and material things, and are simply not reliable if say the next recession was pretty tough to get by on. Many are imbalanced, self-absorbed, flighty, have a screwed up ideas of the right kind of man,  and many have just bought into the feminist crap and are on a pretty serious power trip.

My eyes are always open, but I just live my life and don't worry about a partner anymore. It's just the times we live in and I've come to accept it.

I've got a fairly normal 20 year old daughter who fits right into this target group.  She and her friends are attractive and generally don't hurt for male attention.  But those girls don't sit around and talk about Tinder -- they talk about their boyfriends and guys the same way girls did 10, 20, even 40 years ago. 

Most people, overall, still want genuine relationships.  You've still got the wilder guys and women who are more promiscuous, but they've always been there.  This is just making them more visible, and the media runs with it because it's a story.

[roamer_1]

She sounds like a real good fit. Don't make her wait too long, although it sure seems her mind is made up.

It ain't the woman that's the problem... It's the whole kit and kaboodle. That ranch means everything to her, and she's desperately held on to it against all odds, to have a legacy to hand down to a family she doesn't have (she lost her husband early on, and later her son). I have everything she needs... Mainly a big, well adjusted, non-alcoholic family, with strong sons, and grandchildren.  It was her father's ranch, and she's seeing the need to pass it down...

But I'll tell you what, Joe, If I sign on, that ranch will likely drive me right into the ground. Just to get ready to start fixin what needs to be fixed to start actually fixin will take a couple years. YEARS, dude. The hay truck needs an engine, the 1T needs a tranny... the 4-horse needs a new deck, brakes, and an axle... The tractor has been broke for better than 15 years, which means all the implements have been sitting still all that time... The saw mill hasn't turned since her old man died... Everything needs paint. Shoot, the driveway is bad enough you dang near need 4wd to get up it... She wants it all back. She needs it set right.

I never thought I'd see the day I could go cowboying again. I gave up all thought of having a ranch nigh on thirty years ago... But this is almost worse than starting from scratch, as she sets store by every single thing... and as gimped up as I am, I don't know that I am up to the task, I really don't.

I'd surely hate to let her down, and that just might kill me. :)

[roamer_1]

Only one thing can be said to that, my friend.

May the Lord bless you both with joy. 

Heh... yeah... she's got her cap set, alright.

[roamer_1]

   Better than any Penthouse story I ever read, Certainly sounds like a Keeper to me.
   Even though I have a New Washer/Dryer I find myself hanging at the local laudrymat on the wrong side of town, when I'm not sitting in the parking lot of the Local Lockup with a six pack of Miller Lite and a pack of Marlboro Reds.

I dunno... Maybe you're doing it wrong... 

[Sanguine]

   Better than any Penthouse story I ever read, Certainly sounds like a Keeper to me.
   Even though I have a New Washer/Dryer I find myself hanging at the local laudrymat on the wrong side of town, when I'm not sitting in the parking lot of the Local Lockup with a six pack of Miller Lite and a pack of Marlboro Reds.

LOL.   How's that working out for you, Corbe?

[Maj. Bill Martin]

It ain't the woman that's the problem... It's the whole kit and kaboodle. That ranch means everything to her, and she's desperately held on to it against all odds, to have a legacy to hand down to a family she doesn't have (she lost her husband early on, and later her son). I have everything she needs... Mainly a big, well adjusted, non-alcoholic family, with strong sons, and grandchildren.  It was her father's ranch, and she's seeing the need to pass it down...

But I'll tell you what, Joe, If I sign on, that ranch will likely drive me right into the ground. Just to get ready to start fixin what needs to be fixed to start actually fixin will take a couple years. YEARS, dude. The hay truck needs an engine, the 1T needs a tranny... the 4-horse needs a new deck, brakes, and an axle... The tractor has been broke for better than 15 years, which means all the implements have been sitting still all that time... The saw mill hasn't turned since her old man died... Everything needs paint. Shoot, the driveway is bad enough you dang near need 4wd to get up it... She wants it all back. She needs it set right.

I never thought I'd see the day I could go cowboying again. I gave up all thought of having a ranch nigh on thirty years ago... But this is almost worse than starting from scratch, as she sets store by every single thing... and as gimped up as I am, I don't know that I am up to the task, I really don't.

I'd surely hate to let her down, and that just might kill me. :)

I'm curious -- Have you tried telling her all that?  Because it sure would be a shame to have something like your inability to work like you're 20 years younger ruin what could otherwise be a great relationships.

[Cripplecreek]

Amateurs   


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlRXQEA0yj0