Author Topic: Ridiculous News of the Day  (Read 528480 times)

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Offline mountaineer

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #775 on: May 03, 2017, 11:31:07 am »
I know there's a "choking" joke in here somewhere.
Quote
Report: Oregon Man Jailed, Accused Of Sexually Assaulting Chicken
May 3, 2017 7:13 AM

JACKSON COUNTY, Ore. (KDKA) – An Oregon man is facing charges after he allegedly sexually assaulted a chicken.

According to CBS affiliate KVAL, Joshua Woltman, 27, was arrested this week.

Woltman allegedly, “unlawfully and for the purpose of arousing and gratifying the sexual desire of a person [touched or contacted] the sex organs of a chicken.”

He is facing a list of charges including, sexual assault of an animal and public indecency. He is also facing charges for violating the terms of his probation for possession of meth.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2017, 01:23:16 pm by MOD4 »
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rangerrebew

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #776 on: May 03, 2017, 12:09:27 pm »
If a democrat controlled loony bin like Oregon believes you can change your gender anytime you feel like it, why can't a person change his species when he/she/xer/it wants?  All he has to do in Oregon is claim he was a chicken for a day. :silly:
« Last Edit: May 03, 2017, 01:23:32 pm by MOD4 »

Offline driftdiver

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #777 on: May 03, 2017, 12:42:06 pm »
« Last Edit: May 03, 2017, 01:23:47 pm by MOD4 »
Fools mock, tongues wag, babies cry and goats bleat.

Offline Hondo69

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #778 on: May 03, 2017, 01:19:07 pm »
I needed a good chuckle this morning, thanks.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2017, 01:24:06 pm by MOD4 »

Wingnut

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #779 on: May 03, 2017, 01:32:48 pm »
I know there's a "choking" joke in here somewhere.
:nometalk:

Offline bigheadfred

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #780 on: May 03, 2017, 11:48:26 pm »
:nometalk:
@mountaineer

I ain't skeered Wingy. The age-old question.

Which came first?????

She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men to fight and kill their brothers without thought of Love or God. Ken Hensley

Wingnut

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #781 on: May 03, 2017, 11:52:33 pm »
@mountaineer

I ain't skeered Wingy. The age-old question.

Which came first?????
:nometalk:  Wingy don't lay that.

Offline EC

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #782 on: May 07, 2017, 01:45:22 pm »
The Metro comes through once more, after a short dry spell.

Elderly deaf man fined £85 for constantly playing porn too loud

An elderly man who struggles with his hearing has reportedly been fined £85 fine after continuously terrorising his neighbours with loud porn. 

The man, who has only been identified as a man over 75, allegedly made his neighbours’ lives hell by watching porn films with the volume turned all the way up at his home in Hennef, Germany.

His neighbours, a couple in their mid-sixties, said they had been so put off by the sexual noises from next door, they could no longer watch their favourite series in the afternoon.

They had already reached a settlement with the man in November 2015 before a district court in Bonn after the neighbours took the elderly pensioner to court.

More: http://metro.co.uk/2017/05/06/elderly-deaf-man-fined-85-for-constantly-playing-porn-too-loud-6619695/
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Offline mountaineer

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #783 on: May 07, 2017, 05:04:54 pm »
No earphones in Hennef?

Knock yourself out, Franz.
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Offline EC

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #784 on: May 08, 2017, 10:31:39 pm »
Driver who armed himself with a bat in road rage attack instantly regrets it

Getting angry because of someone’s driving is never wise – and it will almost always end in tears.

Which is exactly what happened to this passenger, who objected to the driver behind him sounding his horn.

He got out of the car, armed himself with a baseball bat and stormed over to the car behind to confront the offender, before swinging back the bat and smashing up the right wing.

But the driver in the car behind did not take well to his car being smashed up so got out and reacted with equal violence and ferocity.

With a single punch he knocked out the guy with the baseball bat then took on the baseball bat-wielding man’s passenger who had, perhaps foolishly, got out to (belatedly) defend his friend.

Meanwhile, the people in the car at the back of the line record the whole thing while calling for police and ambulance crews to come and help.

Moral of this story? Life’s too short for road rage.

Video (59 seconds): http://metro.co.uk/2017/05/08/driver-who-armed-himself-with-a-bat-in-road-rage-attack-instantly-regrets-it-6622811/
« Last Edit: May 08, 2017, 10:32:04 pm by EC »
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Wingnut

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #785 on: May 09, 2017, 12:11:14 am »
I'm not saying it is fake...but it is fake.

Offline Cyber Liberty

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #786 on: May 09, 2017, 12:36:16 am »
I'm not saying it is fake...but it is fake.

I don't know about that, but it seems like another normal day in Tempe.
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Offline bigheadfred

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #787 on: May 09, 2017, 11:14:41 am »
I don't know about that, but it seems like another normal day in Tempe.

Everyone in Tempe is batty. Nice.
She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men to fight and kill their brothers without thought of Love or God. Ken Hensley

Offline EC

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #788 on: May 09, 2017, 07:51:24 pm »
Cow sex suspect hunted by police helicopter

Police scrambled a helicopter in a bid to track down a man suspected of committing a sex act on a cow.

The suspect was reportedly seen interfering with the farm animal near Denham Way, in Maple Cross, Hertfordshire, on Saturday morning.

Despite the aerial search, officers were unable to locate him after they were called at 07:18 BST, the St Albans and Harpenden Review reported.

