Why Men Are Remaining Single

[Frank Cannon]

Its self explanatory.

You think Millennials are that ambitious? I'd say it's more like this....

[andy58-in-nh]

Of course a women's column would call men lazy.

The fact is, when a man makes a huge emotional investment in a woman only to basically be given the friend zone treatment (or worse), over and over again, it makes a man feel subhuman and not want to do it anymore. Women of my generation are cruel.

Plus, when you get over a certain age—and that age is much younger than most people realize, try 22—the best women are already off the market. If you're 30 and still looking, you're going to have to either settle for less than you deserve (and even then you'll need a lot of luck to find that) or be alone for the rest of your life.

I have grown to totally hate the romantic process. I'm sick of the excuses I get for getting rejected. The outright lies (a woman once told me she planned on being alone the rest of her life, only to bring her new boyfriend into my place of work for her first date). The utter lack of respect for a man's needs, even when I strain and strive to meet my potential partners. The constant insinuation that I'm sexually harassing a woman when I try, and lazy when I don't.

I want desperately to be loved in return and to have a basic companionship. I pray to God daily for it. I've tried every person in a 10-mile radius, every one either didn't meet my relatively low standards or rejected me. I tried online dating, got no responses, and when I made the first move I repeatedly got ignored or got the excuse that "you live too far away" even when it was less than 100 miles and I was willing to do all the traveling.

I've basically come to the conclusion that I'm never going to have it. I beg of someone to prove me wrong on this.

I was 33 before I met the love of my life. That was 25 years ago.

It happens when you least expect it, especially when you decide to stop looking for what you think you want, and discover instead what you need.

I had pretty much given up hope. It turns out that I was also looking in all the wrong places. And also, it turned out that I had not been ready, emotionally and spiritually, to fully give myself to another.  My advice would be to stop trying so hard, and learn to share more. Love is a journey, not a destination. I had dozens of such "destinations" beforehand that ended because they were detours, and nothing more, nor did I yet possess the maturity to look outward instead of inward for someone who would help make me a whole person.  Best wishes.

[sinkspur]

I was 33 before I met the love of my life. That was 25 years ago.

It happens when you least expect it, especially when you decide to stop looking for what you think you want, and discover instead what you need.

I had pretty much given up hope. It turns out that I was also looking in all the wrong places. And also, it turned out that I had not been ready, emotionally and spiritually, to fully give myself to another.  My advice would be to stop trying so hard, and learn to share more. Love is a journey, not a destination. I had dozens of such "destinations" beforehand that ended because they were detours, and nothing more, nor did I yet possess the maturity to look outward instead of inward for someone who would help make me a whole person.  Best wishes.

One thing I also found was that, until I was comfortable being alone, with myself no woman was going to pay any attention. 

Don't chase them.  Be so confident and self-assured that they chase you.

[mirraflake]

Of course a women's column would call men lazy.

The fact is, when a man makes a huge emotional investment in a woman only to basically be given the friend zone treatment (or worse), over and over again, it makes a man feel subhuman and not want to do it anymore. Women of my generation are cruel.

Plus, when you get over a certain age—and that age is much younger than most people realize, try 22—the best women are already off the market. If you're 30 and still looking, you're going to have to either settle for less than you deserve (and even then you'll need a lot of luck to find that) or be alone for the rest of your life.

I have grown to totally hate the romantic process. I'm sick of the excuses I get for getting rejected. The outright lies (a woman once told me she planned on being alone the rest of her life, only to bring her new boyfriend into my place of work for her first date). The utter lack of respect for a man's needs, even when I strain and strive to meet my potential partners. The constant insinuation that I'm sexually harassing a woman when I try, and lazy when I don't.

I want desperately to be loved in return and to have a basic companionship. I pray to God daily for it. I've tried every person in a 10-mile radius, every one either didn't meet my relatively low standards or rejected me. I tried online dating, got no responses, and when I made the first move I repeatedly got ignored or got the excuse that "you live too far away" even when it was less than 100 miles and I was willing to do all the traveling.

I've basically come to the conclusion that I'm never going to have it. I beg of someone to prove me wrong on this.

A little constructive criticism.  I don't think it's the woman but YOU. 

Ask a close female friend, even a close female relative why you are turning off women.  You are a decent looking guy so it is not that.

Never discuss politics or religion until at least the 10th date
@jmyrlefuller

[Cripplecreek]

  Cuz they've all gone fishin'?

Or they want to.

