Ridiculous News of the Day

[Wingnut]

We can shoot your wife and frame your mother-in-law. If you want we can hang them too!


Funny ad Banned by the PC Poilice.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3504544/Joke-slogan-shooting-wife-banned.html

It was intended to be a light-hearted joke about marriage and mothers-in-law.  But an Australian picture frame service's slogan stating 'We can shoot your wife and frame your mother-in-law. If you want we can hang them too' has been banned.

The Advertising Standards Bureau ruled that Fantastic Framing's advert was 'not funny' and breached standards because of the way it portrayed violence.

A number of complaints were made about the Sydney-based service by people who found the advert 'sexist and violent'.

But Fantastic Framing said they were 'surprised' about the backlash because so many of their customers had said it was 'funny' and 'smart'. 'We are very surprised to get this email but more than happy to help and explain it,' the service said, according to documents.

'The reaction we get from our customers that it is very funny and it is relating to marriage and picture frames. Lots of people came to us and said 'Funny we like it ... very smart.

'There is no bad intention for this advertising it is purely a joke which relate to marriage and picture frames.'

The advertising bureau noted that the slogan was 'clearly intended to be a humorous play on words'.

But it found that the 'intended humour has worn off' because of the high level of community concern about violence towards women.

'The majority of the Board acknowledged that the advertiser's intent was to inject humour in to their advertising but considered that making a joke about using a gun or hanging a person would not be found funny by most members of the community,' the ruling stated.

Comedian Austen Tayshus told the Daily Telegraph that it was political correctness gone mad.

'Whenever you use irony, satire, anything like that, you always depend on whether people have the capacity to understand that. Unfortunately people are stupid,' he said.

[EC]

Man Arrested For Not Returning Rented VHS

A man has revealed he was arrested while taking his daughter to school after failing to return a VHS movie he rented in 2001.

James Meyers, 37, posted a video on his YouTube channel describing the moment he was pulled over on Tuesday in Concord, North Carolina, for a broken taillight.

But after officers ran his licence he was asked to step out of the vehicle and informed there was a warrant for his arrest from 2002 for not returning the movie Freddy Got Fingered to a rental store in Kannapolis.
FILE PHOTO OF TOM GREEN AND DREW BARRYMORE.

Tom Green, pictured in 2001, was married briefly to Drew Barrymore

Meyers said he initially thought the officer was joking.

He was allowed to drop his daughter off at school and go to work after agreeing to turn himself in to police later that day, but was then arrested.

He said: “The officer said “I don”t know how to tell you this but there”s a warrant out for your arrest from 2002. Apparently you rented the movie Freddy Got Fingered and never returned it”.”

The rental store has since closed, but Meyers has been given a court date of 27 April. He could face a fine of up to $200 if convicted.

Tom Green, who starred in and wrote Freddy Got Fingered, said he would help out Meyers financially.

The 44-year-old comedian offered to help after one of Meyers” friends shared his story on Twitter.

He told the New York Daily News: “If it”s 200 bucks of course I”ll pay it for him, just for the principle of the thing.”

https://reportuk.org/2016/03/24/man-arrested-for-not-returning-rented-vhs/

[Free Vulcan]

The law is an ass.

[EC]

Speaking of asses ....

Miss BumBum model whose implants “rotted” now performs exorcisms after finding God

Andressa Urach fell into a septic-shock induced coma last year as her thigh fillers began to rot.

And it appears the life-threatening experience has enlightened the 29-year-old Brazilian babe.

The former model has ditched her raunchy antics for exorcisms, hopes of being an African missionary and the word of God.

Andressa shot to fame after coming second on the popular TV Competition Miss BumBum – showcasing the nation”s best bottoms.

She then famously appeared stark naked outside the Portuguese football team”s hotel during the World Cup, with her body painted in the colours of Cristiano Ronaldo”s team shirt.

The buxom babe is even alleged to have had a fling with the Real Madrid ace.

The former model said: “I never believed in God, I was full of anger, of my mother, my father, my abuser.

“For many years I wanted to kill him, I wanted revenge.”

She adds: “I sold my body for seven years. I once slept with seven men in one day.

“All I wanted was money, the good life. But I started to love money and would do anything to get it.

“I liked to feel the wads of notes in my hands. It was an addiction and I”d lost any notion of limits.”

But Andressa said she has now swapped selfies for salvation as she devotes herself to God.

She told the Mail: “I”ve asked forgiveness from all of the people I ever wronged.

“I”ve forgiven my abuser and all those I hated. And the most difficult thing of all, I”ve managed to forgive myself.

“I don”t care anymore what the world thinks of me. I know that God loves me.”

She now performs exorcisms on female inmates seeking redemption.

And the Celebrity preacher has dreams of becoming a missionary in Africa.