Hertfordshire Police said the cow was unhurt.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-39859134

Slow day for the rozzers, I guess.
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Wingnut

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #789 on: May 09, 2017, 08:31:50 pm »
Mr. Dick Chit Nyi Nyi Chitty, 34, of McLean, VA was arrested and charged with Bank robbery today.

McLean Wells Fargo Bank Robber Charged

https://patch.com/virginia/mclean/wells-fargo-bank-robber-arrested-mclean


Offline Cyber Liberty

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #790 on: May 09, 2017, 08:44:39 pm »
Mr. Dick Chit Nyi Nyi Chitty, 34, of McLean, VA was arrested and charged with Bank robbery today.

McLean Wells Fargo Bank Robber Charged

https://patch.com/virginia/mclean/wells-fargo-bank-robber-arrested-mclean

You're been up all night binge watching Monty Python's Flying Circus again, haven't you?
For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
I will NOT comply.
 
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Wingnut

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #791 on: May 09, 2017, 08:58:23 pm »
You're been up all night binge watching Monty Python's Flying Circus again, haven't you?

Sometime...you just can't make this Chit up my fellow Knight.

Offline corbe

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #792 on: May 10, 2017, 07:50:14 pm »

2 Women Arrested After One Calls 911 On Herself For Drunk Driving


Police: A woman who called 911 on herself said her friend would not "comply" with her.

  By Bryan Kirk (Patch Staff) -      May 10, 2017 12:19 pm ET     



Marissa Ann Sluss (left) is charged with driving while intoxicated. Hannah Marie Webb (right) is charged with public intoxication. (Image: Friendswood Police)

FRIENDSWOOD, TX — Two Webster women are facing charges after one of the women called police to report she was too drunk to drive.

According to police, 25-year old Marissa Ann Sluss called 911 and and told police she was unsafe to drive her car because she was intoxicated, and that her friend, 20-year old Hannah Marie Webb, was also too drunk to drive.


<..snip..>

https://patch.com/virginia/ashburn/s/g49r4/2-women-arrested-after-one-calls-911-on-herself-for-drunk-driving

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Wingnut

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #793 on: May 10, 2017, 08:04:33 pm »
"she wasn't complying"?    She should have been pliable  with all the alcohol in her!

Offline Cripplecreek

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #794 on: May 10, 2017, 10:40:13 pm »
Man with vehicle fetish sentenced to treatment and probation

SAGINAW, MI -- The 26-year-old man with a self-professed fetish for rough-running cars will avoid prison time and instead receive mental health and sex offender treatment, along with five years probation.

Jordan Haskins was sentenced Monday, May 8, on eight felonies in two separate auto incidents -- one late last year and one early in 2017.

Haskins is a habitual offender with a criminal history of multiple incidents involving a fetish he refers to as "cranking." The act entails removing a vehicle's spark plug wires to make the vehicle run roughly to help reach sexual self-gratification.


http://www.mlive.com/news/saginaw/index.ssf/2017/05/man_with_cranking_fetish_gets.html#incart_most-read_news_article

There is some kind of joke here about cold cranking amps but damned if I'm going to try and find it.

BTW the guy is a former GOP candidate for the michigan house.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrUt7B1P6XU
« Last Edit: May 10, 2017, 10:45:18 pm by Cripplecreek »

Offline Cripplecreek

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #795 on: May 10, 2017, 11:00:19 pm »
When a man loves a Chevy,
Can't keep his mind on nothin' else,
He'd change the world for the good thing he's found.
If she is bad, he can't see it,
She can do no wrong,

Offline TomSea

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #796 on: May 15, 2017, 12:35:55 am »

Offline Cripplecreek

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #797 on: May 15, 2017, 11:04:38 am »
Pastor Tries To Walk On Water Like Jesus; Gets Eaten Alive By Crocodiles Instead

A pastor who tried to walk on water like Jesus died recently after being eaten by crocodiles.
Featured Image VIA

Jonathan Mthethwa from the Saint of the Last Days Church, attempted to prove to his congregation that he could reenact the famous Biblical moment. Unfortunately, he decided to try his luck in a river known simply as Crocodile River. What did he think was going to happen?

According to local newspaper The Herald Zimbabwe, Mthethwa walked into the water where he was fully submerged. He then attempted to ascend above the water to start walking, but his attempt was cut short when three crocodiles appeared out of nowhere to start munching on him.


http://www.sickchirpse.com/pastor-walk-on-water-jesus-eaten-crocodiles-instead/


Offline mountaineer

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #798 on: May 15, 2017, 11:10:01 am »
He then attempted to ascend above the water to start walking, but his attempt was cut short when three crocodiles appeared out of nowhere to start munching on him.
For my next trick, I'll be swallowed like Jonah by a great fish. Er, crocodile.
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Offline Smokin Joe

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Re: Ridiculous News of the Day
« Reply #799 on: May 15, 2017, 11:19:42 am »
Pastor Tries To Walk On Water Like Jesus; Gets Eaten Alive By Crocodiles Instead

A pastor who tried to walk on water like Jesus died recently after being eaten by crocodiles.
Featured Image VIA

Jonathan Mthethwa from the Saint of the Last Days Church, attempted to prove to his congregation that he could reenact the famous Biblical moment. Unfortunately, he decided to try his luck in a river known simply as Crocodile River. What did he think was going to happen?

According to local newspaper The Herald Zimbabwe, Mthethwa walked into the water where he was fully submerged. He then attempted to ascend above the water to start walking, but his attempt was cut short when three crocodiles appeared out of nowhere to start munching on him.


http://www.sickchirpse.com/pastor-walk-on-water-jesus-eaten-crocodiles-instead/
If your knees are wet, you're doing it wrong...
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Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

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