Ridiculous News of the Day

[Cripplecreek]

This one is just for the headline:

Man sexually assaulted barmaid after trying to insert pool balls into his rectum

http://www.somersetlive.co.uk/man-sexually-assaulted-barmaid-after-trying-to-insert-pool-balls-into-his-rectum/story-29644095-detail/story.html#MxuMlkz5tH3ejHt7.99

Boy if I had a nickle......

[Cyber Liberty]

This one is just for the headline:

Man sexually assaulted barmaid after trying to insert pool balls into his rectum

http://www.somersetlive.co.uk/man-sexually-assaulted-barmaid-after-trying-to-insert-pool-balls-into-his-rectum/story-29644095-detail/story.html#MxuMlkz5tH3ejHt7.99

[EC]

Shia LaBeouf increases Man Down UK box office 200% by selling two more tickets

The UK box office woe continues for Shia LaBeouf’s new movie ‘Man Down’, which has managed to boost its takings by 200%, but only thanks to the sale of two more tickets.

The movie hit the headlines earlier this week, after it emerged that it had launched over here to just £6.90 in takings, according to cinema data company comScore, which kindly rounded it up to £7.

Admittedly, the movie had only been released on a single screen – the Reel Cinema in Burnley – but still, just one ticket sold was perhaps something of a disappointment.

However, Shia and Lionsgate can now add two more tickets to that burgeoning running total.

The Hollywood Reporter spoke to the cinema’s manager, who revealed: “I think we’ve sold three tickets in total.”

More: https://www.yahoo.com/news/shia-labeouf-increases-man-uk-box-office-200-selling-two-tickets-113113627.html

[Cripplecreek]

Ohio man accused of chasing relative with hatchet

http://www.khou.com/news/weird/ohio-man-accused-of-chasing-relative-with-hatchet/429584065

Good lookin fella too.

[EC]

Thank you. Been having a bugger of a time finding suitably ridiculous stories today.

[EC]

She pushed the button, but it was his money. So who gets the Hard Rock $100,000 jackpot?

Gambler Jan Flato supplied the money that went into the Double Top Dollar slot machine at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. But the woman who was nuzzling up to him pushed the button.

So when the bells rang, the lights flashed and the payline showed a $100,000 jackpot, Flato felt like a big winner.

He wasn’t.

When casino managers checked the video, it showed the woman, 35-year-old Marina Medvedeva Navarro, had actually started the slot wheels rolling, making her the rightful winner. Flato not only lost the cash, he has barely heard from his friend since she walked out that Jan. 31 night alone with a $50,000 check and another 50 grand in cash — after asking armed security to keep an eye on Flato as she left.

She sent him a text message a few weeks later asking, “Still hate me?” He responded: “How could you do that to me?” Her reply: “I miss you.”

More: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/article142963604.html

It's a blandly cautionary tale. "What's it doing in Ridiculous News?" you ask.

Go to the article. Make sure you read the comments. Someone claiming to be the woman in the story makes an appearance and it gets amusing very fast.

[Cyber Liberty]

It's a blandly cautionary tale. "What's it doing in Ridiculous News?" you ask.

Go to the article. Make sure you read the comments. Someone claiming to be the woman in the story makes an appearance and it gets amusing very fast.

[EC]

Man fined $190 for not putting a leash on his pet snake, Lucy

Jerry Kimball of Sioux Falls, South Dakota received a $190 ticket because he failed to put a leash on his pet boa constrictor, Lucy, when he took her to a park. “He was literally asking me to put a rope around my snake,” Kimball told The Argus Leader. “I was like ‘dude, no.’ I was dumbfounded.”

Animal Control Supervisor Julie DeJong told the paper that the ticket was appropriate. “Snakes fall under the same restrictions as cats and dogs,” she stressed.

http://boingboing.net/2017/04/07/man-fined-190-for-not-putting.html

There's stupid. Then there's bureaucracy.

[EC]

Adrenaline junkie gets hit in face by a PIGEON while travelling 112mph on Europe's fastest rollercoaster

An adrenaline junkie trying Europe’s fastest and tallest rollercoaster was hit by a pigeon after being strapped in for his 112mph ride.

The thrill-seeker was left with blood on his face after being whacked by the bird as he enjoyed the Red Force vertical accelerator at Ferrari Land near Barcelona.

He didn’t appear to realise at first what had hit him just 12 seconds into the ride.

But a split-second later he looked down at his left shoulder to see the bird lying there as it appeared to be retained by the force of gravity.

It was not immediately clear when he managed to brush it off whether the pigeon was dead or alive and hit any of the people behind him on its way down.