She revealed: “If God calls me to be a missionary, here I am.

“I have everything, luxury, comfort, a Porsche, but my pleasure now lies in helping others.

“I would give it all up to go and do God”s work, I would love to go to Africa.”

Andressa also aims to convert celebrities to the word of God – starting with Cristiano Ronaldo.

She said: ”I would like him to read my book, I think it would touch his heart and maybe he would come to forgive me too.

“My prayer is that he comes to know God like I do.”

https://reportuk.org/2016/03/26/miss-bumbum-model-whose-implants-rotted-now-performs-exorcisms-after-finding-god/

[EC]

Orgy being held in Kent village to raise money for charity

There are plenty of ways to raise money for good causes.

Traditionally, people have gone for cake sales, coffee mornings, or – if they’re feeling more energetic – running a marathon.

But one club has thought of a novel, and energetic, way of raising cash for Macmillan Cancer Support.

The Sun reports that the Eureka club, in Kent, is holding a giant orgy.

Yes, you read that right.

The club will charge £25 entry to the event, with £5 from each fee going to the good cause.

It’s an intriguing way of helping charity (Picture: Getty)

The private estate, which holds regular fetish nights,  is based in Fawkham in Kent.

Its fundraising event is being held on the May 29 Bank Holiday weekend, and is open to couples and singles.

If the orgy isn’t enough to get you reaching for your wallet, it will feature a live band as well.

https://reportuk.org/2016/03/26/orgy-being-held-in-kent-village-to-raise-money-for-charity/

I love my country sometimes. 

[Free Vulcan]

Well hell, a live band? Now we're talkin'!

 

[EC]

Man jailed for sending exgirlfriend a gun emoji

A man has been jailed for sending a gun emoji to his ex-girlfriend.

Bilal Azougagh, 22, was sentenced to six months (with three months suspended) in prison for sending her the emoji.

The small gun icon which accompanied a text message which was perceived as a ‘death threat in the form of an image’ by a court in Valence, France.

Azougagh, of Pierelatte, admitted sending the message containing the gun emoji in the summer of 2015.

https://reportuk.org/2016/03/31/man-jailed-for-sending-exgirlfriend-a-gun-emoji/

[Smokin Joe]

A penis line-up? That's beyond ridiculous, that's bizarre.

How would you tell which ones were lawyers?


Oh, neckties...

[Bill Cipher]

How would you tell which ones were lawyers?


Oh, neckties...

[Free Vulcan]

Florida man catches 400-pound Goliath grouper using a wrench

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/florida-man-catches-400-pound-goliath-grouper-wrench-article-1.2613055

A number-11 wrench proved to be more useful for fishing than as an actual tool.

On a fishing trip, Ryan Hein in St. Petersburg wrangled a 400-pound Goliath grouper using the tiny wrench as a lure, without any fancy equipment.

“I was just looking for a way to make a jig without spending so much money,” Hein told WFTS.

Ryan Hein of St. Petersburg, Florida shows how he caught a 400-pound Goliath grouper using a number 11 wrench as a lure.

So instead of spending up to $20 for the bait, he rigged together the wrench with two hooks for his fishing rod.

Hein said he’s never used the wrench, as most mechanics find the tool useless.

Ryan Hein said he originally made the wrench-lure because he did not want to spend too much money on a jig.

30 miles off shore, the number-11 wrench found another role after it attracted and hooked the massive Goliath grouper.

“I knew it was a big fish immediately,” Hein told the local station. “I had no control, just holding on while the fish just went wherever it wanted to go.”

He reeled in the monster-sized fish and took a photo with it before releasing it back into the water, since Goliath groupers are illegal to harvest, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission’s laws.

The wrench ended up helping Hein catch several more fish before it was eventually lost.

Finding a new purpose for his previously obsolete wrench inspired Hein to throw together another makeshift lure, this time with a larger number-14 wrench.

He’s also planning to make more lures using forks and butter-knives.

---

Hellz yeah! Git-r-done! 'Merica!

[sinkspur]

http://laughingsquid.com/how-the-popular-expression-elvis-has-left-the-building-originally-came-about/?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=G-File%2004222016&utm_term=GFile

How the Popular Expression ‘Elvis Has Left the Building’ Originally Came About

by Lori Dorn at 11:33 am on April 12, 2016

In the latest episode of the fascinating series Today I Found Out, host Simon Whistler explains how the term “Elvis has left the building” came about and why it became so incredibly popular. Using information from a post by Eddie Deezen, Whistler also explained who originally coined the term (Horace Logan) and who made it popular (Al Dvorin).

