Today's Toons 10/24/16

[pookie18]

 

 

 

 
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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters C & L:
 

 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 
Donald Trump roared into a tie with Hillary in Friday's Rasmussen Poll. Lewd sexist remarks no longer cost you the election, they rally your base. Hillary countered by naming Bill Clinton to be her future Surgeon General so that he'll have the legal right to see every woman in America naked.
 
The NFL reported a ten percent ratings drop believed caused by National Anthem protests by players. Some teams have adjusted. When the 49ers play in Buffalo today, the loudspeaker will play the National Anthem on every third down, thinking that Colin Kaepernick will hear it and take a knee.
 
Hillary Clinton cited Trump for being in the forefront of the Birther Movement five years ago that doubted President Obama's claim to be an American and a Christian. The president's father was Muslim and his mother was Methodist. That is why five times a day he answers the Call to Golf.
 
Donald Trump said the false sex allegations against him are getting far more media coverage than Hillary's e-mail revelations are getting. Life just isn't fair. Bernie Madoff is in prison for life after swindling Americans out of sixty-five billion dollars, and yet members of Congress remain free.
 
Michelle Obama ripped Donald Trump Thursday, accusing him of sexual assault for bragging in a private conversation about how easy women are for celebrities. The lewd sexist language just horrified her. She suffered a nasty flashback to all the rap stars she's applauded at the White House.
 
President Obama was revealed on an old CNN video Wednesday flaunting his erection inside his pants to female reporters on his campaign plane eight years ago. For eight years, CNN sat on the tape. It looked like a harmless prank, but after word got out, he was a shoo-in for the Kennedy Awards.
 
Daily Variety forecast record ratings for Wednesday's debate between Trump and Hillary. It is neck and neck. With three weeks to go, the number of women accusing Donald Trump of sexual assault is tied with the number of Hillary Clinton aides who have received immunity from prosecution.
 
Donald Trump angrily denied charges by eight women who went public accusing him of past episodes of sexually assaulting them or groping them Friday. That's the bad news. The good news is, Donald Trump just got an offer from Kraft to be the new commercial spokesman for Jell-O Pudding.
 
Donald Trump advisors targeted Pennsylvania, Florida, Ohio, Michigan and North Carolina as his path to victory. Campaign strategy can really backfire. Donald Trump pulled out of Virginia on Friday and then Virginia went straight to attorney Gloria Allred with the details of what happened.
 
WikiLeaks revealed e-mails showing that the White House, the Justice Department, the State Department and the media acted in collusion with Hillary's campaign to assist her nomination and eventual election to the presidency. What's the big surprise? Hillary always said it takes a village.
 
President Obama freed two hundred more federal inmates last week on top of the two hundred Guantanamo detainees and seven hundred federal inmates he previously freed. His legacy is now intact. American history books will show that Lincoln freed the slaves and Obama freed the prisoners.
 
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump will clash onstage for the third and final time in Las Vegas tonight and debate the issues. This election has been dragging on for eighteen months. By now, Americans have developed a warm spot for Hillary and Trump and millions of us wish they'd go there.
 
Hillary Clinton stayed at home for one week leading up to tonight's presidential debate in Las Vegas while Donald Trump campaigned non-stop. Everyone agrees Las Vegas is the perfect place to host the final debate between Hillary and Trump. The city is the world capital of bad choices in life.
 
Halloween Adventure retail store reports that the Donald Trump Halloween mask is outselling the Hillary Halloween mask by forty-to-one. There are millions of these masks out there now. This explains how Trump can be accused of groping so many women in so many places at the same time.
 
Fox News reported Friday that Donald Trump has pulled out of Virginia. You figure he didn't need a paternity suit. Attorney Gloria Allred sat next to Virginia Friday as Virginia described how Trump groped the Smokies, put his hand up the Potomac and took Richmond without her permission.
 
Fox News anchor Shepherd Smith defended former CEO Roger Ailes in an interview Monday, saying Ailes never pressured him to stay in the closet. It was the first time Smith publicly admitted he's gay. In other big surprises, Jesse Jackson admitted he was black and Yao Ming came out as tall.
 
Donald Trump and Hillary debated in Las Vegas Wednesday as People magazine accused him of propositioning their reporter and the Enquirer printed a witness's details of Hillary's lesbian trysts when she was First Lady. This presidential race hasn't hit rock bottom yet. We're still climbing.
 