Yes, there's video: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/adrenaline-junkie-gets-hit-face-10181120

[Cripplecreek]

[bigheadfred]

 

[Cripplecreek]

Eyore got Christopher hooked on downers which was where his troubles began but things didn't really go south till a sizeable debt to Piglet for meth led to a drive by shooting in which Kanga was killed. Roo hooked up with Christopher for some payback on Piglet for the death of his mother. They caught Piglet coming out of a liquor store and opened fire. Piglet was killed and in the confusion Christopher shot Roo in the back of the head killing him instantly so he was convicted for 2 counts of homicide.

Shit got real in the hundred acre wood.

[bigheadfred]

Eyore got Christopher hooked on downers which was where his troubles began but things didn't really go south till a sizeable debt to Piglet for meth led to a drive by shooting in which Kanga was killed. Roo hooked up with Christopher for some payback on Piglet for the death of his mother. They caught Piglet coming out of a liquor store and opened fire. Piglet was killed and in the confusion Christopher shot Roo in the back of the head killing him instantly so he was convicted for 2 counts of homicide.

Shit got real in the hundred acre wood.

Sorry for the cliche...but...oh, the huge manatee

[Cripplecreek]

Sorry for the cliche...but...oh, the huge manatee

Owl is doing time for child molesting

Oh and we can't say "Tigger" any more. The "T" word is their word'

[EC]

Bat reportedly found in packaged Fresh Express salad mix

 (CNN)Two people were recommended for post-exposure rabies treatment after a consumer in Florida reported finding a dead bat in a packaged salad mix, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Saturday.
The bat was sent to the CDC after it was found in a bag of Fresh Express Organic Marketside Spring Mix.

"The deteriorated condition of the bat did not allow for CDC to definitively rule out whether this bat had rabies," the Atlanta-based agency said.
The CDC said the risk of rabies transmission was extremely low but not zero, so the two people who ate salad mix were recommended for treatment as a precaution.
They are fine and show no signs of having rabies, the CDC said.

http://edition.cnn.com/2017/04/08/health/fresh-express-salad-bat-cdc/

Rates Ridiculous for the two who ate some of the salad anyway. Didn't they smell the rotting bat when they opened the bag?

[EC]

Rent-a-Chick program lets Omaha families have pets just for Easter

Between the clucks of the chickens, the cries of the baby goats and the chatter of children, it was hard to hear Mariel Barreras as she yelled out advice about caring for chicks.

About 50 soon-to-be chick baby sitters gathered in the Barreras’ small barn north of Omaha on Saturday morning to learn about how to feed chicks, how to let them safely roam outside and how to wipe their bottoms carefully.

And then, one by one, the families took their cardboard boxes up to the chicken pen and received two cute and fuzzy 2-day-old birds as part of the Barreras Family Farm’s Rent-a-Chick program.

Instead of buying a cute Easter chick that then grows up into a large, clucking chicken, families can pay $25 or $35 to take two little ones home with them for a week or two. Then the families take the chicks back to the farm to grow up and lay eggs.

More: http://www.omaha.com/news/metro/rent-a-chick-program-lets-omaha-families-have-pets-just/article_8b8b134b-01ac-5c51-a722-1e0423fa3e06.html

 

Credit to the farmer though - that's a handy extra bit of cash for a very small risk. No risk at all if she's dishing out male chicks for rent.

[Smokin Joe]

Rent-a-Chick program lets Omaha families have pets just for Easter

Between the clucks of the chickens, the cries of the baby goats and the chatter of children, it was hard to hear Mariel Barreras as she yelled out advice about caring for chicks.

About 50 soon-to-be chick baby sitters gathered in the Barreras’ small barn north of Omaha on Saturday morning to learn about how to feed chicks, how to let them safely roam outside and how to wipe their bottoms carefully.

And then, one by one, the families took their cardboard boxes up to the chicken pen and received two cute and fuzzy 2-day-old birds as part of the Barreras Family Farm’s Rent-a-Chick program.

Instead of buying a cute Easter chick that then grows up into a large, clucking chicken, families can pay $25 or $35 to take two little ones home with them for a week or two. Then the families take the chicks back to the farm to grow up and lay eggs.

More: http://www.omaha.com/news/metro/rent-a-chick-program-lets-omaha-families-have-pets-just/article_8b8b134b-01ac-5c51-a722-1e0423fa3e06.html

 

Credit to the farmer though - that's a handy extra bit of cash for a very small risk. No risk at all if she's dishing out male chicks for rent.

As long as none of them catch the flu or some other 'bug' and bring it back, it could be a great deal.

[Cripplecreek]

Police identify man killed in Benton Harbor shooting

http://www.mlive.com/news/kalamazoo/index.ssf/2017/04/police_identify_man_killed_in_4.html

BENTON HARBOR, MI -- Police identified a person shot and killed Friday as a man from Florida.

