September 30th is International Translation Day Will someone translate this election, please?
*****
Translator gets 400 words to translate.
Client: How long will it take?
Translator: About a week.
Client: A whole week for just 400 words? God created the world in 6 days.
Translator: Then just take a look at this world and afterwards take a look at my translation.
*****
*****
Two translators on a ship are talking.
“Can you swim?” asks one.
“No” says the other, “but I can shout for help in nine languages.”
*****
*****
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”: –
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favor of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with the “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling k-an be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”‘s in the language is disgracful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaiining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!
*****
*****
Two cops are hanging around on a corner in the former East Germany shortly after the Wall fell.
Up ride two bicyclists from England, looking for directions.
"I don't speak German," one says to one of the cops, "Might you speak English?"
The cops shrug with incomprehension.
"Parlez vous francais," the biker says, non-plussed.
More shrugs.
"Parla Italiano?"
Shrugs
"Habla Espanol?"
Same thing. The guy even tries Portuguese and Latin, no luck.
Finally the bikers ride off, frustrated.
One cop looks at the other and says, "Hey, that guy spoke 6 languages!"
The first one shrugs one last time. "Yeah well, what good did it do him?"
*****
Um, I'll take the dish without the parsley
*****
Funny Translator - Sign Language*****
I’d rather not. *****
Funny Translator - She's fluent in 7 languages*****Something was lost in translation... 
*****
Wait....what?*****
Well, that's a waste 
*****
The place that cares 
*****
Translation with Subtitles*****
Well, no wonder.... 
*****
