Mamdani Giddy Over Election Victory
Self-proclaimed socialist Zohran Mamdani expressed "surprise and relief that the socialist takeover of the government of New York City was so easy. Lenin and Mao had to fight years of bloody warfare before they achieved complete control of their countries. Last week, the plurality of votes I got in a low-turnout primary election opened the way for a true socialist revolution in the most important city of America. Hitler had a similarly easy ascension to power when a plurality of voters enabled him to become Chancellor of Germany in 1933. Hitler used his victory for evil purposes. I will use my victory to implement Karl Marx's dream of total equality for all humankind."
According to Mamdani, "this total equality will entail a number of fundamental changes to how everyone lives. Marx's ideal of 'from each according to his ability and to each according to his need' is the end goal. Obviously, this means no billionaires allowed. No one deserves that much money. Anyone who produces that much money must be compelled to forfeit it to the government so it can be more equitably divided up among those unable to support themselves."
"As shown by Lenin and Mao, the most efficient way of accomplishing universal equity is for the government to seize the means of production from the capitalists who currently control them," Mamdani explained. "Replacing capitalist oligarchs making decisions with dedicated public servants running all the businesses cuts costs by eliminating profits. These savings will be passed on to consumers. Inflation will be eradicated by price controls that guarantee fair prices for every product and service needed by the people."
"Likewise, the obscene inequality currently in force for housing will be demolished," Mamdani promised. "No one needs their own personal house. This is grossly unfair and expensive. Everyone should be proud to share space with their neighbors like they do in military barracks and college dormitories. Instead of duplicating redundant kitchens and bathrooms, a socialist society will enjoy the economies of scale of cafeterias and communal showers."
"I've briefly laid out some of the biggest innovations, but the same principles will be applied everywhere," Mamdani said. "An easy way for everyone to understand what's coming is to think collectively. Rather than imagine that everyone will live, move, and breathe individually, imagine how all these things can be done as a united whole. Everyone will equally share in everything, go the same places, do the same things. No one will imagine that he or she should ever be different from everyone else. Unity and peace will reign everywhere."
Ari Kagan, former Brooklyn City Councilman and refugee from the Soviet Union's socialist tyranny, said "After the Red October Socialist Revolution in 1917, Bolsheviks seized the means of production, jailed or killed business owners, eliminated freedoms, and took over private farms and food stores. It's very chilling to hear that Mamdani wants to follow this failed and dangerous government model."
Biden Slams "Reckless" & "Cruel" BBB
The enactment of President Trump's Big, Beautiful Bill (BBB) earned sharp criticism from former President Joe Biden who lamented "all the damn hard work I did will be undone. Trump and his congressional lackeys have doomed the future I had envisioned for America. This is not only reckless — it's cruel."
"First and worst, it funds an effort to deport the millions of folks I invited to come to America during my presidency," Biden complained. "We need more immigrants to produce the children that natural born citizens refuse to birth. As we saw when I was president these newcomers stimulated our economy by consuming the goods and services that boosted employment for those who worked in the hotels where we housed them, the farms and markets that fed them, the hospitals and doctors who treated them, the police who arrested many of them, and so forth. The loss of this stimulus to the economy will be massive."
"Second, it lowers the taxes needed to achieve a more equitable distribution of the nation's wealth," Biden asserted. "We had 47% of our population paying zero income taxes. We were on the cusp of turning the country into one where a majority could've been free of this burden, but the BBB will make more of the able-bodied on welfare have to work up to 80 hours a month in order to continue to receive benefits. I thought this type of servitude was outlawed by the 13th Amendment. We are now moving even further away from the optimum equity where the top 1% of earners pay all the taxes."
"Third, the BBB undoes many of the government regulations needed to guide individuals and businesses to make the appropriate choices in how they conduct themselves," Biden pointed out. "Regulations banning non-electric vehicles will be scrapped. Subsidies for wind and solar power will be reduced. Permits for oil and mineral exploration will be increased. Anarchy and individualism will supplant governance by experts. I fear that chaos and death will sweep over the land."
In related news, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) revealed widespread abuse and neglect suffered by unaccompanied minors who illegally entered the United States during the Biden Administration. This included instances of forced labor, sexual abuse, and placement with adults convicted of serious crimes. A spokesperson for Biden suggested that "it could be argued that a ready supply of immigrant minors to exploit may have spared more citizen minors from being victimized by pedophiles and psychopaths."
Trump Slammed Over USAID Elimination
This week, former Presidents Obama and Bush took turns condemning President Trump for eliminating the United States Agency for International Development (USAID) as a separate government agency. "Gutting USAID is a travesty, and it's a tragedy," Obama said. "Now instead of doing what they deem is best, USAID workers will be closely scrutinized by the Secretary of State and forced to do what he requires them to do."