At 7:50 p.m. on April 7, officers were dispatched to 233 Michigan St. in the city of Benton Harbor, where they found John Conyers, 30, severely wounded by gunfire. The man was taken to Lakeland Hospital, where he was pronounced dead.

 

[EC]

Two lobsters, 17 vodka oyster shots and a swim before jet ski arrest in Australia

A 33-year-old man ate two lobsters, downed 17 vodka oyster shots and six Coronas at a restaurant on Australia's Gold Coast before dodging the bill and running into the surf, police allege.

He allegedly stole another six-pack of beer from the Surfers Paradise restaurant before police on jet skis arrested him on Sunday afternoon.

Staff from the Omeros Brothers Seafood Restaurant chased the man after he allegedly fled the restaurant and dived into the ocean at Main Beach.

Lifeguards towed police officers out into the water on the back of jet skis to talk to the man.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/world/australia/91396924/two-lobsters-17-vodka-oyster-shots-and-a-swim-before-jet-ski-arrest-in-australia

Typical aussies. Have to up the bar for everything.

[Sanguine]

Two lobsters, 17 vodka oyster shots and a swim before jet ski arrest in Australia

A 33-year-old man ate two lobsters, downed 17 vodka oyster shots and six Coronas at a restaurant on Australia's Gold Coast before dodging the bill and running into the surf, police allege.

He allegedly stole another six-pack of beer from the Surfers Paradise restaurant before police on jet skis arrested him on Sunday afternoon.

Staff from the Omeros Brothers Seafood Restaurant chased the man after he allegedly fled the restaurant and dived into the ocean at Main Beach.

Lifeguards towed police officers out into the water on the back of jet skis to talk to the man.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/world/australia/91396924/two-lobsters-17-vodka-oyster-shots-and-a-swim-before-jet-ski-arrest-in-australia

Typical aussies. Have to up the bar for everything.

I can't believe he was able to run after that!

[TomSea]

Bat reportedly found in packaged Fresh Express salad mix

 (CNN)Two people were recommended for post-exposure rabies treatment after a consumer in Florida reported finding a dead bat in a packaged salad mix, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Saturday.
The bat was sent to the CDC after it was found in a bag of Fresh Express Organic Marketside Spring Mix.

"The deteriorated condition of the bat did not allow for CDC to definitively rule out whether this bat had rabies," the Atlanta-based agency said.
The CDC said the risk of rabies transmission was extremely low but not zero, so the two people who ate salad mix were recommended for treatment as a precaution.
They are fine and show no signs of having rabies, the CDC said.

http://edition.cnn.com/2017/04/08/health/fresh-express-salad-bat-cdc/

Rates Ridiculous for the two who ate some of the salad anyway. Didn't they smell the rotting bat when they opened the bag?

Unless one reads closely, they don't note this was purchased at a Walmart.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-39556826

[Idaho_Cowboy]

Eyore got Christopher hooked on downers which was where his troubles began but things didn't really go south till a sizeable debt to Piglet for meth led to a drive by shooting in which Kanga was killed. Roo hooked up with Christopher for some payback on Piglet for the death of his mother. They caught Piglet coming out of a liquor store and opened fire. Piglet was killed and in the confusion Christopher shot Roo in the back of the head killing him instantly so he was convicted for 2 counts of homicide.

Shit got real in the hundred acre wood.

More like 100 acre hood.

[bigheadfred]

I can't believe he was able to run after that!

This one says more. 21 shots

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjUnPiFjZvTAhVE52MKHULGDVAQqUMIKzAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.brisbanetimes.com.au%2Fqueensland%2Fpolice-on-jet-skis-catch-man-who-dined-and-dashed-into-the-surf-20170409-gvhds9.html&usg=AFQjCNHW0xuShiGxnJcaXM5ElBUd-QfrQg&sig2=JE_YF0MQUzHE7V-ZxD4Jig

[TomSea]

@EC

Did this thread lose some posts? I swear I posted the 7200 gallon spill of mountain dew here, does it not belong? Or someone else posted it? Or is it not ridiculous?

Mountain Dew spill at Pepsi facility raises concerns in Howell

HOWELL, Mich. (WXYZ) - A Mountain Dew disaster gave city and state officials an unexpected jolt when a 7,200 gallon tank of the concentrated caffeinated syrup erupted at the Pepsi-Cola Production and Distribution plant in Howell on March 10th.

The company directed the spill into a pre-treatment system which dumped into a storm basin on the property holding more than 50,000 gallons according to Carla Davidson at the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, speaking to 7 Action News over the phone from Lansing.

Two days later, the city of Howell got a wake up call.

Continued: http://www.wxyz.com/news/region/oakland-county/mountain-dew-spill-at-pepsi-facility-raises-concerns-in-howell

[EC]

Didn't remove any.

Fake edit: found it, you put it in the cheerful thread by mistake. Happens. I'll pull it from there now.