Donald Trump sparred with President Obama Tuesday over Donald's claim that this election could be rigged by the Democrats. The voter verification is pretty tight. This will be the first election day in my life where you have to do two things at the polling station, hold your nose and vote.
 
Melania Trump gave an interview to Fox and Friends Monday and discussed Donald's locker-room talk with Billy Bush that was caught on tape eleven years ago and released last week. Melania said she blamed Bush for Trump's behavior. It proves that sometimes the jokes just write themselves.
 
The FBI said Hillary Clinton nabbed furniture and lamps from her Secretary of State office to decorate her DC home. She also did it when she left the White House. This explains why Las Vegas convention center workers were seen yesterday afternoon nailing the lectern to the debate stage.
 
The Hillary Clinton campaign decided Tuesday to pour two million dollars into TV commercial buys in Arizona, plus a million dollars in ad buys in Missouri and a million dollars in Indiana. Conversely, last weekend Donald Trump pulled out of Virginia. She was the housemaid on The Jeffersons.
 
The FBI revealed Hillary was so abusive to State Department security agents they made rookie agents protect her. Secret Service agents say Hillary threw ashtrays at them. This morning, the Wounded Warriors expanded their membership to cover the heroes wounded by Hillary over the years.
 
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton tried to rattle each other before Wednesday's debate with their invited guest list. Trump invited his supporter, President Obama's half-brother Malik. Hillary wanted to invite all the women Trump has groped but the Vegas venue only seats nineteen thousand.
 
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton squared off in their last debate Wednesday before nineteen thousand people at a Las Vegas basketball arena. It's the most negative campaign in memory. The latest Rasmussen Poll has Not Trump tied with Not Hillary for the presidency of No Longer America.
 
Donald Trump spent a good part of Wednesday's debate fending off attacks about his graphic language describing women to Billy Bush on Access Hollywood eleven years ago. It's not likely to be a problem if he is elected president. After Trump builds the wall, he plans to build a locker room.
 
-- Argus Hamilton
 
Donald Trump is telling his supporters the voter turnout will be manipulated by the Democrats on November 8th. Then again, this is coming from the guy who said, "Make sure you get out and vote November 28th."
 
No matter what happens on November 8th, or the 28th, or whenever the election is happening, Trump apparently has a contingency plan -- because now it seems Trump's son-in-law Jared Kushner is in talks to create a Trump media network. Could you imagine Trump being on your TV 24 hours a day? That would be like -- well, it would be like right now.
 
It means Billy Bush is going to be back on TV in no time.
 
This will probably be a news network. Trump News: It's for people who love the news but feel like it's not being yelled at them loud enough.
 
Yesterday Trump's devoted wife Melania gave an interview to Anderson Cooper where she defended Donald, saying that Billy Bush basically manipulated her husband into saying those things. Because if there's one thing we know about Donald Trump, he usually does exactly what people tell him to do.
 
Melania was standing by her husband. Well, actually she stands behind him. Otherwise he'll try to grab her you-know-where.
 
Responding to accusations of harassment, Melania said that she's seen many women try to slip Trump their phone numbers. Much like how Melania tried slipping Anderson Cooper a piece of paper that said "Please rescue me, my life is a prison."
 
At one point, Hillary Clinton even brought up how Trump said the Emmys were rigged because "Celebrity Apprentice" never won one. Which means the Emmy Award is the only woman who Trump hasn't grabbed.
 
Now, probably the weirdest thing Trump said during the evening was when he was talking about immigration, saying we have some "bad hombres" here. Bad hombres? First Melania Trump steals lines from Michelle Obama, now Trump is stealing lines from Clint Eastwood.
 
-- James Corden
 
The election continues to be insane. Ever since the tape of the Billy Bush Locker Bus came out, Trump has been fending off attacks like a woman meeting Donald Trump.
 
Donald Trump tweeted that the "election is absolutely rigged by the dishonest and distorted media pushing Crooked Hillary -- but also at many polling places. Sad!" Yes, even at polling places, the election is being rigged against Trump. I heard that on Nov. 8th, millions of "riggers" will be behind curtains in private booths, and with a secret ballot, collude to defeat Trump.
 