Its really not complicated when it comes to middle aged men. In my case I'm not opposed to getting married again but I'm just very comfortably single. I don't have to run big decisions about my own life past anyone. I'm thinking about tearing a perfectly good house down because I want a new one. Its a big enough decision for 1 person let alone bringing another person into it.

[Frank Cannon]

A little constructive criticism.  I don't think it's the woman but YOU. 

Ask a close female friend, even a close female relative why you are turning off women.  You are a decent looking guy so it is not that.

Never discuss politics or religion until at least the 10th date
@jmyrlefuller

How in the hell do you know what he looks like?

[jmyrlefuller]

You're desperate and it shows.  Why not just be yourself and stop being on the hunt all the time.  I was 30 when I married and I just met my wife through work, very naturally.  There's a woman out there for you, but you're going to scare her off if you come across to her like you have in this post.

Relax and stop trying so hard.

That's the thing though—I don't. This was a rant of boiling over emotions that I only feel comfortable letting off here because I know most of you are much older than me. If anything, I'm extremely guarded about my feelings in front of women. I can build a friendship pretty easily, but try to get beyond that and it's impossible—I mean, I can't even get a date if there's even the hint of a romantic future. I invariably get turned down, which makes me physically sick to my stomach for days, which in turn has made me scared to death of even trying anymore. How is a guy supposed to show confidence with that kind of anxiety? Isn't there a single woman on this planet willing to ease a man's insecurities instead of use it as an excuse to make them worse?

I don't know why I'm so apparently repulsive.

[mirraflake]

How in the hell do you know what he looks like?

Uummm his avatar?
@Frank Cannon

[jmyrlefuller]

Uummm his avatar?
@Frank Cannon

You do realize that was sarcasm, right?

[roamer_1]

That's hilarious.

Only cuz it;s true... 

[mirraflake]

1.  You are a sweet guy and one day Miss Right will be there in front of you.

2.  The one thing you need to change (sorry) is the fear of asking.  Convince yourself that it does not matter if she turns you down.  Because it doesn't.  Many women are old school and will not ask the man.  So maybe Miss Right is waiting for you to ask and you are too hesitant ...

3.  Yes there are women who are kind and sensitive to a man's feelings.  You need to look elsewhere.  Your hunting ground is infested with...something...it sounds like.  Go to a larger church where you can meet more nice single women.

4.  Your feelings are perfectly normal for your personality type.  Some guys are very bold in these matters.  Some are more reserved.  Don't beat yourself up over your God given personality.  It will match up wonderfully well with the right woman.

Another possibility is he is only asking 9/10, 10/10 women.   I have seen that before. I still like my advice the best.  Ask a close female why no woman wants to be involvedvwith him. No one has the rejection he has without a underlying factor.
@ratpatrol
@jmyrlefuller

[Frank Cannon]

You do realize that was sarcasm, right?

I actually had no idea. Quite honestly I am not sure who the men and women are here as @RAT Patrol can attest to. As of now I am pretty sure 90% of the posters here are female from some of the battle of the sexes threads that have gone down.

I mostly read what folks have to say and don't think too far deeper than that. I've never known anyone who used their own likeness for their avatar....even though I had thought that Bigun was using his picture because the face matched the comments he posts. Very Wilfred Brimley.

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

You gotta get swagger jmfueller. Get some tats and a big biker beard.

[Frank Cannon]

No no no....NO!!  DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS ADVICE!!!!  LOL! 

WTF has a point.

[mirraflake]

I think @debrawiest uses her real picture as her avatar.  She is young and beautiful, @jmyrlefuller.  But I don't know if she is single.  And I certainly should not be playing matchmaker.  Just saying...  Some people use their real photos.  Many of the dog photos are actual pets, too.

@debrawiest  avatar photo is of Grace Kelly
@ratpatrol

[jmyrlefuller]

Another possibility is he is only asking 9/10, 10/10 women.   I have seen that before.

I can assure you that's not the case with me. The 9s and 10s around here are all off the market by high school graduation, and that's no exaggeration. (There were quite a few in college, but I never felt like college was a place where I could build something long-term and I didn't really focus on wanting this until after I graduated. My plan was to get a job in my field, then hopefully find love. I ended up failing in both regards; I have paying work, but it's not all that great.) Besides, I'd never really be comfortable dating someone that hot, simply because I'd be facing so much competition.