In an attempt to stop people leaving, and let everyone know there would be no chance of seeing Elvis outside, announcer Horace “Hoss” Logan said “All right, all right, Elvis has left the building. I’ve told you absolutely straight up to this point. You know that. He has left the building. He left the stage and went out the back with the policeman and he is now gone… Please take your seats”… It wasn’t until 1972 that it really hit the mainstream thanks to Elvis’ Madison Square Garden concert, which resulted in the album Elvis as Recorded at Madison Square Garden. The album peaked at #11 on the Billboard charts and has sold well over 3 million copies to date. Most pertinent to this article, the record includes an “End Theme” track where you can hear Dvorin stating “Elvis has left the building. Thank you and good night,” exposing many who’d never gone to an Elvis concert to this little catch-phrase.

[geronl]

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/04/15/michigan-couple-threatened-with-jail-time-for-overdue-library-books.html

AKA: County government trying to gouge couple over a Dr Seuss book


Michigan couple threatened with jail time for overdue library books


Published April 15, 2016 Associated Press
Facebook1329 Twitter67   livefyre1 Email Print

TECUMSEH, Mich. –   A judge told a Michigan couple they could land in jail for up to 93 days and face a maximum $500 fine for failing to return a novel and a Dr. Seuss book borrowed from the local public library.

Cathy and Melvin Duren appeared in Lenawee County court on Thursday to each face a misdemeanor charge of failure to return rental property. They owe about $35 in late fees for "The Rome Prophecy," borrowed in April, 2015. They lost a Dr. Seuss book their teenage son borrowed for their granddaughter in July, 2014.

"I can't image going to jail over it, but I certainly will fight these charges because I'm not guilty," Cathy Duren said.

Although the couple admitted they were negligent in returning the books, they think it's unfair to each be charged a $105 "diversion fee" to the Lenawee County Economic Crimes Unit in addition to fines owed to the Tecumseh Public Library, WXYZ-TV reported.

In December, the Durens received a letter advising them to return the books and pay the fees, as well as the replacement costs if they couldn't find the books. The letter also informed them that they could be charged with a crime.

In January, the couple was able to find and return "The Rome Prophecy," but they couldn't locate the Dr. Seuss book.

Cathy Duren sent a $55 money order to the prosecutor's office to cover the late fees and replacement costs for the lost book. But Cathy Duren said her money order was refused because she and her husband declined to pay the additional $210 in diversion fees to the Lenawee County prosecutor's crime unit.

Cathy Duren said she feels that she's being extorted by the prosecutor's office.

The Durens had to pay $100 bond to avoid going to jail last Friday when they were served with arrest warrants.

The couple said they probably will never check out a library book again.

[uglybiker]

https://www.rt.com/usa/337987-cia-explosives-school-bus/


CIA leaves explosives on school bus borrowed for training



For at least two days a school bus in northern Virginia has been carrying students with explosive material hidden in its engine compartment. The explosives fell out of a container, which was used by the CIA for training last week.
“During the exercise, explosive training material was inadvertently left by the CIA K-9 unit in one of the buses used in the exercise,” the CIA said in a statement. The agency attested that the explosives were "incredibly stable" and “benign” and didn’t put anyone in danger.

The explosive was discovered on Wednesday during a routine maintenance check. It had been unnoticed for nearly a week since March 24.

More at link.

[TomSea]

Royal Mail may ban deliveries over 'mail snatching' cat
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-bristol-36157538

[Free Vulcan]

NYC hospital probed after patient catches fire during surgery

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2016/05/02/hospital-probed-after-patient-catches-fire-during-surgery.html

Published May 02, 2016 New York Post

State investigators slammed NYU Langone Medical Center for lapses in safety procedures and communications that resulted in an operating-room fire while a patient was undergoing surgery, The Post has learned.

Probers cited a “communications failure between the surgeon and anesthesiologist,” who wasn’t aware a certain instrument would be used “in the presence of oxygen,” according to the state Health Department’s report on the 2014 blaze which was obtained by The Post under a Freedom of Information Law request.

“It was evident that the hospital failed to provide surgical services that conformed to current standards of practice,” the report said.

It found that NYU Langone was “not in substantial compliance” with federal regulations governing surgery and anesthesia.

The DOH inspected the hospital and declared an “immediate jeopardy situation” on Dec. 30, 2014, because of the lapses.

[Frank Cannon]

Man Arrested For Not Returning Rented VHS

A man has revealed he was arrested while taking his daughter to school after failing to return a VHS movie he rented in 2001.

James Meyers, 37, posted a video on his YouTube channel describing the moment he was pulled over on Tuesday in Concord, North Carolina, for a broken taillight.

But after officers ran his licence he was asked to step out of the vehicle and informed there was a warrant for his arrest from 2002 for not returning the movie Freddy Got Fingered to a rental store in Kannapolis.
FILE PHOTO OF TOM GREEN AND DREW BARRYMORE.