Bush tried to console reassigned USAID staffers by telling them "you've showed the great strength of America through your work — and that is your good heart. Is it in our national interests that 25 million people who would have died of AIDS now live? I think it is, and so do you. Do your best to thwart the selfishness that the Trump Administration is trying to impose and resist his tyranny from within the State Department."
Secretary of State Marco Rubio contradicted the rosy version of USAID promulgated by Obama and Bush, saying that "Musk's characterization of the agency as 'a viper's nest of radical-left Marxists who hate America' is more accurate. Beyond creating a globe-spanning Non-Government Organization (NGO) industrial complex at taxpayer expense, USAID has little to show for itself since the end of the Cold War. Development objectives have rarely been met, instability has often worsened, and anti-American sentiment has only grown. Going forward, foreign assistance programs that advance American interests will be administered by the State Department, where they will be delivered with more accountability, strategy, and efficiency."
In related news, it turns out that USAID funneled multiple billions of dollars into ActBlue--the Democrat Party's fundraising platform. Biden's Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen refused to allow Congress to see ActBlue information. Since then the top executives at ActBlue have resigned. They have been subpoenaed to testify before Congress about suspected fraud tied to their platform. One ActBlue official is refusing to testify saying "what can they do if I don't testify? Hold me in contempt? Well, I hold them in contempt. So what? I'm a Democrat. No DC jury will ever convict me of anything."
Congress isn't the only entity wanting to hear from these ActBlue folks. Attorney General Pam Bondi is investigating whether to bring criminal charges for money laundering, identity theft, and election fraud. Bondi admitted that "choosing the best venue for our cases against these people will be crucial. Democrats may feel invulnerable in DC, but we have evidence that election fraud by ActBlue seems to have been committed in Kansas. Perhaps jurors far from DC may see things differently."
Iran Strikes Back
After thoroughly demonstrating its impotence against the Israeli Air Force and the US precision strike on its nuclear facilities, Iran is pursuing several divergent strategies for restoring its prestige as a force to be feared.
First, Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi has written a letter to the United Nations demanding that the UN "impose reparations for the damage caused by the unprovoked and unwarranted airstrikes on our country by the Little Satan and the Great Satan. The Security Council is obligated to hold the aggressors accountable and recognize the targeted attacks on Iran as heinous and serious crimes. They must be required to pay for all the costs of rebuilding everything they destroyed."
UN Secretary General António Guterres acknowledged "the validity of Iran's claims, but I see no feasible mechanism by which we can compel Israel or the United States to yield to any demand we might decide to make on them for their initiation of aggressive warfare against a fellow UN member state."
Second, Grand Ayatollah Naser Makarem Shirazi issued a fatwa saying "it is necessary for all Muslims around the world to make these enemies regret their words and mistakes. Should any Muslim who abides by his duty to slay these enemies of Islam suffer hardship or loss in their campaign, they will be rewarded as a fighter in the way of Allah, Allah willing."
Whether this fatwa will succeed seems dubious. The 1989 fatwa against Salman Rushdie for writing his blasphemous novel The Satanic Verses has yet to be fulfilled. Although Trump and Netanyahu are apt to be more difficult to reach targets than a lone author, Shirazi pointed out that "in 2023 Rushdie was stabbed and lost an eye and still has to live in fear everyday of his life. We also have many established infiltration sites inside both Israel and America. We were able to strike down over 1,000 Zionists on October 7, 2023 and nearly assassinate Trump last summer."
The Iranian regime has had a bit more success in oppressing its citizens suspected of opposing the regime. Supreme Leader Grand Ayatollah Ali Khamenei pointed out that "no one can stop us from punishing the enemies within Iran. They are totally disarmed. We have already executed hundreds caught wearing sunglasses, wearing unacceptable hats, driving pick-up trucks, or being out and about at odd hours. Anyone who thinks we are too weak to rule Iran will learn a harsh lesson."
House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) condemned Trump's airstrike against Iran "for exposing every American to an increased level of risk. We were much safer under Obama when peace was ensured by regular shipments of cash to Iran. We didn't have massacres of Israelis or open threats against Americans when he was president. I shudder to think of what misfortunes will befall us as Iran retaliates for Trump's aggression."
In related news, US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) raided an Iranian infiltration center in Los Angeles County and arrested several individuals on the FBI's Terror Watch List. CBP Assistant Commissioner Hilton Beckham said "our intelligence indicates this smuggling network has trafficked individuals from adversarial regimes, including Iran—posing direct risks to US national security. These recent arrests have reduced the risk."
Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 6, 2025 Edition (Read 112 times)