And why? They're doing it for the stickers. "I Rigged." I think that's what it says; I'm not entirely sure.
 
Trump has tweeted multiple times about the media rigging the election, and he's right. From day one, the media rigged this election -- in favor of Donald Trump. You can't turn on the TV without seeing Trump. He's like the Geico gecko, but more cartoonish.
 
On Saturday, Trump said that Hillary might be using drugs to help her performance in the debates. Remember what she said about her debate strategy: "When they go low, we get high."
 
Every day, we get another revelation about Clinton from WikiLeaks. Any more, and we're going to need WikiDepends.
 
It's been 11 days since we heard Donald Trump on the Grope-Town Express, and a lot of people have distanced themselves from Donald Trump -- at least one arm's length.
 
Last night, Melania explained who she really blames for Donald Trump's behavior. Yes, it was all Billy Bush's fault. Now I know why they were on a bus -- it's easier to throw Billy underneath it.
 
So, how did we get to the point where the fate of the American experiment rests in Donald Trump's tiny, whining, loser hands?
 
Of course, Hillary also had her moments. Here's what she said about her tax plans: "We are going to go where the money is." And she knows where the money is. It's where she gives her speeches.
 
-- Steven Colbert
 
Donald Trump, you really have to hand it to him, I don't think I've been this interested in a show since the first season of "Lost." Every week, a completely new twist. We've gone from Mexicans to Muslims, little hands to Lyin' Ted, Megyn Kelly to Melania's speech, Crooked Hillary's health to Billy Bush's bus. Now he's saying the election is rigged, even though it hasn't happened yet.
 
Trump spent the weekend campaigning and complaining. He's been cam-plaining.
 
As you know, Trump is being accused of sexual misconduct by a slew of women. Of course, that is a case of "he said" and "she said, she said, she said, she said, she said."
 
Every four years Scholastic News Magazine sponsors a mock election where kids from all over the country cast a vote for president. The results have been correct in every election since 1964 and this year Hillary Clinton won in a landslide; she beat Trump 52-35. The other 13 percent voted for SpongeBob.
 
Of course Trump took to Twitter to express his frustration. "Children are fat and disgusting."
 
Spending at Trump-brand properties is said to be down more than 16 percent from last year. New reports say travelers have been canceling vacations at Trump resorts and avoiding restaurants on Trump properties. Good news, sales of red baseball caps are through the roof.
 
We have a superhero on the show -- Benedict Cumberbatch is with us. He stars in the new Marvel movie "Dr. Strange." It's the story of a former neurosurgeon who gets drawn into a bizarre world he knows little to nothing about. It's based on the life of Dr. Ben Carson.
 
Donald Trump is not a self-deprecating guy. A lot of people believe the reason he got into politics is because President Obama roasted him at the White House Correspondents Dinner. If the cardinal starts making fun of him, he might try to run for Pope.
 
-- Jimmy Kimmel
 
 

[Smokin Joe]

Thanks, pookie!

[pookie18]

Thanks, pookie!

You're welcome, Smokin Joe!

[EC]

Cheers pookie. Wondering how many of the cartoonists have got their bottles of blood out for these last two weeks ....   

[Davidfxs]

Thank you Pookie have a great week

[Gefn]

Yay Pookie!

[Polly Ticks]

Thanks, Pookie.

Great 'toons, as always, and I always enjoy the Monday morning "In Case You Missed It" section.  Thanks for sorting through everything and bringing us the highlights. 

[pookie18]

Cheers pookie. Wondering how many of the cartoonists have got their bottles of blood out for these last two weeks ....   

Mornin', EC! Probably most of 'em...

[pookie18]

Thank you Pookie have a great week

My pleasure & the same to you, David!

[pookie18]

Yay Pookie!

Mornin', Freya!

[pookie18]

Thanks, Pookie.

Great 'toons, as always, and I always enjoy the Monday morning "In Case You Missed It" section.  Thanks for sorting through everything and bringing us the highlights.

You're welcome, as always, Polly Ticks! The comedians have a plethora of material...

[ricebug]

G'day, Pookie!!

[pookie18]

G'day, Pookie!!

G'day, Ricebug!

[Sarge]

Thanks Pookie!

God Bless America.

[pookie18]

Thanks Pookie!

God Bless America.

My pleasure, as ever & ditto, Sarge!