That's the major problem I face: where I live, there are so many more men than women. It always has been that way, and what few women are here date guys from out of town. I try dating out of town and, like I said, the standard excuse after a simple hello is "sorry, I'm looking for someone closer." I don't have that luxury, and I'm really not keen on totally uprooting everything and trying to effectively start over just to have the chance at this.

[jmyrlefuller]

We used to have a poster here, a woman almost exactly my age. I think someone got mouthy with her and ran her off, just as we were getting friendly. I'm still kind of annoyed about that.

[Frank Cannon]

I think @debrawiest uses her real picture as her avatar.  She is young and beautiful....

....until she drove off a cliff and burst into flames. I'm pretty sure that's Princess Grace of Monaco.

[jmyrlefuller]

Anyway, I'm sorry for hijacking this thread and making it about me. I just wanted to 1) rant and 2) give some perspective from an actual single guy.

[roamer_1]

.

You need focus, son. To many swingin' career chasers out there.

If she can't make good chili, cornbread, and real taters with brown gravy, pass her on by - she ain't looking for a man anyhow. If you say, "Lets go to the church social,' and she says, "what can I bring, should I bake a pie or something?" ... That one's a keeper. At least you know her mamma raised her right, and she's honed her skills...

And I'm only half kidding.

[sinkspur]

That's the thing though—I don't. This was a rant of boiling over emotions that I only feel comfortable letting off here because I know most of you are much older than me. If anything, I'm extremely guarded about my feelings in front of women. I can build a friendship pretty easily, but try to get beyond that and it's impossible—I mean, I can't even get a date if there's even the hint of a romantic future. I invariably get turned down, which makes me physically sick to my stomach for days, which in turn has made me scared to death of even trying anymore. How is a guy supposed to show confidence with that kind of anxiety? Isn't there a single woman on this planet willing to ease a man's insecurities instead of use it as an excuse to make them worse?

I don't know why I'm so apparently repulsive.

You're not repulsive.  But your feelings come through, even if you're guarded about them.  You really have to get to a place where you're not HUNGERING for a woman.  Seriously.  I know you have needs; we all do.  But go about your life and be as natural as you can.

In other words, be yourself.  There's an air to a person who's comfortable with him/her self.  And you can't fake it.  Women know when a guy's faking it because he comes across as faking being confident.

You have to do lots of self-talk.  Until you believe that you have no reason to be insecure, you won't get over that hurdle of coming across as insecure.

If I were you, I'd forget about women for a year or so.  Just enjoy being yourself, doing what you like to do (not going places where you think you'll find women) and THEY WILL FIND YOU. 

As Andy said upthread, love will come along when you least expect it, when you're not even looking for it.  And you will marvel at how easy it is.

[Luis Gonzalez]

Given that young men these days have the choice to marry either men or women, isn't the fact that they're opting to not marry at all actually a commentary on how the younger generations perceive matrimony in general?

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

Jmrlefueller could do the grizzly Adams look if he put on some pounds.

[Luis Gonzalez]

Anyway, I'm sorry for hijacking this thread and making it about me. I just wanted to 1) rant and 2) give some perspective from an actual single guy.

Jimmy, haven't you been paying attention?

You're doing it all wrong!

You gotta grab them by the p#$$y man!

You'll have a hot nude model wife and maybe even be POTUS!

[sinkspur]

I can assure you that's not the case with me. The 9s and 10s around here are all off the market by high school graduation, and that's no exaggeration. (There were quite a few in college, but I never felt like college was a place where I could build something long-term and I didn't really focus on wanting this until after I graduated. My plan was to get a job in my field, then hopefully find love. I ended up failing in both regards; I have paying work, but it's not all that great.) Besides, I'd never really be comfortable dating someone that hot, simply because I'd be facing so much competition.

That's the major problem I face: where I live, there are so many more men than women. It always has been that way, and what few women are here date guys from out of town. I try dating out of town and, like I said, the standard excuse after a simple hello is "sorry, I'm looking for someone closer." I don't have that luxury, and I'm really not keen on totally uprooting everything and trying to effectively start over just to have the chance at this.

My God, man. You use such negative language about yourself.  "never felt"  "all the hot women are off the market" "I failed in both regards" "not comfortable dating someone hot because of the competition."

You're telling yourself you're a loser. You have to stop that. That could be the reason you don't have the job you want.

Forget women.  Do things that make you feel good about yourself, that you can do well.  You've got a great vocabulary and can write gramatically, which is a helluva an accomplishment in this day.

Don't be in a hurry. You really can't force this.