Tom Green, pictured in 2001, was married briefly to Drew Barrymore

Meyers said he initially thought the officer was joking.

He was allowed to drop his daughter off at school and go to work after agreeing to turn himself in to police later that day, but was then arrested.

He said: “The officer said “I don”t know how to tell you this but there”s a warrant out for your arrest from 2002. Apparently you rented the movie Freddy Got Fingered and never returned it”.”

The rental store has since closed, but Meyers has been given a court date of 27 April. He could face a fine of up to $200 if convicted.

Tom Green, who starred in and wrote Freddy Got Fingered, said he would help out Meyers financially.

The 44-year-old comedian offered to help after one of Meyers” friends shared his story on Twitter.

He told the New York Daily News: “If it”s 200 bucks of course I”ll pay it for him, just for the principle of the thing.”

https://reportuk.org/2016/03/24/man-arrested-for-not-returning-rented-vhs/

Outrageous! Tom Greene is the one who should be arrested for making that piece of garbage.

[Free Vulcan]

Australia hoping herpes will control carp population

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2016/05/02/australia-hoping-herpes-will-control-carp-population.html

The Australian government is giving carp herpes.

Science Minister Christopher Pyne called the plan to eradicate about 95 percent of European carp in the country’s river system “carp-aggedon,” ABC reported.

“It affects the European carp by attacking their kidneys, their skin, their gills and stopping them breathing effectively,” Pyne said. ‘They have the virus for a week before they show any symptoms and it suddenly kills them within 24 hours.”..

[Smokin Joe]

Australia hoping herpes will control carp population

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2016/05/02/australia-hoping-herpes-will-control-carp-population.html

The Australian government is giving carp herpes.

Science Minister Christopher Pyne called the plan to eradicate about 95 percent of European carp in the country’s river system “carp-aggedon,” ABC reported.

“It affects the European carp by attacking their kidneys, their skin, their gills and stopping them breathing effectively,” Pyne said. ‘They have the virus for a week before they show any symptoms and it suddenly kills them within 24 hours.”..

I'm not going to ask how they are giving carp herpes. Nope, nope, nope :nometalk:

[Hoodat]

The patient, known only by his surname of Yan, said he had tried to remove his piles with the knife in his dorm when the blade got caught in his rectum, reportedPeople's Daily Online

Rectum?  Damn near killed 'em!

[Wingnut]

Rectum?  Damn near killed 'em!

That is a great old joke Punch Line! 

[andy58-in-nh]

Quote from: EC on October 08, 2015, 11:05:23 AM

The patient, known only by his surname of Yan, said he had tried to remove his piles with the knife in his dorm when the blade got caught in his rectum, reportedPeople's Daily Online

Quote from: Hoodat on Today at 01:33:11 PM
        Rectum?  Damn near killed 'em!

Confucius say: Man who try to remove hemorrhoids with knife not too sharp.

[TomSea]

http://www.voanews.com/media/photogallery/may-11-2016-day-in-photos/3326074.html

May 11th photos of the day, rather than post them since they are so big;

Caption of one: "Indian father Mohinder Singh Gill, 79, and his wife Daljinder Kaur, 70, hold their newborn baby boy, Arman, at their home in Amritsar. Daljinder Kaur gave birth to a boy last month following two years of IVF treatment with her husband at a fertility clinic in the northern state of Haryana. "

Last photo on page: "

Indian activists from the right-wing organization Hindu Sena perform Hindu fire rituals in support of U.S. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump, in New Delhi. "

Well, maybe that last photo is worth posting.


Note, how they put the red dot (I don't know the name) on his forehead?

Full link to today's photos of the day: http://www.voanews.com/media/photogallery/may-11-2016-day-in-photos/3326074.html

[geronl]

That is a great old joke Punch Line! 

BRD!

"Bloody Rectum Debris"

[Free Vulcan]

Two Dead After Cemetery Brawl in Moscow

MOSCOW (AP) — A violent brawl Saturday at a Moscow cemetery involving about 200 people in an apparent turf war left three people dead and 23 others hospitalized, police and health officials said.

Those in the brawl fired guns and used shovels, shovel handles, steel bars and baseball bats against their opponents, Russian news reports said.

Two of those who died were hit by a car driven by someone trying to flee the scene, Moscow police spokeswoman Sofia Khotina told the Interfax news agency. She said the three people in the car, who were armed with pistols, were among more than 50 people detained by police.

The city health department said another person also was killed and four of the 23 hospitalized were in serious condition.

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/3f0ad3d070144d939ea0a066f1cec6ca/moscow-cemetery-brawl-leaves-2-dead-10-wounded

[EC]

Russian voter registration is rough.