Author Topic: Let Me Ask America a Question  (Read 3377 times)

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Offline Formerly Once-Ler

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #25 on: April 16, 2016, 12:37:37 am »
It's a rare gift to find a person on the interweb who you can duke it out with in one thread and then leave that behind when you move to the next thread and laugh and joke together.

You, and a few others here seem to have that ability.    Now those are the people I will remember.  A week later. A month later.  A year and more!

Knock, knock!

Wingnut

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #26 on: April 16, 2016, 01:00:03 am »

Offline Formerly Once-Ler

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #27 on: April 16, 2016, 01:37:25 am »

Who's There?

I knew it.  forgotten already :#@$%:

Wingnut

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #28 on: April 16, 2016, 01:40:51 am »
I knew it.  forgotten already :#@$%:

 You ass hole   LOL :silly:
« Last Edit: April 16, 2016, 01:41:31 am by Wingnut »

Online libertybele

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #29 on: April 16, 2016, 02:40:55 am »
Once does a mean Carol Channing rendition of Hello Dolly!  Just a heads Up Tracy......Don't get in his way when he is working his feathers..


www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWPtYsBVUPw
Romans 12:16-21

Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly, do not claim to be wiser than you are.  Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all.  If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all…do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Wingnut

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #30 on: April 16, 2016, 02:51:53 am »

Offline CaliGirl

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #31 on: April 16, 2016, 04:04:36 am »
Trump needs to stop whining. 

https://www.conservativereview.com/commentary/2016/04/yes-donald-colorado-did-vote-on-march-1

Yes, trump does need to stop whining! He certainly needs to grow up a lot!!!

Offline sinkspur

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #32 on: April 16, 2016, 04:11:13 am »
Yes, trump does need to stop whining! He certainly needs to grow up a lot!!!

He's 70.  This is it. What you see of Trump is all you'll ever see.
Roy Moore's "spiritual warfare" is driving past a junior high without stopping.

A-Lert

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #33 on: April 16, 2016, 04:18:51 am »
He's 70.  This is it. What you see of Trump is all you'll ever see.

Nah, President Trump is in the wings.

Offline Frank Cannon

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #34 on: April 16, 2016, 05:26:45 am »
In an effort to keep this thread stupid....

A grasshopper goes into a bar
Bartender says "We got a drink named after you, buddy."
Grasshopper says "You got a drink named Murray?".
« Last Edit: April 16, 2016, 05:27:44 am by Frank Cannon »

A-Lert

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #35 on: April 16, 2016, 05:37:59 am »
Helping Frank to keep the thread stupid.

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

Offline Formerly Once-Ler

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #36 on: April 16, 2016, 05:47:28 am »
A black, a jew, and a homosexual walk into a bar.  The bartender says "What is this?  Some kind of a joke?"

A-Lert

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #37 on: April 16, 2016, 05:56:44 am »

Duck walks into a bar…

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, “hang on! You’re a duck.”

“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.

“And you can talk!” exclaims the barman.

“I see your ears are working, too,” says the Duck.  “Now if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?”

“Certainly, sorry about that” says the barman as he pulls the duck’s pint.  “It ‘s just we don’t get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?”

“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck.  “I’m a plasterer.”

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him “you’re with the circus, aren’t you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!”

“Sounds marvelous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Get him to give me a call.”

So the next day when the Duck comes into the pub the barman says, “hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.”

“I’m always looking for the next job,” says the duck.  “Where is it?”

“At the circus,” says the barman.

“The circus?” repeats the duck.

“That’s right,” replies the barman.

“The circus?” the duck asks again. “With the big tent?”

“Yeah,” the barman replies.

“With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?” says the duck.

“Of course,” the barman replies.

“And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” persists the duck.

“That’s right!” says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ..

“What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer??!”

Wingnut

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #38 on: April 16, 2016, 04:27:50 pm »
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look at them and says, "Alright look, I'll serve you.....
But don't you freaking start anything"

Offline Weird Tolkienish Figure

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #39 on: April 16, 2016, 05:05:39 pm »
Quote
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?” Most of the hands go up. “And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?” About half the hands stay up. “Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?” Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd. “Gosh, that’s pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh…, been *intimate* with a ghost?” One hand stays up.  The speaker blinks. “Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?” The fellow suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry,… I thought you said goat!”

Wingnut

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #40 on: April 16, 2016, 05:19:36 pm »
A Patient asked his physician after his colonoscopy: "Hey Doc, could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

Offline EasyAce

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #41 on: April 16, 2016, 07:14:32 pm »
Portland Hoffa, after telling a modest joke: I like to start with a laugh.
Fred Allen, her husband in real life: It would be better if you started with a joke.


"The question of who is right is a small one, indeed, beside the question of what is right."---Albert Jay Nock.

Fake news---news you don't like or don't want to hear.

HonestJohn

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #42 on: April 16, 2016, 07:21:08 pm »
Anyone notice how Trump seems to be the personification of Brawndo, the Thirst Mutilator?

He even says the same things.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOMPk1N2RiY

(see 0:57 and on)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbxq0IDqD04

---

(see his and his supporter's rage)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxieMOdo6IU

(last one)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru6p5NLXxvY
« Last Edit: April 16, 2016, 07:24:54 pm by HonestJohn »

A-Lert

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #43 on: April 16, 2016, 07:23:11 pm »
Guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A-holes" Man at the end of the bar says" I object to that remark". Guy says "Why, are you a lawyer?" Man says "No, I'm an A-hole"

Offline flowers

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #44 on: April 16, 2016, 07:56:36 pm »
Those jokes almost deserve their own thread.....@mystery-ak  @AbaraXas   :laugh:
« Last Edit: April 16, 2016, 07:56:59 pm by flowers »


Wingnut

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #45 on: April 16, 2016, 09:15:59 pm »
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?"

Past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2016, 09:17:41 pm by Wingnut »

Wingnut

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #46 on: April 16, 2016, 09:20:29 pm »
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...Then I was petrified.

A-Lert

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #47 on: April 16, 2016, 09:20:57 pm »
 Ole goes to a bar to meet his friend, Sven. He spies Sven sittin' at da bar, with a dog underneath his chair. Ole says, "Hey, Sven, does your dog bite?" "No, Ole," says Sven, "he don't. "Well, kin I pet da dog?" "Sure, says Sven."Ole reaches down to pet the dog, and the dog bites him on the hand! "Hey," says Ole, "why'd yer dog bite me?!" "Oh," says Ole, "that ain't my dog."

A-Lert

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Re: Let Me Ask America a Question
« Reply #48 on: April 16, 2016, 09:21:59 pm »
 An Irishman walks by a bar...it could happen